As a client when you are looking through professional cuddler profiles what do you look for?
I voted, but here's a more detailed answer (obviously just my opinion):
"professionalism" and detailed profile just matter to the extent that I can see you care enough to put at least a little effort into it and I can learn a little about your personality. Very long profiles are not great, although also not a dealbreaker.
experience doesn't matter at all. I've been someone's first client a couple times, and that's fun.
Karma can't help much but it can hurt. If you've got negative reviews, that's a problem. If you've been on the site for two years and don't have any karma at all, that's a problem. But other than that I honestly don't care whether you have 1 karma or 80 karmas.
Attractiveness does matter to some extent, honestly. But it's not really that I have to find you really sexually attractive, so maybe attractiveness isn't the perfect word.
Lower rates are good. I have zero problem paying $100/hr, although all things being equal I'll definitely choose someone priced lower if that's an option. I'm less likely to pay $120/hr, although if I really want to meet someone new I'll do it. I'm very unlikely to pay $150/hr or more.
My problem with the higher prices is not just that it costs me more money (although that's definitely a factor... why would I pay $300 for something I can get elsewhere for $160). It's also that, IMO, it kind of says something about the pro. If a pro can come to this site, look around, see the other cuddlers mostly charging in the $80-$100 range, a few charging $120, and then think, "You know what, I'm going to charge $150 [or $200, or whatever]", her mindset is probably not about being a good cuddler and probably not even about building a sustainable long term business. It's probably about trying to make some quick money with as little effort as possible. Obviously this isn't necessarily the case, but it's a judgment call and it does factor into my decision.
@CuddleWho you should read my other discussion on how to save money on professional cuddling. The sticker price does not always reflect what the actual cost of the session will be. https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10094/how-to-save-money-on-professional-cuddling#latest
@xandriarain
The sticker price does not always reflect what the actual cost of the session will be.
Well, that's true. But I've definitely paid for plenty of two-hour cuddles in the $160-$200 range, no travel fees or anything else, and that's just not going to happen with someone advertising $150/hr.
I used to only be able to be a guest so the majority of my clients would have to pay for a hotel. I didn't have a way of hosting in my apartment so I got an office space to host in. I had to raise my rates a bit to cover the cost of the office but I save clients far more by saving them on the hotel. I realize many cuddlers can host in their homes at no extra cost to themselves but how many other cuddlers have a tranquil,forest-themed cuddle room?
I’ll also expand on my answer to the poll. I don’t often do a session with a pro but when I do price is my main factor. Over the years I’ve done sessions with pros and the sessions were mostly in the $50 to $$70 range and for all the price complaining that sometimes I’ve seen on the forum there are plenty of pros within that price range so I’ll never contact anybody that is not within my desired price range. And my sessions have been all good and exactly what I expected. Actually one of the few times that I actually paid $80 the session was not good, I got a dead fish for a cuddler, she set up an alarm and bolted for the door as soon as it went off, but that was one out of many many wonderful sessions. Point is at least for me that I can get an awesome session and stay within my desired price range, win win.
Actually one of the few times that I actually paid $80 the session was not good
Yeah, thanks for mentioning that, that's the other thing. I generally pay more than you do to cuddle (there aren't many people charging less than $80 in the areas I frequent), but yes, I have found by experience that the more expensive cuddlers are no better and sometimes worse than the less expensive ones.
@xandriarain I'm sure there are many clients who see the fact that you can host as a big benefit and presumably are willing to pay a little more than that.
Not a choice in the poll but the first thing I look for is a pro on more than one website . Altho if they only feature themselves on one it’s not exactly a deal breaker .
I used to think it would be a conflict of interest if they featured themselves on all the cuddle sites , I’ve changed my thinking about that , more exposure tells me they are really into pro cuddling , and they are making themselves availible to as many clients as possible .
If I’m going to ring their dinner bell I ‘d like to know they have a healthy appetite.
Well, I said Attractiveness is most important. But what is attractive to me is not the "Hollywood" version of beauty. Frankly, nothing jaundices someone more to me than suggestive posing in an profile. A pleasant smile and an appearance that looks like you get enough sleep and have good grooming goes further than a shot of your bust-line. I also love a detailed profile without cliche and promises of an outcome that are, by definition, beyond their control. Price matters but not as much as one would think....how much would you pay for happiness? Experience and Karma? One may actually be a hinderance although some experience is needed in my case. Karma is subjective.
The fact that anybody voted for attractiveness is intensely depressing. That nearly half did has ruined my evening.
@CuddleDuncan I am with you on that . I see nothing wrong with physical attractiveness being a part of the puzzle to each their own , but a small piece , and not the whole pie . For me, it is important to have attractive qualities, and I dont say that to mean physical attractiveness but rather a certain personality type , sense of humor , openness, etc . Unless I am looking to have a romantic relationship looks dont amount to much really . And to me.if physical attractiveness is most important to you when looking for a cuddle pal , then it is likely that you aren't really into this purely for cuddling
Mine was more of a vote of elimination.
The first two, would mean I wasn't willing to give new people a fair chance, I was new at everything I've ever done, once. A professional/detailed profile could go too far in the wrong direction, for me too. Mostly I just hope to see something that helps me see their human side. I also lost faith in 'ratings' systems a long time ago.
Attractiveness always held very little importance to me, even in early dating (demisexual), so is personally irrelevant for something platonic. That said, personality in a picture/bio can go a really long way to help me feel more comfortable with anxiety, some people just have a friendly and approachable look, like Mr pmvines above.
That left price. Minimum price is already set by CC and is far over minimum wage for my country, so I feel happy knowing everyone is at least getting paid enough for the service they want to provide. Affording 2 hours of cuddling/company would be a huge bonus over affording 1 hour.
I'm still on the fence about paying for cuddling, not because I don't think people deserve to be paid for work, because to me a cuddle is a two way thing. I'm not sure I could ever feel like the person 'wants' to cuddle me, which matters emotionally. I crave feeling like I matter to someone, that I'm making someone else happy too. Paying will likely be my only option, though it couldn't come close to comparing to a mutually beneficial cuddle.
(I wonder if CC will ever let people have a 20 second voice recording, that could have a huge influence on me)
I'm still on the fence about paying for cuddling
Just do it. Be very fussy about choosing who your first professional cuddler is, but assuming you find a good one it's a magical experience.
They do 'want' to cuddle you. It's too hard a job to do if you don't really want to. And if a professional finds you unsuitable as a customer, they won't cuddle you.
The part that you don't do is caring for the other person, at least to the extent you would in an enthusiast cuddle. This gives you the chance to be cared for.
I'm trying to be careful not to go too far off the topic thread, though I guess it might be useful for pros understanding atypical personality types/neurodivergents.
I'm what's referred to as a 'Caregiver personality type' (Not Briggs-Myers), so caring for others is a core part of what gives me fulfilment in life. It's also means that I've never felt able to take what I can't give back, and I'm terrible at asking for help, even when I'm paying for something. I've never experienced a connection where I'm cared for like you describe, it makes me feel uncomfortable imagining it, I don't really know why.
I do struggle with seeing how someone would suddenly start wanting something just because money was involved, surely they just want the money? Cuddling me would be the sacrifice they're making for the money, in my mind. I'm not sure how that would feel, I think it would have a negative mental health impact on me though.
@SnugglePurrs don't worry too much about straying off topic, not that you are. As long as you are talking respectfully about cuddling, nobody really minds and the mods can split the conversation into a separate topic if needs be.
Many professional cuddlers are somewhat like you, in that they have caregiving personalities. They really want to help others. Yes it's a job, and yes they should be paid properly. But the same is true of doctors, nurses, social workers, psychotherapists .....
There is nothing wrong with gaining fulfilment from caring for others. It's a good thing, as long as you are not being exploited. Being a care receiver is also a good thing: humans are designed to be cared for.
As I'm sure you are aware, there are two types of people. Those who are in therapy, and those who should be. I'm in the first group. Feeling uncomfortable due to being cared for is something that happens to me, in fact I struggle with it a lot. I do talk about it in therapy from time to time. One of the things I've learnt from being a professional cuddle client is how to be better at it. This is good: just because I'm not great at being cared for, doesn't mean I don't need cared for. (I do, I really do.) This benefits my social relationships in general because I come across as more normal, and benefits me because I get more care.
I know one professional cuddler well who hates charging. At my last session with another regular professional we both forgot that I was supposed to pay. (She remembered later. I was mortified, obviously.) The day job of another is working in a care home.
In other words, my feeling is that your difficulty with engaging a professional cuddler is in your head, not in the nature of the profession. Going ahead and just doing is my suggestion but of course it may or may not be the best way for you to proceed. You have my support whatever you decide.
Just seen that you are in the UK. I don't know any of the professional cuddlers in your neck of the woods, but if you ever have the chance to come up to London I can give you recommendations if you would like them.
@CuddleDuncan Thank-you, it helps knowing the social etiquette for these forums!
I'm definitely in the 'should be in therapy' group. I actually developed Panic Disorder about 14 years ago, which quickly turned into social agoraphobia and social anxiety. Therapy is one of the few things I've tried to ask for help with, but wasn't able to get any. I've also considered paying for it, it's a great comparison to professional cuddling, because I also ran into the same mental roadblocks there.
I completely agree that it's not a fault with the nature of the professions, I hope it didn't come over that way, it's a me issue, but one I've never been able to change my way of thinking in. I would imagine most of the sources of that would come up in a therapy session. The logic I can apply so easily to others, falls apart when I apply it to myself.
I know it's a broken way of thinking, but if I just gave them the money, for nothing, I could make them happy, without feeling like I was taking. I often donate anonymously to people struggling, or as general support, it makes me happy to see them happy.
It's not that I don't desire to receive care, I've craved it my whole life, it's hard to find the words to explain but it's to do with deserving it. I'm incredibly ambivalent about it all.
Like a lot of high-functioning autistic people, I learned to be fairly socially successful, though that came from observation and experience, like learning a language. I seem to have been missing that 'social interaction database' that most people are born with. All the social things that aren't public, I'm hopelessly confused about, which probably explains how I've ended up with such distorted views.
I'll try to use the momentum of your encouragement to throw myself off the fence and hope the landing isn't too bad lol I do seriously doubt I'll be able to move past my feelings, at the same time as accepting that I'm one of the worst people for understand what's best for me. Thank-you so much for the feedback and advice, it helps more than I can explain.
Coming to London won't be possible due to the anxiety conditions, I've not actually left my town or been in a vehicle in over a decade, outside of hiking. Thank-you so much for the offers though, the me behind the anxiety would have loved a trip to London.
@SnugglePurrs thank you for that thoughtful reply. You seem to be quite self-aware, which is a good start from the therapy point of view. I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you face. Many of the people on this site have had very broadly similar ones. Some are open about it, some in denial, we have the full spectrum! There are other forum members who have autism diagnoses.
You clearly want to do something, otherwise you wouldn't be here having this conversation. Remember that you don't have to cuddle in a cuddle session. You might find it easier to start online. One very highly respected professional told me of a client who sat on a chair for the whole hour and just cried. Refused to be consoled, just sat there weeping. She bore it - clearly a very tough session - and a couple of weeks later he emailed to say she'd changed his life. Only saw him once. That's an extreme example, but it's worth remembering.
Perhaps you should start building a relationship with a cuddle professional within range of you. Start with a half hour online session, then an hour in person with no expectation of touch, then an hour with touch (perhaps hand holding or touch exercises), and so on. There is no rush. There may not be anybody suitable in your area of course, since professionals outside London as so few and far between.
I'll say this again because its important. The good cuddle practitioners are not doing it for the money. They are doing it because it gives them the chance to care for people. (Most of them have faced their own difficulties, which is why they want to help others.) What makes them happy is making a difference to their clients. In other words, by being a cuddle client you are practically doing them a favour.
@CuddleDuncan
I've been thinking about a lot since joining here (it's a very supportive and open site), including my feeling of a pro being there for just the money. I decided that there's probably both, some for the money, some because it lets them focus on doing what they enjoy, the latter sounding like the 'good cuddle practitioners' you speak of.
Funnily enough, there is a practioner in the town over from me, who actually has very positive Karma from yourself. I think I'll reach out to her in the near future, maybe start with an online session which is also available. You've helped me move past my major mental roadblock to professional help, that means a lot to me, thank-you so much.
@SnugglePurrs good!
Yes there are professionals doing it just for the money, but Estellita is not one of them. I've only met her once but she was lovely.
Interesting post. a couple thoughts: I didn't see location listed as important on the list. Maybe it is assumed professionalism / detailed profile includes that, which got my vote. 22 voters in and interesting that attractiveness is in the lead with experience in last. Have to ponder that for a sec what that means.....
Have to ponder that for a sec what that means.....
It means that some people think that the single most important thing about you is what you look like, even when they have their eyes shut.
Actually, that's a little unfair. Some of them just don't care about being robbed by hoodlums at a fake cuddle meet, as long as the girl in the bait photo was pretty. 🙄
Well, to be genuinely fair, I don't really understand it at all. @YNCL I appreciate your comments about genuine attractiveness - a nice smile is perhaps the most attractive thing of all, and certainly better than caked-on makeup. But why do you put attractiveness at number 1? As @pmvines said, it's in the mix, of course it is. (Althought it's right at the bottom for me. I actually went back and reviewed all my cuddling decisions, and attractiveness didn't come up once.) But why right at the top?
@cuddlerforu24 - lay off the personal attacks. Do not. Thanks. -Sid
I think maybe thenattractiveness makes him feel good For an hour or two . What’s wrong with that , he can hire who he wants .
@Sideon ok , there’s a client here posting a reason why or what he looks for in a pro cuddler and the flow of discussion seems to turn against him , and at least one person suggesting it’s a wrong reason . Here he is opening up his wallet , and home , is he complaining about prices ? No. Is there any indication he is a “ resentful client “ using a service ? No. And aren’t there pros who refuse clients because of looks.
@cuddlerforu24 - all valid. But your personal attack was not. I repeat: don't. Thanks, and have a nice day.
@CuddleDuncan , we have discussed similar topic before. It is interesting that it seems a majority of people cant find someone to meet / cuddle. This obviously is very very small sample size (23 votes) currently .
But when you look for attractiveness first and experience last, and its not working to find anyone...maybe just maybe one who can't find anyone might want to tweak the formula some? Just a thought . But hey, what do I know lol
@cuddlerforu24 Not supposed to list other websites on here, but I'm (rhetorically) curious what other sites you need professionals to be on to show they're serious. I'm only on two, because I don't know any others that market in a way that is acceptable to me. In addition, I have my own personal website. Most of the most serious professionals I know in the industry are not on any cuddle database sites, or just one or two, if any. They have their own websites and usually have a page on Facebook for their business as well.
@SnugglePurrs I'm sure this link will get deleted, but here is my explanation as to what you're paying for when paying a professional cuddler. https://www.cuddlinghaven.com/why Hopefully you can check it out before it gets deleted. I am not interested in copying/pasting my personal write-up into this forum... O:-) In addition, I will add that I do have plenty of clients who consider themselves to be caregivers. I usually try to challenge them to TRY experiencing receiving touch at least once, as so many people simply have not experienced it, and as has been mentioned, it's a human need, so it can really be amazing to learn how to allow yourself to be cared for. At the same time, I don't force it beyond that. If the person prefers the holding positions as opposed to being held, then those are the ones we'll focus on.
@ubergigglefritz I’ve always considered the cuddlist site the flagship of professional cuddling sites . To me me checking each site for the same pro cuddler kind of fills in more of the “ who am I” ... “what am I” .... “ how am I”... Of the pro Cuddler. What is said on each site ? Is it the same “ about me” the same on each site word for word ? Or is more info offered on each .
@cuddlerforu24 mine are the same on both (my website is pretty different though). I don't see any reason to withhold certain information depending on the site. 🤔 Thanks for sharing your perspective! ☺️