Passive Aggressive People

Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
edited August 2019 in General

It seems for some people, immediate blocking is their preferred way of saying, “I no longer want to meet in the future.” Call me judgmental if you want, but that’s a cowardly act if you ask me. It’s passive aggressive; it’s accusatory; it’s hostile; and it’s rather dehumanizing as well. It’s also riddled with assumptions. If you block someone immediately, before any negative exchange had occurred, then you are likely assuming the person is unsafe. You are either assuming that it is dangerous to tell the person that you are no longer interested in meeting, or you don’t have any such fears and you just want to make the person feel bad. Either way, it’s very hurtful and at least somewhat intentionally so.

These people typically don’t show any obvious sign that anything is wrong. They will pretend to have enjoyed the experience. They will pretend to have been happy afterward. And they will pretend to leave you on good terms. But if they then proceed to block you as soon as they get home, there’s no way they could have honestly parted with you on good terms. In general, in order to provoke a blocking, something seriously wrong should have happened. I would think simply “not being satisfied” would not be enough to provoke a blocking. Because in that case, a blocking is more like flipping a middle finger than a defensive act.

I could only surmise, it could be that the other person was uncomfortable with something, such as a certain cuddle position. And it could be potentially anything that they may have been uncomfortable with, not necessarily a certain position. It could be a smell; it could be the other’s height, voice, or appearance in general. It could be anything. But they failed to voice it at the time. They pretended to be comfortable the entire time. Then after the session, their anger at putting up with something that made them uncomfortable boils over, and they act it out by blocking. That’s just a hypothesis. Or it could be that nothing in particular made them uncomfortable, it could be they just didn’t enjoy the experience enough to want to meet again, which if anything is an even stranger reason for a blocking. But either way, it’s very shitty behavior to appear to part with someone on good terms, then send the latter home to find that they had been immediately blocked.

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    That's rough.

    I get blocked a lot (usually right after someone's visited my profile—I go to visit them back and nope: blocked), but I've never been blocked by somebody after a cuddle. That'd definitely make me feel like I did something wrong.

    There's no way to know why they blocked you, so you'll never know what (if anything) you did wrong.

    That really sucks. I'm sorry.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited August 2019

    Being blocked immediately after a cuddle, when the person showed no sign that anything was wrong, and even thanked you for coming over, is very weird and off putting. This happened to me very recently.

  • boomerang86boomerang86

    I think blocking someone is a kind way of saying thanks but no thanks. Opposed to just telling the person they suck and to drop dead.

  • MrFirefighterMrFirefighter
    edited August 2019

    Strange indeed. Hormones up, hormones down. Maybe she felt "guilty" or who knows, afterwards? I wouldn't worry too much. Yeah, I said all this!

    Hmm... try not to generalize an entire group. That doesn't help. [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    @MrFirefighter: I don't think hormones are enough to explain that kind of behavior. Why block someone after you've already met them in person? And even cuddled? Seems like you could talk to somebody after that, even if it's just to say "thanks for the cuddle, I don't want to see you anymore."

    Edit: Thanks, @SoulcuddlerZ.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited August 2019

    @boomerang86: No, absolutely not. Blocking is worse than saying “you suck, and I hope you drop dead.” Blocking without any apparent provocation is the way of showing maximum disrepect.

    The original purpose of blocking is a course of action to take if you are being harassed, or if you feel threatened or unsafe. So blocking always has the connotation that YOU did something seriously wrong.

    No, there is never anything kind about blocking. If there was no real provocation for it, i.e., if there was no harassment, bullying, breaking rules, or intentional breach of boundaries even within the context of the rules (which is quite possible to happen), then it’s just a way of saying something to the effect of “f*** off and leave me alone.” But it’s worse if it’s done in the form of blocking. It’s much more cowardly. If they actually said those words, at least they showed their true colors.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    That would definitely make me feel unwanted and horrible 😞 sorry that happened.

    I was in the middle of talking with a cuddler about booking a session and each time we booked, he cancelled the morning of. He did this twice and then deactivated his account. Then recently, I saw he came back online, so I went to message him and say hello and hope everything is ok, only to find he blocked me. 😐 maybe he was upset at himself for cancelling multiple times and didn’t want to admit it to me so blocking me was the best option. It confused me but I’ll never know why 😕

    I hope you find more friendly cuddlers! 💖

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    If getting blocked is the worse that happens to you on the internet, then you leave a charmed life. Just move on.

  • [Deleted User]MacaronCuddles (deleted user)

    Sorry about that man. You’re better than them. Don’t let that bring you down. You have bright days ahead of you (:

  • [Deleted User]JLM (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    It’s the online culture. Male to female and female to male. And everything in between the two CIS genders. It is kind of frustrating, but it is standard operating procedure for some folks to just block somebody if they decide “there’s nothing there for me.” If the person who does the blocking is in a large metropolitan area and female, they are most likely inundated with multiple messages and this is a frustrating, but effective way to weed through them. And even though blocking somebody does inspire more negative feelings in some cases then just saying no thank you, it effectively eliminates the possibility for extreme negative reactions. Being rejected hurts, even by a complete stranger. But you can’t ever know what’s in somebody else’s mind and it may not have anything to do with you. As someone who has been on the receiving end of being blocked, it used to bother me but doesn’t as much anymore. I find it much more upsetting being blocked and or ghosted on by somebody I have actually met and spent time with. Then the feelings of rejection seem much more personal. But whether it’s on this website, or on a dating app, or any other social networking context, getting on the same page with any other person is the exception rather than the rule. If you put yourself out there, you’ve got to be ready to be treated differently than you feel you should have. I’m not saying that it’s right or wrong, just the nature of it. And it’s also just my opinion. I don’t understand people well enough to try and make a definitive statement.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2019

    Interesting. I had an experience or two getting blocked by people I exchanged basic introductions with.

    My response was just "you did not just block me!" Moves on

    I also had a similar ones in that we met once. They said let's meet again, then one of them kept giving me excuse after excuse after... you get the point. However this one I've been chatting with for quite some time. So I felt some emotional connection with him and the fact that he wasted my time. I begun to press him for the real reason, and he basically said he's uncomfortable to be seen with me due to my disability. Though, that he didn't mind talking and proceeded to say when he moves somewhere suitable I could go over to him. I knew at that time to discontinue with him. It was finally so clear to me.

    The other was quite the gentleman. Even though, he said let's meet again. He was upfront with me when we were messaging. I asked why. He didn't say. Though, at least he was upfront about not wanting to see me again.

    As for you, I think you also had some emotional connection with this person, and so being blocked stings! Sorry you experienced this. We may never know why some people reject us. However, moving forward we can learn to better react, and handle.

    It could be fear of rejecting others, and not knowing how to deal with that in a healthy manner. If something bothered them in the moment as someone who has been there myself, it could be that they were trying to process it all, and didn't really know how to voice it in that moment. Or they didn't feel safe voicing it. For example, it can be difficult for many to be like: "you stink". Many would need to figure out how to say that politely, and in a sensitive manner. Then figure out if they want to say so. They may have their own reasons for not wanting to say so. Like the fact that one might feel terrible and embarrassed. Or that they might get argumentive, hostile, etc. Or think that a person that age should know to not stink so much. That they don't want to put themselves in a parental position.

    So, they try to stay put for as much as they can tolerate. Focus on other things like the music, conversation, etc. In the end, you deserve someone that can communicate well with you, and most of all gets along well with you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    There are so many reasons you may be blocked and the original post sounds angry over something that could be very simple and not personal. In the pro cuddling forum it was posted by a moderator that some women get 100+ messages a day. Blocking could just be a way of paring down the numbers. You do not know and you are not entitled to an explanation.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited August 2019

    @JLM Perhaps you misunderstood. Being blocked over a message is one thing. Whatever. Move on. Being blocked after meeting in person is a different matter. Being blocked after cuddling is pretty disturbing. If you just cuddled the person, they are no longer a complete stranger. And they are basically saying, they know you a little, and they have zero respect for you.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited August 2019

    @Sheena123 Thanks, and yes, it makes you feel pretty horrible. At least you didn’t meet that guy in person, let alone cuddle him, because then it would be worse. This person blocked me immediately after a cuddle meeting.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I have had dozens of cuddles now and if someone blocked me after a meeting that means they did not enjoy their time...so what? I have never been blocked by someone after a Cuddle but it would not be a big deal...I am not looking for Ms. FunCartel.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @FunCartel: Wouldn't it make you wonder if you'd messed up somehow? I know it would me, and not being able to get feedback on a potential error would really bug me. How'm I supposed to improve if I don't even know whether I've messed up?

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    @Lovelight, Actually you are mistaken. I had little to no emotional connection with this person. I certain have none now. I met this person and cuddled exactly once, only one day after first exchanging messages. Blocking in that manner is an act of extreme rudeness. It’s the rudeness itself that stings. It’s a shock, that I feel the tremors of for a while after, then it’s ok. It feels worse, however, when I’m going through something else much more hurtful than this.

    On the other hand, there’s a lady with whom I had a very strong emotional connection, one whom I not only didn’t meet through this website, but is not on this website at all. She had to stop cuddling with me because she just found that it was upsetting to her boyfriend. And this person still wants to be my friend. But to continue to be her friend, when she can no longer cradle me in her arms like she used to. Though I guess she has no choice, it’s still very hurtful to me and I might have to pull away from the friendship altogether.

  • [Deleted User]JLM (deleted user)

    It’s not necessarily ABOUT anything. Blocking people is often used as a life hack.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    Blocking someone on CC is the only way a member can remove someone from their visitor queue.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2019

    @MountainCuddles I see. Well rudeness can sting as well especially, from someone you’ve gotten intimate with, and not knowing where you might have went wrong. Or the why. Just to be clear when I say having emotional connection in this context I mean: feeling that we vibed well, and could be good cuddle partners/friends.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @DarrenWalker I could care less what the reason is. If you spend all your time worrying about what you may have done wrong then you need to get more hobbies. Someone could tell you you did x wrong and then correct it then the next person will tell you you should have done it the way you originally did it. All your Dr Spock logic will not solve the riddle of the whims of people. It is the internet and much of it defies logic. I block the reasons for a block from my list of things to worry about.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @JLM Precisely. Worrying about a petty perceived slight says a lot about someone.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    @Lovelight Yes, I got what I thought was a good vibe in person, turns out it was a lie.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2019

    @FunCartel One could tell one they did something wrong if they felt/thought they were disrespected, or that the person's scent wasn't to their liking, etc. Or there are differences in cuddle/touch preferences.

    Then one can make the decision accordingly, and according to each person's way if they see fit. Though, while it's also important to take a moment to think about where you might have gone wrong. It's also important to know when to move on. These kinds of puzzles are for two to solve, and if the other isn't contributing, best to let go.

  • hirickyhiricky

    Communication is key to any good experience, from both sides.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @hiricky Obviously, but a block is a person telling you they do not want an experience and that is their right. You move on.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Lovelight Someone could tell me what they do not like about me but I am not going to change for someone. I am going to be me and you should be you. If you do not gel, then it is probably best to move on because you should never live your life based on someone’s expectations. That is why a block does not bother me. I would much rather be blocked than jump through hoops for a simple cuddle.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    The complaint about blocking in this thread is based on half information and assumptions. Half information because we only have one party’s version of events and assumptions because we do not know the reasons behind the block. So there really is no question here...it is more of an extended rant by an offended party.

  • [Deleted User]JLM (deleted user)

    I get the frustration of not knowing why one was blocked, but it’s impossible to know what’s going on in somebody else’s mind or life, especially if they’re a virtual stranger. When I have been blocked in the past, if I felt shocked or hurt by it, that feeling was eventually replaced with the sincere belief that I may have just been saved from whatever chaos is going on with that other person. Possibly.

    But I’m still going with life hack. It’s kind of an accepted practice on social media if you’re done with somebody they don’t get one more second of your time. You block them and move on. I personally wouldn’t do it, but that’s just where things are at. Right or wrong, no value judgment. It’s just the reality.

  • [Deleted User]JLM (deleted user)

    I mean the other party who blocked you could also be a raving lunatic with a knife wielding jealous spouse. I’d be OK being blocked by somebody like that. Is that the most likely scenario? Probably not. But is it possible? Yes. So what if by being blocked you actually avoid being stabbed? That’s pretty awesome.

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