Flaking after you arrive to location to cuddle

DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat
in General

I’m really upset 😠 to have my free time waisted a cc member reached out too cuddle and we had planned to meet today I don’t have a car so I use the light rail which is a transit option here in Arizona it takes me almost 2 +hrs to meet this person I live in Phoenix they live in Mesa I arrive at train platform I’m waiting they tell me they are on there way 35 +minutes has passed this person states there roommate got into a accident weight lifting and is bleeding they needs to be taken to er all of a sudden Im almost positive this person is lying 🤥 now I have to take a 2 +hr ride back excuse the run on sentences but I just want to know how everyone feels about people flaking after you commute to meet them when they live far this is one of the worst experiences I’ve had on this site ever

«13

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Stillworkin247 (deleted user)

    Just put them on blast here and have the site ban them.

  • Drop_the_MikeDrop_the_Mike

    Yes! Have them banned! That’s not right

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    Sorry that happened to you and your time was wasted. That said, to be "positive" someone is lying, means they've admitted to the lie, or you have actual proof that they lied. So you have one of those things then? Because if not, they deserve the benefit of a doubt.

  • Britchick86Britchick86

    That sucks!!

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    So you're waiting at a train station... they tell you they're on their way... and then around 35 minutes later their roommate has had a weight-lifting accident and needs to be rushed to the ER?

    That does sound pretty sketchy.

  • AllyanaElsewoodAllyanaElsewood

    I think the way they went about it is pretty shitty, but I wouldn't go as far as reporting someone, for not being comfortable enough to go through with it, and needing to back out.

    But I'd definetely tell them axactly what my suspicions are, and how insulted I feel about my time and money being waisted.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Ugh I hate when people do that!! Its so rude and just plain mean.
    I don't know what to say to make you feel better...just know that it happens to others sometimes and not everyone is going to be so callous.

  • AllyanaElsewoodAllyanaElsewood

    I just took a peak at your profile.
    You've got such good karma, and an awesome look to boot.
    Wow, what a fool, to pass up an opportunity from such a nice and interesting cuddler.😮

    I almost feel sorry for the stupid sap now.

    I'm sure you'll find more cuddlers who are worthy of your time.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    You know, peeps.....when someone DOES actually go to the ER because they are bleeding....it usually is "all of the sudden". Just a thought. Not a single respondent has considered the possibility that someone actually did get hurt. But sure, it COULD be a lie. So just go with that then. smh

  • CuddleStellaCuddleStella

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😔 it’s so inconvenient when folks flake last minute on a cuddle with such distance involved

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @Fairbutfirm: Well, yeah—but when you've been "on your way" to a local train station for the last 35 minutes it's kind of weird that you're still around when your roommate has the exercise accident.

    Could be they weren't actually on their way, that they were hanging around their place for half an hour instead of actually going anywhere... but the alternative seems more likely.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    So many possibilities. People say "on my way" when they are still getting dressed, walking to the car, could have been 5-10 minutes from home, got a call from another roommate who had no car (half of my tenants do not) then hurried back, and by the time he had a chance to tell her 35 minutes had passed. Think about this....most flakes break off contact completely. I'm just not seeing very open minds here in this discussion.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited September 2019

    @Fairbutfirm: As my dad likes to say, "Make sure your mind's not so open that your brain falls out."

    Sure, it's possible they were dithering back and forth, hither and thither, "on their way" to get their shoes on, not really on their way for another ten minutes, then called back by an emergency and incapable of contacting the person who traveled for hours to meet them until they got back to their place and drove their roommate to the ER.

    It's also possible that they got cold feet but didn't want to seem like a bad person by just cutting contact, so came up with a story that ended the cuddle before it began but also made them look like an everyday hero.

    Could've been either way. No way to tell, really, other than asking yourself which one's more likely.

    How often do people get cold feet?
    How often do roommates have ER-worthy exercise accidents?

    Edit: On the other hand, there's yet another explanation we haven't considered—they were on their way to meet @DeathbyChocolat when they were waylaid by highway robbers, who forced them to send an explanatory text to the one person who was expecting them, thus freeing the robbers to murder the would-be cuddler, leave the body in a ditch, and still have time to get out of town before alarms were raised.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    And even asking yourself which is more likely makes nothing definite. There is suspicion and there is knowledge and they shouldn't be confused at the cost of another person's reputation. You don't say this is possible, that is possible, then decide what happened.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited September 2019

    @Fairbutfirm: That's true. It could have been murderers, or a lot of dithering followed by somebody dropping a barbell on their own head, or cold feet, or alien abduction. We don't know.

    All we can say is what's most likely—which doesn't mean that's definitely what happened. Just that it's most likely.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    There is no more or less likely. There is one reality and we don't know what it was at this point. This is not a poll of 100 people who got stood up. It's one instance.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited September 2019

    @Fairbutfirm: Certainty is in the world, uncertainty is in the mind. When you don't know what the state of the world is, you're uncertain about it—all you have is probability.

    But yes, if the reality is, say, aliens, then the reality is aliens. It's not very likely in my mind (given the evidence I have to work with), but that's all I can say.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    What are you doing? Hmmm? You have people here drawing conclusions (ban him, what a horrible person, etc) based on what they THINK happened. Instead of saying something halfway sensible like "IF he was lying he is a jerk". There really is no way to justify any of the messages condemning this person who didn't show up because there are too many unknowns. Period.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @Fairbutfirm: What I'm doing is debating the idea that it's impossible to draw reasonable conclusions based on incomplete knowledge, mainly because it's late and I'm bored.

    I honestly don't care what happens to the would-be cuddler who canceled for whatever reason—he, she, or they most likely told a lie in order to save face, but then again maybe not. For all I know, they were on their way to the train station but never made it because their roommate slipped while weight training and only this one person could help, and they couldn't tell their buddy a thing about it because they were too busy running red lights or something.

    What I care about is the fact that this isn't nearly as likely as them getting cold feet, dithering, and finally telling a face-saving lie, so if I had to place money on what turned out to be the actual situation, I'd pick the most likely one. I might lose money, but at least I'd have made the best choice I could given the data I had.

    Do you really think people get banned on here without the mods looking at the evidence first? If this stand-up cuddler gets reported, I'm sure they'll have the chance to tell their side of the story.

    I trust the mods.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    I don't think that in the least. What would make you assume that? I simply don't like people suggesting a ban based on what they think is "most likely". It's ignorant and uncalled for.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    I'm ... debating the idea that it's impossible to draw reasonable conclusions based on incomplete knowledge[.]

    "I don't think that in the least. What would make you assume that?"
    "There is no more or less likely. There is one reality and we don't know what it was at this point."

    Yet we can still draw reasonable conclusions. It's like when I see a profile pic containing lots of uncovered boobage, or a username like sweetthing69: It's entirely possible that nothing untoward is going on here. Maybe the picture-poster was in a warm location when that photo was taken, and the amount of cleavage was perfectly socially acceptable at that time and in that location, and they just didn't make the mental connection "that was then and there, this is now and here." Maybe our sweet thing was born in 1969, and likes pet names.

    But the probability of something untoward going on is high, and so I report. If nothing's going on, the user won't get banned. If something is going on, it's a good thing I made the report. I'm a simple guy: if "nonplatonic" equals "high probability," I hit "report."

    Same thing here. Odds are good our would-be cuddler did tell a lie. It's entirely possible they didn't. But the probability's high, so....

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    I wonder if you will still hold the same philosophy should someone with the power to do so one day hurt you or take from you based on the what they think is a high probability that you did something deserving said action.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @Fairbutfirm: It's been done. I'm cool—I get it. It couldn't be helped. They made the right choice based on what they knew.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    So in your experience, they actually "knew" something? : )

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    Or was it one of those "reasonable" conclusions based on their reason?

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)
    edited September 2019

    @Fairbutfirm: They made reasonable conclusions based on the information they had—what they knew.

    They didn't know enough, and they "knew" some stuff that was wrong, but they did the best they could and I don't blame them for drawing the conclusions they did.

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that experience. I've had similar situations in my life a few times and understand how frustrating that can be. It always helped me to know that things could have been worse.

    Sometimes something good comes of it when you look back. For example, I had seen your profile in the local cuddles search, but ruled out contacting you because you were guest only and stated that you can't travel far due to no car. I'm in Mesa, and now that I know that isn't too far, I'd welcome a message from you if you're interested.

    For now, all I can offer is this contribution that was inspired by a comment @DarrenWalker mentioned in another post:

    Head and Shoulders presents this year's Golden Flake award to a Cuddle Comfort member for going above and beyond, setting the bar for flaking out on a meeting.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    Most normal people WILL blame people who call them a liar if they didn't lie. I can tell you that no one I know well would be ok with that. And any decent human being makes SURE they know before they call someone a liar.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @Fairbutfirm: You have high standards. That's admirable.

    @DonLonG: Ha. As ever, your work's not just really well done, it's also a mood-booster. Good job!

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    Thank you Darren. You know, I've been flaked on a lot myself. Not by people here. But as a user of craigslist for years, you can only imagine, right? I use it to find both workers and tenants for my rentals, to buy and sell cars in the past, to get free or purchased furnishings for the houses, and to give away stuff when I am no longer using it. So while I've met some great people, I've been stood up my share of times as well. And if I ever begin to have bad thoughts about a no show (remember, nearly all of them also stop texting or emailing as well), that is usually quickly followed by a feeling of guilt. What if I'm thinking bad thoughts about someone who was in an accident? Had a family tragedy? You just never know. So you've been stood up by cuddlers before??

Sign In or Register to comment.