This site getting a bit uncomfortable for me

So I’m not new to cuddling at all! It’s been almost a year (if it was for my long break) and I was a pro. I wouldn’t say I was the best at it nor bad. I’m still trying to get the hang of it due to my background and healing. I had a session last night and well …let’s just say i am truly bothered by it still. Started out okay till he wanted to touch my chest and then asking for something more sexual. The guy said his friend rec him the site and well I had to tell him it’s not for that at ALL. Not one bit, I know before people were weird and wanting sexual favors yet?? Now it seems that either pro or none are doing such acts on a low. This isn’t me sex shaming but it kinda defeats the purpose of this site you know and why I’m still hesitant. Yes I block, yes i ask questions yes I try to have a long conversation with each person but you really never know. Who knows what some these guys want out of this site and join it because a friend rec it for this reason. Idk it rubbed the wrong way truly and it’s getting scary

JoyfulHeart

@dove111 I'm sorry you had that experience! No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior!

Mike403

Coming here for non-platonic activities is like going to a vegan festival and asking for meat. There are plenty of other places for those guys to go to find what they are looking for.

CuddleBarista1

@dove111 That's quite odd.... I also received a message about their "friend" recommending to me and was VERY suspicious about it. I would ask who it is and where they are from? I would make sure to contact people for safety reasons and see if anyone knows this person. Something didn't add up to me and would ask questions like how do they know I am the "perfect cuddler" for them? I had a feeling that they wanted to manipulate to have someone's guard down and ALWAYS ask questions or screen them properly if something doesn't sound right. "Background and healing" Sounds too generic for me and I would need specific details.

DaringSprinter

Also, report them for their non-platonic behavior.

Mike403

@CuddleBarista1 - I'm not sure how I would answer a question of why I chose a specific person. I'm only booking a session to cuddle for an hour or two. I'm not asking anyone to marry me.

DaringSprinter

@Mike403: I think CuddleBarista1 is specifically referring to folks who say things like "you're the perfect cuddler for me" before you've even met.

I've encountered that myself on some sites. Sometimes in a person's first message to me!

Mike403

@DaringSprinter - Okay, sending that in a message before they met is weird. How does he know she isn't a crazy psychokiller?

Rezz

@dove111

We have a beautiful pool of people here who want to cuddle platonically while maybe finding healing, comfort, and acceptance. Then you have the other half jumping in, then shitting in the pool. The mods can't filter them out quickly enough so the rest of us are forced to swim in excrement or climb out of the pool.

It's an unfortunate side to this site and many don't realize just how prevalent the issue is.

The downside is new pros or ones with very low karma are often the targets to this behavior. Some are groomed to feel this is acceptable, some pros are here for that sole purpose.
It ruins the pool for everyone else.

The upside is with experience and reading the forums you learn to bring your own filter to help screen the shit from your cuddle pool.

The best advice I can give every pro, new or not. When screening your clients keep communication on site. If they want more they will try often to push communication offsite.

Utilize our pro forum. Holy hell there's so many new signups and few pros who use this space to keep yourself and this site a safer place.

Report. Report. Report.
If it seems inappropriate or questionable, report that shit. If a pro male or female makes inappropriate requests, report them. We don't want them here either. If a client says they were sexually assaulted or propositioned by a female pro, take it seriously and tell them to report her. Nothing may come of it immediately but with enough reports the mods will take a look to see if there's a history.

I'm sorry this has been your experience. I don't blame you for wanting to get out of the pool. 😞

DaringSprinter

@Mike403: I know, right? They don't have enough information to make a call like that; what are they thinking?

As a side note, though I am not a psycho killer (qu'est-ce que c'est?) some of the folks who've messaged me things like that right off the bat have been very surprised later.

Others will wonder forever.

Minestrone101

I'm sorry to hear that. I think the fact is that there are predators in all parts of society and the community - the site just happens to be one of many landing places for them. I hope you can filter them out.

CuddleBarista1

@DaringSprinter yes, that is correct.

SmellyFatMan

Editing for being both a baiting and trolling comment. Continued posts like this will result in a forum timeout next time or having your account blacklisted. [reurbo]

DaringSprinter

@SmellyFatMan: The cuddling we do here is platonic, or else.

Self-control exists.

BoomerSpooner

Imagine what would happen if the president cuddled with a woman in bed and called it ‘platonic’. 🤣

At 79 it would depend on whether he took the blue pill a half hour beforehand.

Sheena123

@SmellyFatMan it actually is platonic. It’s men like you that skew the word and ruin it for those that actually are here for the right (platonic) reasons

quixotic_life

@SmellyFatMan ~ Are you actually @StinkyTrollGuy? CAUSE SHEESH!!! "Cuddling is not ‘platonic’ as many of you would want to believe." is a pretty loaded accusation.

Of course there may be times it isn't, cause adults and whatever, but it seems the majority are here for the site's intended purpose and are commited to upholding that.

edited typo

EliteBabyEbony

@dove111 same happened to me it felt like the longest session.
I felt so uncomfortable I even reached out to cc support which they didn’t care about what happened the person legit humped my leg the whole time tried touching all over me inappropriately which I had to stop him and he was also moaning in my ear it legit took me days to try not to think about the session.
After the session was over I could tell he was disgusted and embarrassed what caught me by shock is he left a bad karma.

munkg

@dove111 I'm very sorry you had to deal with that kind behavior, no one should be put in that kind of situation.

@EliteBabyEbony you could talk to a mod about malicious karma and they can help remove it

LionsFan

@munkg

Interestingly, she has NO karma. Then again, it's been 10 hours and a Mod might have removed it

Snickerdoodle17

@dove111 Sorry this happened to you. This site is fantastic to me. I need touch in my life and it does provide comfort, healing, and acceptance. Purely platonic cuddling is very important to me. Again, I’m sorry that there are people who take advantage of the situation and spoil it for the rest of us.

Gigi_

@dove111 I’m from the Georgia area, I have ran into this also, I think people do not report these clients when it happens or they are making new profiles without pictures. I have changed my tactics with how I start my sessions. I’ve made sure to start my session by going over the rules as a nice refresher to the client, even the ones with karma. At the end of my refresher of the rules I state that if at any point these boundaries are crossed or if they try and cross that it breaches your contract. This ensures upfront to that client to not test you. I make sure also to get my payment before we begin. I do have a few chat conversations and make sure to use the word “platonic cuddling”

But…I still worry about even reporting. I feel it’s too easy for someone to just make a new profile. There doesn’t seem to be a way to filter them as far as I see. It worries me that one day I’m going to run into a situation where things get out of hand.

tacpmurg

Thread Hijacking is bad

OP, in your very specific case or anyone in similar situations to get up and leave. Straight up sexual requests should not be tolerated

Wizurr

If someone refers you I think it is natural to ask who. You can then try to recall that session to see if anything suggestive may have happened.
Each cuddle session is different as well as each cuddler.. Perhaps you were particularly close to the guy who made the referral.
I am 74 so all I am interested in is platonic. But the mention of a car session sprung to mind "car date" from my younger days.
Perhaps take that out of your profile.
No matter what a cuddler should feel safe in the session. Yes boundaries are sometimes pushed but never breeched.

sdcuddleguy

Really sorry to hear this kind of thing happening to anyone. Unwanted advances, especially of a physical nature, are just not excusable.

jetblack

I have a couple of thoughts to share:

First, my heart goes out to those who have experienced violations of the site’s guidelines and/or their own personal well being. That is always awful to endure.

Second, I want to name that women of color are disproportionately impacted by this. The racial and ethnic impacts of over-sexualization combined with the gender power differentials are real. And even if there is no obvious solution, I think there is power in witnessing and acknowledging this publicly.

Third, I find it in poor taste to use a thread that began with someone is expressing their personal pain as a platform to say, “it’s other women’s fault too”. It feels callous to me. If I were leading a retreat I would ask those individuals to take a breath and try to locate what was moving inside of them when they reacted in that way, in hopes of helping to find our way to empathy a little easier.

Fourth, and finally, I want to thank the writer of the original post, and the others who shared similar experiences for being brave enough to do so. I hope that everyone who reads this thread is a little more brave, a little more self-aware, a little more committed to the safety and well-being of others because of it.

quixotic_life

@jetblack ~ I adore you!! 🥰 Thank you for your solid perspectives and for holding the light for others to be seen.

Minestrone101

@jetblack - You rock! Great perspective.

AlyC12

That's absolutely awful and I'm sorry you had such an uncomfortable experience! One way I try to avoid this is before meeting and again during a first session I always try to communicate how important boundaries, consent and comfort are. I want them to enjoy the session, as do I, however that means respect is needed from both parties. The best cuddle sessions I've had always started with a conversation clearly outlining the boundaries and expectations beforehand. Hopefully you don't have anymore disrespectful cuddlers to deal with!

CC99

Hey @dove111,

I’m really sorry that happened to you and it shouldn’t happen to any cuddler. Some good input has already been given on this thread and I think one of the things that was mentioned is staying away from accounts with low or no karma. I also have seen some cuddlers on this site who do a ‘vetting session’ where they meet with a potential client first (virtual or in person in a public place) and see if they feel comfortable going forward.

Lastly, I’m not certain but it may be possible to ask other pros about clients to see if they had a good experience. But definitely report that person as was recommended.

TheMidnightOwl

To the OP, I wish I could comfort you by saying this is rare, or that there are surefire ways to vet people before meeting to weed out the baddies, but I’d be lying. I will say though that this is not your fault. And to encourage you to report them. The mods are good at dropping the ban hammer on miscreants like this, in my experience. And at removing retaliatory karma. I also will remind you that unwanted sexual contact is a crime - and you can report it to local law enforcement. I get that it’s complicated and comes with a whole host of things most of us aren’t willing to deal with but know that’s an option, as well. Even if they aren’t convicted or charged there will be a report record and their information will be entered into a database and a paper trail begins to form which can help down the road to establish a pattern if/when others report.

Also to anyone who says, “You should/why didn’t you just get up and leave(?)” - please educate yourself on automatic, involuntary trauma responses, particularly freeze and fawn. And that sometimes fleeing happens mentally through dissociation and pretending things are fine so as to not upset the perpetrator and potentially cause more harm in the situation by resisting or fighting.