@Blue54 I think you fit the norm here more than you know. At least the "norm" you will find from those who post here in the forums. Clearly, you have had a bad experience. There are some good people here, and I am confident you can and will find a suitable cuddle buddy, though you might have to endure some garbage before you get there. It's not how it should be, but it is how it is in a less than perfect world. I hope you are willing and able to stick with it.
@Blue54 I also am not into the marrried thing. This site is not about being judgemental, but here I go: I believe that if you're married, and your needs aren't being met, you shouldn't be married! I know its easier said than done, and there are a few cases I'm sympathetic about (IE the woman doesn't have money to leave), or if their spouse knows about and has allowed it. But all other cases, just end it already, then meet other people!
The flip side is that, because many men are looking for cuddles with women and are willing to pay for it and willing to travel far, a woman has a pretty good shot at making money being a pro. Making money as a pro does not seem anywhere near as viable for men, which is probably why there aren't many around. The most obvious reason for this is that there are not many women will to pay money to cuddle with men.
Such is life. I wish it would be easier to find cuddlers on this site! Seems to be no different than a dating app so far in my experience (when dealing with enthusiasts). And I'm sorry that you and so many other women deal with such headaches on dating apps.
Would have to second @quixotic_life, expanding your search to Denver would exponentially increase your opportunities. I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything. If you were a guy, I'd tell you it's rough regardless of your search radius and how many messages you send, and to temper your expectations. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think you have a very real shot of finding a cuddle buddy on here, though you will have to sift through a lot of profiles and block/ignore the creepers. It is up to you though!
@Blue54 I agree with what others have said re broadening your search area . Good luck to you hope you find what you are looking for
@sunnysideup as a married man, let me try to enlighten you. My wife is mentally disabled and has been for 13 years. She is incapable of normal human connection. Your suggestion that I simply leave her is cruel. I love my wife with all I have, and have been her caregiver, and for all intents and purposes, a solo parent to our 4 children. I get no financial or physical help from anyone, including the State. I'm not complaining, and I see it as a privelage to care for my love in these ways. To read your thoughts, I guess I have two options: leave my wife, or just do without human connection and contact. I'm not asking you to cuddle me, not am I asking you to agree with me, but I would ask you to at least hear me.
@DrCuddleBug
I my statement reflected all the profiles/conversations or encounters that I've had, that I've been sympathetic to. Yours is definitely one of those situations that I'm sympathetic towards! I should have stated that there are other scenarios I haven't encountered that warrant exception, and I'll make that correction clear here. My sentiment was more directed at people who are cuddling behind the back of their SO, that are in unhealthy relationships but refuse to end them. I wish you and your wife the best. I apologize if my message was cruel to your position, that was not the sentiment or goal!
I think a discussion about married vs not married cuddling would be interesting too. I know that while I was married my husband was not okay with me having male friends, let alone cuddling with a male or female. He also has health challenges that precluded him from cuddling. I am no longer married and extremely cuddle starved. Just an interesting idea for a topic of discussion. I might start it. 👀
@sunnysideup I appreciate that. My cuddle buddies have been an oasis and have helped me from going insane.
@DrCuddleBug I can only imagine what your situation is like. One of my fears of getting a significant other or wife is that, what if she gets ill or passes away early, leaving me alone. Would I even recover in that situation? I don't think I could tbh.
I am sure your wife still very much appreciates your company and care.
@Blue54 - I hope you find what you're looking for. I wish you the best of luck.
Cheers!
@Blue54 there are several threads about married and cuddling . If you enter it in the search bar you will likely find them
@Blue54 I'm a bit baffled by you/all this... (and my apologies if any of this sounds curt because that's not my intention ~ I'm honestly trying to both help and understand)...
In addition to having these strict parameters for others to follow (but only here through a forum post and not on your profile), you have other items of importance to you that are kind of buried in there. I'm only mentioning this because attention spans are often short, though perhaps that's part of your screening process...? 💁♀️
I also noticed you have in your profile "cuddles: everyone" but above mention, 'men only'/'no females'... not that it really matters, I just thought it odd.
The rest of my confusion lies in not having the same sort of lived experience here that you've had.
I similarly was having a rough go at finding someone local, but that has recently changed! As I'm not able to "host", it took time. But yay for being open to driving up to an hour or so to meet up with someone, because otherwise I'd still only have my long-distant "someday" cuddles to look forward too.
And what a lovely 'problem' you have, with all those messages flooding your inbox!! That has never been my reality here (Wth guys?! I gotta say it kind of sucks seeing this repetition of "women are overwhelmed" ~ Smh ~ It's not fair!). 🙇♀️
Also, just another fyi/just a heads up, you can "mute" your profile and fully take control of your searching/eliminate yourself from showing up on other's searches. But maybe you're wanting to stay open to being found? 🤷♀️
One thing I'd like to understand, is why do you care if they have Denver listed? You have yourself listed as a, "host" so why not put, "Denver, Single, Male, Guest" into your search and have him drive to see you if it works out.
Either which way, if distance is a big deal/deal breaker for you, I think it would (at a minimum) be a good idea to put that up towards the top of your profile, and maybe even add a Google map image showing where your intended CB should reside?
Example...
note: the circle drawn is probably off from the OP's desired 10-15 miles from Longmont, CO distance preference, and is only there to help illustrate an idea...
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it yields what you're looking for here! 💞
@quixotic_life - I live 36 miles from her, too far above her 15 mile limit.
@quixotic_life how can I limit myself from showing up on every one else’s searches? I would like to have less people find me. And I never said that my in box is filled with too many messages. I’m not happy with the messages I do receive. I’m happy to initiate contact with men in my area, but with the vast sea of profiles without much information or even a photo then I’m lost on where to even begin. They all look the same, like disappointment...
I like it that you’re bitchy like me. Kudos. 😏
I would term QL as blunt and to the point as opposed to bitchy but then I'm much the same way and people tell me I'm an a-hole so maybe I'm wrong lmao
@Blue54 ~ Lol! 🤣😂🤣 I didn't mean to be "bitchy" but find that hilarious nonetheless!!! Thank you for that!
I don't think there's a way to "limit" the results. It's more of, you either come up in searches or set yourself to not come up in any. But you could try modifying some of the searchable tags. Like removing "single" and leaving it blank might help a little...?
@Mike403 ~ I'm sorry buddy! But you're still within my ♾ mile radius, so next time I'm out that way, you best have the 80's music cued and be ready to get snuggly!! | Seriously though, I just don't get how the ladies aren't beating down your door out there! You're a super sweet, squishy, and ultra respectful guy... please give yourself a hug for me!
@quixotic_life
@Blue54 ~ "They all look the same, like disappointment..."
Right?! What the heck people?! A pic of anything you even remotely relate to, to distinguish yourself from others, is all it takes (at first anyway)! It could be a stick figure representation of yourself, the view from your favorite cuddle spot, a picture of a mailbox, your pet python, a close up of a water droplet, the inside of your junk drawer, whatever! But just leaving the default pic?! Seriously!!
For me, when I see little to no effort on a profile, it translates to, "probably little to no effort in a cuddle either". Which might be fine if you're paying someone(?), but if you want to get squishy with an enthusiast ~ you should really consider stepping up your game! Because (again, for me) without that, unless you're hitting it out of the park on your introductory message, I'm probably not going to be too invested in my reply, or in moving things forward with you.
On the off chance you care to read more on my thoughts around all this...
Here are some suggestions, for making yourself seem more appealing (IMNTBHO)...
For your, "I like to cuddle when..." section:
This is pretty straight forward really, just figure out what an ideal cuddle is to you, then fill in the blank. Or, get creative and fill it out Mad Libs style: I like to cuddle when [verb+ing] [preposition] [adjective] [noun]. (with 'articles' placed as needed) Examples: I like to cuddle when... ... walking through billowing trees ... dancing on a heated patio ... squirming between fresh linens ... listening to looped ASMR tracks ... embracing under giant bumbershoots ... Etc. ... (hint: whatever you come up with, start it with a lower case letter and check your grammer/review before posting).
And for your, "About me" section:
Imagine the best cuddler for you is standing on the other side of a frosted pane. You can't see their features, or anything that defines their apperance, but you see them waiting... The only information you have (which depends on your preference) is if they are a Paid or Unpaid Cuddler (if you're open to either, write in a way that would appeal to both).
In a few sentences, what would you say to get them to lift the panel?
(hint: Consider showing an awareness for the concerns a potential cuddle partner might have. Be open, honest and authentic. For sure don't just string together some mess you think they'd want to hear. And again, review before posting.)
👩🏫 Class dismissed... Good luck on the final!🤞
@hugonehugall yes, I do agree that I have a very narrow range of ideals in a future cuddler. I already know that I’m extremely fussy. I also think that it is a waste of time for people to contact me for me just to tell them no thank you. @quixotic_life is 100% correct that I need to work on my profile. It needs extreme edits and to be more specific about what I’m looking for.
@hugonehugall And I do agree with you that my tone has been harsh. I have been very grouchy about this website for a long time. I’m not mad at the website. I think I’m just more frustrated with culture. Our culture allows for men to purchase cuddle time with the opposite sex, while women are left fending off sexual advances on bad dates to get any type of physical touch. While we wait for someone we want to date or marry to come into our lives. I know that we all are lonely. That is why we are here.
I understand that there are not a lot of women cuddle enthusiasts. It doesn’t make it any easier for us to find a good cuddle match. We want chemistry. We want to be attracted to the person we cuddle just like you guys do. We want someone that makes us feel safe and protected and cared for. We want a special encounter just like everyone else.
I am definitely not open to cuddling everyone who needs to cuddle in this world or even on this website. Are you? Would you ever consider becoming a professional cuddler? I feel like you are probably using a double standard on me. Do you think the men here should be willing to cuddle anyone that needs a cuddle? Or just the women?
I understand that you don’t appreciate my tone. The feeling is mutual.
@Blue54 - Well said. Too many guys have this entitlement mentality and if you aren't opening your arms to anyone who asks, you must be rude or stuck-up....and I dont need an inbox full of No Thank You's either. No response is a response.
@Mike403 I do see you here. I appreciate your involvement in this community and these forums. Thank you
@Blue54
Our culture allows for men to purchase cuddle time with the opposite sex, while women are left fending off sexual advances on bad dates to get any type of physical touch.
Unusual perspective. There is not a thing in the world that stops women from seeing pro cuddlers. There is a regular trickle of male pro cuddlers who start an account, advertise themselves, and then before long disappear... because they get zero clients.
Also, FWIW, pro cuddlers are not the answer to all of life's problems. Some of them are great; some of them are a disaster. The only advantage of pro cuddlers over enthusiasts is that they're more likely to respond to messages and more likely to be willing to cuddle. If you have people on this site willing to talk to you and cuddle with you, you probably have no need for pro cuddlers.
We want to be attracted to the person we cuddle just like you guys do.
It is nice when you are, but the truth is that for me at least it doesn't matter. I have cuddled with people I'm not attracted to, and in the middle of a cuddle it's just not a thing.
I think you probably do need some kind of connection, but that's not the same thing as attraction at all. I made a connection with the security guard at the supermarket the other day: some customer was making a kerfuffle in the entranceway, and he and I exchanged meaningful glances.
I have had some kind of connection with all of the people I have cuddled with, so I don't know if it's truly necessary. For me there is a loose correlation between the strength of the connection and the emotional success of the cuddle, but .... the importance of attractiveness when I look at search results is vastly less now than it once was.
@CuddleMeLater Well said.
I get that it's still difficult despite the population discrepancy, but when you're in an area like mine that has an 8 to 1 ratio of men to women, it's simply impossible for a majority of the men to find a female cuddler in a given time frame. If the one to two new female cuddlers in my area aren't my cup of tea, or maybe they are but they fancy 1 or 2 of the 7 other guys messaging her, then I'm SOL.
@sunnysideup That is a tough situation for sure. Why did you choose there to live?
@sunnysideup have you tried dating websites? Usually women don’t want to move as quickly as men do physically. I bet you could sneak some cuddle time out of them. 🙄
@Blue54 I moved to further my career, Also, it's such a pretty mountainy area! I'd love to show someone around. Just not in the winter.
But I also included my old hometown in the search when I came up with those statistics (I used a 150 mile search radius). I don't know what the statistics are for all users, but I'm guessing that the discrepancy exists in varying degrees in most areas in the US based on the complaints coming from the forums haha.
@quixotic_life I didn't realize that not having pictures of any kind could have that effect. I share photos of myself after I start a conversation with someone, but I just put up some pictures I had on my phone to fill the space. Thanks
@Blue54 - I gave up on dating sites after sending out hundreds of messages and not getting a single response back. Sites like those isn't good for a man's self esteem at all. I remain on here because even if I don't find a cuddle partner, I love the forum community. I met some awesome people here.
I actually think you're right about men having better luck at cuddling on dating sites. Lol if I stumbled across someone who legitimately only wanted to cuddle on the I'd be so pumped.
@Sashamcgee - A no strings attached cuddle is a strange concept to most people. I dont know anybody outside of this website who understands it.