Ghosted by professional and unprofessional cuddlier..

hellcat_123hellcat_123
in General

Has anyone been ghosted by a professional cuddlier or a unprofessional cuddlier?
If you personally been ghosted or you ghosted someone else I would really like to know your thoughts on this subject.
I’m sure the other fellow users of this site would like to know also. :)

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Comments

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    Yes. It comes with the territory not only on CC but on the internet, and for good reason. No one I meet here is anything to me outside of a superficial acquaintance. Superficial interaction is essential for setting future expectations for companionship which is what most of my cuddle buddies are. By companionship, I mean a relationship where what we do together is more important than the person, and people are interchangeable. When someone bows out, that should be something that anyone should be able to do at any point for any reason what so ever, or for no reason at all. I don't expect a cuddle buddy to ever have to explain why they bowed out. That also includes saying no. One cuddle group I was in had an exercise where we practiced saying no before anyone cuddled.

    Now friendship is another story. With a friend, I expect the person to be primary and the activity to be secondary. So if a cuddle buddy who was a friend ghosted me, I might have to shake that off somehow and move on. I don't expect my friends to ghost me and I do expect friendships to develop over time. But for meeting someone online ghosting is and should be common.

  • hellcat_123hellcat_123

    @PeopleLikeUs Does that mean if the professional cuddlier develop romantic feelings for her client then she has every right to ghost him because she wants to be in the guidelines of the website, also she doesn’t want to tell the client that she developed feelings for her own client or the pro wound not know what to say to the client without putting him down gently?

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    My view is that if romantic feelings become intrusive, the parties involved should stop meeting through the site ; whether that is a pro-client or amateur arrangement. They can then meet off the site, but there has to be a clean break to preserve the "code" of the site. Romantic arrangements too often end badly, and the site needs to remain a place where that is very much the exception rather than the rule ; else it is just another dating site, discouraging those who came here seeking something different.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)

    @hellcat_123 Yes, I get ghosted pretty regularly. It's weird. I don't really understand it. Doesn't make sense to me why people would rather disappear than just send a quick text.

    I find @PeopleLikeUs 's perspective pretty depressing. If you don't want to consider the relationships you have with cuddle buddies deep and important, so be it. But people are not interchangeable. I do have some kind of relationship with the people I cuddle; they are not just interchangeable warm bodies.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I may be a pro but I’ve been ghosted so many times by cuddlers. Just two weeks ago I was ghosted. Someone from Toronto booked a 2 hour session. We figured out the hotel, time and day and talked about it for a few days. The night before the cuddle, I sent a confirmation text. No answer. Sent a text that morning saying if I don’t receive a message from you, I’ll assume you’re cancelling. No answer. He just simply ghosted me. It happens a lot.

    I personally think no matter the reason, if you have changed your mind and no longer want to meet, whether you are a pro or cuddler (I hate to say client), have the decency to send a message cancelling. For those that suddenly have romantic feelings, you don’t have to mention that as the reason if it makes you uncomfortable but they should receive an answer. Especially for pros. I’ve had some pros tell me that it’s their decision to ghost the cuddler and sometimes their reason is that the guy was a creep. I still honestly think you shouldn’t ghost that person. You are a pro, you are running a business. You have a professional platform and are obligated to be professional. In any other business, if you receive a customer or client that is disrespectful, a business will send a message or email or call to the person confirming the cancellation due to safety reasons, negligence or disrespect towards the business. I think it should apply here too. I have zero respect for anyone who ghosts anyone. It’s childish and rude. No matter the reason. As a pro, if I receive inappropriate messages from a perspective cuddler and I don’t deem the session worthy of happening, I don’t ghost. I use that as a learning moment. I will tell them I am cancelling because of your disrespect to the rules. Reasons may be : asking to cuddle nude, asking to be “relieved”, mentioning a boner more times than necessary, anything non platonic. The list goes on but the point being, this person should always know the reason either out of professionalism or as a teaching moment to show them this behaviour doesn’t work and is not allowed. If they push it beyond that, I most likely have already reported them, but the persistence will definitely get them banned.

    Don’t ghost people. So rude... hands down...

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    A friend and I went several times to a local restaurant. She would almost always complain about the food. On our last visit there, we had just ordered, when the Manager came out apologise, but "the ventilation in the kitchen had just broken", so they would be unable to serve us. Plausible, but unlikely.

    Some people want to cancel, or permanently not see someone again ; for reasons they don't want to admit. If they also don't want to lie, there aren't many other options.

    Maybe they just change their mind about the idea at all ; maybe they suddenly run out of money ; maybe they realise that their expectation of what will happen, isn't what will actually happen. Maybe something in the pre-meet chat or a previous meeting puts them off.

    Maybe of course they never had any plan to meet.

    In every aspect of our lives where things go wrong, we like to know why, so we can avoid the same mistake again. When it comes to human interaction, the feedback is much less available and accurate. Sometimes our potential partners use "proof testing", being deliberately negative to check the other is seriously committed and can stand a little difficulty and discouragement.

    We also like to display to others, the best side of ourselves ; hoping that we will have made a good enough impression, before our less-good sides become evident. The fault might therefore lie with ourselves. When Paua Radcliffe dropped out of the Athens Olympic Marathon, she was asked what went wrong. She replied, "I shouldn't have started in the race". Optimism can cause us all sorts of grief.

  • TheGypsyCuddlerTheGypsyCuddler

    Yes, this is par for the course and why pros have guidelines in place to confirm meetings to guard from this. The plus side is this also protects the cuddler and allows them a guarantee for a meeting as well when deposits are used. Both sides can see the other is vouching for their time and serious about meeting. The cuddler will be more assured of a guaranteed meeting and the pro will have the expenses (hotel/travel/saving time for an appointment and turning another down for the same time) covered so they can feel confident and assured of their meeting as well.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited September 2020

    People ghost on the internet all the time for various reasons . Vast majority of these folks are casual acquaintances. Shouldn't affect you much in the grand scheme of things. I've been ghosted by people but I dont think for a second that I'm the only one they ghost or that we were on our way to being BFFs. Nobody is required to be my friend here . I've been ghosted by a couple pros who were really outgoing and friendly til they learned I wasn't a potential client , which I understand that it is a business and dont hold that against them . Cant fault someone for wanting tto focus on work and keep it about business . I've also been ghosted by people I've hung out with from here and had decent relationships with . Those do sting a little , but I try to just live and let live and be thankful for the time i had knowing them . On the flipside I know I an guilty of ghosting. I dont .like to call it that but that prob is an accurate description. Happens more so when you communicate less and less with someone and eventually it falls out of routine to keep in touch . Like nothing happens, you just fall off each others radar . A few times it is intentional if I just stop feeling comfy talking to them , but majority of time it is unintentional and often times dont even realize it is happening.

  • Mike403Mike403

    I'm beginning to realize that trying to make friends online isn't good for your self esteem at all especially if you're a guy. You might be better off turning off all your electronic devices and meeting people out in the real world.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited September 2020

    @Mike403 ~ I just PM'd you ~ 🚫👻❣

    Edit/Addition: I'm good with the unintentional drop off kind of "ghosting" because that's just human nature. But making plans and no-showing with zero follow-up "ghosting" is just plain rude.

  • SideonSideon

    I had one pro that decided to quit cuddling to focus on their masters in nursing, but they very graciously sent out an email to all their clients prior to going offline. That to me spoke volumes for their communication and commitment to themselves and their care for their clients.

    I'd like to say I've never been ghosted, but it has happened. My job is to not take it personally or try and figure them out, because their actions/inactions say more than words could say.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @quixotic_life - Agreed and I think some people just don't like having that difficult conversation that they don't want to see somebody anymore, so they just stop responding to their messages.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    I think a no-show for a planned meeting is called "flaking", whereas "ghosting" just means stopping communication. Both are bad, but different.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @geoff1000 ~ I've totally been guilty of flaking (annoying/inconvenient), but not ghosting (confusing/rude)!

    Flaking due to unintended unexpectedness is more easily forgivable where as ghosting isn't. Because in one you're still in communication and in the other you aren't.

    Also, I don't know that I'm actually capable of ghosting ~ Even the person I blocked on here got a message stating it was happening and why. It's just how I am - I don't expect others to do that but it felt like the right thing to do.

    Flaking though... The path of life has a lot of forks, switchbacks and some uncut trails ~ Sometimes getting from point A to point B can be quite the undertaking.

  • VinDinVinDin

    Ghosting is quite interesting as an overall phenomenon. It’s easy sometimes to say “because someone else ghosted me, there’s something wrong with me” when in actuality it says a lot more about the other person.

    There are very specific cases where ghosting is appropriate but I would say that for the vast majority of ghosting cases, it’s the ghosted being inconsiderate.

  • Mike403Mike403

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    The problem with accidentally missing a "date" is that the effort of preventing it can seem like borderline paranoia ; checking repeatedly that the time, date, and place are agreed, and arriving far too early in case of traffic etc.

    A business traveller once argued, "If you've never missed a flight, you're spending too long in airports". I err more towards the idea that if you are killed before a dinner date, your murderer must take your place.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)
    edited September 2020

    Just to clarify the terminology as I understand it, because there seems to be some controversy or disagreement here...

    ghost - when one party in a relationship abruptly cuts off contact without notice. If communication just sort of mutually peters out, I don't really consider that ghosting.

    stand someone up - when someone doesn't show up to an event they have committed to and doesn't communicate that they won't be there.

    flake - can be used broadly for any sort of unreliable behavior. If I text you 5 minutes before a scheduled event and say I won't make it, I have neither ghosted you nor stood you up, but that could easily be considered flaking, especially if I exhibit that behavior often. If I'm regularly 30 minutes late, that could also be considered flaky behavior.

  • hellcat_123hellcat_123

    @SanFranResident
    Well said, thank you for keeping it simple. I couldn’t have said it better. :)

  • CrossFitNLattesCrossFitNLattes

    My side hustle is a photographer so I understand the difference between a free shoot model ghosting me and flaking on me. As @SanFranResident put it, "when a client waits till a few hours prior to the shoot and texts you that she won't make it, that's considered unprofessional and flaky behavior". When you schedule with someone and then the model doesn't show up no matter how hard you try to contact them, that's ghosting. It happens a lot in the entertainment/modeling industry.

  • snuggleme123snuggleme123

    @CrossFitNLattes I did the photog gig myself for ten years. yes...models...uugghh. spend hrs geting props ready, setting up lighting, backdrops and then watch the clock run with never a word from them.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    If a meeting is arranged, then one party cancels, the adverse effect on the other increases exponentially over time. They may have booked holiday, a hotel, or flights ; or be on their way, but cancelling at all is an emotional let-down.

    Think of a relationship. If a person has been in several relationships, none lasting more than a week, a relationship lasting two weeks, gives them cause to relax. If however, they have had relationships lasting more than a decade, a relationship must last two decades before it seems durable.

    If the cancellation is always at least the previous day, the last hours of waiting can pass with confidence ; but if it is often cancelled just minutes before, there is no pleasurable period of confident anticipation.

    Cuddling is nice, but transient ; the real joy is the interval of certainty for the next one.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    @hellcat_123

    "Does that mean if the professional cuddlier develop romantic feelings for her client then she has every right to ghost him because she wants to be in the guidelines of the website," - Yes

    "also she doesn’t want to tell the client that she developed feelings for her own client or the pro wound (would) not know what to say to the client without putting him down gently?" - She is not responsible for her customer's feelings. That's one of the advantages of there being a fee involved. She is providing a service for a fee. If he does not care for the service he does not need a reason for discontinuing the service. Same with her. If she wants to discontinue the service for any reason she does not need a reason, pro or not.

  • [Deleted User]SanFranResident (deleted user)
    edited September 2020

    "then she has every right to ghost him..."

    I don't really like this terminology because I don't think any of this is about rights. We all have "the right" to manage our relationships how we see fit. If I'm having an in-person conversation with my best friend of 20 years, and I want to suddenly stop speaking, walk away, and never speak to him again, that is perfectly within my rights.

    Still, unless there's further context to that story, that would probably be considered insensitive and hurtful behavior.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    The next time a male cuddler is ghosted by a female, he can console himself with the knowledge that the most likely cause is that she has become romantically infatuated with him, and can no longer have him as a platonic cuddler ; but she is too embarrassed to admit it, and too shy to think that her feelings would be reciprocated by a God, to someone so unworthy.

    I don't have much money, but I'm consoled by the knowledge that if things get really difficult, and I am happy to change my life dramatically ; I can use my last pound to buy a jackpot-winning lottery ticket. However, in the same way that I always carry taxi-fare and a cell-phone when out running, I prefer not to quit just because things are a bit difficult.

  • Mike403Mike403
    edited September 2020

    @geof1000 - I get ghosted by women I met on dating apps. It's because she met somebody she likes better which seems to always happen with women. Men are lucky to get someone to even pay attention to them.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Mike403
    It could be that they just realise you are way out of their league, and worry you will eventually drop them for someone better.

    Works for me. 😀

  • Cuddle_sadies5Cuddle_sadies5

    Ive personally been ghosted a few times. Just last week..It was dissapointing because i drove out of my way. But i would have much rather prefer a text or call rather than just being ignored even if the person becomes shy...

    I try not to take it personal most the time. I have to remind myself that ppl can ghost for whatever reason they want. Some dont always have the manners of rescheduling or being upfront. Because being ghosted is rude...

  • CrossFitNLattesCrossFitNLattes

    @Cuddle_sadies5 I'm sorry to hear that. I agree that it's hard not to take it personally :(

  • [Deleted User]MortMortensen (deleted user)

    Story of my life

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