Inappropriate conduct by female cuddlers

Travismo

Not even a year ago I was under the naive impression that a female would never try to take advantage of me physically, but I’ve since had experience with both professionals and enthusiasts getting a bit frisky and making me uncomfortable. While I’ve heard plenty of women speak about this sort of thing happening to them, I have not seen the same from men. I know that I was hesitant to bring this up myself, so I wonder if other males have had similar experiences and just haven’t been vocal about it or if it’s just so uncommon as to be irrelevant. To be clear I’m not referring to surprise prostitution, that’s a different issue altogether, but something more like putting hands on sensitive bits without asking.

sunnysideup

I haven’t experienced anything like that on this website, but I suspect it happens on occasion. thank you for speaking/bringing attention to it.

Sorry that these things happened to you, cuddling should be a very safe environment.

Lovelight

I'm a woman, though just wanna say sorry to hear that. It's awful to go through it and your experiences are valid however rare they may be! It's unacceptable and I can understand the hesitancy some or many men feel about speaking out against boundary pushers. How some get told "they scored" for getting violated, which too is unacceptable. It is hard enough being victimized. Men don't need to then be made to feel that they should feel lucky for being violated and shut it or brag about it on top of it.

@Travismo so I'm glad you shared your experience. The more who take a stand against injustice, the stronger we are.

Rezz

Not okay. I don't care how much karma they have or how "popular" they are, report them. This is unacceptable behavior regardless of gender. It gives the male clients the impression we want this disgusting behavior reciprocated.

Ahmedali999

Female cuddlers would never push boundaries it doesn't happen in this site, pushing boundaries means digging your grave of been banned. There are chances to experience it but CC very strict site, there was an enthusiast become a friend of mine, she sent me a site link asks me bank details. I reported her she got deleted

Rezz

@Ahmedali999

Female cuddlers would never push boundaries it doesn't happen in this site, pushing boundaries means digging your grave of been banned.

Dude stop. You're completely invalidating his complaint. That's the equivalent of saying men can't be sexually assaulted by women.

Ahmedali999

@Rezz ok

ultimateApp

I haven’t had boundaries pushes by female cuddlers, but I have only cuddled with professionals. However, I did get a few suggestive messages like a female one time asking “Where you at baby?”, and she was banned before I saw that message. I also one time messaged a female, and she responded saying “Hi. Would you like to worship me?” and she was banned also before I read the response. For some weird reason, some of the few female enthusiast cuddlers who were quick to reply to me very quickly got banned. One time, I was going to meet up with an enthusiast cuddler who lived near me. I thought the address texted to me was like a restaurant or some house to meet up at, but it turned out to be a hotel. And she said that she thought I had paid for it entirely already! She was a regular enthusiast cuddler and wanted me to pay a hotel in full! And she didn’t want to meet up in public. I felt uncomfortable meeting up at a hotel. That was $25 thrown away in public transportation! A few days later she got suspended from the platform. Of course, it is only the beginning of this paragraph that had suggestive things happen to me, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable.

Now this may be a bit off topic but I have had experiences with female employees calling me sweety or hun! That makes me feel very uncomfortable, especially if she is a young adult like me! Like, I am not there trying to find a relationship, or someone to flirt with. That is just creepy to me! Like, can she ask first before even calling me that? Like, she is a total stranger and like, it would be fine if there was like a conversation but I don’t want to be catcalled or called terms of endearment. Like, save that for your close friends or family. I did one time tell a young lady that I feel uncomfortable being called hun, and she luckily understood, but if she looks like more Republican like, I fear that she might get mad and call me a weakling, gay, or that I am being overreacting or that I need to take it like a man! Man is a noun, not an adjective. And not liking that doesn’t make me any less of a man nor does it make me worthy of being shamed. I need to just be more courageous to stand up for myself and say that I don’t want to be called those words.

Also, one time in middle school, there were some girls following me around during lunch. I told the yard duty/lady about it and she got disappointed at me for accusing and said that they only want to get to know me. Umm, no is no, and I had already made that clear with them and they couldn’t take that as an answer! That was back in May 2009.

I am sorry for what happened to you by the way. This society is definitely very backwards still when men are victims. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Democrat or Republican state, or what nation it is. But some people are starting to wake up, and that is good.

PeopleLikeUs

I have experienced women who cannot break out of dating mode. I am slow at arriving at my first cuddle. For this reason, the dating vibe tends to reveal itself before I ever cuddle them and I bow out. I take social posturing as a red flag.

StarFairy

I was unaware this was a thing till One male client I had in California shared with me he was hesitant to even reach out to me and try again because the last pro cuddler he booked tried to initiate something sexual with him! I couldn’t believe it! I guess we all assume that a male would love any advance but this isn’t always true. He was brought to tears sharing this with me. Also a few months back a guy I met while traveling not from CC told me he had to fight off a couple girls. Apparently it happens! There some crazy ladies out there it’s not just the boyz

Melancholy

@Travismo What do you mean by frisky? I think not everyone has the same ideas of what frisky means.
I think one thing that could help you is if you add something on your profile that says the following
"I report anyone who pushes boundaries or violates the rules of the site. I only want platonic cuddling period!"
Sometimes people need that extra warning or notice.
Haven't been on this site 3 years and seen so many cuddle pros and enthusiasts, I've never had someone push my boundaries so I'm not sure how I've managed to avoid that.
Try my suggestion though, I think it will help more than anything else.

SuperManCuddles

@Travismo Thank you very much for the courage to discuss this personal and sensitive issue. I am sorry that this happened to you and hope that it does not happen again. On this site, I had a woman be pushy with me in terms of pressuring for a unwanted relationship (her expectation is that I would only cuddle her but she can have one or two cuddle buddies). I felt really awkward but happy to maintain my boundaries. She was banned not long after that.

@Ahmedali999 as @Razz said you’re invalidating the complaint/experience that Op had.

I know you’ve stopped so you’ve presumably been convinced of that, but just to highlight the danger in the logic you’ve used there and for the sake of anyone potentially still thinking along those same lines:

What you said is the equivalent of saying that because there’d be the risk of getting fired or worse if it was complained about, that therefore nobody would get sexually harassed at work by a boss or colleague. Unfortunately people get sexually harassed at work all the time.

It might make sense on paper at first but it doesn’t hold up to reality, some people push boundaries if they think they might be able to get away with it whether because they believe their behaviour is wanted or that the rules don’t apply to them and this includes both men and women.

In addition, the fact that a number of people (especially new accounts but sometimes accounts that have been here a while) get banned is evidence of the boundary pushing, they might not want to get banned but to draw another comparison the risk of being caught and imprisoned doesn’t mean there aren’t any criminals.

Being dismissive of an experience happening because you think it’s impossible is somewhat reasonable, but thinking this is impossible or even highly improbable just due to the genders of the people involved or because of potential consequences is not.

It’s also dangerous to be dismissive of someone reporting something like this based on something like their gender because it sets precedent. The more people not believing something happened for X reason the less likely it might seem, regardless of whether X reason is valid or not and regardless of whether it actually happened.

We don’t have to believe everything we’re told but it’s important for our own sakes and for the sakes of others that we believe and disbelieve things for good reasons.

WriterGF

@Travismo Didn't you just recently have a thread about not getting any responses to your profile? Or am I misremembering?

coregulate

One of my clients was really upset about a pro emerging from the bathroom to cuddle, she was unclothed. She said "this is how I like to cuddle" He reported her but she has a lot of great karma. She's still on here.

Sheena123

Yea I had a few cuddlers tell me that certain “pros” will get a whole ass Bristol board out explaining all the extra stuff they could do for extra money. One of my cuddlers said he felt so cheap when she brought it out. This is disgusting behaviour that doesn’t belong here. Some of these women think “because I have lady parts, they will automatically want to pay extra for my goodies”. Just stop. This is so disrespectful to the men that actually want a genuine, platonic amazing cuddle. I’d also like to say I wish the men would stop paying for this stuff because I get guys all the time asking if I do this sexual stuff because other “pros” do it….

bekah_cuddles

@Sheena123 Same! I have also had a cuddler share with me that their boundaries had been crossed by another "pro" that was offering services of a non-platonic nature. Generally, there's nothing wrong with SW, but this is absolutely NOT the place for it. Anyone advertising for it here or privately after meeting should be banned.

Sheena123

@bekah_cuddles exactly!! I honestly wish SW was legalized. Women should be allowed to do with their bodies whatever they want. Period. HOWEVER, keep that off this Platonic site. Damn… lol 😆

RadiantHugs

There are pros who offer both platonic cuddling and also sex work, and some of them may be on this site. If you book someone from here they should only offer platonic cuddling and never try to upsell, and if they do you should report them. Until a few years ago places like backpage and craigslist had easily accessible sections where sex workers could offer their services; recent laws have changed that, and while the naive me would like to believe that industry was indeed shut down (let's leave aside judgement for now as to whether that was good or bad), the realistic person in me knows the workers have just gone stealth and offering their services in quiet on platonic sites. The only way to filter these people out is to report them the moment they try to upsell to something non platonic or cross platonic boundaries during a session.

Hollydollhugs

I also had a Cuddler tell me of a pro that came to their house toasted and did many inappropriate things. I wasn’t there so it’s his word against hers, but pros are supposed to be a safe place. There are many men and women that look to pros for that comfort and if it is ever violated, I could see why people are hesitant. That’s why I think all pros should get some type of training. They need to know this is peoples emotions and well being they are dealing with and it takes care and compassion not anything selfish or definitely not sexual. Definitely report any that have violated trust. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. I think it would be good to look at profiles and see if they have had field specific training, then your chances of that happening would hopefully be much less.

ernesto_2

My observations of this thread so far:

1. What are "non-male entities"? And what do they have to do with "women" and "females" in the post? Unless the OP is suggesting that women are non-male entities... which is a very odd and male-centric perspective.

2. What does "take advantage of" mean in this context:

"...experience with both professionals and enthusiasts getting a bit frisky and making me uncomfortable."

I believe that violations of boundaries is universally abhorred here, however it's not unworthy of mentioning that each individual's boundaries vary, person-to-person, client-to-client, and even among enthusiasts and professionals. I wouldn't suggest the OP failed to clearly define their boundaries, but I do hope that any perceived violation was addressed when it occurred.

3. This is a valid concern and question, and I applaud you for opening the door for men to potentially share their vulnerabilities:

"...While I’ve heard plenty of women speak about this sort of thing happening to them, I have not seen the same from men. I know that I was hesitant to bring this up myself, so I wonder if other males have had similar experiences and just haven’t been vocal about it or if it’s just so uncommon as to be irrelevant."

I'm actually disappointed that this wasn't praised more by other commenters. However, given the context of the entire post, and that this was somewhat buried in it, I can understand how it got looked over. All that to say, I genuinely appreciate when a fellow "non-female entity" is aware of the stigma against being open about negative feelings and experiences.

4. This is also poignant because you're describing something that may not be universally understood:

"...putting hands on sensitive bits without asking."

This was mentioned once earlier in the thread, but I think it's also important to be fair in saying that because everyone has a different boundary, and everyone has their own perspective on what touch is "good touch/bad touch" or what area's are more sensitive/uncomfortable, it's really hard to address this part of the OP without making a lot of assumptions.

For example, I have had several cuddlers (mostly but not exclusively Professional) say that they enjoy their ears being touched. I generally don't (for unknown physiological reasons beyond my understanding, when my ears are rubbed my neck feels like it's stiffened up, making it an uncomfortable experience). In this example, my "sensitive" or "bad-touch" area is completely non-sexual, but I would feel violated if this boundary wasn't respected.

As another example, I think feet are totally gross, but I enjoy giving foot rubs while talking because touch is my love language, and I enjoy being face-to-face when having deep conversations. About half of cuddlers I've spoken with (both enthusiasts and Professionals) have stated they either don't like foot rubs, or they require a level of trust before allowing it because some folks are using foot rubs as a way to entertain a kink or otherwise attempt to build tolerance to increasingly intimate contact. Again, this goes to show that touch can be sexually-charged without being sexual in of itself. And we need to be cognizant of each other's physical autonomy, comfort and trust levels, and especially intentions.

5. Summary.

I'm sorry you have had bad experiences. And I'm sorry to see some comments which seem to excuse or deny that these experiences can happen, let alone happen to men.

Gary

So if I was eating a doughnut and accidentally dropped it and it rolled down my body would that count as misconduct from a non-male entity ? Just wanna clarify !

ultimateApp

@vivalalife , if he (your client) told you who was that female pro cuddler who went outside of the bathroom unclothed, you should report her. She should not be able to be here still. This is unacceptable how she is still here. Just because some guys will be okay with it doesn’t mean all guys will be okay with it. If I have a professional or enthusiast cuddle buddy who is like that, I would report it to the site mod to endure it doesn’t happen to other guys!

Travismo

@WriterGF that was my post about lack of response from pros, but I made that in April.

The idea behind the title is that males are most often the perpetrators of inappropriate conduct and this thread is meant to point out the same from people who are not male.
I didn’t really want to get into details, but I guess for clarity’s sake I’ll say that I’ve seen 1 pro who put her hand on my crotch and 1 enthusiast who put my hand on her breast. Both instances occurred in July about a week apart and as someone who has a very hard time saying “no” it made me hesitant to cuddle for awhile. Obviously I should have been more assertive about my boundaries but again, I’m terrified of confrontation especially with women so I just didn’t say anything and I imagine that as far as they know I was either fine with it or into it.

ultimateApp

I have also had the naive impression that a women would never attempt anything inappropriate during a session, and I haven’t come across that yet, but I am very glad indeed that you had the courage to speak up. Just because a female does it to a male, it doesn’t make it anymore acceptable or any less unacceptable. This is indeed helping a lot of males out here to come out and speak up about their terrible experiences. Based on hearing these horrible things females having done to guys, both professionals and enthusiasts, I have been definitely thinking a lot more about leaving the site, but I don’t know much if it would be a good idea to meet a cuddler at their place again, just to be safe. Unfortunately, if I have a pepper spray or something and happen to get assaulted, while being unable to leave or run away, unfortunately self defense will rather most likely get me in legal trouble rather than her being held accountable. It is honestly very scary to hear that this is a thing, literally. But I would like to thank you guys for sharing your experiences, it gives other guys a heads up/warning about how some women here can be.

If women outnumbered men here, I wonder if something very severe could have happened to me rather soon, and thus making me to be about as scared about women as women tend to be scared about men who they don’t know, especially because of the stigma of guys speaking up about women hurting them or being made fun of or told to not try getting attention.

Like, these incidents have definitely got me to rethink about overnight sessions, and to not opt into any so I don’t end up with the utmost kind of assault possible, that can really mess up the rest of my life emotionally and financially.

Rezz

@frace95

I can assure you most of us pros and enthusiasts alike want to ensure your comfort and practice consent. There's always going to be a few bad players who ruin it for everyone else , regardless of their gender.
Just be clear and upfront with any future cuddlers about boundaries and what you expect and that you will express the same respect in return.
I decline far more sessions than I accept because of inappropriate requests and conduct in my screening process. If they don't want to respect my boundaries they can take their money elsewhere. I suggest you do the same ☺️

sunnysideup

@Rezz It seem like the difference between pros who stay and those who leave are those that have the ability to filter through the garbage.

Rezz

@sunnysideup

And it's alot of garbage, unfortunately.
That's why hearing that a fellow pro who has likely been on the receiving end of unwanted touching and commentary is unfortunate. She doesn't belong here and neither does the enthusiast if this is how they conduct themselves with, often times, emotionally vulnerable members of this community.

I hope he reported the both of them, for the safety and intergrity of the site.

Babichev

Men and women both can violate people’s boundaries and break the rules. We may hear about men doing it more often than women but women are still capable of it, too, and it is obvious that not everyone is on this site with platonic intentions.

It is possible that men may not report this if it happens to them because of some perception that this doesn’t happen to men. Obviously it does happen and should be reported.

When we agree to engage in platonic cuddling with someone we are making ourselves vulnerable to them. We are trusting a total stranger to respect our boundaries and when they don’t do that it’s very, very uncomfortable.

Why would someone still be on this site if they have been reported? The mods are in a difficult position. If someone says something blatant in a message there is incontrovertible evidence. However, outside of that, it is often a he-said-she-said situation and it can be tough. They may be issued a warning and at least they know they have been reported. If there is another report, then we have more evidence. I know from my own experience as a massage therapist and from discussions among pros that sometimes there are individuals who will behave perfectly fine with some people and turn around and take advantage of another individual. Why? Perhaps they perceived that person as being easy prey, perhaps some stressors in their life led them to act stupidly. It is hard to know sometimes whether to issue a warning and or to ban someone.

While most of the people on this site may not participate in the forums and some may not even realize they should be reporting misbehavior, this is a community and all of us depend on each other to take care of it. I really appreciate those who bring attention when something isn’t right, even if it’s kind of marginal. It may be given a pass but at least there’s a record and if it happens repeatedly, we know there’s a problem.

@Travismo , I’m very sorry that happened to you. I hope, going forward, you have better experiences. Please don’t hesitate to speak up when you are cuddling with someone and something doesn’t feel comfortable to you. You don’t even have to explain yourself, you don’t have to have “reasons.” If something makes you feel uncomfortable, you have a right to speak up and let that person know. Anyone who understands consent will back down immediately, even if they had no ill intention, and those who do have ill intentions are then put on alert.

Thanks for bringing attention to this.

CuddleWho

This is something I don't talk about here often. In fact I've been reprimanded by mods here for talking about it (how's that for double standards).

But yes, this happens, and I don't think it's even rare. Many, perhaps even most, female pros I've cuddled with (since 2019, not just on this account) have expressed sexual desire towards me in one way or another. In most cases this happens in ways that don't bother me, but not always - I've definitely had women touch me repeatedly in ways I've asked them not to. I personally don't find this threatening - it's hard to feel physically threatened by someone who's half your size. It's just annoying and disheartening.

To be perfectly clear, I'm not talking about pros who "offer extra services" for a fee. I've run into that, but not especially often. I just mean they, of their own desires, want things to be non-platonic between us.

This is one reason I'm a little skeptical of the idea that men are sexually pushy out of "toxic masculinity" and such. I think women are prone to be sexually pushy just as much as men are, but it happens less often and is discussed less often for other reasons. I won't get into those reasons because, again, the mods here have reprimanded me for discussing them in the past.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

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