Femme enthusiast

SashamcgeeSashamcgee
edited October 2020 in General

So I used to be a pro. I am in a location that has little knowledge about this site and so it wasn't worth it for me. So I decided to stay around as an enthusiast. Then I deactivated and now I'm remembering why.

So many complaints about no enthusiast femmes and yet half the messages I get are asking to "book a session" with me. The other half don't even attempt to build a connection... really underwhelming and frustrating.

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Comments

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Sashamcgee
    I can't imagine what that's like for you. The emotional age of men, is too often not the same as the number of times that the Earth has orbited the sun since they were born.

    Some men really don't know how to behave around women, but that isn't necessarily their fault, any more than we should blame Tarzan or Mowgli for being unable to read. Maybe CC needs to run "beginner's classes" ; like an on-line computer skills teaching agency, would have to run a preparatory course, to teach some people how to get on-line.

    I also think the CC rules should allow ( or clarify that it allows ) either party to contribute to the expenses of the other, like a hitch-hiker giving gas money, doesn't make the person who picked them up need a taxi-driving license.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @Sashamcgee
    As I said to a female friend once,
    "When an elephant stands on your toes, that just proves it has big feet".

    I think people should have some sympathy, for those who desperately want to fulfil the role of the perfect man, but just have no idea how to go about it, and often end up doing more harm than good. Think of someone coming across a car crash, really wanting to help the injured victims, but with no skill in first-aid and no way to learn it. The frustration at their own incompetence, can be soul-destroying.

  • [Deleted User]CuddleMeLater (deleted user)

    Most people suck.

  • geoff1000geoff1000
    edited October 2020

    @CuddleMeLater
    Agreed. But I have this, perhaps unfounded, optimism ; that many of them would prefer not to.

    I recently bought what I thought was a self-help book called,
    "HOW to HUG"
    but it tuned out to be one volume of a massive encyclopaedia.

  • pmvinespmvines

    What @Sashamcgee you means to tell me there are men on here who dont put any effort into the basic fundamentals of trust and rapport building and then complain about nobody chomping at the bit to cuddle with them? I call shenanigans on that missy !!

  • [Deleted User]CuddleMeLater (deleted user)

    @geoff1000 Don't hold your breath.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    @geoff1000 thank you for the input!

    @pmvines I know I'm usually full of shenanigans but not today, sir!

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @pmvines
    I'm still chuckling at the expression, "Cuddle vending machine".

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Sashamcgee I still call shenanigans. Shenanigans and hijinks!

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @CuddleMeLater
    I'm sure it will happen eventually. I also hear the Devil is about to start ice-skating to work, and Amazon is planning to air-deliver parcels by pig.

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    @Sashamcgee So when you say men reach out to you book do you mean they message you as if you're still a pro ?
    Also I would say the idea of level of connection may be subjective .... If they're trying to meet after a couple of messages obviously that's not ideal from an enthusiast standpoint. But I also think it's unrealistic to expect someone to message back & forth for weeks or months ( unless you're dealing with some sort of long distance thing ) while you make your mind on whether you're going to meet them. At some point as the old folks say you have to bleep or get off the pot.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I've never been a pro and my profile doesn't read like one, but I've received "booking" like attempts too. Maybe it's because I replied to a pro-thread? Or maybe because some are just used to that dynamic? Not sure ~ but it is a bit off putting.

    I hope you, and anyone else, fed up with the negativity can consider the state of things and realize that for some, their realities may be feeling so overwhelming and dark it's coming out in their posts.

    Instead of leaving though, maybe you could also consider contributing what you'd like to see reflected back. We're all capable of sharing light and love ~ Sometimes people may not want to, or they just forget to. But if they go too long without being exposed to others doing it, or trying it themselves, they may lose sight on how to go about accessing their ability to shine at all.

    I wish for everyone to be able to find what they're looking for and that their path is illuminated enough to see it when it appears before them (vs stumbling over or past it in the dark).

    (((Hugs))) to you @Sashamcgee ~ I hope you soon find what you're looking for.
    💗🌬🍃💞🍂🌥⛅🌤☀️🌞💖

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    Many men only meet new people in a business context, so when considering a social meeting, that's their only reference. That means they can sometimes think of it with that language, and perhaps sometimes also with that thought pattern.

    The reason might sometimes be because they are emotionally vulnerable. If I ask Amazon to send me a parcel, and they don't, there's no feeling of rejection as a person ; so a man might sub-consciosly stay in "business" mode, for fear of getting hurt.

    Just another perspective we should maybe consider, like the "Footsteps in the Sand" story.

    A female co-worker complained that male employees often asked her male co-workers for help, suggesting they thought she was less competent. I explained that they would probably rather look foolish in front of a man.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    @hugonehugall Yes they message me as if I'm a pro. And I get requests to cuddle in the first message from people who do know I'm an enthusiast.

    @quixotic_life I typically respond to all messages. I'm always polite, if not friendly. But at some point it's not my responsibility to be the light to others if it's dulling my own light. However I understand that this point probably comes off with a less than positive tone but I was caught in a moment of frustration.

    @geoff1000 I appreciate the perspective shift. Although I'm not sure that's actually what's happening here but maybe.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    Also! @quixotic_life hugs to you as well 🤗🤗

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Oh... @Sashamcgee ~ I thought you meant negativity in the forums (separate from the "yo not a pro" deal). My mistake...

    And yeah ~ I don't think any of us owes anything to anyone. Especially to the "light" sucking vampires who contact us directly. Sorry I misunderstood...

    My "vision" may have been obstructed by my own dark annoyance related to all the whining I've been exposed to lately (including my own)...

  • lefteeleftee

    I have seen several women enthusiasts who say in their profile they won't cuddle unless we 'talk first' or 'I feel I can trust you' - discuss boundaries, meet first in a public place. I don't know if putting something like that in your profile would slow down some of these eager ones or not, but just a thought.

  • deefinedeefine

    @Sashamcgee I sympathize and empathize with your original post (sorry I haven't read all of the replies), and I hope you don't get criticized for posting a negative experience.

    "I am in a location that has little knowledge about this site"

    I know how this is except with the added detriment of judgementalism and fear of going against the norm, causing people to flake, lie, fail to communicate, flip, deactivate, and delete when things move from the mind to reality.

    "So many complaints about no enthusiast femmes and yet half the messages I get are asking to "book a session" with me."

    I understand this contradiction 😆 because too many people just don't read or understand what they're looking at; I've seen this get worse over my years of internetting and forum use... a long forum thread is a challenge, but a profile should be easy.

    "The other half don't even attempt to build a connection... really underwhelming and frustrating."

    The frustration here is also understandable and should not be considered negative or be criticized... too many people (especially guys) want quick rewards and to get to the point.

    Thanks for venting and posting your frustration and experience. It's valuable to me to see how it is for other people, negative or otherwise, even if I mostly refrain from posting and replying when I'd like to. I appreciate the perspective, even if you look sad in your pic and I don't know why. Man or woman, frustration is real and is equally valid when it comes to emotions.

  • littermatelittermate

    @Sashamcgee I get the transactional first messages too - can we have a session Friday at 2? I'm like, hello? Not a vending machine (that is now a CuddleComfort phrase, huh? So good.).

    I don't think anything in one's profile will slow down the eager ones -- many don't read the profile. I think there's just a process of wading until you make contact with someone who is treating you like a real person behind your bodacious cuddle vehicle. I see a split along gender lines, not across the board obviously (threw that in for you folks who are sick of me generalizing), but in general (haha), the nonpro guys tend toward a bit more transactional (let's get to the cuddling now) and the nonpro women tend toward more relational (I'd like a little relating with pressing my flesh into yours thanks). It's not gonna change and both sides are gonna be scowling at the other because that's what we've been doing for centuries.

    Amid that, I'm happy to say, that I have found some real fine cuddle pals who aren't afraid to relate and who grok the thing about "I'd like to get to know you first to make sure you're not an axe murderer, nor a grabber, and that you have the kind of energy (or whatever) that I want to be close to."

    There's all types on here and I have happily found a number of ones that pass my muster. And if that evokes feelings of annoyance, no fair, come on ladies get on with it, etc., hey, I'm not the Statue of Liberty and I'm my very own self with my very own standards so go frown into your soup or hire someone so that it's righteously all about you because you paid to have it that way.

    All that to say, if you don't mind chatting some peeps up and not chatting up others, I'll bet sooner or later you'll find some fine cuddle pals that fit you perfectly enough.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited October 2020

    Just put "I am not a professional" as the first line of your profile. Of course that won't help if they don't read your profile but at least you can respond with "Did you read the first line of my profile?". Personally, I learned what the little pink "Pro" indicator meant the first week I was on this site.

  • littermatelittermate

    I think some fellows think that the whole site is about a transactional thing where you can just message someone to "book," even if they are a nonpro. Like a nonpro is someone who will "book" with you but not charge you. That's the drift I get from some of the messages I get. Like, you're on here, you wanna cuddle, let's do it.

  • [Deleted User]CuddleMeLater (deleted user)
    edited October 2020

    I suspect there are a couple phenomena at work here.

    Phenomenon 1 is that most people are stupid and inattentive. Half the people on this site probably barely know that there is a distinction between pros vs nonpros, never read profiles, and are not even aware when they're looking at a given profile whether they're looking at a pro or nonpro.

    Phenomenon 2 is that most men are oriented towards getting to the actual cuddling ASAP, and their experience with pros has solidified in their mind that this is the best way to do it. While I personally have enough sense to know that nonpro women are going to get to know each other a bit before cuddling, the fact is that if it were up to me I would just begin cuddling immediately.† Since most people aren't very bright (see Phenomenon 1), they're not capable of taking into account what might appeal to the person they're messaging.

    † I do want to point out that this is not because I see cuddling as purely transactional or because I don't want to make a connection with my cuddle partner. I absolutely do want a connection. I just think repeated online messaging is borderline worthless as a way to gauge cuddle compatibility, and an in-person public meetup is only slightly better.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    Men generally have less patience and judgement, when it comes to getting what they want.

    After the "ground" part of a parachute-jumping course, the instructor gathered us together to explain the bad news that we couldn't have our first jump, because it was too windy. We were given the option of staying, in case the wind dropped, or coming back within two weeks, on a better day. He then asked, "Any questions ? But don't ask me when I think the wind will drop."

    Hand up in the audience.
    "When do you think the wind will drop ?"

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    Wait.
    You made your pure and soulful intentions completely clear, but were treated like a disposable commodity with no interests or needs beyond being an accessory to an oblivious someone's passing fancy?

    Was it more often than not?

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    The French complain at the English that we ask for a "dry" wine, but really want a sweet one ; so they have got the trick of advertising one, but selling the other.

    Some men say they don't want a female partner who is just a warm body at their beck and call, but then treat them as exactly that. That's like casting a fishing net, and being upset that it doesn't hold the water.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    OMGOSH!!!! @biancalovecraft SPOT ON!!!! Oh @Sashamcgee You are experiencing a frustration many enthusiasts try to explain but fail in light of what @littermate mentioned.... a vending machine mentality. Moving from Pro Status (where that might be slightly more anticipated) to enthusiast must be frustrating.

    The BEST part is there are a few beautiful souls on here and once you figure out what YOU need it is easy to see the wrong thing coming down the conveyor belt and you can just quickly reroute them. All of the sudden its like a red flashing light and you don't have to expend much energy to say "thank you, next"

    Like @quixotic_life said.... We are all looking for something different, All Humans, Pros or Enthusiasts. The best part is there are a lot of people here who have a desire to connect in a real way (you just might not find them as easily as you are hoping)

    So much love out to you missy!!! Maybe we will see each other someday and share post-pandemic hugs!!! 🥰😊

  • littermatelittermate

    @CuddleMeLater Phenomenon 1!

    Thanks for this:
    I do want to point out that this is not because I see cuddling as purely transactional or because I don't want to make a connection with my cuddle partner. I absolutely do want a connection. I just think repeated online messaging is borderline worthless as a way to gauge cuddle compatibility, and an in-person public meetup is only slightly better.

    I gotta tell you, chatting for a while makes someone display their colors. I learned this in the first mental health center I worked in doing intake. Stay on the phone for 3 minutes (or some specific number) and the person will start showing you their weird after that point. And lo and behold! So I like to find out about the person, why they're on here, where they're coming from, if they are responsive to my needs or cues or not, if they are self-centered, etc. I find A LOT can be gleaned from going back and forth a while.

    I also can tell A LOT in a public meeting about someone. Cuddle compatibility isn't even being considered by me until I find out if energetic/relational compatibility is there, as that is a prerequisite for me to cuddle. So far my three cuddle peeps were all cool energetically/relationally, and then 2 out of the 3 were cuddle-compatible after cuddling.

    Also, I think something that's perhaps more challenging for guys to get about our reality is that it's just not safe for us to make an appointment and cuddle with someone based on a picture and a few words. Someone said that maybe you could start to get the feel of our predicament if you were in prison and the inmates were cat-calling you. And it's not just axe-murdering or rape or something that's a concern -- it's anything that has us meeting privately with someone stronger than us who is going to do or try to do stuff we didn't ask for or consent to. If I could count on that I was the stronger, bigger one and that that other person were 95% unlikely to grab me in ways I didn't want to be grabbed, I'd probably need less screening too! I am strong for a woman and also have spent years in athletics and martial arts, and still it's a thing.

    So, the pro option is awesome for those who don't want to take the time for us to get to know each other.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    My local paper ran a job advert, in French. I took this to mean that they wanted someone who was at least reasonably fluent in written French, and it was a good way to filter out everyone else. Anyone complaining that they could only read adverts in English, wouldn't be wanted.

    Everyone on this forum is different, and no approach will work well for us all. I think what perhaps some of the men are complaining about, with some justification, is that they sometimes get criticism for using the approach which works well with many other people.

    The key is probably to make sure that everyone's profile stays how they want to be contacted ; and everyone wanting to contact them, follows that.

  • SashamcgeeSashamcgee

    I appreciate all of the comments and thoughts from everyone! It's nice to have people who can understand my experiences and also get some differing viewpoints.

  • littermatelittermate

    <3

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