When cuddle enthusiast turns out to be a pro

Melancholy

I feel really sad today.
I had seen what I thought was a cuddle enthusiast from the site for a cuddle session some weeks ago. She was so nice. We had a nice time getting coffee and a public cuddle on a park bench.
Talked about lots of things etc.
Then she had to go out of town so I hoped she would still be up for cuddling when she got back. We kept in touch via text during her trip so that seemed like a good sign.
I told my friend about it. She was encouraging me and saying that's hopeful she liked you enough to cuddle again when she's back.
So she comes back. Says she's free this week and we set up another public cuddle. This time at a larger park. I asked members here for advice about that in another post.
We are about less than an hour from our meeting time and she suddenly texts me how much her rate will be for this session.
I was dumbfounded. I had no idea she charges for cuddling. She's not a professional on the site.
She never once mentioned plans to become a pro. I'm so confused.
Quite a mixture of emotions. Sadness. Embarrassment.
Was I that naive to think someone would cuddle with me for free ? I guess so.

craM

Report untagged pro

WriterGF

What he said -- if she isn't marked as a pro here, she has no business charging and is violating TOS.

NillaBear

Sounds like bait and switch. Plus every paid session is supposed to be booked on the site. If you report her, she could be blocked from the site.

dave31415

I’m guessing most of these people aren’t intentionally violating the rules. They probably just don’t read them. I’m not sure what the advantage is of secretly being a Pro. Anyone know?

KamikaziNinja86

@dave31415 the advantage of being an unmarked Pro or not booking through the site is they aren't having to pay the 15% fee to the site.

Melancholy

I think some people are missing the main point. I really don't give a crap about her being an unregistered pro.
What hurt me is that she didn't tell me she was charging for cuddling until after I spent nearly a month getting to know her etc.
So it was the ultimate bait and switch but quite a long drawn out one.

JamesNoah

That must hurt. I know if I thought I was cuddling with someone who I thought wanted to do it even for free I would probably feel empty where that person resided in my heart.

Also, I like the gentle reminder about the TOS rather than reporting. Assume positive intent makes the world better.

Hugginghealer

@Melancholy you seem like a really sweet guy and it's unfortunate that she did that. I hope you just take it as a quick lesson to ask in the future but not to hold it against the other cuddlers you might meet. This site is a pretty big mixture of humans but there are some absolutely amazing ones in here! Including you!

CuddleDuncan

@Melancholy don't take it personally, it's all too common.

There are unregistered professionals who don't know they are supposed to register. But they are upfront about it - the fees are on their profile, or mentioned early on in the conversation.

What this person did is a really insidious form of abuse and make no mistake, it's deliberate abuse. It's a clear, premeditated plan to cause emotional pain, which pain can be partially alleviated by the extortion of money. @JamesNoah

Some of them are doing it just for the money. Others I'm not so sure, I suspect they get a thrill out of the manipulation or perhaps even the abuse directly. @dave31415

I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but in cases like this there is no doubt. Mentioning money for first time within an hour of the session, after weeks of conversation ... there is no doubt.

I don't think you were naive to think that somebody would cuddle you free. It's relatively unusual sure, but it does happen. And there is no need to feel confused or embarrassed - you were deliberately conned by a criminal who set out to mislead you. Could happen to any of us.

As for the sadness .... that, I get. And I really sympathise. I've had important, long-anticipated cuddles cancelled at the last minute and it's slightly devastating.

carrieanne

I always try to give benefit of the doubt whenever possible but honestly, I’m 💯 with @CuddleDuncan this time, in that she knew exactly what she was doing. She did something extremely unkind to you, I hate that for you and anyone else.

GreatHornedOwl

It really is true that some of these unregistered pros haven't read the TOS, and have never heard of the need to register. I've encountered several , and since they seemed to have good intentions, I didn't have the heart to report them without first giving them a chance to register. All but one of them did register.

@dave31415 - Have you considered shortening you name to Daveπ?

Bear

I had this happen to me twice. The first time I was all set to meet up and then boom they mentioned they wanted to get paid. That kind of devastated me. The second person I was going to report and they were already banned by the time I read the message about them asking for money.

CuddleDuncan

@GreatHornedOwl I have also encountered a number of unregistered professionals who simply weren't aware, and most cheerfully reappear as registered professionals. No harm, no foul.

pmvines

Sometimes its just not that deep. I have hung out with pros who I become friends with in a non cuddle context , or maybe some just passive light cuddling or touching but I know if I wanted to cuddle cuddle , it would need to be a paid client and pro context because it is their job and I dont go around asking for free services from my friends and acquaintances. Sounds like you got to meet up for coffee and conversation, but then when planned for more it went into a business dynamic . That is of course presuming she doesn't realize you must register as a pro first to do that. I try to look at things from all angles before assuming someome has it out for me .

addicted2touch

Yes! It happens to me all the time! 😭 It's so discouraging.....just when I think I've found someone 💔

BashfulLoner

She likely assumed this was a normal thing, because she probably didn’t even read the terms. I think I’ve seen it happen before or maybe I’m gullible. I’ve never moved forward once this was discovered so I’m

dave31415

@GreatHornedOwl Unicode wasn't invented yet when I came up with that name.

birdiegrl

I’m a pro and I can’t imagine putting a profile on this site and not understanding pretty quickly that there are pros and enthusiasts. She knew and I have no doubt that she purposely did a bait and switch last minute because she felt it would increase the likelihood of getting paid. I’m sorry, I would have been disappointed by that, too, and pissed about the way she was trying to manipulate you. A paid cuddle is a completely different thing than two people both cuddling just for the cuddle, imo, and I hope you find a like-minded cuddle partner and this doesn’t dissuade you.

I don’t think it’ll happen again now that you’ve run into it once. And you could say something in your profile to make it clear that you’re looking for enthusiasts rather than pros.

If I was in your shoes I’d leave it in her karma.

jps76

@Melancholy you should care about reporting them. You'll save other people heartache if you report this person. This person is probably doing the same thing with at least someone else.

carrieanne

I will say it again, I’m a pro, I started out here as one, the first time I visited the site I saw the option to apply to be a pro and I did. The point is, the site makes it clear that not everyone is approved. I read that when I applied. I didn’t expect to be approved but I was and this experience is maybe the most enriching I’ve had in a lifetime of adventures. No the income was not the reason or the most important part but it was a factor because I’m retired. I needed craved a healthy outlet for this kind of giving helping caring nurturing and that is not BS. look at my age. This really is me.
Any woman who claims she had no idea, believe me and my women’s intuition, she’s likely not being honest with you. She would have to be beyond clueless. It’s more likely that for some reason she wasn’t approved, didn’t put her heart into her application. Pictures not right? Maybe there was more interest in $$ than desire to help and heal. Somehow it showed through and she wasn’t approved.

carrieanne

@jps76 again I totally agree. Now I should be quiet, it just hits a nerve when people try to take the easy way to get instant gratification. Put in the work to get the reward.

cuddles_ndream

Sorry this happened to you! would love to share more but I’ll just say this, … no you weren’t naive to think someone wanted to cuddle you for free … my only hope and wish is that you didn’t give in, or continued communication with her after the fact.. I also hope you didn’t even ask her what you thought it was, or might be, kinda wishing you ghosted her but I feel that you Atleast shared your confusion with her because you’re such a genuine person… hit my dm’s when ever you like.

Ironman294

Melancholy deactivated his account

RadiantHugs

This happens all the time. When it happens to me, it guarantees that I will never book that pro - ever. If someone can't be honest about their intentions upfront, they just aren't honest enough to make a good cuddler for me.

EagleCuddles

@Melancholy I totally feel you. I've had this happen to me numerous times. Reported every one of them. Its a shame. I really would like to meet more nonpros rather than pros. I know that some pros (not all of course) are in it for the money. However, I don't blame them and in fact I'd be in the same boat if I found out I can get paid for cudding, talking to someone, and being there for someone. Sadly, I can't afford to schedule a pro as often as I would like due to money reasons, and also some cuddlers are charging lots of money (ex. $300 / hr). I know pros can set their own rate, but thats more than I can afford with inflation, bills, etc. With a non pro, it can just be a friendship with nothing expected monetarily from my end. Too bad its somewhat of a rarity on here, but thats just how it is

Sorry for the ramble, a lots been happening lately and I've been venting a lot of stuff out lately

Melancholy

@EagleCuddles I know what you mean.
I sometimes can't sleep cause I'm worried about money ...so splurging on pro cuddlers isn't something I can do very often.
I have to sacrifice something else in order to do that.

TruePower

@dave31415 being unaware of the rules aren't an excuse though.

Officer I didn't know you couldn't do that here!

Melancholy, I have noticed you in the forum and have thought what a kind person you seem to be. I just want to say how sorry I am that this happened to you 😢
I have to agree with CuddleDuncan’s comments. As much as we want to assume the best of others, what she did wasn’t ok on any level.
I admire you for taking the time to get to know her and work that process for a good connection. I can see you are a good man, I hope you can quickly find some other good connections to soothe the hurt she caused. 💞

Adding, I joined as an enthusiast and applied to be pro. When I applied, I reached out to those I had had connecting conversations with and explained to them. We already had a connection and I was honoring the prior connection as it was. That seems like the least we can do when our status changes. 🤷‍♀️

Hey Melancholy, just wanted to say I hear you, man that hurts. I haven’t had that, but I’ve had other things where the heart gets involved in a good way, and then it turns out it’s not what it seemed. Such a bummer. I really hope that doesn’t happen to you again. Here’s to smooth sailing in going forward.

Ironman294

@Melancholy heh you’re back, yeah that is upsetting. Sorry that happened!