SAD/DEPRESSED or withdraw... AFTER a cuddle session

hellcat_123hellcat_123
in General

Has anyone gotten sad or depressed when there cuddle session is over?
I get that having a cuddle experience is the most awesome experience, when a awesome or when a wonderful experience is over I sometimes get sad and depressed because I felt so great in the cuddle session.. is it me or does that happen to you?

Comments

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    It's completely normal. The trick is to start looking forward to the next one.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    I get this sometimes. More since the pandemic. It's not devastatingly sad or anything, but yeah. For me it kind of feels like I just have to resign myself to being alone again.

  • hellcat_123hellcat_123

    I couldn’t of said it any better SanFranResident 👍🏻👍🏻😩

  • TouchSanctuaryTouchSanctuary

    It's pretty common to feel a bit of a low afterwards, especially if you're very touch deprived - as the oxytocin creates a kind of neurochemical high, and then your brain has to readjust to normal. I recommend that my clients to practice self care - e.g. have a bath, call a friend, or do something enjoyable - after their sessions, in case they feel a bit down afterwards. I also usually check in with clients the next day to see how they are feeling.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    You sound very kind and good at this , @TouchSanctuary

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    A lot of this has to do with age. When I was in my 20s and 30s it seemed that the life was sucked out of me between relationships. Now that I am much older I know this too shall pass and I have made a best friend in me. I chuckle now at my younger self’s existential crises, that were actually just the normal ebbs and flows of life.

  • rainy8743rainy8743

    Happens to me, you’re not alone in this 🙏

  • JoemammaJoemamma
    edited September 2020

    Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes before the end of the session. You might still feel sad anyway, but it could help. It’s good to have an idea when it’s coming to a close so you can take those last few minutes and soak it all in the best you can and have the session gradually wind down versus it coming to an abrupt end. Also another tip I want to offer: At the very beginning of the session, do several squeezes and deep breaths with your partner in sync to get relaxed quicker and maximize the benefit of the session. Hope this helps.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)

    I am only sad or depressed because I'm avoiding the inner child in me that is crying out to be loved and cared for.

    I'm only sad and depressed because I'm projecting my need to cuddle that inner child onto another person. That person is not responsible for my inner child's need for validation and comfort . I am.

    Yes the withdrawal from the high of oxytocin and dopamine coming from a cuddle is real. Yes the hunger for touch and connection impacts how much and what I expect from a cuddle.

    But at the core of it is the abandonment of my self. Of my inner child that needs me tend to her craving for affection and love. Only I can give her that. No matter how kind a cuddle partner is. No matter how caring. Only I can fill that hole that is my inner child calling me to fill.

    And that's why I will feel sad and depressed after a cuddle. Because I'm depending on a cuddle experience through a person to fill me up with the affirmation and validation that only I can give myself.

    It's the same experience I have with people I would like to call potential friends. Having spent the better part of three decades working through all kinds of trauma I have come to rely on me solely. As I learned the hard way that no person can truly help me heal the way I can. They can offer empathy and support. But they can not do the inner work of loving myself enough to heal. They can not make the mindset changes I need to make to feel whole.

    Because no matter how caring and open minded they are, they're still human. They will judge me. They will treat me like damaged useless pathetic goods they are only comfortable taking pity on. But not comfortable relating to or getting to know as a potential friend. So I learn not to desire friendship. I learn never to expect compassion. I learn not to want any of it.

    What I have learned to do is to love myself inspite of my truth. To love myself despite the perception and judgment of others that define me and my humanity. Because loving all the damaged parts of my self esteem as deeply and strongly as I need to is all I have and need.

    So when it comes to cuddling I don't need to feel any loss or sense of it when a session is done. Because I'm already filling myself up with unconditional love and attention that only I can give myself. That I'm only sharing with another person in a small, temporary moment in time. Not projecting on to them or expecting them to give .

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