And as far as why I cuddle just read my profile. I have answered the original question of the thread which was why are you here to cuddle.
That is what the thread was about. Not tips on cuddling for straight guys from the gay guy. That is not a personal attack. It is just a fact.
@BillyBudds your point is well taken. But spend enough time reading posts in every section of the forum , the anecdotal evidence supports the generalizations. I only characterized them as over-generalized because of course we are not all the same, and there are individuals to whom the generalization does not apply. Why are there usually more men in the bars where men and women meet? It’s not because all the women already have dates tonight.
@BillyBudds You are calling someone you don't know egotistical and accusing them of having an agenda for having not really done anything wrong or offensive . That's what I am referring to . If you did not intend it that way then so be it . A couple of folks here just seem to be harping on him and it's a little but strange and aggro is all ...
Another thread begging someone to write its obituary.
Mickcuddle isn't wrong...
As an older straight male who is new to all of this, I am not at all ashamed to say that I need to engage in some occasional platonic intimate touch. I do not have the luxury of being able to enjoy that whenever. But I enjoy providing the comfort as much or more than I do receiving it. Cuddling and snuggling is a mutually shared joy between both parties.
It's skewed because a lot of men are addicted to internet porn and don't know how to engage emotionally with other people.
Too many professional cuddlers if you ask me.
@CuddlesInParis It's easy to exploit another person's ineptitude. Most men see this situation as laissez-faire.
Cuddling is great. It's nice for both parties to feel safe, connected, appreciated, nurtured. Especially in NYC, it's so easy to feel alone though it's packed and you're always in close proximity to other people--as to why I'm here other than making side income while I work 60% remotely. We all have our vulnerable moments and would actually like to find some healing and some reassurance.
However,
Not that I was here prior to Craigslist Personals shutting down due to sex trafficking, but does anyone feel that due to that platform closing, there are more so people here with ulterior motives?
Do other women here, just like me, feel targeted 20% of the time?
It's great to see the best in people, but sometimes it's like you always have to sleep with one eye open.
"BigGuyGa: I would imagine a bunch of guys sign up just to try and hit on women. No intention of cuddling or whatever. They probably log in a few times then vanish. Leaving this gulf in the ratio."
Pretty much my experience a good chunk of the time.
@EmpathJ
I have noticed Craigslist people joining here, and usually recognise them by their pictures alone. I've used the site on and off for about 7 years and have gotten to know some of the local Craig people, specifically during a dark time in my life when I was using the personals section to get my needs for touch and human contact met in often unhealthy ways. A couple clients I met when I used to advertise in Craigslist services are not looking for platonic sessions and I know this because I've dealt with them in the past. Because I no longer have records of interaction with these people, my report was pretty much overlooked. One of these clients emailed me using a fake name as well, and I learned who it was when he revealed the email to reach him at. There is another man in my city on here who is a frequenter of Craig but not a client of mine, and I also noticed he had an ad up on kijiji renting out a room in his house, but he was looking for a female tenant specifically. That's uncommon for men to do on kijiji as far as I've seen - usually it's women doing that. I have no clue what he's doing here, but it gives me weird vibes knowing all this.
Craigslist is/was chock full of opportunists, johns, and sex addicts... and often that website isn't the only one they've got their hand in. It doesn't help that rival "cuddle" site CuddleUp is advertised directly on escort review boards as well as LeoList, which is Canada's solution to the Backpage shut down. The guys see these ads and assume these websites including CC are set up as clandestine hotspots to find sex workers or hookups.
@Catloaf Thanks for your insight.
Well ladies that is all incredibly disturbing but thanks for sharing.
Why are there so many of you here? I dunno, why are there so many female pro cuddlers?
It could be that men often have more demanding careers and so they don't get as many opportunities to meet people.
@curiouserandcur
I dunno, why are there so many female pro cuddlers?
Contrary to popular belief, there aren't "so many" of us. It just seems that way because quite a few of us are active on the forums versus non-pro females. Non-pro females are the ones who usually don't stay long on the site for a number of reasons, a big one being that they often get bombarded with pages and pages of messages within an hour of joining, and it quickly becomes too overwhelming. We are far outnumbered by regular users, but pros are indeed the most active on the site because, well, we're running a business and kind of need to check our platforms regularly.
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@Cuddlebugulous1 Wow that's...heavy dude, I am genuinely sorry that's horrific
The ratio is skewed, in my own opinion, for two reasons;
Undoubtedly, there are men here who are here just for that "one thing", but I believe them to be in the minority. I believe that CC men are mostly here because we recognize this flaw in society/culture and honestly desire friendship/comfort as all human beings do, but are afraid to voice our concerns in public for fear of being labeled with derogatory terms- I won't repeat them here, but I'm sure you can use your imagination. It really is a shame that we're misrepresented in that. Sorry, but a woman can't truly understand what it's like to feel like I (as a man) have to live up to societies (and their) expectation of what a "real man" is while denying my own human needs.
I'll stop here, but in my rambling-thoughts, I think it might have to do with why male suicide is so much higher than that of women. Just my own two cents, though. Bottom line; men are human too. We aren't Kryptonian. And we need to feel loved just as much as you do.
EDIT: I think you asked as to why I (as a man) am here in the first place. I'm here because, well, I've been described as a giant teddy bear and I don't think that's entirely wrong. I crave physical contact with others. I haven't had a real friend since high school (a decade ago), my parents were divorced since before I was born, and my own mother has admitted that she was "stressed" and distant, while I was a baby and probably didn't touch/hold me as much as a mother should have. I'm sure that these all played, at least, a small part in my desire for physical touch/affection, and then there's the general culture that most millennials (which I am) grew up in. But, I haven't been to a therapist, so I can't be absolutely 100% sure.
I just think men are more touch deprived for different reasons. Women cuddle and hug each other a lot more than men do. Not to mention men just have a harder time finding willing partners. Personally, I did it out of desperation. I've always gotten rejected, so I just started paying for it(funny enough I actually planned on finding a hooker to see if she would cuddle).
Though I could very well be projecting my own problems when I say they have a harder time finding it, it does seem like women don't go very long without finding somebody who wants affection from them. Though it's usually people they don't want anything to do with, like creeps(I really hate using that word).
Another big point is that women are much more concerned for their own safety. Meeting random strangers from the internet can seem somewhat intimidating to them, whereas men don't think about it as much.
“Men have more demanding careers.” Does that not sound extremely sexist to anyone here?
Let’s get this straight, there are more higher educated females than males currently in the American workforce. From 2014-2018, there has been a higher percentage of female college graduates than male. Imagine if jobs that publicly traded companies gave out willy nilly back in the baby boomer age were as easily accessible to 23 year olds with master degrees today? They’re obviously not the same jobs, and for the same salary (with respect to inflation), still require a crap ton more skill/merit and less privilege. We live in a day and age where your intern is more educated than the boss, has loans up to all their family members’ eyeballs, and is still scraping to get by.
“Another big point is that women are much more concerned for their own safety. Meeting random strangers from the internet can seem somewhat intimidating to them, whereas men don't think about it as much.”
Women, oh, I don’t know, have the capacity to birth children and possibly are always on guard to prevent situations of potential rape and sexual abuse? It’s not intimidation. This sexist misunderstanding does not help anyone.
@EmpathJ Yes it is extremely sexist considering he seems unaware that there are more women in college now than men. I found it more disturbing that he is a younger male who you would think would be more conscious of his ideas, beliefs and words when it comes to women.
Yes, Women have much more to worry about than men do when it comes to dating, which is why it is more intimidating to them. As for the use of the word intimidation, I'm not even addressing that further, because you are just arguing semantics.
You seem unnecessarily hostile towards people who have no malicious intent, and seem to throw the worst sexist around without any real thought of if the person actually is sexist. Either you need help, or you could just be having a bad day. Either way, have a good day and more luck to you.
@RCasey690 I do not find her to be hostile. One of the posts she referred to was overtly sexist and seemed to be posted for shock effect. Otherwise, I see nothing hostile in what she said. Many female pros have expressed concern over incidents where clients have ignored the word no. She is not alone on here.
I do think she may have overreacted a bit to your posting about meeting people on the internet. I think she was trying to say that the word “intimidating” sounds a tad patronizing and I kind of get that but I think she did overreact on that point because I think you guys were actually agreeing in part.
Arguing semantics b/c indeed using “intimidating” is patronizing and inherently sexist.
Men have raped and pillaged for centuries without giving a damn. Abortion is expensive and there’s less access now. Do you know how much on average it costs to raise a child from 0-18?
Meeting strangers doesn’t “intimidate” us. Oh, please. People are just people. The potential for harm placed on us that has long term effects (that don’t even phase you as a male) is triggering. But obviously, whatever people don’t relate to, they sweep under the rug and invalidate it.
Empathj.......might want to ease off the MSNBC binge watching.
There's nothing wrong with being informed and well educated. For women and men both on here seeking to pimp yourselves out (or comply the other way around), you are making it worse for men and women on here just trying to be genuinely nurturing people and seeking to receive comfort from a pure form. There's always SD sites and dating sites -- in which this is NOT.
There are plenty of people on here who are here to heal with no perverse intentions. People with really bad anxiety and depression and need a real friend even beyond psychologist/LCSW counseling. People mourning a loss. People touch-deprived from no affection from childhood (often from Eastern cultures) -- a form of intimacy and reassurance I needed myself. People working high-stress finance, tech, healthcare, etc. jobs who need a nice massage and soothing affirmations. People working in a toxic work environment that they're trying to break free from and need a shoulder to cry on. People working 12-hour workdays without any nurturing comfort of immediate family and friends.
I'm just looking out for our safety.
How you view the use of the word intimidation is on you, not me. I personally know many women who themselves have stated that they were afraid, and yes, intimidated by dating because of the implications of rape and sexual assault. You are just speaking for yourself, not women as a whole. If you are implying intimidation is a form of weakness or an insult, you are wrong. Being intimidated or afraid doesn't make you weak, it's how you handle the fear that makes you weak. But besides, once again, that is just semantics. Whether women do it out of intimidation or not is irrelevant to the point of what the op asked.