This website has been a depressing experience

Dylan2693

It's ridiculous how hard it is for a non-paying man on this website to get any women interested and feeling safe enough to actually meet up and cuddle, like the whole goal of the website is supposed to be.

I joined this website as a way to heal my soul after all sorts of issues with my life: I just went through divorce with an unaffectionate, cheating, and self-serving woman, I have no family within 500 miles of me, my mothers dead, and I have a father who never wanted to be in my life. Between that, other family and friends leaving me for all sorts of reasons, and growing up feeling like I was the outcast at school and not given much attention, I have some abandonment issues and my body really craves physical touch for security. The only physical touch that I get semi-regularly is from 1 female friend who gives hugs after hanging out with my friend group before she leaves. I look forward to those hugs because it's the only contact I ever get with anyone.

Next month is my 2 year anniversary on the website, and I have nothing but wasted time and unfulfilled hopes to show for it. I never asked for sex, have never beaten a woman in my life, never expected sex, and haven't been pushy, rude, or demanding and yet I go through the same hoops, jumps, and leaps as every other man out there to pass whatever test women give just because I have a penis and there have been other terrible men out there. I'm judged with everyone else and you know what suffers? My mental health. You know what it feels like? That I'm not good enough for anyone being anywhere near me unless I pay hundreds of dollars just to feel temporary security, which honestly isn't even genuine at that point if you're paying for it.

So, I guess I'll just rely on myself like I have my whole life. I've legit hugged myself in my bad moments to at least tell myself that I care for me. I've written this out not to get pity cuddles (again, not genuine) but to raise an alarm for men's mental health, as this entire world is built on men being "strong" enough to do everything on their own, that men aren't to be trusted, and that all men are only on here for sex, which is complete bs.

After this discussion dies down, I'm deactivating my account. I've given it a good effort and I'm done being disappointed and not having anyone want to be with me or feel safe with me.

Mike403

IMO, social media sites including this one can be horrible for one's mental health. It creates unreasonable expectations. You might have better luck going to a bar and meeting people that way. Sites like this are good to get faster cuddles if you can pay for it. Just do what I do. Assume you're miserable all the time, then one day when you find out you're not miserable, you're way ahead of the game.

Feel sorry for you Dylan
Not a pity, but it is real

At times, many of us feel the same way. Despite attempting in so many ways I couldn’t find anyone to cuddle either, other than with professionals..

I took a decent feedback, changed my style of approach and speech, completely open, yet nothing from enthusiasts. I am not sure why but I feel I am good for nothing as you get nothing from any combinations you try.. I crave for touch and hugs too, but it is what it is.. keep trying.. hope for being helpful and hope you will not become hopeless

Good luck 👍

ohnonotagain

Similar situation over here. Shit sucks man, but you just gotta keep trudging through for some hopeful chance meeting with a soulmate. After decades of waiting, it will seem relentless, and it probably even is.

Practically raised myself since I was 9, and no idea what a loving relationship should be other than examples from TV. If I am lucky enough to land a relationship with my zero flirting skills, it is often tough for me to keep up in the relationship, mainly because I am still trial and erroring it.

Online dating is a sham as well, especially when the ladies open up the app and see 1500+ pending matches. Though, from what I have gathered, most of the matches are more like, "hey when u want to fuk" rather than inquisitive shit, so they are practically turned off from the get go. Thankfully, the scammers keep me company on Tinder. The amount of times someone asked for my whatsapp, and within 3 messages started talking about investments...

Overall though man, idk. It's a bummer that I gotta pay to get what I want most out of a relationship (just talk about nothing while staring at the tv/the wall), but I am just glad I'm in a position to be able to do it, and hopefully they enjoy the time as well.

Beats going on several dates, spending similar if not more, and end up empty handed. Might as well just cut to the chase.

Bunny_Kisses

Im very sorry youre having such a difficult experience. If I may counter with a different perspective, you are asking women here to risk their lives and general safety in order to cuddle with you, a stranger, alone. Either in your home, a place they are unfamiliar with, or asking them to open their home to you, where again they are risking their safety and potentially inviting a stalker to their home. Im not saying thats what you are, but we have to use an abundance of caution with every person. Giving the benefit of the doubt can be fatal. Not to mention, you are likely seeking out women who take care of themselves, that are physically attractive, and asking they spend an hour or more doing emotional labor for you in tandem with however many hours it may take them to get ready and prepare their space (if they are hosting). You are asking them to forego all personal boundaries and give you access to them in an extremely vulnerable state. You say you would not and have not hurt a woman, but every single guy Ive known thays hurt/assaulted/stalked a woman says the same. My ex stalked me to the point where I had to flee the state and he doesnt think his behavior was harmful because "he only did it to be near me and make sure I was okay." I have also had MANY encounters with dangerous and predatory men on this website. I once had a man repeatedly lick my face and moan in my ear as we cuddled as he attempted multiple times to put his hands into my underwear. After I ended the session, he told me I was lucky he didnt rape me and I should be more careful because someone someday will not show as much discretion and "kindness" as he had. That is only ONE story of countless others. Men come here frequently expecting that its just a cheap escort site. I had another one demand a blowjob because "every cuddle is supposed to end with a happy ending."

Again, you are a stranger, not their trusted friend, and you are expecting to have this service provided to you for free.

The rest, I am having trouble addressing. You do not deserve a trophy for never beating women or demanding sex from them. That is the bare minimum. And you are not owed affection from women, especially ones that do not know you. Im very sorry to hear about your personal struggles and your mothers passing, however this is not any professional cuddlers fault or responsibility. Professional cuddling is a luxury. Just like I have to pay to get a massage or see a chiropractor. Is it fair that I have to walk around with significant back pain, that I did not ask for or do anything to deserve? No. But my masseuse still deserves to be compensated for her skills and time. I have to pay to see my therapist. Is it fair that I have such debilitating trauma caused by others (particularly violent and controllong men) that I can barely function without therapy? No. Its not fair. But my therapist still deserves to be compensated for her time. I need therapy, just like I need massage, just like some need physical affection/cuddles. But those things are not owed to me just because im a "nice person" or at least not a type of person who hurts others.

If you cannot pay for a service from a cuddle professional, perhaps offer a service/skill of yours in return, as a "trade." Or you can try to find other cuddle enthusiasts who are not cuddle professionals and do not expect compensation. Or I would reccomend attempting to make friends with people you may be able to cuddle with once you become close enough, but nobody deserves to be played like that. I cant tell you how annoying and disheartening it is to find out your close male friends were only friends with you for the hope and expectation they would recieve sex or a relationship out of it and not actually friends with you because they like you as a person.

I do feel for you, and Im sure that its not easy to be grouped in with men who do behave inappropriately but I emplore you to consider that much of the reason you find yourself being restricted due to the actions of others is because we have actually experienced those things firsthand. Its not an "all men are dangerous" thing so much as its a "you dont know who is and who isnt because they all say that they arent."

I sincerely hope you find something that works for you but the mindset you have right now is just not empathetic at all. It is mindsets like these that evolve and become more extreme, that get women murdered all the time. That is a fact. (Such as 17 yr old Bianca Devins. Rest in Peace.)

Good luck.

Mike403

Try other things to keep your mind occupied. Take some classes. I'm training right now to be an electrical engineer which nobody can take from me. If I get rejected by every woman on Earth, I'll still be an engineer.

@Bunny_Kisses
Thanks for the note, but I feel Dylan is misunderstood. He’s not complaining on pros. They are here charging just like you said for their time or hobby and No one to debate it’s right out wrong etc.,

However with enthusiasts they are listing themselves here for mutual expectations on cuddling from men and men for women..

It’s a tough battle of minds out there and no one denies challenges women go through in their minds, but unfortunately I am judged in a pre determined way based on the previous experience the lady last had. If that was good then I am assumed to be good and if that’s bad then I am assumed to be bad.. ?? Is that correct ??

But with that in mind, giving benefit of doubt to especially enthusiasts who host, I give total benefit of doubt and give several assurances but no takers because of that one asshole.. they can’t even honor a coffee invite… I didn’t find any luck.. and disappointment and I don’t feel like I am useless… May be I don’t know how to fool someone.. I pride over being open and speak my mind… not a con artist..

I guess that’s what Dylan and ohnonotagain tried to mention..

Mike403

@Bunny_Kisses - Reading stories like that makes me ashamed to be part of the male gender. Guys call themselves "nice guys" until they aren't.

Bunny_Kisses

@stdisc0827

Its not necessarily that we judge based on the last experience. Its just that we have to be cautious of everyone.

As far as giving multiple assurances and offering a coffee meet up first, sadly those tactics have also been adopted by predatory men to gain trust first. Nearly all assaults are done by someone the victim trusts and many of the men that promise and swear that they would never are precisely the men who do.

The one thing that puts my mind at ease and I bet would also help other women, is sending a picture of your ID beforehand. You can block out your address or any of the more sensitive information, but having your picture, name, and description provides extra insurance that they would be able to name and identify you should anything happen. Of course this is not fool proof but i have always felt much more comfortable with cuddlers that offer that information to me.

JasonCuddles

Short reply here, just use this site passively. If you're putting in no effort it won't matter if nothing comes of it.

Mike403

@stdisc0827 - Just because an enthusiast is here does not mean they are obligated to cuddle. I don't expect anyone to just jump at the opportunity of meeting me when they don't know me from an axe murderer. Ted Bundy was once an attractive looking young man.

Minestrone101

@Bunny_Kisses Thanks for sharing! Your experiences sound scary and your bravery, logic, and understanding of this complex issue are valid. Surely, men and women have their issues here, but I do find women's issues more urgent and dire here.

To the men, if your current approach is not working, have you considered changing your mode of operation?

shamazz

I know where you are coming from! Sorry to hear about your troubles! but you are not gonna get free cuddles on this site. It's hard to get paid cuddles, leave alone free cuddles. For example, there are no active cuddlers in my area, i have to go to other cities and finding a good cuddler is a pain in the neck. Lot of back and forth before you find one! Don't lose heart! Go to social meetups instead and make friends. Try meetup.com!

great_pillow08

You sound like you need a therapist, not a cuddle buddy. I was a cuddle buddy with a guy for almost 2 years when he just flat out randomly said he couldn't wait for me to tell him to "f" me all night long. I wasn't single AND HE KNEW IT!! I've NEVER IN MY LIFE said those words and I NEVER will/would.. And he SHOULD have known that, so don't think women are unjustified in their "concerns". You're ONE guy and I'm VERY sure you've not contacted more than 30 cuddlers on this site. It takes trust and trust takes time. I can't count how many guys I've met with on this site who think cuddling is a precursor to "bedroom activities" and just N-O!! I have like, 12 dudes banned every time I log in, so please stop acting like it doesn't go both ways because it ABSOLUTELY DOES!!!

sunnysideup

@Bunny_Kisses I'm sorry you've had those experiences, I'm surprised you can stomach being a professional cuddler even.

@Dylan2693 If I had tons of requests from women to be cuddle, I may be a professional cuddler as well. Why not get paid for something I like to do? @Bunny_Kisses Is absolutely rightthat simply being a decent human being does not deserve a trophy. But I can see where your frustration may be coming from, as I've felt it - it is pretty demoralizing, when as a guy, you hear so many stories of women giving guys chances on CC and they turn out to be sexually pushy. Or additionaly, though outside the confines of CC, you see women knowingly choose abusive or violent men as dating partners. But message after message of your own has been ignored. Makes you wonder, how can you change your phrasing or profile to appear safe? Turns out, atleast in my experience, there's not much you can do if your wording is already appropriate and decent and you've made a decent effort to get to know them or meet in a safe way. Photos do help. This is because the saying is true - photos speak a thousand words. Women know that some men will lie about being nice, but if you take enough candid photos they might be able to pick up a nice vibe from your pictures which may help. But safety, as large of a problem as it is, isn't the only reason women will ignore your messages. There are just too many men looking for cuddles from enthusiast women. It can be hard to respond to 20 unread messages every other day (made up number but I think you get the point). And of course only the best of those profiles will be responded to.

I've met with some enthusiast cuddlers, but it just requires too much effort and luck so I don't pursue them anymore.

Gary

As the website developer, I wish I could help improve this perception. Some ideas could be to reduce visibility of members that have exceptionally low response rates, or zero replies, and possibility of removing those from search that have been inactive for a long time. Maybe there should also be a guide on how to get better responses, tailored to CC and with the sentiments of the community in mind? Any suggestions welcome

Mike403

@gary - That is not a very good idea at all. Members should not be pressured to reply to anyone. Most don't respond at all if they aren't interested in somebody because of some reactions women get when men don't get their own way. Those who haven't logged into the site for awhile are already on the bottom of the search results.

Gary

@Mike403 I'm talking about exceptionally low response rates. So the idea would be to determine the bottom 10% or so. In particular, those who have many unread messages still. It's not to pressure a reply, but more of a realisation that the account is the one to reach out first rather than the other way around. For those who haven't logged in for a while, although they are on the bottom of some search results - it's still a source of frustration for members contacting them without realising they were last online many years ago, especially if they have recently received messages and been sent a notification and still haven't logged back into the site. Theses are just ideas at the moment, and appreciate feedback on it.

Mike403

@gary - They might have an exceptionally low response rate just from the amount of dick pics they didn't reply to.

Gary

@Mike403 During moderation time I've personally seen many many accounts who have sent good opening messages but haven't got any replies. No dick pics, and in fact the messages aren't even opened or read. The frustration felt from the OP I do recognise as a legitimate concern and should be open to ideas to help improve perception.

Finnegan2017

@Dylan2693 What you are saying is common not only on this site but on social media in general. While the internet has the power to connect us, it can also make us feel very isolated and alone at times. The advice I've given to many people (including myself at times) is that when you are online and feeling really alone in a crowd of people, it's best to take a break. As others have said here, ditching the virtual world and doing something in the real world can be incredibly restorative.

@Dylan2693 I consider cuddling as a type of therapy. Essentially, you are looking for a free therapist. If you really need to cuddle, you may want to consider talking to one of the many professional cuddlers on this site instead of sifting through enthusiasts only. This way, you’re getting exactly what you need instead of just waiting and getting frustrated. If you’re one of those “why should I pay for cuddling” people, then it’s kinda on you. There’s plenty of women on this site who will cuddle with you, but they want to be compensated for their time. This website isn’t a waste, but not everything in life is free. If you need food—you buy it. If you need cuddles—buy it.

CuddleDuncan

@Gary

Maybe there should also be a guide on how to get better responses, tailored to CC and with the sentiments of the community in mind?

I covered that in this post from a while back:

• How I found happiness on Cuddle Comfort

In a counterpoint to the thread topic, I've had great success here and I've cuddled with a number of lovely women enthusiasts. I'm lucky that there are at least some in my area.

Dylan2693

@Mama_Ang you can't really pay for anything that you can't afford. I work 2 jobs and struggle month to month.

Dylan2693

@great_pillow08 I already have a therapist. The point of my post is to highlight a legitimate issue from a man's perspective, not to downplay the (real) issues women go through. You're making assumptions of my post, and I never said women's issues aren't a concern: I'm pointing out that men have issues too. I understand that it takes time to gain trust, but I barely have had the opportunity to earn that trust on here.

Dylan2693

@Bunny_Kisses Your ID idea probably would put people at ease, it's not a bad idea.

Again, as pointed out in other comments, I'm not here to put down what women have gone through, more to share my own side of this experience. I know that I'm not owed anything, and all of the details that I have provided is to offer a background and reason why I'm on here. There is a difference between a therapist and a cuddle buddy: the therapist was either born naturally good at the job and/or took the time to learn, whereas there's no "skills" necessary for anyone to cuddle. It should be more prevalent than it currently is, and I know that there are some women out there that get healing benefits from cuddling too, whereas the therapist is literally only there for the patient and the money.

sunnysideup

@cylee1180 Yes, and I haven't noticed any changes from add/changing photos, changing openers, or adjusting my profile description. Professional cuddlers from time to time compliment my profile, but never enthusiasts.

CuddleDuncan

@Dylan2693

I barely have had the opportunity to earn that trust on here.

With respect, yes you have. You've had plenty of opportunity, you just haven't used it.

You have only six forum posts until today. You do have a profile but only two photos, no Friends and one short paragraph which ... isn't going to entice anybody to write or reply to you.

There are 43 enthusiast women within 100 miles of you who have logged on in the last month alone. That's a pretty good number. Every opening message you sent was an opportunity to start earning trust.

I'm not having a go at you, I just want to make the point to the lurkers in the same position as you. The odds are against you. If you don't try - properly - you are pretty much certain to fail.

My first attempt at this site was a complete failure. I didn't try very hard, in fact I didn't even notice there was a forum. I got nowhere, obviously. When lockdown came I returned, armed with a healthy (unhealthy?) dose of desperation. First thing I did was take the website to pieces. I read every single word, not counting historical forum posts. I mean I read every single word of the terms of service, carefully, looking for clues. I found plenty.

You don't have to do that. All you have to do is read the thread I linked to in my post of a few moments ago, and then do what it says. I appreciate that not everybody is in a position to hire a professional cuddler. I was nearly the same although a little more fortunate, I was able to save up enough for an hour's cuddle in about three months. If you can't, well, then you'll have to use your imagination and other resources to figure out a way around that.

CuddleDuncan

Since they are not given explictly in that thread, the attributes of a good opening message to an enthusiast include:

• Written in correct English. No abbreviations or textspeak
• Polite and respectful
• Probably about five to ten short sentences in length

• Includes a photo if you do not have public photos in your profile

• Individual to the recipient

• Refers to their profile (if possible) in an interesting and appropriate way
• At least as much about them as it is about you
• Seeks only to open a conversation and nothing more

Note that opening messages to professional cuddlers should be noticeably different from the above.

ubergigglefritz

There is SO much involved in building the trust and comfort required for a cuddle buddy. Unfortunately, most women are not comfortable cuddling with strangers, and the requirements they have to get there are just too high for most men to get through. Some men are lucky and able to crack through and find a cuddle buddy, but I don't feel like it is at all the norm. Given that relatively few women have the comfort to dive right into cuddling with strangers, that is why we much charge (I know that's not the discussion here). In order to meet the demands, some of us choose to charge so as to be able to offer more time for cuddling, as opposed to having another job.

The bigger thing I find frustration in, is the fact that so many people in our country (and I'm sure others, but I am less knowledgeable with others) struggle financially. I try my best to be as affordable as possible, but I have to pay my bills as well (and I struggle myself). We're all fighting for that same goal, just to make it through. With some people at the top flourishing (I seriously just found out one of my cousins retired three years ago, before she even turned 40; while I acknowledge that takes skill and self-discipline, no matter what your income is, that is simply absolutely impossible for many of us to accomplish no matter what we do).

Anyway, I send well wishes and compassion to you for finding connection somewhere. It's such an amazing and powerful thing that everyone deserves, and it is why I am here and do what I do. You are worthy. 💜🤗

CuddleWho

I strongly recommend that you use this site only for seeking out pro cuddlers, and to be perfectly frank that you don’t engage with the opinions of most women on your frustrations - they will literally never be able to empathize with you on this topic. Note their bafflement that you would even hope to be able to cuddle with someone without paying. It’s a truly ridiculous perspective, but it’s one they’re mostly stuck in.

It’s something I’ve said before many times, but if you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. And they’re not here. Or, to be more precise for pedantic people, they’re not here and active in nearly sufficient quantities to satisfy the massive demand for them, so just by virtue of simple numbers most men here won’t find a cuddle partner.