haunted london walk - my treat.

Comments

• JoeSomebody2

  May 2015

  @Alex_T were there any willing cuddlers? Also I only thought haunted locales came around during the Halloween season. London appears to have something wanting.
• Alex_T

  May 2015

  Not one single taker Joe. Not so much as a query. London is widely regarded as the most haunted city in world. The ghosts here have to queue up for their turn, or ghost fights break out - not a trivial thing considering how many of them have swords, chains, blunderbusses, armour, etc. It seems like every building thats more than 100 years old (i.e., 99% of them) is haunted. Cost £10 and worth every penny. But it seems that the offer of an awesome evenings entertainment, with everything paid for by me, including dinner, is still not enough to get the ladies to even enquire, much less actually agree to go. So: tomorrow I'm thinking of going on the jack the ripper walk, and I'm giving away a car to every girl that enquires, and one of my kidneys or lungs to which ever one agrees to come along. This is what its come down to: bribery witb my rapidly decreasing supply of internal organs. I figure i can manage maybe 4 cuddles before i end up on kidney dialysis in an iron lung. And bankrupt.
• JoeSomebody2

  May 2015

  ...I'm having trouble processing your response and don't know how to respond.
  It comes off rather trollish if not serious, and sad if it is serious.
• Alex_T

  May 2015

  I have a very dry and over the top sense of humour - and the gift of the gab I'm told - so no I'm definitely not being trollish, and yes i am being serious (well not about the internal organs obviously - im saving those for the special lady who can win my heart. And my pancreas). The seriously sad part is no responses - neither here nor im my p.m. maybe it's my profile or picture, but getting a girl on CC - or on any 'intimate' social networking site, for that matter - to give you an honest appraisal on that is, once again, nearly impossible. I am practically begging for some feedback, but the silence is deafening.
• CatInBoots (deleted user)

  May 2015 edited June 2015

  If you really want feedback, Alex, here it is. I think I know why you're having problems. You are not putting yourself across well.
  
  I am one of the girls you PM'ed. Here's the run-down of what happened.
  
  Firstly, it appears obvious you did not read my profile. You called me the wrong name and my profile specifically said I wanted to take my time getting to know someone before cuddling, which you are not available to do.
  
  You said we could just "make friends" instead, but quite honestly, why would you want to "make friends" with someone on a website for those who want cuddles, when you'll be on the other side of the planet in a couple days? Seems like a line to get your foot in the door, to me. And evidently it is. You are looking for physical contact with someone in London in the next couple days, as per this thread you started. My woman spidey sense said you just weren't being straight with me, and it appears I was correct.
  
  I was going to send you a polite refusal. But before I had a chance to do so -- you literally didn't even give me an hour -- you had posted a thread in the forums backhandedly calling me and every other girl you've PM'ed "selfish voyeurs" and "time wasters."
  
  I didn't feel comfortable responding anymore, after your public call-out thread. You came off as aggressive and pushy. There are nicer ways you could have said that.
  
  You followed that thread up with another essentially throwing out money and wanting to go out at night with basically any random girl who would agree. As a woman, this says "hook-up" to me, and I'm sure to most other women too. And again, you seem to be pressuring: you're not giving anyone any time to think or reply, and you are practically trying to buy physical intimacy (there's a word for that, and it feels really gross when guys try to do that). Then when you got no takers, you carry on playing the "poor nice guy" card, which is becoming increasingly hard to believe.
  
  I am not a "selfish lurker" (not that there's any such thing -- no woman owes you anything). I am in contact with some people I might want to meet up with, and eventually have as a cuddle buddy.
  
  But I have a hard time responding to someone who doesn't read my profile, doesn't even give me an hour before he's putting the screws to me in public, seems to be saying whatever they think will sell rather than giving me the truth, and treats this more like a business transaction than a real connection.
  
  There's your feedback. I tried to be as nice as I could. I don't know you, and maybe how you've come off here isn't how you are. But how you've come off here isn't good. So that's my .02, and please don't PM me.
• docgatorb

  May 2015

  The days of flaming are back, take heed
• Alex_T

  June 2015

  Happy to disappoint you docgatorb - no flames today ☺ ok here goes:
  
  Thank you Catinboots. That was some tough medicine, and it was exactly what I was asking for (in both senses). Your reply is a goldmine of information and advice of where I have gone wrong, ie pretty much everywhere. Having reread my posts after reading your reply, I'll cop it sweet: that was some seriously toolish bullshit On my part. So to set some of the record straight:
  
  Your name i got wrong simply because I should have been wearing my reading glasses - I am on a tablet.
  
  One of the reasons for my tragically misguided posts is that I have high-functioning aspbergers. It totally screws with my social skills, both online and in real life. This not an excuse for my behaviour - it is an explanation.
  
  I did read your profile carefully, as i always do, but sometimes people have differing definitions of things. For example, your definition of 'get to know each other a bit' might be over a few days or a couple of weeks, mine might be a day together seeing the sites. Neither is wrong. I considered how our differing needs might meet in the middle. I am in fact looking for new friends, and I am most definitely coming back to England first chance I get. So the possibility of staying friends made your profile very appealing.
  
  As for the whole 'foot in the door' thing, well we all have our needs, but I don't do shallow. One of the key elements of aspbergers is hypersensitivity to social and emotional cues. Everything is loaded with so many layers of context and meaning that the original message is obscured, or even invisible. I'll  admit there are times when I dearly wish I could just be 'one of those guys' - just for a day - who will casually tell a girl a pack of lies - whatever it takes - to get his rocks off. But I just cant look a girl in the eye and treat her like a toy you can abuse and then toss aside. I need to know her at least a bit - who she is, whats she like. Its one reason I dont just go to a prostitute. I need a connection, not a business transaction. And all of this is not because I'm a 'nice guy', although I like to think I treat everyone pretty well. My situation is crippling across the board. So i have tried every kind of approach I can think of to get even a simple reply, but no matter how hard i look i just can't see the wood for the trees. No wonder i dont get replies. So I'm in london on my own, my time is short, but in the haze i forget that my timeframe is my problem alone. Just because I'm in a hurry doesn't mean everyone else is. I crave some simple physical contact so badly it has overwhelmed me. Do I want to get laid? Of course I do. Would I trade a shallow root for platonic cuddles and good company? In a heart-beat. And here I am with neither, having misinterpreted, insulted and alienated the very people I'm hoping to meet. My apologies to all the girls on this site, who deserve better than to be treated like this is some kind cuddling meat-market, where sense of entitlement is more important than the real human being on the other side of a profile. My aspbergers is my problem alone. I dont want pity. And this sure as hell isn't a case of 'cuddle me because I have aspbergers'. That is a a whole new level of pathetic that I refuse to even consider.
  
  And finally Catinboots, my impatience was in no way aimed at you - it was  a bitterly frustrated broadside dating back to when I first joined CC. Your feedback was invaluable and there's no way to make it 'nice'. The truth hurts but if theres one thing I've never run away from, its the truth about myself. So thank you - hope your partner gets his visa issues sorted and comes home to you asap.
  
  P.S. punctuation, spelling and paragraphing are not a feature of aspbergers. That I know of....
• CatInBoots (deleted user)

  June 2015

  Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Alex. I hope you enjoy your time in London, and that you're meeting fun people on your adventures.
• Alex_T

  June 2015

  Thanks
• JoeSomebody2

  June 2015

  I'm happy to see than an explanation and apology was given by you, Alex, because the behavior certainly did feel out of line. I am hopeful you can conduct yourself better in the future, because I'm a fan of making mistakes and the world allowing someone to grow from them.
• Alex_T

  June 2015

  Thanks Joe lots of other pressures ( too personal to go into) culminated in a momentary lapse of reason, and I left an impression that is extremely unlike who I really am. Catinboots Candor has helped lots. In addition to the first rule of netiquette: never post when you're angry. You will regret later when sanity returns. Lessons learnt.