What do you look for that makes one woman stand out?
We talk and get along well, pretty much. If that doesn't happen things go nowhere. Same thing goes for men, or trans, or whatever.
The same way I choose anyone else to cuddle. Have you read Battle Royale, by Koushun Takami?
No?
@JasonCuddles
It’s a relatively simple process. A large pool of prospective cuddlers is needed, however. As well as a space big enough for them to work in.
I have now read what the book is about. I am wondering if that's where the idea of the battle royale style of games has come from.
Looks at first then distance follow by price
Nothing, I cuddle with every one I can
I choose the ones who want to cuddle with me...
Well said @Navyman1010, in the case of enthusiasts I believe the third option would be personality.
Basically the same for women going for men. Except we tend to be looks, conversation/personality, then distance. Women need to be able to get a sense of trust or assurance from a cuddler. That's why holding up ur end of the chat is so important.
In all seriousness, like many heterosexual males on this site, I desperately need the illusion that I might be able to have sex with my cuddle partner—I only feel safe and comfortable if I know I can jam my throbbing gristle inside of my cuddle buddy. That’s why I don’t cuddle men.
High five, bros!
I’m not being serious. Relax.
@hogboblin: ...Too real.
Dunno if I can speak for all enbies, but I usually notice personality first, then distance. If the distance allows for a meeting, the third thing is odor. Odor, if it's strong, can be more important than personality. Even if someone's got a personality that clashes badly with mine, if they smell really nice I'd be kind of torn. I mean, we don't have to talk....
Online, though, you can't tell how someone's going to smell to you. So what really makes a person on this site (male, female, or non-binary) stand out to me is their personality—and how well they communicate it.
For me it starts with proximity. I look at profiles within 100 miles. That's not to say I would drive 100 miles, but it leaves open the possibility of the Pro driving to me, or within 20 miles of me. In terms of time, I host at any motel within 25 minutes of me. If she hosts, I'll go a bit longer.
I'm not very fussy about age, but I do consider looks. On the 1-10 scale, I won't go down to a 5. Still talking a Pro.
As far as cost, up to $100 is doable but 75 is more attractive.
The last, but most important thing is personality. An upbeat attitude, a sense of humor, and good communication are essential.
Given the shortage of appropriate cuddlers, I'm looking into Pros who think nothing of driving 2 hours if compensated.
To stand out to me they just need to show some personality in their profile really (well, and for that personality to be a more friendly or trustworthy one). Most of the profiles on here are very bare bones, listing things the person likes and a generic line about cuddles being something they reaaaaaally like - there's nothing really wrong with that, but when most people do it and it doesn't really give you an idea of what the person is like as a person rather than collection of likes it does anything but stand out.
The first thought that came to mind was “ how do you get a woman to cuddle”. It’s a mystery to me!
@BashfulLoner a couple friendly pieces of feedback from a woman in case they help. Good job on what you wrote about yourself! Have a friendlier picture... you smiling, or holding a cat, or tickling your child. Write a bit more about what you're offering in addition to what you're wanting. Approach women getting to know them like you'd make friends in kindergarten, commenting on something you like about their profile that isn't about their looks. If I may be so bold as to generalize, the biggest factors for many of us are, will this person be safe? kind? Sensitive to and respectful of boundaries? Warm, friendly, human goes a long way. There are so many men on here that it's easy to flip by pics without ever reading a profile if they don't look warm and friendly.
User name is important too. You have a decent one itf you add a nice picture to show that the loner part isn't weird twisted loner but shy sweet, friendly, safe loner.
I was skeptical about learning anything useful on this thread, but you guys have gone above and beyond expectations.
@DarrenWalker Like in so many of your responses, you have a great ability to push the boundaries of vague questions and fully explore it. I made certain assumptions with the OP question limiting it only to online. You are 100% right that choosing goes beyond just choosing a profile.
@Zundar I fully agree with your statement. This is like applying for a job. Where @DarrenWalker makes good points on the interview phase, your perspective is coming from the equivalent of an employer who has hundreds of resumes that all have the same skills and abilities. How do they pick a couple for that in-person interview? I noticed that when I first joined. That's why I spent a whole week on my profile before I even private messaged, or posted on the forum. Even though I get great feedback nationally, no one local ever seems to check out my profile.
And then here comes @littermate out of nowhere with a possible answer before I even had a chance to ask the question.
Have a friendlier picture... User name is important too... There are so many men on here that it's easy to flip by pics without ever reading a profile
"This isn't a dating site, what does my picture matter? Some people don't even put one up." - Common Opinion
Your response is brilliant because it talks about the foundation of this process. In this metaphorical job I'm applying for, my primary worries have been focused on standing out with my resume and closing the sale in the interview. But none of that matters if I can't even get a foot in the door for a chance that someone might read that resume in the first place.
I changed my profile pic from a headshot to a (hopefully) more friendly one holding a baby. But I never thought about my username before now. I explained in a thread called "How did people pick their user names?" that my username is my real-life name. Don Long is just something on my passport used to identify me. One of the drawbacks of being asexual is that sexual humor is often lost on me because internally, I don't relate to it. However, I have heard all my life that my name has certain connotations.
It's not a problem in real life, but on a site like this, @littermate post has now made me self conscious about what others think of my username. This being platonic only, maybe local members are scared off or repulsed by the name to even give my profile a chance?
I just looked into it. There doesn't seem to be a way to change a username. But on the bright side, at least when I eventually get deleted from posting something controversial, I can look at it as an opportunity to change my identity. Maybe I should preemptively start a new thread to poll Ideas for my new username?
Lots of great comments on here. @littermate was my fave
I really do not think it is a decision of choosing... I think it is more of a mutual agreement to cuddle. As far as women, as long as I feel safe with them and that they will respect boundaries, it will be a green light. If they start getting too personal before we meet (i.e. asking if light kissing is okay, cuddling in underwear, etc.), or if they use hard drugs, I will say no thanks. I do not go off of looks. I have been told I am decent looking and I take really good care of myself, but I do not feel as if someone should not be privileged to cuddle based on their looks. Good hygiene is a must and a clean environment. If it is sketchy, I will give that feedback.
My opinion is if you are using things such as looks, relationship status, age, etc., you are cuddling for other purposes besides cuddling. Most women are not wanting to cuddle based on a potential for a hookup, they are either looking for someone to hold them, make them feel safe, or have a great conversation. I am obliged to provide all of these if we choose to cuddle... at no cost.
@DonLonG I never thought your name implied anything sexual, for what it's worth. I thought it was your real name. I also must add that for me, sharing in forums is a sign someone isn't afraid to show themselves and I've checked out or purposefully written peeps off as cuddle partners based on their shares here. You come off as quite interesting.
Thanks @iamkimmyp. I'm finding myself wanting to coach some ot the men on here so I'm glad what I shared was useful.
I will say based on a recent experience that openness and sharing go a long way. Be terse and withholding and I lose interest fast. Have no profile descriptions, see ya. Don't just say you're a nice guy. Show me what kind of nice guy through your words. We have so little to go on before putting our bodies in the path of a potential sexual assualt. Help us like and trust you by showing yourself.
I will also say desperation in the form of pushing communication instead of letting it happen is another turnoff, especially repeatedly asking for pictures before I'm done getting to know you. Ask once, then shhhhh. I heard you. When we're despised as yucky girls until you're old enough to want to bed us, we need a bit of reassurance sometimes we're not just a pile of attractive meat to you but people.
@hikerincbus yes!
Most women are not wanting to cuddle based on a potential for a hookup, they are either looking for someone to hold them, make them feel safe, or have a great conversation.
@DonLonG CC changed my profile name for me after I first joined. It took about 24 hours.
The only thing that causes me to pause is if I think a profile reads like a dating site or worse. Every other thing I can think of, age, appearance, gender, orientation, ability etc. is not a factor.
The only cuddle I turned down was a situation where a family member was home. I refuse to speculate on the affects of a stranger cuddling mom, even though she assured me he was an adult.
I always insist on meeting though. I think that's one of my favorite parts.
I'm going to my first cuddle party tonight. I hope I don't faint.
A combination. If all these aren't met I won't attempt to make an appointment.
Looks. Especially if I'm paying I want to cuddle with someone I find physically attractive.
Distance I have a 50 mile filter set. But rarely would I travel more than 30 miles. If they are farther than that I'd try to meet halfway.
Price. My limit used to be $80 an hour but in my area the new standard seems to be $100 an hour. Now I won't go over $100 an hour.
Personality is more difficult to discern online. Some people are different in person than online. It's why I always do an hour for first session in case there is no connection. However, sometimes if I'm getting bad vibes I pass on making an appointment with that cuddler.
If im spending 160+ then i want to cuddle with someone im attracted to PERIOD
@Navyman1010: Yeah, well, that's a duh. But the type of attraction I suspect you mean bugs me.
Aesthetic attraction's one thing—nothing nonplatonic about picking somebody who's nice to look at. Picking somebody who's got a super attractive personality? Go for that! If you're paying, why pick somebody with a personality you don't like? Nothing nonplatonic about picking someone you can talk to. Choosing someone on the basis of the way they smell? Sure! Olfactory attraction's a platonic thing. (Pretty much everybody's drawn to the smell of fresh-baked bread, for instance.)
There are tons of different types of attraction. But somehow whenever somebody writes something like this, I can't help seeing it as "If I'm spending $160 or more, then I want to cuddle with someone I'm sexually attracted to. PERIOD."
I don't care how much you're paying—this is a platonic service. Leave sex out of it.
type erase
I enjoy your presence and thoughtful comments @DarrenWalker
@ Darren walker. Where did navyman say his preference was a sexual attraction ? Why are you singling him out for criticism look at snugbuddies posting above .
@cuddlerforu24 Yup. There is even a female earlier in the thread that agreed with him and said she looks for looks first too. But around here you sometimes get metaphorically shot on sight if you offer honesty that does not fit an imaginary world view.
@Navyman1010 has a history of posting stupid, misogynistic/bigoted garbage here. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t primarily interested in a sexually attractive partner.
~dont hate me for my opinion~
Hahaha.
I look first, do they smoke anything, if yes, then that is a no for me, if a none smoker then I will read there profile and go from there, don't like dealing with drugs also., looks alone is not that important to me, heck we are not getting married, LOL, I'm very opened minded.