Reflections on Capitalism and Self-Worth

jetblack

I hope you are experiencing peace and joy somewhere in this holiday season.

I have been an active member of this community for a while, and I have read more than one post from essentially complaining about people charging to cuddle. Some of the context or the individual's situation might be a bit different, the posts were by-and-large the same.

I have read these posts sometimes with a little bit of sympathy for the writer, most of the time shaking my head in mild judgement of someone who cannot accept the world as it is, or someone who thinks they are owed something they are not.

Seldom have I written anything in these occasions, I try not to write unless I have a perspective that I think would be helpful that has not been shared, or unless I feel someone's point has been missed or their feelings ignored. However I have nodded self-righteously in agreement with those who gently chastise the writer, and shaken my head at those who echo similar sentiments.

All of that changed recently when the organization I worked for told us all that they were closing their doors effective immediately. All of our contracts were instantly terminated and we would receive one last check for the balance of our unpaid work. If you've ever had a similar experience you know what comes next: making sure you can still pay mortgage/rent, car notes, utilities, food, and other essential costs. The immediate updating of the resume. Reaching out to work contacts that you haven't spoken to in a while.

All of the wheels started moving, and then, one morning, as a part of my daily routine, I opened up cuddlecomfort. All of the cuddle rates that once felt normal, or generous in some cases, now felt outlandish. Before I could catch it, a voice inside of me yelled, "How could people charge so much just to cuddle?!"

Just that quickly and with no sense of irony I became one of the people that I used to shake my head at. As I stopped to reflect on what was happening, I realized that this was part of the cost of living in a capitalist system where so many things can be (and maybe have to be, because of the nature of the system) monetized. My felt sense of worth changed when my income was no longer stable. The ways in which I sought comfort now felt much less accessible, and it felt like MY VALUE changed as a person.

I don't have a grand lesson here. Certainly I am going to work to be less judgmental of people's responses to their situation, whether here on this site or elsewhere in the world. And I am going to continue my life-long work of bringing us closer to a world in which everyone's needs are able to be met. I guess I am writing this in the spirit that others have written, because I hope to be seen, to be understood. And maybe in the grand hope that my reflection can help me, and help others see one another a little better, a little more compassionately.

Thanks for reading.

Minestrone101

@jetblack Thanks for sharing. Sorry you went through a tough time. Wishing you the best.

I also find it interesting how people draw their self esteem or self worth from various things:

• looks
• reputation
• family or relationships
• accomplishments
• net worth
• career
• social status
• popularity
• skill in one area
• survival

While all those things help to make up who we are, I think it's also good to know not to put all the eggs in one basket (we are more than the sum of the individual parts) and not to take things for granted...bc we can lose it all the next day.

As far as capitalism, yeah we either need to exchange currency or barter services. It is a reality. Without going mote deeply into it, it's why I am a fan of public services in order to give a safety net for those experiencing hard times.

Best of luck!

xandriarain

@jetblack I hear you, and I really appreciate your share. It is really a shame how we tie our self worth so much to our income. And I can understand how it would be hurtful and frustrating to have a such an important resource no longer accessible to you. I too have struggled a lot with self worth as a professional. Demand can fluctuate quite a bit and cuddling is such an emotionally intimate service that it can be a challenge not to internalize it when I’m not getting enough sessions to cover my cost of living.

At the end of the day, I think professional cuddlers feel offended when people complain about their rates because they want to feel valued. We understand not everyone is in a position to afford our services but we want to be respected and appreciated. Similar to how I’m sure you felt when your boss decided you no longer had enough value to be worth your salary.

In a perfect word cuddle therapy would be regulated and covered by insurance so that anyone that needs this type of support could access it. But it’s not fair to blame the cuddle therapists for their rates because they are just charging what they need to survive in this world.

Edit: @cde123 you are correct, I went back and reread the post. His company went under he was not fired or laid off.

cde123

Just a memo from the corporate world that since jetblack's organization closed its doors, this would be a lay-off due to restructuring/bankruptcy rather than a performance related call on any single employee's fundamental value or worth. Sure, he wasn't able to single-handedly provide enough sales to shoulder the payroll of the whole organization, but that doesn't mean he's lacking value at all. Companies need all kinds of roles to function as a whole.

zerocantaloupe

@cde123 Meanwhile, bonuses for all C-staff because they are gods who walk among us.

Tigerlilly32

I don’t think it’s fair to criticize pro cuddling.

Just like how your work isn’t free and should be paid as deemed fit, so should the work of our professionals here.

If I lost my job , I don’t start wandering into grocery stores demanding that everything be free- I’m sure you’ll find work soon and I empathize - however I know for sure you wouldn’t accept a job offering that essentially makes you work for free.

I respect the professionals here. It takes a lot to do this.

I’m not a pro, but so far I’ve had one successful session , and honestly with the type of messages I receive, I’m fine with just one.

I would have to be a professional to actually want to respond back to most, because it’s a job then .

zerocantaloupe

Some people are money-poor and some people are time-poor. Usually but not always inversely correlated. They value things differently.

cuddles_ndream

Personally I feel everyone is allowed to charge whatever they feel their service / time is worth , and I mean literally whatever they want, on top of this, it is a free market.

I’ve seen people mention, “that pro there would never get any bookings charging those rates” … but they fail to realize that maybe that’s exactly what they want… absolutely no bookings unless someone out of the blue is willing to book them for that amount, and they will never give it a 2nd thought unless they receive an e-mail notification about a booking… I could keep going but I think this explains well, so that nobody internalize it. And back to a free market, it always works itself out.

zerocantaloupe

@cuddles_ndream Always works out except for externalities.

cuddles_ndream

huh? @zerocantaloupe … curious to know what would be the “external exceptions” in a pro cuddling free market?

Bear

Perspective, changes peoples thoughts. I always try to look at both sides of a story. Some people only argue from their point of view. I try to look beyond that.

zerocantaloupe

@cuddles_ndream One example of an externality in this space would be a broken family caused by a professional cuddler's actions getting between their marriage.

cuddles_ndream

@zerocantaloupe at this point you’re reaching … that has literally nothing to do with pro rates, like honestly zero, therefore I’m not gonna give that argument time or energy.

zerocantaloupe

I was referring to the free market in general not resolving externalities, but ok.

cuddles_ndream

@zerocantaloupe if you meant it in general as far as free market goes than I understand you now, but your analogy (to me) is not a good one, you’re assuming that this is happening, if anything the complete opposite happens, I see many pros talk about how supportive their spouses and significant others are, I’ve never seen the opposite (at least in the forum / threads).

zerocantaloupe

@cuddles_ndream I suspect that is caused by survivorship bias.

cde123

That's an interesting markets parallel @zerocantaloupe. I had one pro share with me that she didn't want her (future) partner to be OK with her cuddling on the side. Not that this has anything to do with pro rates of course, which I strongly believe should be accepted without complaint. Let's be honest, many clients are getting a great deal on this site, and accepting the deal she's offering without complaint or pushing boundaries should be the most basic of expectations.

cuddles_ndream

@zerocantaloupe you really like to assume on other peoples personal relationships 😅 its amazing to see how your mind works.

I would so love to continue this, I’m already late for what I need to do today, if this thread (and the other) remain open (as I feel both will go too left) we’ll definitely continue them later on in the day.

homeboy

Ever since I discovered Karl Marx in high school, I’ve thought that his analysis was correct. People’s opinions and perspectives are largely determined by money. Those that have it view things one way, and those who don’t, another. Now, I don’t agree that violent overthrow of the bourgeoisie is the solution. But I still feel that his analysis is correct —maybe because I don’t have to stress out about paying my mortgage.

KamikaziNinja86

I don't think the OP was criticizing Pro's in his post, he seems to be merely stating that with one change in circumstance and loss of income his perspective changed and he understood where the other people who complained about Pro's charging. No where did he state that cuddles should be free or cheaper.

His whole post was about capitalism, self worth, losing the ability to pay for something that he had come to use for comfort and perspective.

cde123

Right, he's now at the point where he might be offering paid cuddles, if he was able. Hopefully this leads to empathy for the pros.

KamikaziNinja86

I'll admit that I have looked at profiles and shook my head at what some Pro's are asking for cuddling and never thought they would get any clients. But then looking at Karma they have had several or many, depending on how long they've been active. Sometimes cost can reflect what state people live in or even what city. Here in Utah it's rare to see anyone over $125/hr but in California or New York where COL is more and there are a ton more people I've seen prices upwards of $200-$250/hr. Like how @cuddles_ndream stated, some put a high price not caring if they don't get cuddles until someone comes along who is willing to pay the asking price for their time.

PERSPECTIVE is important. People charge what they are going to charge and people should pay without complaint because there is always someone at a cheaper rate if they NEED cuddles bad enough.

zerocantaloupe

@cde123 raises a good point that someone's future marriage prospects may be affected by this activity (similar to SW), so that has capacity to be reflected in the session price.

Blueskies

KamikaziNinja86 Although I live in the metro New York City area, there are still many quality cuddlers available for $100/ hour or less. Everyone should charge whatever rate they choose. I don't begrudge them at all. It's a free country. In my financial situation, as a retired person on a fixed income, I need to seek out the cuddlers I can afford. So far, the system is working out pretty well.

PrettyLuv

@jetblack Im sorry you lost your job and now feel this way. If you were in nyc I’d cuddle with you.

KamikaziNinja86

@Blueskies I wasn't saying everyone is higher, just that it's more common to find Pro's that charge over $200/hr and still get clients in those types of cities/states.