I rarely post on these forums, but when I do I try to choose my language carefully. I try not to be provocative or argumentative. But I’m going to go outside of my comfort zone and declare myself vehemently anti-stabbing.
I don’t know the “reasons” I was blocked. And it’s not important. The point is I was blocked for no reason.
@MountainCuddles There was a reason. You just do not know what it is. You are not entitled to know if they do not want to say. Do you really want to expend this much energy on being angry about it? It will not change anything.
You understand at this point I’m just riffing for my own entertainment. I spoke my piece with sincerity and then I went off on a tangent. I was expecting some anti-stabbing supporters but it is late.
I just don’t have the leadership skill set to start an anti-stabbing movement I guess.
The anti-stabbing movement is the definition of off-topic. I regret nothing.
@MountainCuddles You’ve got my sympathies on this one. I’m glad you let it all out and got it off your chest. Being blocked without knowing the reason is not an easy thing to forget so quickly. In my opinion, it’s in the same boat as “kicking someone while they’re already down.” It’s almost harder to deal with if the person is a complete stranger. Just seeing that page pop up on the screen is a bummer. “NobodyNicerThanMe has Blocked you. Please note that attempting to circumvent a block will result in a permanent ban.”
If not yet, you’ll be over it by next time you log in.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with venting frustrations! There are people here that can talk with you about with experience or even if you get people responding rudely about posting this frustration, ignore them! Forums are made to ask questions, get advice and talk through whatever is on your mind!!☺️
No there was no reason. Whatever the so-called “reason” was, was not a reason to block, because I didn’t do anything wrong. Blocking either implies that I did something wrong, or it’s just plain cruel.
Thank you @MountainCuddles for this post. Passive aggressive action choices on websites for many years. I normally discuss it only with close friends but appreciate this forum post. I have met with people before whether plantonically or on a date. It seems like the meeting is going well until communication ends or slows down. I have also experienced similar situations in sites before a first meeting when thjngs appear to be going well, only to be blocked or contact stops. I am nice but direct, so it greatly bothered me for a while. Then I began to realize the other person saved me a lot of time an resources. Also there are plenty of fish in the sea, that could possibly appreciate me for who I am. When I Focused more on people for me, I was happier and did not have time to think about people that stop contact or blocked in the past. Thank you for giving me a platform to share my views/experiences.
@FunCartel I don't encourage changing for others on the expense of one's self interest. Though, sometimes changing can also benefit one. So, it all depends. Like if all you were willing to give me were long hugs, and a shoulder rub. Though, didn't feel comfortable with all the cuddle positions we got into (not that we did, we never met lol) then, maybe I'd be okay just getting from you what you are okay to offer. Maybe for sometime, maybe on more or less the regular. That's where I was coming from. Also, some people are stinky. So, I'd say changing that up could very well be in their best interest.
Blocking is the mental coping mechanism of some in this new age. A great deal of people who cannot cope with anything that doesn't agree with them, or anything they decide is unpleasant, resort to putting on internet blinders. It is not a coping mechanism that encourages individual growth, but it makes them happy... I think.
Personally, I try to save it for people who harass or threaten me.
Is it really that big of a deal to be blocked? If you're a good person, then it is their loss and your gain. If you're a bad person, then take the slap on the wrist as it comes. Either way, a person can't be that important in your life if they are blocking you.
I think the cuddler was correct in blocking the OP. It could have been for many reasons (body odor, bad breath, didn’t enjoy cuddling). Whatever the reason they wanted to move on with their life and they should be applauded for it.
The fact that you respond this way to being blocked does tell me something about your personality. I do not know the situation, but blocking is not an act of aggression, it is an act of avoidance. To me, your response is hostile, and that of both someone hurt, and someone who is obsessive. To say you did not did nothing wrong... It's simply your opinion. There is a reason you were blocked, and given the power dynamics, perhaps that cuddler did not want to tell you why for their own safety.
I would not be bothered if I had the same situation. In the past, perhaps. But I also am older than you, and comfortable with who I am. Perhaps this rejection is a culmination of fears you have about yourself.
There are a million reasons this person may have blocked you. The only thing you can change is how you react to it.
Hurt is when someone you love slams the front door in your face. Even then it is good for you because heartbreaks are a part of life, they teach you something, and you cope. Being blocked by a stranger is a yawn compared to that....you yawn and then remember you have more important and productive things to do; and if you do not then the bar is pretty low.
@FunCartel: I used to not care less what other people thought of me. "I'm myself," I said, "and I'm fine with that! Why should I consider learning any new personal interaction skills just because someone I interacted with in person decided they never want to speak to me again? Why should I improve when I'm pleased with myself just as I am?"
Then I realized that if you ignore feedback, it tends to get louder. Leave it too long, and by the time you realize changing would be a really good idea, it's much more difficult than it would've been earlier.
...Okay, so I still have trouble caring what other people think of me. But I'm working on it.
@DarrenWalker Good for you, if you worry that much about the noise you probably need to change. As for me it does not work. Everything you say i have been there and done that. I learned that people are not worth changing for and those that accept you for you are the ones you would change for. There is no debating this with me because I know what works for me, not you or anyone else. You are not me.
Not worrying about what others think is a great weight off your shoulders and is mentally healthier than anxiety over someone who you will soon forget.
@FunCartel: It's not so much that I worry about it, more that I've realized it's important to be able to hold down a job and make friends who'll be willing to help you out when stuff falls through.
I'd like to be financially secure enough that I could just be myself. Maybe one of these days, huh?
@DarrenWalker Has nothing to do with financial security. I have friends that accept me for who I am long before I was successful. If they do not they are not friends. Life is too short to try and make everyone like you.
@FunCartel: [rueful laugh] Yeah... you're not disabled, are you? I can tell. Must be nice not to have to depend on others for your very survival, knowing that if you upset them you're starving on the street.
You're more secure than you know.
@FunCartel: But yeah, I guess you're right—for most people, a little rejection's nothing to worry about too much (or at all). So you cuddled with somebody, thought it went well, and then they deployed the Vanish From My Life button? It's an awful thing to do to someone, but most people probably have plenty of other decent, supportive people in their lives to reassure them that, even if that one person hated something about them, they're still excellent cuddlers and can get their needs met elsewhere.
That's... right, yeah? I don't have a lot of experience with other people's lives. Pretty much everyone I cuddle with is family; I'd be pretty bothered if even one of them shunned me, 'cause if one does it....
@DarrenWalker Newsflash. There are tons of people that hate something about you—they just don’t say it. Does not affect you and you are not out on the street. Same thing with someone blocking you—you are not going to become homeless or die. It is just a temporary/casual two hours that someone did not like and blocked you. Arguing that depending on people for your existence is similar to blocking is melodramatic and a vain attempt to convince me otherwise. I do not know why you feel compelled to debate minutiae yet again. Why is it so important for you to peck at what works for me? This is not one of your logic exercises you love to do.
As far as being disabled—you do not know me so you are grasping at straws.
Why, he asks.... I dunno, @FunCartel: why's it so important for you to brag about how much better-adjusted you are than somebody who's hurt by rejection?
Edit: I have to make sure the people I depend on like me more than they hate me or else they'll cut me off and I'll die. The OP needs to make the cuddlers in his area like him more than they hate him or else they'll block him and he'll carry on being touch-starved. One's obviously less dramatic than the other, but there are similarities all the same.
When someone I've gotten food from hates me, I like to know why.
When someone he's cuddled with blocks @MountainCuddles, he likes to know why.
It's not that complicated.
You're both making sense. Neither of you is wrong in your core arguments.
@FunCartel Being yourself is great if your normal self is tolerable enough that you can get through society and daily life while being true to yourself. If being yourself is being a stab happy, lying, stealing, genocidal molester with horrible hygiene or something, then being yourself is a bad idea and would cause serious issues.
Being yourself works for you, you're not wrong at all, and DarrenWalker is arguing that it doesn't work for everyone. DarrenWalker is just saying that it would be bad if they did it. Just look at how much their personality rubbed you the wrong way. I think that made the point just a little. 😉
@DarrenWalker Stop with the straw dog arguments. I never bragged that I am better adjusted. You keep bringing up the argument that you need family and friends to like you to survive....but they are not cuddling you and blocking you on a Cuddle site. You keep making up artificial scenarios that have nothing to do with a stranger blocking you. They are not analogous in any way.
@RaindropSweetie If someone blocks you and you come to the board ranting about it because you feel entitled to an explanation then you have real issues that a therapist needs to hash out because that kind of thing happens every second of every day on the internet and in real life. Did not get that job you interviewed for? Good luck getting a reason why. Did not make the team? Too bad.
I would argue that the person that upset about being blocked by a stranger and ranting about it here is the passive-aggressive one. And I bet the lady that cuddled him sensed it. But we will never know. And the fact that he will never know is fine. There are many things you will never know.
@FunCartel I don't think this is a rant. I take it as someone who needs to vent. Men need to vent too, and not be labeled as ranting. He has the right to express his feelings about the situation, and try to figure out why things went down the way they have.
While he can learn what he can do about these situations, he will still have whatever feelings he has about it. Feelings are subjective, and sometimes even someone walking up to a complete stranger to say "hello" and being told to go away, can make that person so hurt.
Perhaps, OP asking this can also help others who do people the way the person in question did him to understand that people get hurt by it and try a different method. In any case, you yourself are giving OP feedback yet seem to be saying people shouldn't change. I find that contradictory.
There are times that it's best for people to be themselves, and times that it helps one to change. Or try something new. Everyone is at different stages, and different things work for different people.
"If someone blocks you and you come to the board ranting about it because you feel entitled to an explanation then you have real issues that a therapist needs to hash out because that kind of thing happens every second of every day on the internet and in real life. ..." If that is happening to someone everyday and they are getting hurt by it over, and over again. Wondering why that might be happening, and sharing their feelings about it: is a good step forward. Why should he seek a therapist, if he should just "be himself"? Are you suggesting he stop "ranting"? What if that's being himself?
I have been blocked before . Only once from someone I knew in person . Something happened to our friendship and that's what she needed to do to deal with things I suppose . It did sting cus we were actual friends who hung out from time to time. Since then I have just moved on with life and wish her well . However re strangers online and on here who have blocked me , I don't get upset over . Could be any number of reasons or for no reason at all. I try to deal in absolutes and not the unknowns
I think the fact that some people have the privilege of having for example most (or enough) people they wave at waving back, means they do not share the same experience as someone who most (not enough) if not all people on the street never wave back at them. So, over time these little or not so little stings add up. So, one needs to vent and try to figure out why things are the way they are. Even getting new clues as to why that might be can help one to better understand why people do things the way they do, and to thus try different approaches. Pretty much what @DarrenWalker was trying to convey.
Your reaction to being blocked is probably why you were blocked in the first place.
Oh I have every right to be angry about an act of rudeness directed at me. It’s the rudeness not the person. But if you’re going to be rude to me at least say it to my face. Blocking is saying a lot without saying anything.
In the future, I’m going to have to be very hesitant about cuddling anyone even if I drove a significant distance to meet them. It would be better to make a trip for nothing, than for an awkward cuddle experience, or one that I did not even know was awkward and found out afterward. I’m going to have to make sure they are being genuine and they actually do want to cuddle me, and they are not just pretending to to be “polite” at the time, which would ultimate result in being far more rude. Parting ways before even starting cuddling is not rude. And then if they really do want to cuddle, or if they convince me that they do but it was still a lie, then I will have to tell them before leaving about this experience, and that I don’t like to come home to find that I was blocked. So if you want to end things, just get it over with now, and spare me the trouble of driving home thinking I had a good experience when that is false.