@Mike403 No, no! You're not dumb. I'll put a spoiler around the answer. You're gonna groan.
Just like a man turns into a werewolf under a full moon, this house turns into a warehouse.
Omg..lol bashes forehead
Yeah, it's... among the worst I've seen
@pmvines
Did you hear about the person who lost their whole left side in an accident?
They’re all right now.
@natickben lol.
A set of jumper cables goes into a bar... The bartender says "Ok, I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
A blonde looks at another blonde across a river. She yells "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde says "Duh, you're on the other side!"
Thanks, I'll be here all week....
What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and who is in water?
Bob
Florida woman...nuff said.
Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the gas!
Why did the leper go back in the shower? To get his Head and Shoulders!
Why are lepers good at security? They are more likely to keep an eye out for you!
Oh lawd, @ChefKate... I had to stop that video before I even reached the halfway point. I couldn't handle the idiocy
Also, what do you call a guy without arms or legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.
And what do you call a guy without arms or legs at the bottom of the ocean? Sandy.
Cultural awareness alert.....
@creedhands these jokes do indeed qualify as dad jokes, and I remember them from my childhood. However, they are no longer acceptable in the UK and I would guess across Europe. The term 'leper' is not used nowadays: we don't define people by a disease they happen to have. Also leprosy is curable.
I'm pretty sure that if a comedian with leprosy was doing a gig on a leprosy ward they would use gags like these, only funnier. But if you or somebody close to you has leprosy and they bumped into these out of context ... they're probably not that funny.
Duly noted @CuddleDuncan . I imagine most jokes are offensive to dinner people groups (two blondes in a bar, man with no arms or legs, a rabbi a priest and a shaman are out fishing...) Some comedians make a living from offending as many people as possible in a short time. But to offend was not my intent. Thanks for the education.
Edit: wrong tag
@creedhands Twas not me @creedhands. The finger wagging was from @CuddleDuncan.
The majority of comedians say nothing is off limits. I agree with this because comedy is catharsis. But one does need to spread it around to everyone and everything. I took no offense to your jokes. The chances that someone has leprosy being on this site are very remote, and if they were on this site and actively cuddling someone that person would be on the forums asking for their arm back.
Once my dog ate all the scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? Its too gross.
I swallowed a penny, and then vomited it afterwards.
The moral of the story? Change should come from within.
@ChefKate That video was so ridiculous I actually laughed out loud.
Here's a classic groaner for you...
Mmmmmmmm
Why is Dracula bad at baseball?
His bat sucks.
In a cafe ....
Customer: Egg and chips twice, please.
Irate assistant: I heard you the first time!
Egg and chips twice, please.
Wait, hold up, is this a figure of speech where you are, @CuddleDuncan ? I've never heard it! I should start saying it and see if people ask whether I'm from London
@squeakytoy It is restaurant terminology. I used to waiter in college at a French restaurant and it means two of the same thing.
It's nothing to do with London per se. There is a British thing of saying "twice" rather than "two" when ordering food. If you and you friend are having the same thing you might say, "cappucino and croissant twice please" rather than "two cappucinos and two croissant".
I mean chips in the British sense, which is a thing you don't really have in America. It's like fries, but made from whole potato (rather than reconstituted). Fried egg and chips is a very old fashioned dish, you don't see it often now. The perfect version has very runny egg yolk, into which the chips are dipped.
Oh, I do know what chips are (although we call them fries in Canada too) - I just hadn't heard "twice" used like that. So it's British! And a restaurant thing as well. You learn something new every day.
I mean chips in the British sense, which is a thing you don't really have in America. It's like fries, but made from whole potato (rather than reconstituted).
Wait...we don’t have those here?? 🤔 (says the confused Idahoan). 🥔🆔 🤷♀️
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.