It’s hard as a woman

Tigerlilly32

Tonight I supposed to try it out for the first time- as a host- after meeting in public.

He freaked out when I asked him to bring identification.

I got extremely uncomfortable 😣

I think the main reason women have a hard time at this is because when we finally see someone we might want to try this with, there is lack of empathy for how a person feels inviting a new person to their personal space.

I explained that it was for my peace of mind only and he canceled- I feel much better that he did actually.

It’ll be a very long time before I’m willing to attempt again, but I still need to complete this study haha.

@Tigerlilly32 I am sorry to hear of your experience. That is quite unfortunate, and I'd like to believe that is not the majority. It's not just limited to women, but sadly, I'm guessing it happens more with the ladies than the men. Don't give up, but by all means, stay safe and trust your instincts and any "red flags" that go up.

birdiegrl

Just throwing this out there…. Meeting people online to cuddle with is not for everyone. There’s nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable with it, and maybe it’s not really within your comfort zone. I think I’d go forward if someone asked me for a driver’s license but it probably would feel a little cringy.

Also, I’m wondering if it’d feel safer to you if you were a guest or in a neutral place, like a hotel room. I have hosted at home a bunch of times and never had any trouble with it, but if someone turns into a problem it’s harder if they know where you live.

Also, just noticed that you aren’t a professional. Maybe you should start with a pro with several karmas for a practice run.

Tigerlilly32

@DrCuddleBug Thank you. I agree, safety is an issue for everyone. I wholeheartedly am willing to show my identification, as a professional I constantly show identification .

@rubidoux I actually would love to hire a pro but most if not all the ones I’m willing to connect with are very far from my location.

Showing identification- cringeworthy… I don’t see it that way unless you built rapport with someone or had solid references, otherwise it’s a stranger on the internet.

Rezz

@rubidoux
If you mean her going as a pro, it isn't for everyone. She would still have to deal with flakes, inappropriate requests , time wasters etc. The problem isn't her status, the problem is her cuddler didn't want to ensure her comfort by proving his identity.

@Tigerlilly32 I'm sorry about your experience, but it was probably was for the best. You should feel safe in your cuddling environment and he didn't feel the same.

Lovelight

Him canceling was for the best. Apparently he wasn't okay with it and I can understand that. I can also understand your position. It's unfortunate that it couldn't work out. Though I believe you're bound to find* someone you can get on the same page with. In the meantime, I hope you've things that uplift you going on in your life and that you have some blast.

herby357

Its good that you set ID out as one of your requirements and trusted your instincts. Sorry to hear that this one encounter has soured you to the process.

At the end of the day my goal is to make my partner feel as comfortable as possible. So, personally, I wouldn't have a problem showing/bringing ID if it was something you needed to feel comfortable. But I would also request that you do the same or reciprocate given the high instances of identity theft these days.

My deal breaker is deposits. I've been taken, so I'm once bitten twice shy in that department. Therefore, I just don't cuddle with pros that require that.

Wishing you the best moving forward.

WriterGF

@Tigerlilly32 I support you 110%.

RadiantHugs

This is just my opinion, but if you check ID, it should be at the very first time you meet, which in your case was during the public meeting.

It seems in your case a mutual sense of trust wasn't established yet - since clearly you didn't feel safe with him even after meeting out in public the first time. If I were the man in that situation, I would have sensed that, and cancelled too. It's all for the better. Oxytocin won't be flowing if there is fear present, so there is no benefit to cuddling in that situation.

applepie55

I require an ID before meeting anyone in person. I’ve only had a few people refuse to meet because of this and I respect their decision but I don’t compromise. I’m sorry this person cancelled. You’ll find someone.
I also agree with @CuddlesByDeep that you should check the ID before or on the first meeting.

However, @herby357 I do not ever share my ID with others nor do I ever share my last name. I require an ID so I can run a quick background check if meeting in person because most my sessions tend to be in hotels with men and I want to make sure they have no records. I would never share my information because I have been stalked before. I keep my social media on lock down as much as possible but people still find me. For that reason I do not reciprocate.
There have been very few instances in which I feel comfortable enough with a cuddler to add them on social media but that requires trust waaay more trust.

sunnysideup

I’m sorry that the cuddle didn’t work out, it will always sting. I can't speak for everyone one, but I do my best to make my fellow cuddler feel safe, which would include requests like an ID check. So there are others out there

I might add that the the point at which the ID was asked may not have been ideal, if it was asked after a public meeting, I might feel like I did something wrong and may feel hurt. Maybe the guy felt this, I don't know the full details so it's hard to know. Either way, he shouldn't have freaked out, that was wrong. If he was hurt he should have just respectfully passed instead. If he freaked out over that, he likely would not be the best cuddler anyway! Agree with @CuddlesByDeep that if you prefer an ID check, asking for it before first meeting might be more ideal.

CallMeMikey

I first started cuddling with pros through a business here in St. Louis. They had security cameras in every room. Every time I visited someone there I was told about the camera in the room. Didn't bother me a bit as I have nothing to hide. I've also been asked for ID a few times over the years. No big deal. A lot of folks don't realize how much they're tracked already, and those are the people who tend to freak out.

Babichev

Anyone who balks at showing ID is not your ideal cuddle buddy. However, I agree that it would be best to request that at your first public meeting.

Unfortunately, a lot of men don’t understand that we are putting ourselves into a very vulnerable position. Hold out for someone who is considerate and understanding.

ernesto_2

@Babichev what I find disheartening was that we aren't also taking into account the potential client's security or safety.

@applepie55 said:

I do not ever share my ID with others nor do I ever share my last name. I require an ID so I can run a quick background check if meeting in person because most my sessions tend to be in hotels with men and I want to make sure they have no records. I would never share my information because I have been stalked before. I keep my social media on lock down as much as possible but people still find me. For that reason I do not reciprocate.

From my perspective, if the Professional I was hiring was unwilling to reciprocate the need for background checks/security, it's a red-flag and I would cancel. That's not to say that I don't agree with the need for their safety and security, but I don't view a cuddling agreement (which is essentially a verbal contract) to be a zero-sum game. BOTH parties deserve to feel safe, secure, and comfortable before, during, and after a session.

cuddlerforu24

there’s absolutely no way I’m showing an ID to someone to cuddle in my house .
My house , my rules.

WriterGF

If someone is coming to your home, they have your address. They can find out who you are using that and Intelius can give them a complete background on you.

cuddlerforu24

@WriterGF also they can discover what toothpastes you use and what you had for breakfast

UCpaaHVg6u0

Is there any way to electively use a third party system to verify identity for purposes of using Cuddle Comfort? It would be like a "cuddle passport", which would provide some assurance that identity and background has previously been professionally checked and verified. Is there anything already existing that does that for other activities besides cuddling?

cuddles_ndream

That’s a good idea @UCpaaHVg6u0 … but recommending or offering such service might deem CC liable for interactions in the future there after & I don’t think they want that … the same way Twitter is a medium to exchange information, is the same way cc is a medium for parties to interact & potentially meet ..

Gary

Its unlikely CC will have a verification system in the way you describe, because as cuddles_ndream mentions it opens us up to potential legal issues if we gave assurances that we "verified" someone and then something bad happened. All members are encouraged to exercise their own due diligence to satisfy their own peace of mind in regards to safety.

With that said, I personally would feel uncomfortable offering my passport to someone to then take a picture of, even under the grounds of safety and reassurance for the other party. I understand some may be comfortable with that arrangement, but I think it's unfair for it to be an expectation, or to suggest that anyone who doesn't comply is automatically categorised as not an ideal cuddle buddy.

Remember, there are risks when sharing personal details with someone, especially something as confidential as your driving license, passport, social security or other government issued ID. That can make you vulnerable to a different kind of attack vector that you should evaluate and consider carefully.

It would seem fair if someone asks for your ID then you can ask for theirs too. Ensure it’s kept safe and only for a reasonable amount of time. If either parties are not comfortable at any point, move along.

entwine

I wouldn't mind showing my ID, doesn't seem to be used for much these days..
Only times I can remember using my ID for anything is:

• Buying alcohol at grocery store
• Ordering water at a casino bar in Vegas
• When a nice man in a blue uniform was very eagerly giving me these tickets, but I didn't like the sound of the venue or band, so I didn't even end up using the tickets.

WriterGF

I think there is a huge difference between flashing your ID so someone can match the name to your face and sending someone a copy of it.

Gary

@Tigerlilly32 out of interest was your intent to take a picture/copy of their identification, or did you merely want to see it for curiosity reasons once you met in person?

Lovelight

@UCpaaHVg6u0 given that everyone has variations in how they look after their safety and people have various comfort levels, I wouldn't support CC having such implemented. And if it did, I can see it making some people uncomfortable to use it, who don't require that anyway. So I think it's better to let others find what suits them best.

ultimateApp

@CallMeMikey , I highly agree with you. Those who freak out about showing an ID are definitely not worth the time or energy, and are likely not going to be good cuddle buddies at all. Hecks, I would even be okay with being background checked in every way like online on Truth Finder and also in school, as well as being requested to take a sanity test. Safety is vital and essential, and I highly want everyone to ensure their safety in every way. I would even be okay with my cuddle buddies carrying with them a pepper spray and other self defense tools and the alarm remote thing. I have absolutely nothing to hide.

ultimateApp

I additionally think that Cuddle Comfort should ask everyone to upload their IDs and their fingerprint, and submit for background check and sanity test. That will ensure that the safety in this site as well as its usefulness is actually met, or at least a lot closer to being met hopefully.

ultimateApp

And it would be cool if after these features are added, this site gets advertised so it can attract a lot more people and then there can hopefully be a better gender and age balance in this site.

cuddles_ndream

@frace95 submitting i.d. / background checks / & fingerprints 😅

All these things will be so costly , & they could come back spot clean & it doesn’t guarantee anything … you know how many people are out there who weren’t convicted, or just never got cought in any wrong doing?

But just to be clear , I believe that anyone can require anything that makes them feel safe & comfortable … if someone doesn’t agree I would just move on

(I disagree with , “ Those who freak out about showing an ID are definitely not worth the time or energy” … I’m pretty sure most of the pros experiences on here have probably been with people who don’t even have a public pic on here, let alone submitted to a background check)

Babichev

The biggest problem isn’t that people using this site are criminals. The most common complaint is men trying to get away with non-platonic stuff and women trying to get away with charging without having a pro account. IDs probably aren’t going to put a stop to either of those. Reporting offenders does.

Speaking of IDs - if there is any chance someone you are thinking of cuddling might be underage, check their ID. Occasionally we’ll get someone make a profile and say they are 18 but then admit to someone they are underage.

CozyWolfy

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as the person asking seemed genuine and didn't give off any red flags.

Tigerlilly32

Thank you for the ongoing supporting posts and messages

@Gary all I wanted was to see it physically.

I didn’t think about ID when meeting publicly, I wanted to be ascertained that it would work.

Private setting vs public setting is entirely different.

Most cuddling doesn’t happen in public settings.

I see a Lack of empathy for women who desire to feel comfortable.

I definitely am willing to get a background check run on me, due to the nature of my job, I have them run all the time, I have nothing to hide.

Roles reversed I would gladly show anything that would make the other person comfortable as it’s the very first meeting. I would expect trust to GROW.

And I’m entering someone’s space, their zen.