@Sashamcgee Right I feel mad disrespected which is why I’m going to switch to professional I commute my self I pay my gas and Uber to get to people I don’t ask for anything but kindness and I’m the same also when dudes flake on me my times wasted especially at the last minute and lying I can’t stand liars
@DeathbyChocolat If a session doesn't happen so I lose time and money, that's less bad to me than the emotional let-down, and the way it makes it harder to enjoy the anticipation of future events, because they might also fail.
One reason I prefer a pro, is because if plans go wrong and I don't make it, I can pay in full for the session and they won't really mind. A non-pro, I can never compensate.
@DeathbyChocolat I can totally understand 💜💜 I hope going pro works for you!
@Sashamcgee I think you mistakenly duplicated your post.
@Sashamcgee I think you mistakenly duplicated your post. 😊
@geoff1000 lol I sure did 🙄🙄 my internets were glitching at the time.
^ lol! ^ lol! 😉
🤣😂🤣😂 yall are silly!
I was going to reply, "The only thing worse than duplication, is triplication" and you can guess how many times I'd have posted that. 😊
There are those of us who really like the process of "building a connection.” They would much rather talk to someone who is tactile and understands this particular aspect of their character even if it does not result in a cuddle. They aren’t the norm but they do attract each other while managing to bounce off the rest.
@DeathbyChocolat - when i have met cuddlers - I have hired room, covering that cost n try to get place near to them 2.
Relationships are like ovens ; a microwave is quck and convenient when you are in a hurry, but food from a proper "hot" oven usually tastes better. "Fast food" is often considered a derogatory term.
I suspect in part it is because we enjoy most pleasant experiences more, when we have time to build up the anticipation. The certain knowledge of a forthcoming pleasant experience, is itself a pleasant experience.
One of the jokes in "Tenet" is in a very posh restaurant where a diner who has to leave his lunch early says to the Maitre D', "Can you box that up for me ?" In a low / mid-cost restaurant, that would be a compliment that the food was too good to leave.
In this commercial world, getting paid is a good experience, because we can then anticipate the nice experiences it can buy. In "48 hours", Eddie Murphy gives money to a woman he's just had sex with, telling her to "buy something nice". She protests that she isn't a hooker, and he explains that in the situation, giving her money is the only way he can thank her for the experience.
Pro-cuddlers and sex workers are sometimes treated as commodities, but they are very helpful for men who don't have the social skill, time, emotional resilience etc. to "pay" them in a way that society approves of. If I would like to see my dinner date safely home after a pleasant evening, I might have to settle for giving her the taxi-fare, so that a "hired mutual friend" can do it ; and no-one finds wrong in that.
@Sashamcgee - thank you for this thread! ❤
When I first joined I received assorted responses to my profile. The overwhelming majority wanted to "book" a cuddle session with me or were going to be in town and wondered if I'd be free to cuddle that night.
I was brand-new to the site. Afraid I'd accidentally posted my profile in a "pro" category I looked but I hadn't.
I also, better than 97% of the time, write anybody back that writes me. Despite writing back and explaining that I'm not a "pro": I don't "book" cuddle sessions, I don't charge....they still continue asking if we can "book" time.
I finally put "I am not a pro: there are no fees associated with this" as the first line in my profile. I still get those requests. And I don't post my photo (I'll send it upon request) so that's even more strange. Guys aren't not seeing my photo and - boom! - writing without reading. So...huh? It's literally the first line of my profile!
I think (I could be mistaken) that though you're an enthusiast you also are looking for an authentic, energetic connection with whomever you cuddle. Zero to do with romance. Authenticity, trust and true emotional connection are incredibly life-enriching and soul-fulfilling things. And they're not attained in a coffee meet and 2 hikes. Or, more typically the case (worse), 6 text exchanges and a phone call.
I understand not wanting a pen pal nor for the process to become a Victorian courtship: I want neither of those, too. But damn...our instant-gratification bias society makes it frustratingly difficult to find someone open to putting the time and effort in to build something solid and rich.
Their focus is on the time and effort; the reward of those completely alludes them. (Once again, I stress this has NOTHING to do with romance or sex.)
I hope that you find what you're looking for (((💙))). I understand your frustration. I've wondered lately if I should switch and try cuddling with women though I can't imagine there's much call for that. It's unfortunate; I love snuggling with men.
@biancalovecraft - 🤣🤣 spot on girl!
@DeathbyChocolat - I hear you. Is it working out better for you that way?
Take care 🤗 ❤
@SilveryMoon Thank youuu for your response. I'm glad to not be alone for sure. I haven't had much luck with any gender expression other than male. It's actually quite sad because I would very much like to.
Anywhosers happy cuddles lovely!
Thank you for everyone's eloquent responses. I appreciate the analogies of relationships, and what type people are looking for. Also, someone pointed out finding the balance of building trust vs. eventually meeting up, and all these can be messy, and I know many guys have difficulties with this.
Here's a perspective of a male struggling to connect with femme enthusiasts, I hope it helps and any insight would be welcome.
I know that generalizations are dangerous, so I don't mean to incorrectly categorize anyone, but based on my observations (which could be incorrect) for a cuddle partner, for those who identify as men, their needs on average are more physiological/physical; I suppose the business like transaction of a pro really speaks to this. For those that identify as women, it seems more important that the emotional/mental connection be built up. I believe this to cause some issues in communication.
When messaging female enthusiasts, I try to message them about something in their profile, and go from their. If their profile doesn't have much to go on, I'll start with a hello and ask them about themselves. These conversations rarely go far, and often I won't get even a single response. If I do get a response, the enthusiast will eventually stop responding. Also, femme enthusiasts generally put very little effort in order to get to know me (ie, I have to carry the conversation). I'm not sure if this is because they find me uninteresting, or if it is a consequence of having 8 times as many male enthusiasts as female enthusiasts in my area (if I'm getting that many messages, I'd like put less effort in as well). I wonder if I have the incorrect approach, or if other factors are at play.
Happy cuddling, all!
@sunnysideup
I think also safety is huge for us. We want to tell what kind of person you are before we consider the physio/physical. Doesn't matter what the physicality is like if they're a creepy boundary-crosser. If you ever want to paste an anonymous exchange here, I'd be happy to use my spidey sense to tell you what I see in it.
@littermate
I like to think I'm being mindful of avoiding saying anything that could be construed as unsafe or creepy, but with the rate I get ghosted, perhaps that is a possibility. I appreciate your offer and will keep it in mind; It's very kind of you to offer!
The response to this thread has been quite interesting to me. The overwhelming response from womxn has been that of support and commiseration. To me that points to there being a problem, an actionable one at that. And yet the overwhelming response from men (publicly and privately) has been to defend these actions, basically tell me it is what it is and or to tell me about something I'm doing wrong that needs to be fixed.
It's sad really and evidence of a larger problem. Until men hold each better accountable we'll never see really change.
Anywhosers thanks for all the involvement. I enjoyed the blocking that came from it as well.
@Sashamcgee well that is because you are a woman and as you know, men know better than you
@Sashamcgee - Sometimes I'm ashamed to be part of the male species.
@pmvines I know... I keep forgetting 🤦♀️
@Mike403 it's okay lol I like men, women and others! 🤗
@Sashamcgee such a woman thing to forget 🙄
@pmvines 😎😎🙃🙃🤣😂
In order to not make people uncomfortable, I don't message first. That of course has the drawback of not getting cuddles, because aside from pro's, I don't get people lining up to even try to get to know if I'm worth cuddling. I'm sure you can imagine that I take that as I'm not worth cuddling unless I pay for it.
@Sashamcgee These kinds of things are covered in the FAQ under:
What is the best way to approach someone?
Why do guys ask if I am "available for a session"?
but the people in question probably aren't into reading FAQs either.
@BrianL - You gotta get out of your comfort zone and start messaging people in your area. Start by reading their profile and commenting on something you found interesting. They may or may not respond, but you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain if you try.
@respectful I believe you to be correct 😋🤗
@Mike403 I don't want to be a bother.