I have gotten quite a few messages from people who seem ok at first but it turns needy and pushy pretty quickly. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to chat back and forth and get to know each other before meeting. Any insight and help is appreciated. To be honest, it's kinda souring me to this site.
If you find people getting pushy, try communicating to them how you are feeling pushed and would like to chat some more before a face to face meeting. If they fail to understand, you can always block them to prevent them from messaging you again. I also feel that since this website is meant for cuddling, people may want to start cuddling after having some small conversation. So it may be a good idea to include in your bio that you value people who are willing to take the time to get to know you before asking you to meet them.
We often don't know something until we learn it.
A person who has cuddled before is often ready to go but should be aware that others can require patience and time to feel comfortable, and we should follow proper communication etiquette without even expecting anything in return. Show them what I just wrote and ask that they get a clue. How you do that is up to you, of course. 🙂
I think we're all different and it's not always lack of experience cuddling nor discomfort that makes us want to know someone before we press our bodies up against theirs. @cuddleineverett you get to have the type of cuddle partner you want--don't let the perspective of others ever make you feel like you're being unreasonable in wanting to get to know people. I find there are several types on here and there's a type that's all about "let's cuddle, send me pictures" and another type that recognizes that some of us want to know the person before we decide to be close to them. Those "let's do it" types will keep messaging you and you can either work hard to get them to communicate, or recognize them and let them go. I basically say "I like to get to know someone before I decide to cuddle them. I like to chat back and forth a while, maybe talk on the phone, and then have tea and see if we're compatible." I say that right away and if they disappear, great, screening over. If they act like a pushy entitled poophead, I just don't respond, or say "Sorry, doesn't seem like we're on the same page" and stop responding.
As many have said in other threads, it can take a lot of frog-kissing to find a prince, so to speak. A prince not being a "good one" or a "worthy one" but one that is compatible with YOU. You are not unreasonable. Whether it's for safety reasons or for contact reasons, you just want a little relating in your snuggling. So do many of us! You're not a hug-bot.
Thank you all for your insight. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond so thoughtfully 💞
@littermate Kiss WHO?
@cuddleineverett what @littermate said. You have the right to set boundaries and have the experience you want here. Do know that COULD limit your cuddling but, if you don't like what's happening, SHUT IT DOWN. Please see my profile's last section, BOUNDARIES, and feel free to steal any or all if you like. Good luck and please feel free to PM if questions.
@cuddleineverett you always free to at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable. But I will add & this is just a general statement when you say talk back and forth for a while that's pretty open to interpretation as to what that is. A while for some folks could be a week or 2 and they're fine with meeting. For others it could be substantially longer ( this sounds like where you're at ) if someone inquires about meeting after chatting for a week doesn't always make them pushy it just means they move at a different pace than you. Me personally unless Im dealing with some sort of long distance issue am not going to chat with someone for months or weeks before I make a decision on whether not Im going to meet with them. People on dating apps usually come to a decision and are ready to meet after a day or so of chatting if they're looking to make real life connections. If the process drags out too long that can also send up some sort of red flag about the person Im dealing with.
Always voice your concern and don’t let pushy people sour your intentions! Like the saying goes, “those who mind don’t matter”
@StoryDoctor1138 hahaha figuratively speaking.
It could be that they’re just oblivious jerks, in which case just tell them you’re not interested and move on. But another possibility is they’re just used to cuddling with pros (who generally don’t want a lot of chit chat before meeting) and haven’t properly adjusted their approach for an enthusiast.
@mb0 In my experience, there's usually been more than cursory chit chat before meeting. I'm sure that's in part because I'm a loquacious typist and also in part because - to me - cuddling isn't like booking an appointment for an oil change. It's different than a hug - even a long one - and I want to feel like there's some kind of compatibility in play before I place myself inside someone else's energy field for an extended period.
If someone I was going to cuddle with, pro or enthusiast, didn't want to at least get a feel for the other person, I wouldn't be that interested in meeting. I want to be receptive in a cuddle, not feel like I'm having to put up defenses the whole time.
I think this depends on each persons of expectation of going back and forth. You can always tell them that you are not big on chatting by internet but prefer meeting and having these conversations in person or by phone. I've come to the conclusion that many love talking back and forth and I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I connect with many near and far from my city on this site. I eventually meet many of them at some point! Its a beautiful community that takes lots of small deposits of love to each one. I love being here and I hope to keep giving!
I do hope you take care of yourself and be open into speaking up on what is okay with you and if you have a different preference. Nothing wrong with that!!
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle on how much I need to connect with someone before setting up a meeting. I definitely want to make sure there is a good vibe and energy but don't want to get too invested in an online "relationship". I just want to be comfortable. Especially as a female who has done some online dating in the past, I don't want to make some of the same mistakes. I just want to cuddle and enjoy time with people.