Offering a Free Session is Critical!

musicguy99

I've never posted in one of these before but I feel like this in general is a pretty important topic that needs to be addressed. It's crazy to me how many professional cuddlers are not willing to offer a free 15 minute video meet and greet to make sure their clients feel safe and comfortable. I mean what is their thought process behind this? Do they think they're "too good" to offer a free 15 minutes to make sure their potential new clients know they are real and feel safe? If a pro refuses to give me a free 15 minute meeting over video that is a red flag for me. You shouldn't have to pay to meet anyone in this world, and if you're doing that as a pro it's not right. If you can't even offer 15 minutes out of your busy day and precious time, why should I invite you into the sanctuary of my own home if I haven't even met you yet? We live in a crazy world and a crazy time. People are literally go nuts over the smallest things and there is a lot of anger in the world right now. If you are a pro cuddler and you are not offering free 15 minute meetings, shame on you. If you think you're too good and your time is too valuable for that, shame on you even more. Cuddlers need to feel safe, both parties, and a GREAT way to do that is just to get on a free 15 minute video call with your client. I mean is it really so taxing on your busy day and work load?? Come on. 15 minutes in the grand scheme of things is virtually no time at all. If you're not willing to do that, I'm not willing to invite you into the sanctuary of my own home.

Craigcuddles87

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ubergigglefritz

People can do whatever they want and you can choose professionals accordingly. 😇 That being said, I'm happy to do a brief consultation call or a full (paid) virtual session who are serious about having a session. 👍

Rezz

I don't offer a free 15 min video consultations.

Why?
Time wasters.
Perverts who want to use the video chat to jerk off.
People who schedule a consultation and then no show, wasting my time.
Time restrictions. This isn't my full time job, nor is it for most pros.
I let my karma speak for itself. If it doesn't, find someone else. I won't be mad. I promise. 🤗

Solution?
Find a pro who offers free consultations. There's plenty.

CuddleDuncan

@musicguy99 welcome to the forums. You seem pretty fired up about this, why is it so important to you?

It's not just 15 minutes for the professional, by the way. The video call space has to be set up, particular clothes worn in order to present a professional appearance, perhaps hair or make-up. Then there is the preparation: which client is this, what has he said previously, and so on. And then dismantling everything afterwards. More like 45 minutes to an hour. Time for which the professional is not paid.

Babichev

Pros get LOTS of inquiries from potential clients who never book with them and, in fact, many of those inquiries are from people who have no intention of ever booking with them. It’s not a top reason to ban members but it’s not rare, either, to ban members for being habitual time wasters. Often they will have messaged a couple dozen pros, engaging them in long conversations online, sometimes making and then cancelling appointments multiple times. I recall one guy who made and cancelled at least 35 appointments (and never once completed an appointment with a pro) before we finally banned him. Another guy made over 2 dozen appointments in a three day period and as many five would be for the same time and date or would overlap. In other words, he was making bogus appointments. It would be ridiculous to expect pros to offer free video sessions to everyone who contacts them.

And yes, we end up banning members who behave inappropriately during video calls more often than you would probably expect. They jerk off, ask inappropriate and invasive questions, show up in their underwear, make inappropriate requests.

A 15 minute video call takes more than 15 minutes of that person’s time. There’s the online conversation that takes place to get to that point, setting up equipment, and blocking out time in their day that’s going to include time before and time after. They need to be in a quiet place with good internet.

How many other professionals would be expected to do this? Do you expect a restaurant to give you free samples before you decide to dine with them? Expect a hair stylist/barber to give you a bit of a trim before deciding to get a haircut? Expect a grocery store to give you a free peach before you decide to buy peaches? Even as a massage therapist no one ever asked me to give them a free massage before booking an appointment with me.

What you’re expecting is not realistic.

Mike403

@Babichev - Maybe pros can have a video introduction that is uploaded to the site and potential clients can watch it and decide if they want to book? Being able to see them hear their voice makes it easier to make a decision rather than just looking at still photos and reading profile text.

ubergigglefritz

@Babichev it's actually pretty normal. I know a ton of professional cuddlers who actually require a pre-session screening video chat. I don't and rarely have done one, but it definitely seems pretty normal to me. Though I disagree with someone demanding that all offer it. If someone wants one, just find a professional that offers or requires them. 😊

CuddleBarista1

The reason why I don't personally do video sessions is that I am busy working, moving around, or not in a quiet room to do a video chat. I like having a quiet space and giving full divided attention to someone I talk to. I have only done about 3 or 4 video sessions and rarely offer them because I was able to find a quiet spot, but don't get lucky all the time finding it. I don't get upset if they wish not to see me for a video session and I don't pressure or ask deposit if they request a short video session from me for verification purposes. I do the best I can by following up and answering questions as much as possible to make them feel comfortable meeting up with me.

Babichev

I’m aware many pros do this and even require it, I’m just stating why I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect it of all pros. I don’t see anything wrong asking a pro if they would do a short video call but I don’t think it’s critical. Some charge for it and then deduct that from the fee if the client then books an appointment.

@Mike403, the pre-recorded video introduction sounds like a great idea.

CuddleWho

I suspect there are two primary reasons why pros may not offer this:

1. They don't need to. If they get plenty of bookings without this, there's no motivation to do it.

2. They don't care. Some pros are pretty nonchalant about pro cuddling; they'll do a session if and when they feel like it, but they're never going to do anything that takes more effort than just showing up and cuddling.

I do agree this would theoretically be nice. I know basically nothing about you, and I'm already going to agree to bring you into my home and give you hundreds of dollars to spend time with you? It's weird. But, in practice, it often works out OK.

musicguy99

Thanks for the comments everyone. All valid points here. If a good cuddler has a lot of good reviews, then maybe a free session isn't needed. However, my roommate is cautious of me bringing random strangers back to my place and I can understand that. She wants me to meet them first, even if it's video, so I try to respect that the best I can. I think I also forgot to mention that there was a pro on here recently that was trying to charge me $50 for a video call just to meet her. It pissed me off and really rubbed me the wrong. She only had two reviews and my friends told me not to pay her, that it could be a scam. I didn't. I mistakenly thought someone else was trying to do the same to me and when I realized my mistake, I apologized for it. So just that one experience had me fired up, but because of my roommates request I try to meet them before the session if they allow it. Especially if they don't have a lot of reviews or none at all.

ubergigglefritz

@musicguy99 I think all of those things you said are perfectly reasonable. I encourage people looking to hire a pro to be just as discriminatory as pros can be. Ask questions, have conversation, meet virtually if that will help you, etc. There are scams, there are poor pros, you are taking risk just like pros do, and deserve to be picky. What is unfortunate is that most people don't have enough pro options to be picky even when they deserve to have the option to be. 🤗

Babichev

You can ask for them to show their ID. Pros do it, I don’t see why clients can’t.

musicguy99

@Babichev That's actually not a bad idea, if they don't want to do video OR even show their ID, that's kind of a red flag. I feel awkward asking for an ID, but if I'm suspicious I think I should.

Babichev

I think one could politely ask, “Since we are total strangers to each other, do you mind if we show each other our ID? Then we can both be assured of each other’s identity.” Or some such thing. If it’s framed as something that would be of benefit to both and that you are offering to show ID before they even ask, that might make it more palatable.

musicguy99

@ubergigglefritz Yeah, being scammed is the thing I'm most cautious of. I'm not too worried about my physical safety as I'm a guy and can probably handle myself okay, plus I got to a black belt in Tae Kwon Do a long time ago. But you never know, a scary thought too would be a lady who is coning to your house and she seems all sweet online, but then she brings her boyfriend unannounced or something so he can monitor it. I know that's kind of an extreme example but I feel like not out of the realm of possibility. That's why it makes me comfortable getting on video, unless they have a ton of reviews. I always ask them if 1. They have a boyfriend. And 2. Are they okay with them doing it? if the answer to the second question is no I won't meet them. I also make it clear that I'm private about my home and where I live and don't like it when anyone drops them off at my place (that did happen to me one time with a pro, her boyfriend dropped her off at my place and it made me very uncomfortable.) So I stay cautious by taking all these precautions and usually it's not a problem.

ID? Yeah, that's a no from me. With all of the dangerous situations pros deal with, the last thing we need is having it suggested and normalized that clients start asking for our IDs. When pros ask for client IDs, it's part of keeping safe from physical harm and having something to go on if we do need to report anything to authorities. I think we all know regardless of the outcome of Johnny and Amber (and I am definitely team Johnny) majority of assault is perpetuated by men against women. I can't even believe a woman suggested that to be honest.

ubergigglefritz

@moxytocin Men get assaulted as well. In addition to not knowing if you have a man (or a crew of men) hiding ready to ambush him. There are risks that men take as well. I actually know an in-home service guy who got drugged. Luckily he left before he was completely affected, so nothing happened other than the emotional trauma.

MxSmith

@Musicguy99 I understand that it feels disheartening when someone wants to charge you for something that feels like a common courtesy. But think of it like this is our jobs. Would you work 15 minutes for free at your job? Maybe, maybe not. That's up to you but it would be unreasonable for your employer to ask you to work those 15 minutes for free. Or shame you for NOT working 15 minutes for free. What if it was just your boss who wanted to have a meeting with you about your job before work, but you wouldn't actually be "working". Would you want to be compensated for that? Does that make sense? I feel like a lot of people on here fail to realize that spending time messaging, video chatting, screening, cleaning, organizing, it all takes time and it's really not a big deal for a few people, but when you start having a lot of people... that's a lot of time. Personally I just don't like feeling like anybody thinks they are entitled to my time or my body for free. Even if it's "just a little bit".

That being said, I personally I don't charge for my screening call and I don't limit it to 15 minutes, and that's just my choice for now because I like talking to people, but if I started getting kids pranking me and stalkers messing with me, or 500,000,000 messages you better believe I'd be finding a way to screen out all that noise.

Bella_Sera

Sure men get assaulted, but fewer than 20% of all violent crime is committed by women and the numbers are even smaller if you look only at adult victims.

I’m sorry that safety screening doesn’t always feel fair, but the fact is that the risk is unequal—women are at greater risk of assault and stalking in this business. It doesn’t mean that men face zero risk, but it is not in the same order of magnitude.

As others have mentioned, I don’t do “get to know you” video chats before every session because too many have used them as an avenue for inappropriate and unpleasant behavior. I also don’t do in-person meetups or meals before a new-client cuddle because they’re a time suck and lead to blurry boundaries, in my experience. If you’re worried about compatibility, I’ll chat a bit via messages, but at some point you’re just going to have to take the plunge and book a session.

If I can tell that someone is feeling very nervous and asks for a phone call, a quick 5 min video call, or a verification picture, I’m happy to oblige. I have no problem proving that I am who I say that I am and that I look the way I say I look. Contrary to what has been said before, these things do not require fancy lighting or hair and makeup. The idea is that you’re proving you’re a real person. If I’m feeling haggard, I go sit out in my car. Every girl knows that windshield light is the most flattering light and most all of us carry an easy vid chat device right in our pockets.

That said, I’m not showing a random man I’ve never met my ID and I would strongly discourage other women from doing that as well. The risk is frankly just not worth it.

If there is something that you need to feel more comfortable as a client, by all means ask for it, but be prepared to move on if your cuddler says no.

CuddleDuncan

@AintMisbehavin this is an aside so. ..

Why is windshield light the most flattering light? I'm curious because just the other day I was wondering why so many women use selfies taken in their cars.

Babichev

Cuddling requires mutual trust. Both parties are making themselves vulnerable. It’s just as reasonable for a client to ask for some sort of assurance that the person with whom they are cuddling is trustworthy as it is for a pro. One of the more frequent complaints we get is from clients who sent a deposit or paid up front and then had the pro disappear with their money. It is not just scammers doing it, it happens with pros who have been on the site a bit, even ones who have karma. They don’t even know the person’s name. If giving someone their real name is unacceptable, and showing ID is unacceptable, and doing a video call is unacceptable, exactly what are pros willing to do to assure a potential client that they, a total stranger, can be trusted?

Rezz

@Babichev

They can find someone else. Period.
I'm not giving any potential clients my ID or full name. Even with sensitive information censored what does that prove? I have a DL.

I don't care if someone can't won't take my karma at face value. There's no shortage of other pros here and I'm always happy to refer anyone requiring more information than I'm willing to provide to them.

It's bad enough we deal with guys who stalk, think we are here to date, are mentally unstable, expect more than platonic touch, grope , push themselves on us. Now we are expected to hand over our identity to strangers online? No. Hell no.

No pros/enthusiasts here should give away personal information that could lead strange men to their home, car, workplace etc. That's incredibly stupid and could be potentially dangerous.

There's men here have excellent karma and have gone on to assault women before being banned/caught. I'll risk losing money over being drugged, stalked or assaulted.

Enthusiasts and clients are not required to have their credit/debit card on file, pros are. We have at least shown we have a checking account and a real name on file with the site. Men unless they apply as pros, do not.

achetocuddle

@Rezz I agree.

Babichev

Pros having a credit card on file doesn’t help the client just as having a checking account is not a guarantee that one won’t bounce a check. Pros can and do get suspended often enough for bad credit card accounts. Newer pros don’t have karma.

So what I’m hearing is that clients need to offer assurance to pros that they are trustworthy but pros do not have the same obligation to their clients, is that right? Correct me if I’m wrong.

@Babichev as a moderator who is privy to the discussions on the pros only channel and is also a woman, you would think that you might have a different attitude. But then again you're not a pro. This site really needs a moderator who is a pro and more of an advocate for the concerns of pros. You are not it.

Rezz

I'm not giving unverified strange men my name, phone number or ANY personal identifying information is what I'm saying. It's naive, reckless and dangerous.

If they can't take my karma at face value, they can find another pro who will video chat or meet them in a public setting beforehand. I will not because it's proven to be a massive waste of my time that I set aside to meet, only for them to not show.

Yes it absolutely sucks that honest men have been ripped off financially by bad pro/scammers but that's never going to change my policy to not lead strangers from the internet to my home, social media, workplace uninvited.

Babichev

I’m aware of the problems that pros face. I’m also aware of the problems that clients face. It is way too common and it seems no one wants to offer a solution.

I think one possible solution is for pros to accept credit cards as payment. It seems to me there’s a higher level of accountability for both parties. It would probably also discourage sketchy clients, too.

ubergigglefritz

@Babichev I have been a professional cuddler for 4.5 years and I agree with you. Everyone else, I'll happily take your referrals. 😆 If they pass my screening, I am happy to offer my name. My full name is already linked to my business and anyone who contacts me through other forums has access to it, so I am happy to offer the same on CC. 🤷‍♀️

Babichev

For the record, I do not have a fixed idea about exactly how one goes about it but it’s unreasonable to expect a client to blindly trust that a pro is not going to rip them off when it’s a very common occurrence.

@ubergigglefritz - I’m glad you can understand what I’m trying to say and that you’ve found a way that works for both you and the client.