Depression/hopelessness

sean2589

I know this likely isn't the place for a post like this. And I haven't commented/posted much at all since I've joined the site. But I've seen mostly great/encouraging responses to people that have posted different things in the forums. And I feel like my friends and family don't understand how I'm feeling. I'm in therapy and am taking meds. As a whole, I feel I have done everything that has been suggested to me over the years of fighting depression. It just isn't getting any better. I am losing hope. I don't expect anyone to respond to this post. I just needed to vent this out in a space.

Sheena123

There’s definitely nothing wrong with venting. I’m sorry you don’t have a lot of support. Sometimes it’s a long journey to go through depression and seeing the sun on the other side can sometimes be difficult. I’m glad that you’re taking therapy and making the right moves in trying to better yourself. That’s a positive step! So no matter how dark it can feel and how long the path may be to feeling better, you’re doing the right things to get there.

When I feel really down, I make myself understand that it’s ok to have a day where I’m in bed doing absolutely nothing. It’s ok to just spend a good portion of time playing video games. It’s ok to vent to whoever is around you that cares. It’s ok to know that you don’t have to be at 100% to matter in life. Do things that you enjoy to pass the time.

There are plenty of people on this site that sympathize and empathize. Never feel like no one cares or that you don’t matter. Your feelings and opinions are validated and you are an important person in this life, regardless of what others say!

RadiantHugs

@sean2589 I have been where you are at, and I feel you! Know that this is a caring space and you are seen and heard here. Sending you love and a virtual hug if you would like it!

MCcuddles2

Hang in there my friend.

cuddles_ndream

You can vent to me if you like, & you could ask me whatever you like (my p.m.’s are open to you)

& just know that more people here could relate to you, (than do not) guaranteed! Especially if we are active (or silent) on the forums… a lot of us either feel the same now, or felt the same at some point in our lives… & no matter who we are, we all have our days … so just know you’re not alone in your feelings, its wayyy more common than we think, and like sheena mentioned :

It’s ok to know that you don’t have to be at 100% to matter in life. Do things that you enjoy to pass the time. There are plenty of people on this site that sympathize and empathize. Never feel like no one cares or that you don’t matter.

JoyfulHeart

@sean2589 I'm sorry that life has been so much of a struggle for you. I've experienced those feelings as well. Others have said this, but my inbox is open to you too. I hope that you discover a path to something richer and better.

blisscuddles

@sean2589 This time of the year, the winter months, can make it harder. You are doing all the right things by getting help. Hope you find the strength to take it one day at a time. Just know that you are VALUED and can love yourself for who you are.

Mela_B

I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm holding space for you. 💜

@sean2589
I have been dealing with Depression and Anxiety my entire life. I believe I may have
found help in the form of Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (rTMS). My research suggests that it is a viable option for me.
I wish you well and hope you can find something that will help you.

stormydaycuddle

@sean2589 there is always a blue sky. You can’t see it through the clouds right now but it’s still up there.

Mike403

@stormydaycuddle - The sky is red with fireballs raining down. We are in the apocalypse.

ernesto_2

You can 100% message me at any time to talk. I have, and continue, to struggle with depression so I really do understand how isolating it can feel.

sean2589

@Sheena123 That was incredibly profound! I take everything you said very seriously, and am appreciative of your kindness and understanding. Thank you!

@CuddlesByDeep I really appreciate that you understand! I am truly sorry that you have dealt with this as well. I definitely take that love and virtual hug 😊 Thank you!

@MCcuddles2 Thank you! I will try my best to.

@cuddles_ndream Thank you so much! I will definitely take you up on that. Probably will pm you sometime in the next couple of days. I really appreciate your understanding, and letting me know I'm not alone in these feelings.

@JoyfulHeart I'm really sorry you've dealt with this too. It's one of the toughest things to struggle with. I will probably pm sometime over the next 2 days. I truly hope I can find that path to better. Thank you for your kindness!

@blisscuddles Thank you so much for those reminders! This is always the hardest time of year for me. The new year starting off always gets me in a sour mood for whatever reason. I hope one day I can love myself for who I am. It has been a lifelong battle.

@Mela_B Thank you so much! I really am appreciative of this space.

@Btown I am so sorry you have dealt with depression your entire life. I can't imagine having dealt with it that long 😕 I've heard a lot of rTMS before. I just haven't financially been able to do it. I would love to try it if I could. I hope it will help you if you decide to use that treatment. Thank you for your kindness and understanding!

sean2589

@stormydaycuddle I hope it's there. I feel so lost 🙁

@ernesto_2 Thank you very much for being alright with me messaging you! I will probably message you sometime in the next few days. I am so sorry to hear you struggle with depression too. It truly sucks.

stormydaycuddle

I’m bi polar. Currently, I’m up at the moment but when I’m down it’s hard to remember blue skies ever existed. It’s your mind playing tricks on you. Telling you this is all there ever was but that’s not true. There are blue skies. It sometimes needs to be just sheer stubbornness saying I’m stronger than the current moment. Get stubborn. It takes work but you can do it. 💕☺️

sean2589

@stormydaycuddle That definitely will be hard for me to be stubborn haha, and have the belief that I can do it. I just feel like I'm so far gone. Nothing in life really gives me enjoyment anymore. I really appreciate your endurance and optimism, and am proud of you for dealing with the struggle of being bi polar. Your perspective is tremendous.

ClubSamwiches

You’re not alone 🫂

sean2589

@SweetiSammi Thank you for that reminder

cuddles_ndream

🌌 🙏🏻 💯

ClubSamwiches

@sean2589 you’re welcome! I hope my hug emoji is showing 🤗

sean2589

@SweetiSammi It is! I had to look a little closer to identify what it was, but I did see it 😊

Sashamcgee

💜💜💜💜

Nytowl223

I'm going through a really bleak and depressing time in my life, too - the last 15 months have been one long nightmare - I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling despondent and hopeless. (((((hugs)))))

BoomerSpooner

I think it goes without saying that a lot of people are struggling but because people are struggling it needs to be said.

Babichev

@sean2589 - you are not alone.

If you live in or near a city with a major research hospital, they sometimes are doing studies which can make available therapies that are not generally available. Whether you participate or not is entirely up to you and if you become enrolled in a study you still can drop out if you want. If that sounds like something you might want to pursue, call the hospital, find out how to get in touch with the clinical research part of it, and ask if they have a research participant database that you can register with.

Depression sucks. It takes all the joy out of life. People who don’t suffer with it don’t get it.

This lecture on depression helped me understand better that it’s not a character flaw, it’s a condition just like diabetes is a condition. The lecture gets technical at times but that doesn’t need to get in the way of hearing the message. It may or may not be your cup of tea but I found it helpful.

Hang in there.

TFWO

You're definitely not alone. And I feel that you're here on this site for a reason.

In my own life, I've had dark and bleak periods that seemed hopeless. Looking back over my life, I can now see that every time that I was living alone, or there was no one there to touch and to hold, I would slow begin a downward emotional spiral. It was as if I didn't realize how much that I really needed human touch for my emotional well being.

For the past year this was happening to me again, and I realized that I had to do something about it, because I felt worthless, and it felt as if there was no point in living my life. After about 6 months of therapy, and daily journaling, and emotional deep diving, I came to the realization that what I really wanted, was to be touched and held, more than anything. I was actually starving for it, and that was the biggest part of my emotional pain that was making my life not worth living.

Since realizing this, and finding someone to cuddle with, has greatly helped my mood. I now see my hope through intimate connections with others. For myself, life doesn't seem worth living without it.

Sean, sometimes the company and encouragement from a wonderful stranger can have long lasting effects.

The road less traveled….

sean2589

@Nytowl223 I'm really sorry you've been going through a tough depression as well 😞 It really sucks. I really appreciate that I'm not alone in all of this. I'm sending hugs to you too!

@FunCartel Absolutely! I truly think it's important for people to know their life doesn't have to be perfect. But instead, speaking on what is troubling you hopefully will bring you to a place of healing eventually.

@Babichev Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me I've always been curious about those kind of studies. I'll have to check hospitals nearby me, and see what they have. I really liked that lecture because it helps normalize depression, and show that it's more complex than what most people might understand of it. It does suck the joy out of life when you deal with depression, and honestly can't see straight. Depression is such an inner thing that others can't see, and that's why when people say "just be positive", or something along those lines, it's so frustrating. If all I had to do was be positive, my depression would've been gone by now. I will try my best to hang in there. I thank you for your understanding, and your post, and for sharing that lecture with me.

@TFWO I'm really glad I'm not alone in this feeling from the standpoint that at least I'm not some anomaly, or nobody would judge me for expressing my difficulties fighting through depression. I am so sorry you dealt with these really tough and intense feelings yourself. I am happy for you that therapy and daily Journaling helped bring you to a realization that touch needs to be a necessary part of your life. I think that's true for me too. Having never been in a relationship with someone, and not even having gotten hugs from anyone over the last few years, I really craved being held and some human touch. I've had a few cuddle sessions through here and elsewhere. They've done wonders for me! If I could financially afford it, I would cuddle like twice a month if there was availability for me to with someone, or multiple people. As it is, I haven't cuddled with anyone in like 3-4 months, and it's just incredibly hard. I'm hoping once I get this job that I should be hopefully starting in the next couple of weeks that I can resume cuddling sessions again. Because I sorely miss them.

@CCBoy I wholeheartedly agree! I am always amazed and so thankful when I have interactions with strangers, or people I hardly know that turn out to be something special. Or, at the very least, a smile or kind word from them in passing does so much for me.

Babichev

@sean2589 , I’m sending you a p.m. with some information.