Addressing the current sentiment

Brandi · April 2017

Thanks @mark, for all that you have done to actively brighten up these threads and for releasing some of that tension.

However As mark has said, its best for some to not persue certain friendships or acquaintances. That is personally my case and feel it's best that I continue my journey and the select few that may be blocked, may continue yours on seperate paths

Best wishes to all and I wish everyone nothing but the best!

Big hugs
Xoxo
Brandi

April 2017

@cuddlebandit that was kind, and I appreciate your post. VIPirate has become a real friend over these last weeks (we talk on the phone for hours daily, he is not a client) and he is a great listener, engaging conversationalist and very compassionate easy-going soul. I'm also getting to know Pmvines over the phone. Both of them are really nice guys!

Because I am a "lover of people", not a fighter, I am un blocking. It's never been my intention to have disagreements or issues with anyone here. I admit that I have been more sensitive than usual lately and it is my protective mechanism to shut down a disagreement or ugliness or awkwardness instead of continuing to engage in it. And I engaged in more back and forth in the forums than I should have because I felt called out. I apologize.

As I stated above in my previous post, please be patient if I am not quick to reply in private email format. It wouldn't be that I am intentionally ignoring anyone, I'm just taking my time with it.

Group hugs.

April 2017

@FireAndBlue Thank you for your kind words and please know that I share that sentiment about you. You have become a wonderful friend. I had mentioned this to Bandit privately, but wanted to post here as well that I can see how my tone can be taken as combative sometimes. This is particularly the case when I'm passionate about something and I sincerely apologize to anyone who I ever offended as a result. It's never been my intention, but as we know, perception is reality and everyone's feelings should be considered when we say something. Self-evaluation is incredibly valuable for us all, and I will try my very best to be more thoughtful in the future. Hugs to all. ♡

April 2017

Naaaaawwww I *think* that was a group hug!

Genetically as a blue-eyed redhead I can be fiery as hell sometimes, but I promise when the fire isn't raging I can be warm and sweet.

I think this is becoming my favorite thread. Much appreciation to everyone for showing how awesome we are collectively and turning it around.

You know, we could quite possibly be the pioneers of a huge cuddle movement that sweeps across the world.

#CuddleFamous

funandadventure · April 2017

@FireAndBlue. Dear Fire. Your last comment, I so hope so.
Love you all John and his trees. Auckland NZ

April 2017

April 2017

Glad we have Mark! So nice to see people trying to reach a mutual understanding and respect. Hopefully we'll see the results more in the future of the forums.

Morpheus · April 2017

I think one of the big issues on this site is that once someone judges you as bad whether it's warranted or not, they see everything you say in a negative light. I have said things on here that are simple personal statements which people either perceive wrong or think I am talking about them and they go into attack mode. My suggestion is for everyone on here to be positive to stop jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. We should all be part of the solution and try to make things better rather than making them worst.

May 2017

Hey! I've been away a while, but I'm so glad this thread exists @mark. I stopped checking the forums and took a break from CC because it seemed to be getting tense on here and that's not what I am looking for. Also had a "guy group" or two PMing me to join some ridiculous crusade against this person or that. It was stupid so I didn't bother. Comments were being misread and negative tones were being assigned to otherwise meaningless questions or replies. It got childish. But I'm really glad you put this plea out and I hope people are lightening up.

you all!

@cuddledingo

Mark · May 2017

You were asked to join a group of people conspiring to work together to take on a particular person?

Glad you're back and yes, it has been tense. It can't continue but to resolve this it appears a request for peace won't be adequate. A moderator will be necessary to assess each case as it comes rather than my macro approach.

Morpheus · May 2017

This is one of the themes that I see often and I have also been guilty of it. Members of the site are discouraged due to negativity but then come on the boards and talk about the negativity bringing it further to light. I think we should all try our best to be positive and be an amazing community. Let's all leave the past where it belongs, in the past and let's move forward.

May 2017

@Mark Mostly guy-groups that wanted to talk amongst themselves. I don't see any of them on CC anymore so it's moot. I dunno, I never really got past the invite stage because I told them I wasn't interested. They had a few people they collectively didn't like, but the groups weren't formed to conspire against anyone. However, if they disliked a comment from someone (Pro or Non Pro) then I'd notice them ganging up on that person. Sometimes they were right, but most of the time they were reaching to vilify simple comments into something more. It takes 2 sides to get to that point... but regarding the guy group thing, I just felt that whatever good they intended, it led to childish and misguided comments in the forums and angry vibes that didn't belong

@MrSoloDolo Agreed. Sometimes there is a valid reason to bring up a dislike on the forums for discussion, it just needs to be presented in a neutral way. It's also unfortunate that some people see those discussions as attacks and get defensive and turn a "forum" into a "gladiator arena" and it gets nasty. There's a constructive way to criticize and comment and keep the discussion peachy. We just need to all try to separate emotion from some topics and approach them positively.

greenearth2 · May 2017

Regarding this thread. It's probably impossible. But I would like to extend an olive branch to certain pros. But don't think they would take it lol.
Besided with all the mutual blocking it makes it harder.

May 2017

So much for addressing the current sentiment. I've been blocked three times today and I never said anything to anyone. Thanks a lot.

me2 · May 2017

This thread is fascinating. I was away from the site for awhile, but have been paying more attention recently.

I especially like this thread because its addressing the need for healthy, productive conversation. I believe that is a wonderful goal in any aspect of life.

There are a number of factors going against us here.
1. Communication is written
Like texting, this is a limited form of communication. No facial expressions or body language, no tone of voice. There's much more room for miscommunication. It also disassociates people which makes it easier to be angry with them, not take them seriously, or disregard their feelings.

2. Threads get very long.
It's not bad necessarily, but I've noticed some comments that were very insensitive if you put them in context of the entire thread.

3. The "golden rule" often doesn't work so well between men and women in matters of physical contact. Men become sexual at a much younger age (sometimes 5 maybe even less). I know some women who didn't develope sexual feelings until they were mid to late teens. Men are also much more touch deprived and don't have the same experiences with harassment (many women are harassed before even developing sexual feelings). Violations happen with both sexes and have some different aspects to them that I don't feel capable of writing about at this time.

4. Kind of along with 3, we all come from such different places.
We have limited communication. You never know what someone is currently going through or what they've gone through in the past. Many here are dealing with trauma, PTSD, grief, loss, sexual harassment, and so many possible issues.

Some things that might help us:

1. Keep in mind the issues that are against us.

2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

3. Ask questions before making statements.

4. Keep in mind the topic, resist the urge to make it about you.

5. Hesitate. Less is often more. Sometimes it might be beneficial to actually write out what you want to say, but don't post it. Wait. Give yourself some time and space to think if your comment is productive and what you actually want to say. It can't hurt, and no one even knows you're hesitating or erasing multiple posts before sending them.

6. Keep in mind the goal of this community. To promote healthy platonic touch? Now that I bring it up, I'm not sure if I've seen it defined anywhere, or at least I can't remember it exactly off hand.

7. Find enjoyment in discussion. See it as a learning experience. Recognize that people from different backgrounds or who disagree with you might teach you more than those with the same viewpoints.

I hope this doesn't sound too much like a soap box. I just enjoy thinking about these things and really like this thread. I especially love all the restorative comments on here!

May 2017

I think the biggest part goes along with your slow down idea. Don't meet in private quickly. Meet in public for at least first meeting. Really look for euphemism in the profile to make sure they understand what platonic means. And never send money to someone you haven't met yet. Be clear each person understands not just the rules but expectations. Like for me, not cuddling laying in a bed maybe on top of the covers sitting upright. This kind of communication I think can make sure both parties are on the same page before even meeting.

snuggle554321 · May 2017

@me2 I like it!

quietman775 · May 2017

@me2: That was a thoughtful post, and well stated. Lot of helpful stuff in there. I also fear there may be some wishful thinking in there, but then again, I'm less optimistic than I used to be. Case in point: you said, "Recognize that people from different backgrounds or who disagree with
you might teach you more than those with the same viewpoints."

This is true, though in my experience, few people believe it any more. People tend to spend most of their time in ideological echo chambers, hearing only from people who share their beliefs and reinforce them. Take politics for example: liberals tend to get their news and information only from left-leaning sources while conservatives tend to get theirs only from right-leaning sources. We post political rants on Facebook, revel in the Likes we get from those who see things our way, and unfollow those who post opposing viewpoints. The inevitable result of this viewpoint isolationism is that we become convinced that our opponents must be a) evil, or b) stupid, or c) both. Once that mindset hardens, we cannot imagine that our opponents might "teach [us] more than those with the same viewpoints." this attitude spills over into everything, not just politics. I think it's the primary reason that what used to be called "civil discourse" rarely stays civil these days. Anywhere.

The current sentiment on this website is just symptomatic of the way things now work in society as a whole. This is the biggest of "the issues that are against us." I'm not sure it's possible to make lasting changes here, however appealing reform might sound, unless and until the big societal picture changes. I ain't holding my breath. Still, I hope that I am wrong in this assessment, and applaud you for your methodical and reasoned approach.

me2 · May 2017

On a side note, I don't think I'm informed when I get tagged?
@quietman775 I really appreciate the response. Your comment is right on point. This is the problem in so many aspects of out current society. If you look at politics, media, and most entertainment, we're not modeling or promoting healthy communication, we're modeling drama and divisiveness.
I can understand how my last point seems like wishful thinking. I'm actually not that good at thinking ahead though, so it's more like attempting a good baby step in the right direction; trying to encourage people to recognize the benefit of getting different reference points. I'm actually shooting for this in my personal and professional life as well.
I also think of it as the same as the phrase "aim small miss small." (Used for projectiles) If we attempt super high expectations, we might not reach them, but we'll probably get closer than if we attempt mediocre ones. So we might as well try to show people how much they can learn from differences. I think of it as precision planning.
Again, thank you for the response. Though please don't hold your breath, keep using it, as it is helpful. (That made me feel like Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy.)
In a community that is attempting to promote healthy platonic touch we are actually at the forefront of these communication issues. Touch is the very first form of communication we have from the time we pop out of the womb. Has anyone here ever discussed difficult issues with someone while holding each other? It gives an uncanny ability to communicate love and care while being up front about difficult topics. I know that some people have difficulties with this, but it can be extremely affective.

Thanks for pointing it out that learning from people with different viewpoints might be the biggest issue. Now that you mention it; this probably is the most important point in my other comment. (Definitely didn't realize that untill you pointed it out)

Let's not worry about lasting changes, let's just take reasonable baby steps and see what happens. Practice makes better.
"You do what you can do when you can do it. That's about all you can do."

@snuggle554321 thank you for your encouragement. You are impressive in so many ways. Such a blessing.

May 2017

I'm very fond of @quietman775 and @me2 and these very thoughtful posts.

I guess the only thing I can personally add is I'm a very firm believer in the sentiments "when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them" and " Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".

I will always give one second chance. And that has happened already. I believe everyone deserves a chance to make up for a mistake, bad behavior or having a moment where their best didn't shine through in a particular moment or mood. I've also learned that third and fourth and 85th chances are a foolish waste of time. Continued behaviors are part of a deeper problem within that individual.

I hope moving forward, this community continues to be what it was and what the original vision started out to be. But I don't think there is any requirement for anyone accepting olive branches from those who steadily made it a point to prove who they really are over and over. and I don't necessarily believe that is existing within an echo chamber. It's just the reality that not all personalities are going to mesh or not everyone is capable of acting like an adult when given ample opportunities to do so. Not everybody is going to get along in life, that's OK, the part that isn't OK is being harassed or mocked or treated like crap because of it.

Those who disagree should simply ignore each other… especially in a purely online format. Obviously in real life and in real relationships it goes layers deeper, and more effort should be made to smooth things over. But online it's very easy for people to hide behind their keyboard to instigate and attack. And nobody needs to put up with that nonsense. It's best to carry on as if the other is invisible. It's the constant attacks and taunting and baiting that's become so ridiculous on these forums. I'm hoping the requests to be left alone and not tagged/talked about is taken seriously so everyone can enjoy this community without the bickering.

Luckily the offenders live on the opposite coast as myself and are not part of my reality. And I have plenty of peace in my daily life and with friends, endless business opportunities, and I'm focused toward making changes in platonic cuddling in my local community.

My next Snuggle Companions party is planned for shortly after Memorial Day and already have 7 people interested. Real change is made in real life, not in the forums. That is where my energy is focused.

snuggle554321 · May 2017

@me2 Awwww!!! Thank you sweetie! I really appreciate that! If only you lived closer! LOL HUGE HUG!!!! By the way, I don't get notifications when I get tagged either. If somebody really wants to get your attention, they'll message you.

@quietman775 @me2 and @fireandblue
I have to agree with all three of you. I do think it is very possible to learn a lot from somebody who sees things different from the way you do. ( One of the reasons why I love meeting new people! Endless possibilities, viewpoints and interests all seen through somebody else's eyes! ) I also recognize that not everybody will see things that way. I also believe that sometimes it's in the best interest for both individuals to simply not acknowledge the other with the hope and intent to keep and maintain civility. "Let sleeping dogs lie." It can also be amazing how much two individuals can possibly learn from each other even when there is no acknowledgment!

Here's to hoping! LOL HUGE HUG!!!!

Mark · May 2017

I think it all comes down to one thing, being respectful. You can often be as controversial as you want but if its expressed respectfully it probably won't upset anyone. Offering to be friends with those you have recently gone to war with is nice but is unrealistic and actually has the potential to be taken as an insult. The best thing to do is just post with respect even to those you deeply dislike. Just my opinion.

Radioboy68 · May 2017

I'm not new to CC but until now I haven't been very active. However, I have a proposal. I am about to have my 7th, yes 7th back surgery in a few weeks. I will have plenty of time to moderate the forums. Why me? Well, I am the father of 3 wonderful kids. However, I was the mediator when arguments started. I don't know anyone on here and I haven't cuddled with anyone. I'd like to do that part, but I'm also a patient person.

Anywah, @mark if you'd like me to help out let me know.

May 2017

What a great idea, thank you for stepping up and volunteering. Sending you healing vibes that your surgery goes well and you are feeling better quickly.

Mark · May 2017

I appreciate the offer and will give it serious consideration when I need to review potential moderators which might or might not be soon depending on how the docgatorb situation plays out.

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Addressing the current sentiment

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