I really miss having someone to cuddle with every night. It's a amazing feeling holding each other and it's just awesome. Cuddling is better than intercourse in my opinion. I miss cuddling
Every night?
So, then you guys moved in together?
After two decades of such experience, I can honestly say that I definitely prefer to keep sanity by living by myself
Yes, cuddling is great but it doesn't make up for the cluster**** that unfolds when you have to share the same living area 24/7
The title of this thread reminds me of this song from the 1970's:
Yeah I was with my girlfriend at the time or 3 years lived together. I don't miss her just cuddling lol
@creek12 "My wife ran off with my best friend . . . and I sure miss him" 😀
@Siberian76 It is so true that aloneness brings an inner peace and general tranquility like nothing else in this world.
It brings you to such inner reflection you often feel a degree of serenity that long-term companionship often challenge.
Sometimes just the continuous prescence of another creates a crowded dynamic that requires a lot of give and take and patience.
And you really find and feel your own strength as well. You truly just get to do you when you don't have the dynamic of another's demands, needs and wants to contend with all the time. Especially when you choose to be detached yet open minded and giving. And the other chooses to do something else.
Yet @creek12 I also understand your missing the physical and emotional connection you feel when you cuddle someone. Especially when both people are giving from a place of genuine interest. It can be really soothing and rejuvenating to the mind and spirit.
@Bless :Oh, I feel exactly what you mean.
I spent last ~5 years living by myself, 3 of it in total isolation from workplace and people.
The only way I can imagine a cohabitation now is if the partner lived in separate , detached, part of the house. With its own kitchen.
I have two severe sleeping disorders that made living in corporate world and marriage an absolute hell. On Monday I will go to sleep at 10 am and sleep 7 hours On Tuesday I will fall asleep at 3pm and sleep 13 hours. And next day I may switch to multiphasic sleep - sleep 3 hours, up 4 hours - which may go like that for days, sometimes for weeks. It's very liberating experiencing morning 4x in 24 hours
Now that I know about it and figured that I can actually enjoy sleep on my own, there's no going back
Only when you are by yourself it's possible to reach a Zen state of mind.
The deep meditations are utterly impossible to pull off if there's another person in the house.
No amount of hugging can compensate for that.
Humans are pack animals, and the performance of the group is greater than the sum of its parts ; which makes us seek the company of others. We can share roles and guard duties, when each individual needs to sleep.
However, as we now have the technology to communicate over distance ( letter, phone, email) and time ( books ), and build homes to protect ourselves from predators and the elements ; there is less need to be continually physically close to others.
Indeed, whether it be coronavirus or illegal behaviour, people are now one of the greatest risks to other people. Perhaps humankind will evolve to be less motivated to physically around others of the same species, in the same way that we can no longer digest grass ( the appendix has no purpose other than to keep surgeons busy ), and we struggle to chew raw meat.
I am not a "pack animal". I had already evolved to be "less motivated to be physically around others of the same species" when I was born.
@UKGuy I have to say that sounds very strange, from someone who has joined a group, the sole purpose of which is to help its members be physically very close to others of the same species.
Better than sex?Its like saying cuddling is better than eating or sleeping.All of them are very good and none of them are better or worse.Sometimes we just need to be held without the pressure of anything else.Keep a very young child from any physical contact with its mother and future problems are likely to occur.
@geoff1000 - Why do you feel the need to categorize all people as the same? Personally, I find that rather strange.
Keep a very young child from any physical contact with its mother and future problems are likely to occur.
@Alan2018 : That is unfortunately not true for majority of population, as statistically, more than half of population was born with a psychopathic or sociopathic temperament.
While both of those groups are very talented when it comes to mimicking external emotions, when scientists put them under actual FMRI brain scan, nothing really lights up
As convincing as it may seem on the surface, it's theatrics nonetheless...
@UKGuy Are you saying that you did not join the Cuddle Comfort community, with the intention of cuddling with other human beings ? I think that was a reasonable assumption on my part.
Humans are omnivores, in that we are designed to eat and digest meat ( unlike grass, which we cannot digest ). That isn't to say that some humans choose to be vegetarian ; and if that became the standard behaviour, we would probably lose that ability, but the choice comes before the loss of ability.
Perhaps you are outside the standard, and don't feel the need for human contact ; which then begs the question, why are you here ? I'm not trying to be awkward or aggressive, just wondering.
@Siberian76 If more than half of the population has a particular characteristic ; isn't that the standard, and we should use modifiers to describe the minority ?
Is it better to say that less than half of the population gets an emotional reward from being with other people ? "Psychopathic" and "sociopathic" are very emotive words.
Even if people are born a certain way, I think they can change ; as a Pavlovian dog will salivate at the sound of a bell. I think the reason most people don't enjoy the company of others, is a combination of : 1.Bad experience with others 2. A feeling that the experience is transient, so they had better not get used to the idea
@geoff1000 : I spent last few years studying the subject from various sources, mostly psychiatric literature. I also initially couldn't believe that they comprise majority of population.
But once I understood how they behave and started going through all people close to me in my life, analyzing their behavioral patterns (all the way back over 40 years), I realized that - yes - majority of them were indeed one or the other.
I've had only around 3-4 people close to me that were neurotypical. Probably just two.
At least I am aware of it and avoiding further entanglement with them.
Even if people are born a certain way, I think they can change
Unfortunately, you cannot change the wiring in your brain on such fundamental level. You have better chance changing your sex
A sociopath grew up playing others. He/she can fake hundreds of emotions. But it's only an external appereance.
Put them under FMRI brain scan and regardless of their face expressions, very few things make them light up in their respective brain centers.
Generally, psychopaths are more favorable. They are not evil by design. They won't fk you up unless you fk with them.
Sociopaths on the other hand, if you breathe around them, you're already fked
I miss cuddling...holding hands...talking about intimate things...what I call pillow talk!
For me I dont need it daily...though a few days/nights a week would be amazing!
For the people who need their space...I'd say have a spare room to get space in ..I know for me if I dont get a few hours a day alone I go crazy!
And once I get used to sleeping next to someone I love it..though sometimes it is good to have a night alone to move..stretch and sleep the way ya want to!
It has been a long time since I've had someone stay over...especially on a regular basis...I miss it...I love and miss both cuddling and sexual intimacies...and I'd rather wait for the sexual intimacy for when someone is in alignment with me... otherwise it doesnt do anything for me.
And cuddling...it is one of the best things on the planet! I miss it so much!
Yeah, I would love to have someone to cuddle with every day! Though usually I am happy with cuddles 2-4 times per week.
@Siberian76 What I'm saying is that if the majority of the population is "something,", then that is by definition, neurotypical.
I'm not sure that most people are sociopaths / psychopaths, I think they just have a disproportionate effect ; like we overestimate the average height of a crowd of people, because we notice the tall ones more.
Bad is also more extreme than good ; 1 person who steals N kidneys, would be offset by N people donating 1 kidney each.
I'm happy with someone acting a certain way, regardless of their internal wiring ; if something looks, walks and quacks like a duck, that's good enough for me. I hope people will similarly judge me by my behaviour towards them, rather than putting me under an FMRI scanner, and say I'm faking it.
Some religions consider the desire to do something, is as bad as doing it ( "Do not covet thy neighbour's ass, nor thy neighbour's wife, nor thy neighbour's wife's ass" ) ; which would be bad news for many of us.