There are 1000 different reasons people cuddle and 1000 things you can do other than cuddling . So why do you cuddle?
After our third child was born, my wife changed in many ways. One of those ways is she lost any desire or need for touch. And she doesn't understand why anyone else would have that need. It has been a long 18 years lying next to the woman I love without much of a physical component to the relationship.
I cuddle because its really helped with my anxiety and depression. And it can also make me feel happy. Especially during these times
If it wasn't for the pandemic, I probably wouldn't have met all the wonderful people I did on here. After becoming a regular with a pro, I wasn't very active on this site anymore. When the cuddling stopped, I started looking for some way to cope.
Honestly because it's just part of my DNA/personality/make up .... I'm a cuddler through and through lol always have been. And since my two love languages are physical touch and quality time .... I mean there couldn't be a better activity to show me you care about me lol
I was physically attacked and sexually abused throughout my childhood and teenage years and I have used it to reconnect with myself and heal from deep scars. I have issues forming a bond with anyone who I am “close” to for theses reasons and I am asked by the ones closest to me why I can’t “love” them and all I hear is why aren’t you having sex with me. So sex isn’t something that is a positive to me and though this site I am able to connect with people physically the way I feel safe. Not attacked no obligation to be what I am not.
Human touch helps to bolster one's immune system, along with various other benefits.
However, I'm usually repulsed by human touch. It's a bit of a conundrum, really. Likely has something to do with aspects of my childhood, in addition to my being a misanthrope.
@UltimateChungus I am envisioning someone having to stomach their way through really nasty medicine in order to fight off an illness
Initially I got on here (with the encouragement of my husband) to expand my friendships, and support. My primary love language is physical touch. It was good and satisfying at first, just receiving touch from my hubby, but then babies happened. Hormonal changes in us both, opposite libidos, and postpartum depression lead to us realizing that we need more than just him as my only source of physical touch. It wasn't fair to him or me (nor our kids). After a couple sessions as an enthusiast, it ignited a passion for cuddle therapy and longing to help others in this way. I have always been interested in helping people feel loved, cared for, and accepted. If I didn't have a family (especially toddlers) that cuddling takes me away from and we didn't need the money, I would have become a passionate enthusiast instead of a professional. Alas, I have more than my own life to consider and bills. (sigh)
@verona I am so sorry! I hope this community is and will continue to be a safe place for you to find comfort, friends and healing. @creedhands I feel you on your significant other not wanting to touch you and how devastating and heartbreaking it feels. I hope your wife can come to understand your need and desire, to show you love in this way. I hope CC can help to comfort and support you.
@pmvines Very good questions! I have always been a very affectionate person with close friends and family. I show support for others with words, listening, hugs and or cuddles 🤗. Cuddling typically last longer than many other types of affection, one of the main reasons why I cuddle!
🦧 I put in blocking and spoilers for those who'd like to bypass what turned into another one of my insanely looooong posts...
@verona ~ I'm so glad you're in a place where you're able to share your experiences. 💓💗💓
My past is reflected in your words, but I'm not yet able to actually name specifics.
It can be hard to understand for those who haven't lived it, because I've only been able to explain that a lot of how I am is due to early ongoing trauma and the resulting PTSD. My coping mechanisms have primarily been repression, deflection and dissociation.
Not being able to have "deep/intimate" connections (primarily with men because with my experience they weren't to be trusted) get's tough when they don't understand how I can't just "get over it", "move on", or recognize they don't mean me harm so I don't have to be so guarded and tense.
This site though, being based on making platonic connections and not on long term relationships or "hooking-up", has helped me to be more open, nurture a growing awareness of who I am under all the layers and to work towards engaging with others in more meaningful and healthy ways.
Just a mess of TMI babbling I didn't feel like removing or editing down... 🤷♀️
I feel like the pressure to be more than I am is practically non-existent here. All but one of the people I've communicated with have been kind, accepting of my "flaws", agreeable to going at my pace (and I their's if slower - that's only been the case with one so far and he's decided he's just not ready for in person connections yet so we're still just messaging), and they've all been able to make me feel safe meeting in person.
Also, not to be knocked are the number of opportunities I've had for brain cuddles here too and how awesome those are!! There are so many I'd like to meet up with and squish on, but they live hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Through our messaging here, phone calls and even some texts, I've felt mental and emotional connections that truly brings a comfort that helps to bridge the distance. Obviously it's not the same as a body cuddle ~ but I still get a feeling of having been given a good squeeze!
It's all made a world of difference in how I perceive myself and others, and is buoying my optimism about what my future may hold...🤗
@pmvines ~ To try and actually answer the question of why I cuddle (🫂 ... ?)
Turns out living in a "touch desert" doesn't meet my needs - At all! Being in a "relationship" with someone who literally recoiled when I told them about this site and wanting to find others who would like to hang out and be affectionate with ~ was both funny and sad. He has zero interest and was like, "That's frivken weird! But do what you need to do I guess..." Um... okay then... 👩💻
So... Now I'm here, doing what I need to do! Finding people who actually have an interest in being close, who are comfortable with experiencing my mixed-bag of emotions as I progress through this metamorphosis, and giving myself the courage and grace to allow myself to heal and slowly rewire the pathways in my brain related to connection, trust and touch.
And because it turns out, having someone who makes me feel valued, seen and safe, to get all snugged up with, losing all sense of the delineation between where one ends and the other begins, enjoying how they're experiencing me while knowing my touch feels good to them too ~ it's the best! Getting to feel good while feeling good about feeling good ~ Hot damn! I could do it all day and night and not ever tire of it!!!
Because... um... it feels pretty fricken awesome!!! 🤗🤗🤗
@creedhands I have a very similar story...There are quite a few of us married folks on here.
Cuddling is literally a way for me to recharge my physical battery. If I trust someone enough to come inside my personal space and it can feel they dont want to hurt me I will cuddle them and fall asleep. My job keeps me every active (60 to 80 hours a week) and there are times when I want to be alone and other times I want to be still and enjoy someones company with little physical activity.
When you are in a married relationship, both partners should reach out to each other with their needs, understanding that the support towards their spouse is really something they should want to give and receive, not just an obligation. When one partner responds to the outreach of the other with anger rather than love, with hate rather than understanding, it's time for marriage counseling. My ex-spouse went from warm and affectionate to hateful and violent. When she resorted to kicking and slapping me in front of our children, that was enough. I'm sorry you're experiencing isolation, it may take the help of a third party to help make things right.
So... @pmvines ~ What is your (#1 of 1000s) reason for cuddling....?
@quixotic_life maybe another time . For now I am enjoying hearing about other people 😊
I've always loved to cuddle. I suppose I'm an affectionate type. I also like greeting people with hugs (as long as they want a hug too). I think it's very relaxing, and having a calming & positive human touch can be one of the best things there is.
Also, I recently got divorced, and I think cuddling could help particularly now.
I started out cuddling as an enthusiast and found it made a big difference to my physical and mental health, so it became my passion to share that with others. I had pretty excruciating neuropathic pain and after cuddling regularly for a year, I was able to reduce my pain meds by 75%. I enjoy it so much and love the idea of doing it as a career, so I can make a positive difference in people's lives. Touch is such a powerful way to support people in their journey of personal growth and healing!
Cuddling is not a regular activity for me. Never was. Conversation however is.
Cuddling is a whenever however kind of transactional activity for me. I often do not seek it. It often finds me.
I'm always a listener. Listening is what I do when I'm not working. It's how I spend my time volunteering in the community. It's partly how I make my living. And by listening I sometimes end up mentally and emotionally cuddling folks without ever laying my hands on them. When you make someone feel heard and seen it's an amazing experience. That's a kind of cuddle in itself. In fact one might even argue that it's a kind of physical cuddle stimulant .
I'm straight and enjoy their company/conversation/affectionate natures.
And massages! They give massages.
@Designergirl ~ if you click the little gear thingy you can edit your post for up to 24 hours....
re-edited to add remove that a stellar graphic!
to you down there ⤵️ and up there ⤴️ no problem! 😜
@quixotic_life Thank you! brilliant
Such a strange question. I find it more interesting that at least three respondents don't seem to actually like cuddling. Granted I hate talking about things instead of doing them yet here i am, doing that. Can i like just borrow @Sashamcgee 's answer ( I'll give it back). Seems to sum it up for me. It's almost tautological.
I'm happier single, but I'm an extremely touchy person. My relationships started because I simply wanted cuddles and affection, but got pressured/guilted into more (sometimes without my consent). I'm finally free again, but I truly miss holding someone and being held. Being on the site is a way for me to reclaim cuddling for myself.
If you’ve ever had a really horrible cuddling experience, you do ask that question, “why cuddling?” I was just reflecting on one from a year or so ago where she laid about a foot away, vaping the entire time, and watching an action movie with the volume turned up almost 100%. We agreed on two hours and I left after 15 minutes. Luckily it was an enthusiast and did not affect the purse strings, but those experiences really suck because you are expecting to relax or have a pleasant time but instead find yourself annoyed at the frustration of time wasted. Yes I asked her to turn it down, but she said it was one of her favorite movies. I asked if she could put the vape equipment away while we cuddled and she explained that the vape pen was an extension of her. I understand if I wasn’t her cup of tea because she certainly wasn’t mine, but I resent having to be the adult and cutting off the cuddle Bunsen burner because there was no chemistry.
I cuddle mostly because it's the part of relationship that feeds me the most without the parts that I'm not interested in right now. I also love the sovereignty of not being someone's sole need filler in exchange for snuggling. I also like that it's a relatively new thing so the rigid cultural expectations haven't gotten ahold of it. It's kind of outlaw territory and I like that. I also love meeting men in a context other than lust or LTR savior. Just humans being human.
Hooray for another new to me word found in the forums! Tautological ~ I love it! @lonelybutmaybe ~ 🌟 A shiny gold star for you!
@littermate ~ LTR? = Lord of The Rings savior? 🤷♀️
Long term relationship. What everyone on singles sites and beyond thinks will save them from their misery.
Oh my goodness! Lol!!! That is something that has moved so far off my radar that I never would have got there!
I mean I'd like one, but know full well it's not going to save me from what is ultimately myself. That's all on me. But I'm not gonna lie ~ It'd be pretty sweet to have a steady hand to hold when traversing the next hell-scape I find myself struggling to get through.