Are you in a relationship with a person you initially met as a "Cuddle Buddy"?

InvestorLogic

Are you in a relationship or were you in a relationship with a person you initially met as a cuddle buddy?

Type of relationship that I am referring to includes:
-Boyfriend/Girlfriend
-Husband/Wife
-Friends with Benefits

Example of a scenario:

You established initial contact with a cuddle buddy and did the cuddling session 100% platonic. You liked that person and decided to keep on scheduling future meetings with that person. As time went by, you, they, or both of you started to develop feelings for each other and decided to upgrade from just Cuddle Buddies, into a serious romantic relationship that could lead to marriage.

I wonder how common is my example fictionalized above mentioned example do happen in real life? 1% of cases? perhaps 5% of cases, meaning that out of 100 pairs of people that meet for a cuddle session, 5 pairs of them develop feelings for each other that leads to a conversion to serious relationship.

Nature_Lover_

Friends without benefits I’ve met through cuddling. We’ve discontinued cuddling and any transactional aspect to friendship and just stay connected and hang out.

Why would this be anyone's business?

cuddles_ndream

These 2 couples married within hours of meeting each other on here https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/948/marriage

InvestorLogic

Oh wow, I can't believe that those couple got married within hours of meeting each other, that's some Hollywood stuff, almost too good to be true.

This means that there IS a risk of ending up marrying your cuddle buddy without initially having the intention of doing so.

According to their blog, they're still together too.

ShaneSchrute

@InvestorLogic do you just sit around and think about risks of cuddling?

@ShaneMTB RIsks of cuddling can include but are not limited to:

• Decreased heart rate
• Drowsiness
• Numbness in extremities
• Elevated heart rate
• Feeling nervous/Anxious
• Sexual side effects
• Withdraw like symptoms

Consult your local professional to see if cuddling is right for you.

peachinthecity

Relationship? No. Friendship, absolutely. We’ve stop contacting each other for cuddle purposes and just hang out. He’s awesome and I’m happy to have him as my friend here.

ShaneSchrute

@grumpy_cat hahaha!!!!!! I love this. I am very high risk when it comes to cuddling.

Nature_Lover_

@grumpy_cat 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for my first belly laugh of the morning! ( just waking up ! )

Guyzzzz, these are logistical investment questions for marketing and or business within this industry- risk assessment is a major part of such fact gathering.

xelda

I'm curious why you're even asking this question. What you're suggesting is against the terms of use for this site, so anyone even admitting to it risks being banned.

Plus the overt and covert attempts at "'something more" is already so much of a problem that it's like playing whack-a-mole. Encouraging this kind of discussion seems to me that it would just further give room for "that possibility".

xelda

I'll contradict myself a bit now, by contributing a bit to this discussion!

I've more and more been looking into asexual, romantic, non-monogamous cuddling type relationships. While romance also does not belong on this site, every other aspect does fit. There are very few resources for relationships of this nature. I'm curious if the cuddle community is a branch of that, or is a resource that fills that need for others who feel similar to me.

wigglehugs

I honestly worry about this type of situation a lot. Before I meet up to cuddle someone new I pray & hope that they won't be attractive to me, bc I know how I am & I know I can fall for someone super fast. So far it's been fine & I have not gained any crushes from this site. Altho, I recently cuddled a friend I had before I ever found this site. He & I graduated together & I'd date him but all he wants is a FWB & I don't want that, so I suggested cuddling. And that's what we did & so far, so good.

Babichev

@xelda - the terms of service state that you agree not to engage in non-platonic behavior during a cuddle session arranged through this site. If two people meet through this site and then mutually decide to take that relationship beyond this site, that’s their business. I think two important factors are this: 1) the initial intention was to engage in platonic cuddling, not to find someone for a relationship outside of that and 2) that the encounter arranged through this site stayed platonic. That’s my interpretation.

Regarding asexual romantic relationships - that is not he purpose of this site and I would say it would not be consistent with the terms of service to use this site to look for that. I would say that includes any other sort of outside relationships. This is not, for instance, necessarily the place to look for friends. However, one might become friends with another member as a result of having met them through the site. I’ve become good friends with someone I met through this site and our friendship now exists outside of this site. But that’s not the purpose here and if someone is looking specifically to make new friends there are other places like MeetUp or special interest groups that would be a better place to specifically look for new friends.

We’ve been getting questions like the OP lately and it almost always leaves me uneasy, always feels like someone looking for wiggle room regarding how they use the site. The focus of the site is platonic cuddling. That’s where the focus should be.

xelda

@Babichev Thank you for that clarification! I agree, it can feel like looking for a loophole, and I feel conflicted about it.

On one hand, I've become sensitive to blatant and subtle romantic/sexual content when I've come here looking for connections that are specifically platonic in nature. I sometimes feel like the platonic police! On the other hand, I'm a relationship anarchist that has all kinds of relationships that don't fit into conventional boxes and that evolve over time.

So, for me, a cuddle relationship quite conceivably could become increasingly important and connected.

However, I feel slimed on when I get romantic/sexual messages from strangers, regardless of the context. Even for people I know a bit, if words or behaviour take a sudden romantic/sexual turn, it can feel like a betrayal of trust. Relationship boundaries, consent and honest conversations are really important to me.

JoyfulHeart

@Babichev Thanks for weighing in. I appreciate your perspective, and that of @xelda as well.

Questions like this leave me feeling uneasy too. I get the sense that the person asking is hoping that things will progress past a platonic point.

As others have stated in other ways, the best places to look for non-platonic connections is on sites that don't prohibit them. If one isn't looking for them here, why ask the question?

Babichev

@xelda - relationships are not so cut and dry and they evolve over time. It is not that there’s anything wrong with other relationships but the purpose of this site is focused on a specific type of relationship. Blurring the lines about one’s intentions here can end up creating messy situations. We already face a lot of difficulty with people coming for the wrong reasons. It creates a frustrating environment for those who are here to find partners for platonic cuddling.

@JoyfulHeart - my sentiments exactly.

xelda

@JoyfulHeart

As others have stated in other ways, the best places to look for non-platonic connections is on sites that don't prohibit them. If one isn't looking for them here, why ask the question?

Exactly! I guess the thing is that sometimes people are open to both, and they may very well be active on other sites that do encourage non-platonic relationships. We need to be very clear with ourselves and how we conduct ourselves to make sure we aren't crossing boundaries. For example, just because a person is open to dating doesn't mean it's ok to use one's workplace as a resource for potential partners. That would be considered sexual harassment. Same here... when I get non-platonic messages, it feels like sexual harassment.

Babichev

@xelda - perfect example!

Deleted because this thread, as others have noted, is weirdly personal

MissAdventurous

Platonic love is, and remains, a real thing in my life. I do not seek, wish, nor plan on, adding anything like a title or romantic relationship, to the mix.

We emphasize too much on romantic love as it is in society. If it works romantically, for others, I'm happy for that, but doing the work and keeping platonic love and affection in our lives, I feel, as an individual, is the highest form of connection out there. It's rare, in so many beautiful ways.

Just my opinion, there's no "too wrong" of answer for this subject matter, besides the fact this site is only based on platonic relations....

The thing is, we all just lay on different points of this connection spectrum of want vs. need. But make sure that spectrum is based on your "needs", not societies "wants." 💓

Sideon

Note this thread has been reported multiple times. I was not thrilled with the OPs first post chumming for violence stories. I am not thrilled with this thread looking for CC couples either.

CC is not a dating site. This is not the Love Boat, Fantasy Island, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc. This site is not for people looking for romance, but at the same time we mods are NOT policing relationships.

If two people do meet and connect in all the various incarnations and expressions of romantic love, that's awesome, that's great, but to come here with that intention or hope is not recommended not advised.

Babichev

^^^^^ That

DaringSprinter

I am not in a sexual or romantic relationship with anyone I initially met as a cuddle buddy.

In fact, I've only ever done repeat sessions with one buddy—we talked about Star Trek and Star Wars both times, it was fun, and then we didn't do it again. This is casual for me, you know? Simple, one-time cuddles are the rule for me, not the exception.

I'm not looking for any type of recurring deal, and I get kind of twitchy around those who are; I don't want to risk being pulled into a relationship.

All my spoons are for me and @HogboblinZwei.

...Who I met years before I joined CC.

I dated one girl on here for a few months after a session. I'm convinced now that she's got borderline personality disorder. It was great during the honeymoon stage, but then her true colors came out and she really isn't a good person. Cheated, lied, stole.

You live and you learn, ay? She's still got stellar reviews on here, but I happen to know she'll charge folks for an hour, but only give them 45-50 minutes. She told me that while we were together. Watch your backs, kids!

@cuddlewithKyle I have a huge problem with the way you worded that post. As someone with a diagnosis of EUPD (formally known as BPD) I think it's pretty disgusting that you have assumed she has a mental illness, purely because she has exhibited bad behaviour. The vast majority of people with EUPD struggle on a daily basis to manage their emotions and to cope in a society that demonizes mental illness, and assuming cruel and selfish behaviours automatically mean someone has a (frankly misunderstood and vilified) condition shows you have no concept of how mental illness affects those that do have it. Most people with EUPD have previous trauma they are desperately keen to work through so they don't have the crushing pain of having this disorder, and people like you who think of it as a good scapegoat for crappy behaviour don't help with the stigma surrounding mental health.

I suggest you do some research on mental health conditions, maybe even take a mental health first aid class, so that you don't make these offensively ignorant comments in the future.

Both of the OP's topics feel like someone researching a thesis.

ShaneSchrute

@Sideon well put. I’ve been wondering why the OP has been bothering me. They are annoying but not exactly breaking any rules either. But that might just be their point.

So. As a precaution I will not feed this weird version of a troll that I see @InvestorLogic as.

If I have personally experienced the deeply personal things this poster is asking about they will be the last to know.

Nature_Lover_

@WriterGF I agree, or someone fact seeking with the objective of business applications such as a competing website or a blog ect.

Char0818

^^^^^ This.

@BuggleBear i didn't assume she has BPD purely because she exhibited bad behavior. If she just exhibited bad behavior, i would have just said that. I really don't want to put all her business out there, but she did have an extremely traumatic childhood, and she engages in many behaviors that are typical of those suffering BPD, including self-harm, dichotomous thinking, and impulsive behavior, among others. I have no doubt, whatsoever, that she's struggling with pain that I can't fathom, including severe self-esteem and abandonment issues. But that doesn't minimize the lying, cheating, and stealing that she does to me, and everyone else she encounters. I'm sorry if I worded my post in a way that offended you.