Happy Asexual Awareness Week to any fellow aces out there!

BiblioromanticBiblioromantic
in General

Just wanted to pass along my well wishes to any fellow aces celebrating Asexual Awareness Week in the US today through October 26th, 2019.

Questions about asexuality? Please see the following links:
https://aceweek.org/about/asexuality
https://asexuality.org/

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]taulkat (deleted user)

    To all my asexual siblings out there, have a great week! I stand with you as an ally and part of the rainbow community to which we belong. If there is anything I can do to make you smile, message me.

  • NYCLatnGuyNYCLatnGuy

    Looks like the mainstream media is finally trying to raise awareness as well: https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/10/20/us/asexuality-explainer-trnd/index.html?r=https://www.cnn.com/

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    yas!! solidarity & support <3 love as growth, mutual understanding. this is my good read for the week! thanks!

  • LovelightLovelight

    Thank you! :)

    As for the negativity, would you say the same when people are going around saying "Happy holidays" "Marry Christmas" "Happy whatever"?

    It isn't about "pushing an agenda". It's about rasing awareness about something that about 1% of the population identifies with. Something that causes some of them difficulties, and abundance misunderstandings/issues, etc., by the masses around them. It's also to help others who are ace though feel out of place because pretty much everyone around them isn't, to know that they aren't alone, and that it's okay for them to be who and how they are. That most of all they still deserve their boundaries respected that they shouldn't be tried to be changed by pressure or anything awful.

  • SpartanGuySpartanGuy

    @Lovelight The 1% should stop shouting from the rooftops that they don't have any sex drive. The other 99% don't broadcast what is simply a preference. A private one. If a member of the 1% has psychic pains over how they feel about their drive, they can discretely discuss it with a qualified therapist.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @SpartanGuy being Acesexual doesn't necessarily mean the person lacks sex drive: all the more reason they don't need to stop "shouting from the roof tops".

    You make it seem so dramatic that: Asexuals want to raise awareness, educate those willing to learn, and connect with others alike.

    The rest, don't need to broad cast because they are the norm. Pretty much everyone you encounter is allosexual. While Asexuals are different and thus when they navigate the world of intimacy, and they are trying to navigate discussions related to it they can feel out of place. And also in some cases, be misunderstood plus mistreated.

  • roobsjuneroobsjune

    Thank you for posting, being so sweet and raising awareness about asexually as well as providing links to educate others who may have questions. It can be very hard to be ace in a s*x-crazed society and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own skin. For @SpartanGuy: As with other posts on the forum, if the post doesn’t apply to or interest you, scroll past. Pretty simple. The only person screaming from the rooftops is you with your bigotry. I hope you have a wonderful day and learn how to let people live.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I am not sure how we got to such a mean spirited place with this thread , just seems a bit silly. If someone says they are asexual and hey this is what it means to me and to others , it does not mean anything is being shouted about or an agenda is being pushed . There is nothing wrong with not caring about something . If it's not important to you so be it . The OP is not anywhere near being pushy or rude about it .

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited October 2019

    Positive response: Happy Day, ace friends (questioning demi here, but without the label at this time). Learning about the asexual movement from some of you has helped me accept parts of myself that I wasn't really fully aware of till last year.

    Oh-hell-no response: Long before I got into this community, I used to reject the idea that sexuality is fluid and not linear/binary. In some ways, Kinsey laid the groundwork for our understanding of such a concept decades ago. We are learning that our scope of understanding is somewhat flawed, and the previously proposed spectrum is no longer simply Heterosexual » Homosexual. Sexuality isn't even a spectrum at this point, it's a web. And for a human behaviour that's so complex, it only makes sense that knowledge progresses from a linear spectrum to a web.

    That's my take and my understanding. It sounds like the opponents are threatened by people who think and believe different than them. It is possible to step into logic rather than emotions over this issue. And while I usually agree that OPs have no control over where their discussions go, this is one to which bigotry will not be welcomed by the majority.

    Probable denizens of the old Roosh V forum who come here to "examine" this community should find a new place to hang out, not because you have a different opinion, but because the obvious hate is disgusting.

  • BiblioromanticBiblioromantic

    While I don't want to get involved in the minor mudslinging, I will mention one thing.

    Asexuality may not be everyone's cup of tea. The vast majority of humans in the world do not experience life from an asexual perspective, and I 💯 understand that. But is it too much to ask that humankind as a whole widen our comprehension and make an effort to be inclusive of how other people experience their humanity?

    The range of diversity within the human family is vast and spans all conceivable facets of being. Maybe if we stop labeling every option outside the ones we've experienced as "bad" and "wrong," the world could be a happier, more compassionate, and certainly a more peaceful place to live.

  • triskeletriskele

    Thanks for including those links @Biblioromantic Asexuality is something I don't understand very well yet, and I appreciate you providing the resources for us to learn more about it!

  • [Deleted User]Cris033 (deleted user)

    As usual, an old straight man telling others they cant have opinions, like things, and in general be humans, because he feels like hes being squished down (: Ahh how typical

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    My uncle told my mom I was gay since I was still a virgin at 16.

    Being a virgin at 18 was credited to good parenting and religious upbringing, no sex before marriage.

    At 21 years old, my dad tried to get my V card cashed in by taking me to a brothel in Nevada. After going in and seeing the girls line up, I freaked out and waited in the car for an hour until my dad came out.

    At 25, I was being pressured by my family to find a wife and start making grandkids. For 10 years I had been saying I'm not interested in getting married or having kids. "Oh, you'll feel different when you're older."

    Being a 29-year-old virgin, most of the family and friends assumed I was gay by now, never having any interest in girls. I had a couple of very awkward and embarrassing relationships, forcing myself to do something I wasn't comfortable with because everyone had convinced me that not having sex means there is something wrong with me.

    Unfortunately, I didn't learn what asexuality was until I was 32.

    Because of a lack of awareness, I spent most of my teenage years mocked and teased because I couldn't relate to the sexual stories or get the jokes and terminologies. All my adult life is filled with awkward conversations on how I wasn't gay even though I didn't date girls. Everyone always asking why, but I couldn't explain because I didn't know myself.

    If I had known at an earlier age that asexuality was even a thing, I could have internalized a lot of confusing feelings. It could have saved me a lot of stress and frustration. Awareness would have saved me several regrets I have in initiating a sexual relationship with someone I wasn't really attracted to.

    I felt unloved, unworthy, and depressed because I was so confused about my sexuality. When I was 28, there was a coworker who I knew liked me. I spent weeks resisting her advances because I was scared it would lead to sex. I had accidentally let slip I was having suicidal thoughts. She tried to help by offering to sleep with me. I was so hurt and offended by that offer I told her, "I'd rather kill myself than sleep with you!" It's the worst thing I ever said to anyone, and one of my deepest regrets in life. She quit her job that week because she couldn't work with me anymore after that. I realized I had a problem after that and forced myself into situations which has lead to more regrets to figure out why I felt the way I did.

    Asexual awareness isn't about shoving it in everyone's face @MrFirefighter To me it's about making sure that the information gets out there to the people that need to hear it. To prevent another person going most of their adult life stressed out and depressed making poor choices because they didn't have all the information. That there is nothing wrong with them, they are just different. It's about raising awareness that there is other people out there going through what they are, with the same problems. That there are resources to help them understand what is happening and get some answers.

    If there was more awareness 20 years ago, my life would have turned out differently.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2019

    @Cris033 He is allowed to have his opinion and to not agree with something. My issue is with the hostility and defensiveness. Clearly there is nothing at all wrong with OP post and thread topic. There is however something wrong in assuming there is an agenda behind it. To assert that this is a gay/straight thing is not going to help the issue as there are clearly many straight people on here who are very supportive of OP.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee
    edited October 2019

    Despite the (unfortunately omnipresent) negativity have a great week y'all 🤗

    Edit: maybe check your privilege before spewing unnecessary hatred 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

  • SpartanGuySpartanGuy
    edited October 2019

    @DonLonG With all due respect to you, the fact your parents and family were inept about this issue while raising you, doesn't make it a problem for the rest of us. I have no hate or hostility toward anyone asexual. I don't see a value in this thread or in an Awareness Week. We have enough labels in our society. I don't believe @MrFirefighter was expressing hate either.

    There is an abundance of projection going on

  • pmvinespmvines

    It is dangerous to call something hatred because it is not said in a popular way. I totally agree with OP and I support OP. I do not agree with several of the folks who respond to OP and the way they respond. I do not feel they are justified in assuming there is some sort of agenda. I do believe there are biases and prejudices at hand. I do not believe it is hate. And I feel it is important to make that distinction.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2019

    I was at my local pride parade where my son and his transgender best friend were on a float, and even in those circles I don't see a lot of understanding of what exactly asexuality is. Spreading the word about it is fine, especially within a community like this that prides itself on acceptance. I would imagine being asexual would make platonic cuddling an appealing thing, so it stands to reason that there would be a portion here.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    @SpartanGuy I think you do see the value in this thread which is why you're here talking about it. Some guy who associates himself with Spartans I kinda get. But a fireman? I always thought they were the cool guys, letting us slide down the pole, hang out and talk about their jobs and how they really genuinely care for every person in the community. Not so here I guess. What a letdown.

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    @pmvines you have a point there. I fully accepted and came out as asexual when I was 33. I am the last male with the family name. My family has almost all women and produces 1 male every generation.

    I came to terms that I would most likely never marry, and even more likely never have children. I thought the hardest to accept this would be my 85-year-old grandfather who had traced our genealogy back to King Edward Longshanks (The bad guy from Braveheart). Being the last of the Long's I always thought there were expectations to pass on the name. But my grandparents were actually cool with it. My grandfather explained that he hated his father, and didn't care if his father's family name ceased to exist.

    Most hetero people seemed to accepted it, even if some didn't understand it. The only person that ever got upset was my bisexual female best friend who was in denial that I was. I always thought that was odd, and she would have been the supportive one.

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    @PeopleLikeUs I've seen a few topics turn toxic last couple days and refused to participate in them. Trolls do have a purpose though, even ones that are against awareness. By being controversial, they bring more attention to a topic, spreading awareness. In the end, its the message that is important, not who can have the last word. So from a certain perspective, we're all accomplishing the same thing.

  • SpartanGuySpartanGuy

    @DonLonG

    I'll repeat my private message to you and expand a little.

    This discussion isn't personal. It isn't my intent to offend you. If I did, I apologize.

    I believe 100% of what you've said, because it is your truth, your life. I also compliment you on how you present yourself. Your profile is a perfect example of how to do one. You are the most open person on this entire site. Very ballsy. You also didn't take the easy way and block me. You're a good man.
    Hope you find what you're looking for.

  • DonLonGDonLonG

    To get things back on topic, I got my ACE ring this week. Unfortunately it's too small to fit on the proper finger reserved to identify with, so I have to get it resized.

    Since I identify as heteroromantic, I thought it would be unique to have an EKG heartbeat as my black ring.



    Do any other Aces out there wear a ring? Have you ever started up a conversation or made new friendships by identifying someone from their ring?

  • DonLonGDonLonG
    edited October 2019

    @SpartanGuy I appreciate you clarifying that and no worries.

    I have been searching for a group to help me with a few questions and help me identify where on the spectrum I am. I live in Phoenix, the 5th largest metropolis in the United States, and I cannot find an asexual group of people to meet and converse with.

    We have a group for people that want to eat bugs in place of meat. We even have a support group for "Owners who struggle with Pet Obesity". It's not that I don't want to pay for a therapist when everyone else gets free support, I just want to talk to someone I can identify with and I know feels the same way I do.

    This place is the first community I have found where people like me might be able to thrive. I have seen a few asexuals identify as such on their profile, and I would like to hear their stories and input. Maybe even learn something about myself.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @MrFirefighter "There are lots of 1%'rs that should be heard.....amputees, disabled, blind, etc. They have it FAR worse than some supposed "inequality" an Asexual (or Bsexual, Csexual, or whatever the flavor of the day is) perceives. Yet you don't hear them shouting from the rooftops. Why is it always the SEXUAL 1%'ers who need to have their parades, "awareness" weeks, and other nonsense? Just do your thing already."

    As a person with a disability myself, we don't need to shut down and be dismissive of others in order to raise our own awareness. Just because one person perceives their troubles to be worse than another's doesn't give them the right to try and shut down others.

    You seem so full of hostility, and rage. Maybe step away from the keyboard and meditate or something. Firefighters are supposed to be putting out fire, not gaslighting/adding to it.

  • DonLonGDonLonG
    edited October 2019

    I have had a lot of miscommunications with people who don't believe or understand asexuality. I think most women I try to explain it too think of it as a line to prove I'm a "nice guy". They say they understand, but then get sexually aggressive anyways (to try to prove me wrong?).

    Because of public unawareness of this orientation, I was Sexually Assaulted just 7 days ago from someone I tried to platonic cuddle with.

    It's not just that one incident, I have had situations like this all my life. I have been groped and grinded on. I have been manipulated into situations that made me uncomfortable specifically after I had mentioned my orientation. Men do get raped and pressured into sex. Just because it isn't a problem for everyone else, doesn't mean it isn't worth raising awareness.

    Asexual awareness may not be of interest, but that doesn't mean it isn't a real problem in society.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited October 2019

    @DonLonG thanks for sharing your experience it was quite insightful, and sorry you had to experience that. I also wish you had information like this way earlier as it would've helped and saved you from much of the trouble. Part of why it's important we continue with our awareness.

    Perhaps there are Facebook/Meetup Asexual groups you can join. If no much luck there, you can even try Demisexual groups, I find they tend to at least have an idea of Asexuality and after all, we share the same umbrella. Feel free to message if there's something you want to talk about. I'll try to help the best I can.

  • ShortsShorts
    edited October 2019

    I'm not at all surprised that the first comment to this thread was ace-phobic. I hope MrFireFighter finds a way to be comfortable with his sexuality some day. ;)

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    That ring is awesome @DonLonG 😁

  • oberonoberon

    Thank you for this thread, happy ace awareness week to all my cuddly asexual friends out there!

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