Safety for male clients

Hi, I’m new to the site so forgive me if this has been discussed elsewhere but my cursory examination of the FAQ didn’t yield any answers.
My question is in regards to vetting cuddlers as a client. I’m not sure how prevalent predatory professionals are here but I’ve had a bad experience in the past and I want to take any reasonable precautions to avoid that.
Basically, what are some red flags that I might look for on a profile to let me know to be skeptical of that individual?

Minestrone101

If they have lots of positive karma, that's a good sign.

biancalovecraft

Reasonable precaution would be letting your higher sensibility guide you, and not cuddling anyone until you have decided yourself you are comfortable and ready, which is similar to a pro process, with the caveat in your favor that a pro who has been here for a while is not likely to be a scammer, time waster, troll, or otherwise recreational abuser.
Take your time
Dont be persuaded by the usual cheap and lazy things that we usually are
Don't get any funny ideas
Feel your feelings and stick up for them
There's more, but if you do all that, just have faith (cautiously) and take a chance. You are always free to abandon a cuddle that you aren't feeling.

KamikaziNinja86

If they ask for money/deposit before hand, I tend to avoid. Some Pro's do require a deposit at times for travel or other stuff but I just figure buyer beware.

You can ask for a quick video chat with them before booking to verify they are who they say they are.

CuddleDuncan

You are right to be cautious. However, it's like crossing a busy road: look left and right and you'll be fine.

This should help:

• How To Choose Your Professional Cuddler

CudLSeekR

Agree with your concerns. I look into the time on platform karmas and friends and verify them. Concur with all verification measures cited above There is an inherent risk as anyone can later accuse you of anything after the session. The cuddler is taking the same if not more risk as well.

Sheena123

I always want to make sure my cuddler and I have a genuine connection. One thing I do to help ensure we both have a safe and comfortable vibe with each other is to have a free ice breaker at a public place. We meet for coffee, or ice cream or even a meal, and I don’t charge for that time. We can make a booking online and then meet in public. If my cuddler feels we aren’t a good match, we simply part ways.

BashfulLoner

I’m so happy that no one mentioned packing a pistol…..

JBearz

@BashfulLoner I didn't wanna be the one to bring it up 🤣

Minestrone101

@BashfulLoner He was banned. Lol

I appreciate all the advice given so far. I understand that any meeting comes with inherent risk, even if the pro is well-reviewed. A brief public meeting sounds great in theory, but I’m not sure how I would tell them if I didn’t like their vibe. Perhaps if a public meet up was all that was scheduled, then if I don’t want to cuddle after that i don’t have to confront them directly about it.
I assume the comment about packing a pistol is a tongue-in-cheek reference to another post, because I definitely would not view that as a viable option.

Sheena123

@TheNotoriousHUG depending on the pro, mentioning just solely wanting to meet should be ok. Some pros will want to charge for that time but if you don’t want to pay for a meet up, just find a pro that won’t charge. I’ve had quite a few that just had a meet up with no expectation of cuddling. Being upfront with them will be beneficial to both of you 😄

Honestly, if you don’t gel with the pro, and if they seem super understanding and respectful, put it to them simple. Just say that they seem like a great person but something is missing and you just don’t have a vibe with them. For pros that act unruly over that, you dodged a bullet. Be truthful upfront that you want to have a meet up first with the expectation that you may not want to book afterwards.

Thanks Sheena, your advice is very helpful and much appreciated. I hope to find more cuddlers with your level of professionalism and kindness on this site!

Am I being overly picky if I pass over a cuddler because I don’t like their pictures? Some of the profiles I’ve seen just don’t look very friendly, but I have a hard time reading faces so it could just be a “me” issue. Are other males equally concerned about the presentation of the potential cuddler?

Ironman294

You’ll be fine. I don’t mind small deposits, but if they ask for half or the whole amount before meeting I would personally mix it.
Try a short 5 minute video chat to verify identity.
I would recommend that for Professionals and enthusiasts before meeting.
Having karma can help reassure.
I wouldn’t worry too much.
Good luck!

CuddleDuncan

@TheNotoriousHUG it's fine to consider how somebody's pictures make you feel. We all do it, consciously or unconsciously. You're aware of what's happening, which is great. The important thing is to remember that it's not the most important thing, and you could be wrong. In other words, by all means consider the pictures but don't over-value them (either way).

@Sheena123's advice about how not to proceed after meeting is excellent.

Hathor

You said you wouldn’t be sure how to handle it if you met in public and you weren’t feeling it. I think it’s important to set it up so that you have an easy out, and if it’s difficult for you to draw a boundary in person, maybe set it up so it’s clear that it’s just a meet and greet, and you will go away and think about it and get back to them.

Of course a video chat is a good option as well, you can feel out the vibe and end the conversation with something like, “thank you so much for your time, I’ll get back to you if I decide to move forward!”

I think in general it’s helpful to have some stock phrases on hand so you don’t freeze and fumble for the words or worse, end up doing something you don’t want to do. A few ideas:
“Thank you for your time! I’m not ready to schedule a session with you but I’ll let you know if that changes.”
“Thank you for meeting/chatting with me! I don’t think we are a good fit for cuddling but I really appreciate you making time for me.”

Hope this helps!

SunsetSnuggles

@Hathor Love your practical examples and help, can you be my cuddle coach? ☺️

~ Sunset Snuggles

Hathor

@SunsetSnuggles haha you seem to be doing pretty well without my help! But I appreciate the compliment 😇

pty1999

@TheNotoriousHUG I believe that anytime you meet up with a stranger there is a level of risk on both sides. Cuddling is not something normally done with a stranger so I can understand your curiosity that comes along with your hesitation to fully commitment.

You could try to locate a place that holds group cuddle sessions. There is safety in numbers. Also, you can let the host know your concerns beforehand so that if cuddling isn't for you, you can politely leave the session.

I like to text and send pictures off and on up to the day of the scheduled session to get to know the person a little bit before. I believe you can kind of get a sense of someone that way.

You seem to be good at expressing yourself and your fears. Just continue that when you reach out to a professional cuddler or any cuddler. Open and honest communication is the key to success in most interactions I believe.

In the end you may just need to come to the realization that the anxiety that the idea of cuddling creates in you is telling you that cuddling isn't for you. You may need to explore other avenues to get the physical contact you are craving. Maybe try reiki energy healing or see a massage therapist.

KozyKim

@TheNotoriousHUG I think asking for a video chat, or a public meet is a great idea that just shows that they’re real and that they’re invested in you feeling comfortable. I also like what @biancalovecraft said, take your time. I met someone in public and it was a great meet we actually held hands while we talked, and he said Kim I’ll contact you if or when I wanted to cuddle. And he never contacted me but we had such a great meeting and I feel so good about just letting it go and he knows what he wants. It’s OK to say to someone that you’ll think about it you don’t have to necessarily say when you leave, no thanks I don’t wanna cuddle you. But I think it’s really smart too that a pro also. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories unfortunately.

lonelytauros

For me personally I’ll stay away from the ones that want to charge upfront or that want a travel fee. It just makes me feel personally that they prioritize the money over the cuddle. It’s like you go to a fine restaurant you’ll be charged at the end of your meal rather than going through a drive-through and getting a value meal. Another thing I look for is the communication if it feels cold or they don’t make you feel like they’re interested that’s an immediate red flag.

WriterGF

I don't have a huge issue with paying something up front, only because I know clients cancel at the last minute and it's too late for the pro to schedule another client. (I do get the restaurant analogy, but I have been to restaurants in Europe where they bring you the check before you get the food.)

cde123

I like to pay on arrival because I feel it's a good way to build trust. I also like everything to be clear from the start to prevent upselling or negotiation. I am open to paying established pros travel fees in advance.

MegaSnugglez

For me I have met people at a coffee shop, done a video chat before meeting some pros for a session, and I also have paid some pros upfront for travel or a deposit for a session. I think for myself the longer I’m on the site and the more people I meet/interact with I hope to have a good sense of who is trust worthy and who to raise a red flag on.

TruePower

@TheNotoriousHUG No, I think not liking their pictures are valid.
The first pro I booked (Can Host, 4miles from me), I canceled shortly after because I noticed their pictures were very...risqué. Bra only. No bra at all, open shirt.
Decided it was a safety risk for me, Found a pro that guaranteed full body covering.

CuddleDuncan

@TruePower good call. Such photos do not necessarily imply that anything untoward would happen - they may just be the person's personal style. But of the professionals who offer a more therapeutic style of cuddling, with client care at the heart of it, pretty much none have photos like that.

Minestrone101

@lonelytauros I believe anyone that takes time and gas to travel to you should be compensated, unless you go to them. Let's say they charge $60 for an hour...if they take 15 mins to travel to and fro ... then they'll get paid and lot less on top of gas. Maybe 50 for 1.5 hours of work (if you include any kind of prep work, then even more than 1.5 hours) .

Meet in a neutral place-like a hotel and all should go well

daveground

I’m male, and once went to a female pro, and upon arrival I noticed there was a homeless man laying next to the front door of her building. I called her and asked if there was another entrance, that I didn’t feel comfortable with this. She called me terrible things, reported me to Cuddle Comfort (for what I’m not sure), and the next day I log on and the site tells me I’ve been deactivated. That puts male clients in a bad situation.

cde123

@daveground You shouldn't blame the pro for something completely out of her control like a homeless man outside her building. It's not fair. According to the terms you should pay her 1/2 the session rate if you cancel like that.