Is it cheating for a man to seek a cuddle buddy? Like if it's just movies and cuddle? Like what's the etiquette?


  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    If you feel you have to hide it from her, then it's probably not a good idea.
  • You should communicate with your partner before setting up a cuddle session in order to see if it is something they are okay with and that you can compromise on. Cuddling can be very vulnerable for people and your partner could feel hurt if it feels like this is a part of yourself you're now sharing with someone else- like a emotional cheating. So it's always good practice to ask in order to get a gauge on the parameters of your relationship ^_^
  • Unless your partner has specifically said he/she is ok with it, then it is cheating. If you haven't asked, it's cheating.
  • Problem with something as intimate as cuddling (as I see it) is that it can lead to something else. If you're unhappy with your relationship you need to take action. That can be trying to solve things or if not possible break up.

    For us singles it makes sense. You don't want a relationship or a sexual thing, just some love.

    In the past I had a partner and we were really open about everything. She talked to a whole lot of guys, but since I knew (I had a bunch of female friends myself and never really though much of  that as they were simply friends) I didn't bother too much. Until when day when I figured out she was having an affair going on for a few months.

    I guess that changes perspectives. If you're an ethical person start to work your relationship or go to a professional place and have something like a massage to off load. 

  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
  • I've been putting a lot of thought into this very question.  In my case, because of some health issues, my wife is unable to offer me much in the way of physical intimacy. It's not her fault, and the very last thing I want to do is to let her feel as though she's somehow inadequate or a failure as a wife. I have to be extremely careful to make sure that nothing I do hurts her more than she's already hurt. We have discussed the problem, and she suggested that I might consider seeking someone else out who could fill my need for closeness.  Certainly, before I talk with anyone about it, she and I will have to have quite a few more conversations regarding the subject. If she has any reservations at all, it won't happen.

    My biggest concern is the temptation that it affords, so every personal rule I will set for myself will be to make sure that boundaries are never crossed, and that my marriage takes absolutely first priority.  Any potential cuddle buddy that can't accept that, will not be welcome.

    First, I will make sure my wife meets them and is comfortable with them.  If at any time, she expresses concerns, the cuddling is over.

    Secondly, cuddling will only happen when she is in the room or close by enough that crossing a line would be impossible without her knowing about it.  In short, she would have to keep an eye out for any sign that I am misbehaving.  I won't, but keeping everything out in the open should keep her comfortable with it.

    There are other concerns and considerations, but these two would be the foundation. 

    So the attitude for me is that this is not something I will be doing, but it will be an us thing, just like anything else in our marriage. 

    It seems to me that this kind of thing has to be unique for every couple, but the bottom line is that it must be a tool to strengthen the marriage, not go around it.  So my answer to your question is that it can be cheating, if your wife is not only aware of what your doing, but in complete agreement and involved in what you are doing, even if not on a physical level.

    This make sense?

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)
    In my cuddling heydays I preferred married women.  They had more self-control and stuck by the guidelines whereas single women had wavering hands and thought we were in a relationship after one cuddle.  Not saying all married folk are strict and all singles are loosey-goosey - just saying from my personal experience this was the case

    I understand the overall consensus in this thread but if someone is in need I rarely hesitate to offer comfort and an ear.  Regardless of their marital status, preference or crazy hairstyle.

    Regarding the initial thread question - it depends on the arrangement.  I know some couples who give their partners a pass to find affection elsewhere and don't want to know about it.  It's rare but it does exist.
  • As a professional cuddler new to this site, I ask people to explain their goals to me for the cuddling session in their message.  People often need to talk, and cuddle, with someone outside of their primary relationship.  
    However, I feel very uncomfortable when the 'goals' message doesn't fully explain why they want to cuddle outside of their relationship.  
    Is someone happily married/in a relationship, and so used to cuddling they want to have a session (that their partner knows about) during their week long business trip?  Great!  This is why we have professional cuddlers!  
    Is someone mostly happily married, but needs to talk and can't afford a therapist (but also is very firmly not looking for anything outside of talking and cuddling) and their primary long term goal is to work on their relationship?  OK, that makes sense.   
    Is someone married, wants to cuddle in their hotel room during their business trip, and offers no other information?  I'd probably regretfully decline or not even respond.  They didn't really explain their goal to me, so it's a very grey area in terms of what's going on and what they think is going to happen during the cuddle session.  Also, it's a bad sign in terms of general communication that they weren't able to include their goals (we already know they want to book a cuddle session if they're messaging me from a cuddle site - they still haven't really explained what they want from the session or that they firmly grasp what a cuddles session should be about). 
  • maybe, maybe not, when you need a hug bad enough to pay for it you need a hug.
  • [Deleted User]Aiko (deleted user)
    Everyone needs hugs
  • I agree with what's been said earlier. I think it's important that you speak with your partner and discuss what it is you're looking for and how cuddling with someone else would help. It has to be a mutual acceptance or else you won't get what you want out of it either. You will spend the majority of your time with your cuddle buddy worried and feeling guilty which defeats the point.
    Another way to look at it is if you were getting a massage from a member of the attractive gender. Would your partner feel comfortable? Cuddling is obviously more intimate than just a massage, but if your partner has a problem with even that, then cuddling is most likely also off limits.
    Over all, communication is key.
  • Regardless of what is ok or not ok in a theoretical sense, or what others here say, or what you even feel, or what you need, the only thing that will matter at the end of the day is how your partner feels. If you do it without talking to him/her first, his/her trust in you could be broken. Or their feelings hurt badly. Then what would you say, people on the online cuddling forum said it was ok? There's a chance the trust would be broken, and then the relationship could suffer or end. And either you chose those possibilities or you don't. I don't even know that it's a question of right or wrong but more are you willing to live with any possible consequence.
  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)
    @thalo I'd say the same thing as I said before.

    It depends on the marriage, arrangement or agreement.  Not all marriages and relationships are one size fits all.

    The only thing we all can agree on is communication is key.
  • I am polyamorous.  It isn't cheating if your wife or husband knows and or encourages it.   Many of my poly friends join dating groups, but since I am primarily interested in friends and cuddle dates.  I find the concept of this place pretty perfect.  
  • same here/ and there are others
  • [Deleted User]Aiko (deleted user)
    All I can think about after reading the latest comments is when Forrest Gump says, life is like a box of chocolates lol People are different, let me be.
  • but watch out for the Mandela effect.
  • [Deleted User]cuddledingo (deleted user)
    Thread should've stopped after Morpheus's first reply... if you feel you have to hide it, it's not a good idea.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)
    Last month I snuck a cupcake(my favorite flavor) into my apartment while my gf was sleeping.  I ate it.  She woke up and never knew.  Great idea and best decision I made all month! ^_^
  • I don't think many know what it is about, or what to expect.  I feel it is my job to explain what the benefits and/or 'goals' can be.  All most men know is that they are feeling a void, but are not good at expressing what they feel.  Many of my clients are married and I have been told that I keep them from leaving there wives/ cheating.  My goal for these married men is that our sessions carry over to their wives, that they learn to be more affectionate, and not just when they want sex.  I had one guy send me this..."I wanted to say thanks for our session today. You're a very special person. You gave me some very profound thoughts about showing affection to my wife again. It's already had an affect. I don't really know why I've held it back but you made me think about being a giver again. You have a gift- Thank You for sharing it with me. I feel a friendship is born." 

    ...that's good enough for me.  

  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    I had a pro tell me she wouldn't cuddle with me cause I'm married. Is that discrimination?
  • I would feel discriminated. The policy states:
    • Affectionate to anyone.
    • Accepting of all races, ages, genders, and sexual orientations.
    • Reliable with strong interpersonal and communication skills.
    • Independant contractors and therefore entirely responsible for their service.
    • Will never accept any proposition of a sexual nature.
    I consider poly as a sexual orientation and married people part of anyone.

  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    Damn now I'm sad.... not really but that actually did happen.
  • It's not surprising, it's much harder to not discriminate than people think. Discrimination is very much a part of the culture that we grow up in and to part from this path means creating experiences that many of us haven't had. Just saying that you don't discriminate doesn't mean that you have won the battle.
  • [Deleted User]cuddledingo (deleted user)
    @tlcjunkie - That's a great story and amazing! Way to go :)

  • hey everyone. My marriage is tanking, I see the mistakes i've made, she's made some too, It's not getting better. I just want to cuddle and spend time and watch netflix without sex. To me that's crossing the line. I'm lonely, but I love her and for a host of reasons I can't leave her. I just want an escape if that makes any sense.

  • @Bruce's Everything you said made sense to me,except your use of the word 'can' in your last sentence. I think you must have meant 'can't'.

    @Proudgamer I am glad to see more poly folk here, and I agree with what you said.

    @docgatorb I totally laughed out loud at your Mandela effect comment. I am wondering how many people here even know what that is. =)

    @chococuddles What will your gf say when she reads what you wrote here about the cupcakes? Now that is cheating. ;)

    <3 Jim

  • [Deleted User]StarFlower (deleted user)

    I am a professional cuddler and I don't judge someone by if they're married, or dating someone seriously, or not.

    Massage therapists see clients at least near-naked, and they certainly don't care about the marital status of their clients; they're there to provide a therapy. Same for me.

    If a married client feels he needs to clear seeing me with his wife, that is certainly his prerogative. However, as she is not my client, and my client may feel freer and more relaxed without anyone else present, only he and I would be in the session space. It's difficult-to-impossible to have the type of oxytocin-releasing experience, melty type of cuddle that you're going for when a third party is present in the room.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    A Pro who declines someone due to relationship status (or race, age, height, etc for that matter) isn't a Pro in my book.

    There are definitely instances when a Pro should decline a potential client but the above shouldn't be among them.

  • As a pro the only things I judge are those that would be a red flag to meet the person in the first place. Such as do they seem like because of their messages unwilling to follow the client agreement.

    I don't judge any other lifestyle choices, though sometimes during sessions I'm asked for dating advice or relationship advice which I'll give my perspective on. It's like a barber or masseuse, the client may end up talking a lot about their personal things or not talking at all. I like to treat each client with respect and let them use the session to air or not air any feelings they may be having. A bit like therapy.

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