No photo/blank profile

Nicalaos

I've received four chats/cuddle requests in the last month and every single one of them had a blank profile and/or no photo, and even after chatting a bit no shared photo.

Is this common? The amount of discretion that people require both on this site and non-platonic sites is really strange to me.

Rezz

From what I've read here female enthusiasts commonly don't add photos to avoid harassment. They prefer to send photos privately when they feel a mutual platonic connection.
Sadly the blank profiles and no photos after a history of messaging may be a scammer, bot or fake user.

Pros are always required to have a photo if I'm not mistaken.

Males here rarely have photos.

Members using discretion on this site by not making their face public is fully acceptable in my opinion. Cuddling is a small niche with a stigma attached that many would prefer their friends , family and workplace not know about.

Nicalaos

I wasn't aware there was a stigma attached to cuddling. Discretion is acceptable, I just don't understand why the discretion is needed after it's clear that you are not someone they know. It's only been males.

mina38

Nicalaos, I am so happy that you have inquiries! I am sorry that it is frustrating not knowing whether they are fake or not, but regardless, you should be proud that your profile has gained attention! I am still learning how to discern between real and fake but in both cases it has proven difficult to differentiate due to said level of discretion. Anonymity is crucial and so, unfortunately, it can be misused to create fake accounts. Keep an eye out for them, report them, and keep your chin up!

I completely understand your point Envie! I can imagine discretion is a huge thing for users of this website, providers and consumers alike. I wish it were easier to determine if the user is fake or not but all through experience I suppose.

OhioMike

@Envie ”Males here rarely have photos .” 👍

CuddleMeYummy

Yes this is common. If they have nothing I don't respond. If I feel like responding, I will write, please send me a photo of your face with no glasses and we can chat.
That is my boundary. No photo, no info, no talking. Most times with nothing I won't write them. But if they have someone written and no photo then I will maybe ask for photo. If I don't get it in the next message I get from them, they are cut off. Either I never respond or if they keep writing I block them. Life is too short to be wasting my time writing people that are literally wasting my time. As it means they will never meet up. And I wouldn't meet up with anyone that I don't know what they look like.

I have photos...you must have photos or send them in the first message after I request them.

Rezz

@Nicalaos

There's absolutely a stigma for people seeking cuddling unfortunately. Some view it as low key prostitution / soliciting prostitution. While it's not the nature or intention of the site , to the outsider looking in they may view it differently.
I've been actively cuddling for two years, I still get asked "how legit is that" 🙁 so yeah many people here prefer to remain anonymous until a meeting has been established or they feel confident in letting you see them.
Stick around, while some are hesitant to show their face, many will gladly provide a photo upon request.
I wish you luck in your future cuddle endeavours!

I do feel embarrassed sharing photos, on any social connection sites, because I feel like a failure. At first it felt different, though over time I've felt more like a 'product on a shelf', rather than a human being. I feel ashamed of that, so embarrassed that someone that knows me, might see me. It's hard mentally working past that to post them.

I'm also pretty terrified of cameras and can't fake emotion well. Since I have no social contacts, I always know that I'm pointing the camera at myself. Inevitably, this leaves me looking incredibly awkward, which isn't the best first impression and might well be the only impression I get to make. I do love that this site let's us have a 'Friends Only' photo section, helps a lot with anxieties.

pmvines

@SnugglePurrs I think you have a great pic love your teeth!!

I think you have a great pic love your teeth!!

Lol, not a single filter on it either, it's just a rawr image.

MaullySterling

Photos are a weird thing.

I take this thing seriously, so I post a pic. Not my face, because I get the wrong attention. But I've also flat out turned down pushy dudes, and them turn around and report my main pic because it's not a pic of my face.

One guy that I talked to, a bit of back and forth, asks what I'm doing, and I replied honestly about putting up a yoga hammock, because COVID, lack of exercise, needing to get back to pre-covid fitness, at the very least.... He asks what that is, I send a stock photo, from where I ordered it, and guy sends a flurry of msgs. All inappropriate.

Quite frankly, I don't care what you look like. I care about your character. No pic, 1 line profile = no effort, but pic of your pet, your fave place, your hobby, and I'm feeling connection to you.

Similarly, you're asking for my pic, esp without showing me yours, on profile or in msg, and I'm putting walls up, because experience says I don't want to engage with this person.

Curious though. Even when someone has a photo or 2 on their profile, I won't assume it's them. I actually assume they found photos online, somewhere, until a bit of conversation tells me more about their character.

Unless it's really unflattering. Then, I assume they're being vulnerable and truthful.

And yes, I will also google search some pics.

The one person I have met, through here, has their face posted, and I sent photos to them, before we discussed meeting. Now that vaccines are rolling in, here, I hope we make it a regular meetup.

Nicalaos

@SnugglePurrs I can totally relate with the discomfort of taking selfies. Can't fake emotion, either. I actually feel that I become more socially anxious with something like video chat than simply being with a person.

@Nicalaos I know the feels with video chat, I don't even own a webcam, something I'm hoping to force myself to try in the near future. Might need to practice what to say under pressure, perhaps "I'm not a cat...."

EVERYTHING @Envie said!

misternatureboy

I ignore anyone with no profile pic and barely any info. If they don't make an effort, why should I?

Maverick07

To me, it seems much harder to approach someone nowadays at the gym, a park, wherever, than over the internet... It feels like they'd call the cops, start recoding, or pepper-spray you... maybe all 3 together
I do have some personal info and a couple of pics on my profile (even though the profile pic is a little chuckle)... that's not something I was 100% comfortable with being an introvert, but I think it'd be fair/honest to other members truly interested in cuddling here.

Koralie

Just be happy to get customers... they all want to talk to me, but then very few follow through when they find out im transgender... I don't get it... its not like they get what's in my pants, so why do they care so much what body parts I have... one guy assumed I had surgery. had to tell him that I have had none and chose to not go ahead with plans... his choice, but its frustrating to say the least... all I want is to help those in need, but even when they tell me how they "need it so bad" then they take nothing all because they know I don't have the corresponding parts... honestly don't know if I'll stay on here much longer.

Nicalaos

Its interesting to me what preferences people have on this site. I've noticed most gay male profiles only cuddle men. And straight women tend to only cuddle men. Yet, I've noticed straight men have a very sizeable amount that cuddles everyone. A poll on this would be very interesting. Gay individuals and straight women seem more gender specific in who they cuddle with.

MissAdventurous

Touch, in general, can be taboo in Western culture and around the world.

Something that should be so easy, is difficult.
And to express what you need when you've been oppressed, if even more difficult. Even with a photo, or profile description.

That is a big inspiration for why I use my degree and connect with others in this field for almost 3 years now. As a true professional, I know how important my role is to myself and to helping others.

My best advice, is to write a little something, set a photo to private on here, and share with your discretion. No one should demand honesty, but if you want an honest connection in life, being vulnerable can be a good start.

❤️

Amortentia

I actually never ask for a photo if they don't provide one themselves. But maybe it's because I meet only in public in person so can just text them to find them and they know what I look like so there were never problems not meeting up. All my sessions have went well too. And with my virtual sessions I'll know it's him if his face shows up on the screen so I don't care to have a picture either. But if I didn't do public sessions I'd probably want a photo unless we did public before which would then mean I already know what he looks like and not need a photo. But if photo is necessary for you then just be upront and say I need a photo before meeting. Everyone has their own way of feeling comfortable before meeting up so voice it with them.

@Koralie Please don't be discouraged by the mindless oafs that are on this site. Besides, you haven't made it to Denver yet.

pmvines

@MaullySterling I cant believe you were reported for no face pic that's ridiculous ! I know pros have a thing where they are supposed to post a pic but you a pro. Please tell me nothing came of it ...

CuddleDuncan

@Koralie welcome! Cuddle Comfort suffers from an excess of what I call idiots. It's something that all professionals here have to deal with often, and everybody here has to deal with occasionally. The tragedy is that most of these idiots need a good cuddle as much as the rest of us.

Cuddling is a new thing. As a society, we are still figuring out how it all works. This shows up in Cuddle Comfort in the way the place rewards certain behaviours. The habits that are rewarded here are patience, effort and thoughfulness. It normally takes a few months for new people to settle in properly.

So, take your time. Get to know a few people. Absorb the wisdom of others. Discover what tweaks to your profile will attract the right people, and repel the idiots. Things will get better.

Comfy_Arms

@Koralie @CuddleDuncan
Duncan, I think it's wrong for you to refer to people as idiots simply because they turn Koralie down after becoming aware of the transgender issue. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves who they will and won't cuddle for whatever reason. If you want to cuddle with a transgender man or woman, all power to you! But don't call people idiots just because they're not looking for the same thing as you.

Koralie, it's no use complaining about people choosing nothing rather than you even when they're hard up for a cuddle; it just makes you come across as entitled. Some people like tea, some like coffee, others drink anything. It would be impolite to insist to a tea drinker that they should drink coffee and would enjoy it just as much. That's their choice, not yours.
Even when it's platonic and private parts are not involved, people can still have a strong preference for receiving healing/nurturing touch from one particular gender.

CuddleDuncan

@Comfy_Arms

Duncan, I think it's wrong for you to refer to people as idiots simply because they turn Koralie down after becoming aware of the transgender issue.

But I didn't do that. That's just something you made up. And I agree with you - to call somebody an idiot for that reason would simply be wrong.

The idiots I was referring to are the people who contact somebody and then refuse to cuddle with them for reasons that are explicitly and clearly given in their profile. (Koralie's profile makes it crystal clear that she is transgender.) The kind of people who, for example, might message you asking for a cuddle..... And then subsequently refuse to cuddle with you because you have a beard.

Comfy_Arms

@CuddleMeYummy Sure, you're entitled to stick with your rule of "give me a pic as soon as I demand it" but that leaves no leeway for the other person who might want to exchange a few meaningful message and establish some level of connection before they feel comfortable enough to send a pic.
Not everyone wants to be judged up-front on their looks. Demanding a picture after 1 message might suggest you want to judge if they're attractive enough for you to invest effort in, without regard for their personality and character.
You may miss out on some wonderful people.

Comfy_Arms

@CuddleDuncan You weren't that specific. You were simply responding to Koralie who said

very few follow through WHEN they find out I'm transgender

(emphasis mine)

Koralie's profile is a bit of a tome, and some people can't handle that and may have missed that crucial detail at first.

Sideon

@Comfy_Arms - like the part where you called out @CuddleDuncan and you distorted what he stated?

Your comment and subsequent response aren't warranted, nor do I appreciate your backhanded comments about Koralie, her profile, and overall derailment of the topic: blank profiles and no photos.

Kindly take leave of THIS specific thread.

Comfy_Arms

@Sideon HOW have I distorted what Duncan stated? Re-read what Koalie wrote and how Duncan responded. It sure looks like he is saying those who change their mind about cuddling WHEN they realise Koalie is transgender are idiots. He only "clarified" what he meant after I called him on it.

And how is anything I wrote a "backhanded" comment?
How is noting that Koralie's profile is a tome (iow rather lengthy) a derogatory statement? It's simply a fact that it is significantly longer than most other profiles here, and that likely means some people won't read all of it.

As for "overall derailment of the topic", well Koalie's post was itself a derailment of the topic, as was Nicalaos' post immediately after it (discussing sexual preferences) but you didn't bother to call them on it. Could it be that you're just teeny weeny bit biased against me, and that that is why you jump on me the moment I say anything even slightly critical? After all, in a thread a few weeks ago I did not see you jump in to clobber DarkLordChungus when he refered to my religious beliefs as garbage. This same DarkLordChungus gets away with nasty comments and inane off-topic posts but I've yet to see you call him on it.

You were warned, Comfy_Arms: forum timeout, 10 days. You may not disrupt the good-of-the-order. [-Sid]

Sideon

Carry on, folks.

MaullySterling

Wow. Someone likes hearing their own voice, even when they have nothing useful to say.

@Koralie You're right, shouldn't matter what's behind a zipper, when your being platonic. I'd take it in the context of "they were going push boundaries, and that doesn't fit their desired outcome" You're well rid.

Presenting is not necessarily relevant, but some ppl are very focused on it, anyway. I only find it relevant in assessing risk. (I've never met a woman who refused to accept my "no thanks")

@CuddleDuncan you're always supportive and kind. You're good ppl. It's appreciated

@Sideon You ROCK!

@Nicalaos Has anything changed since you posted? Are you getting more pics in correspondence?