@cudbud64 occasionally after leaving a comment on the forums or something, I will receive a message from someone in a far away land and we just hit it off and become friends. Moments like this make me so happy and incredibly glad to be part of this community.
@BgstickTeddyBea agree about everyone treating each other better 🙂
@Calibrate715 time is my most valuable resource! Idk, maybe something like a cuddling personality test could be linked could be nice... I find it difficult to really accurately explain who I am in a paragraph or so, but really I decide who my cuddles will be with based on our interactions one on one by messaging or phone call/in person. Also, I feel like my contributions to the forums speak more to who I am haha. Totally capable of more focused conversations but gets goofy real quick.
@SunsetSnuggles good point on empty profiles. I haven't added too much to mine since I started, still not sure what I want to add. Guilty of not having a very full profile.
@Charlie_Bear love that!! 🤗
@cudbud64 Yes! I keep going down the rabbit holes of discussion boards because I'm left going "Oh yeahhh, never thought of that!" Which usually cues a profile tweak lol
@cudbud64 - You started this thread with an excellent post, but something seems to be missing. To borrow a thought from mathematics, the conditions that you have suggested is necessary but not sufficient.
In the 15 months I have sent messages to well over a hundred enthusiasts. I have never asked to book a session, and don't ask to cuddle. Rather, I invite the woman to chat. In those few instances where her profile actually has some real information, I always say something to relate to it.The result has been only a small hand full of positive responses.
I have not been as active on the forums as are some, but I do post whenever I think I have something that is worth saying, which is not infrequent. I have received messages from quite a few women (both enthusiast and pro) as a result of my forum activity. Unfortunately, the nearest of them is about 350 miles away.
My profile is eight paragraphs plus a poem that I wrote about cuddling. I think that it describes me reasonably well, and makes me sound like an interesting person, which I am, if I do say so myself. So far, it hasn't helped.
I know what I'm looking for, and it is well within the parameters that CC considers. I am aware that like anybody else, I would benefit from therapy, but for various reasons, that in not a viable option.
Despite all of this, I don't feel as if I have accomplished anything at all in 15 months on CC. I wish that I could tell you what's missing from your suggestions, but if I knew, I might have found a cuddle by now.
Well-said!
@GreatHornedOwl thanks for your response. My intentions on posting this back in December were to post about my experience as a lady enthusiast three months into cuddling to offer suggestions to other enthusiasts as to what has made them a more viable candidate for cuddling with me, from an enthusiast perspective, and the last point being overall encompassing to those just feeling frustrated. There was generally a lot of frustration regarding lack of enthusiast to enthusiast cuddles and experiences with pros in the forums at the time of my post. I also hoped that it would spark helpful contributions from other women.
I have seen a good handful of your responses on the forums regarding your personal circumstances, and I feel great empathy for you and your wife. I am sorry that in your time here you have yet to feel the relief you've been seeking. It must be incredibly difficult to be a caregiver for your partner and still try to balance having your own needs met.
There's a lot more that I would like to say but I'll catch you in your inbox 🙂
@cudbud64 I don't think it's fair if someone thought I didn't want to cuddle with them while they have 64 in their name. It makes me think of the Nintendo 64, and if that is not why it's there, just don't correct me.
@Charlie_Bear 😂
Thank you for this post
This deserves to be stickied, imo!!
This is well-thought out and seems to resonate with a lot of enthusiasts, particularly female enthusiasts.
I almost want to copy and paste this into my profile.
Brava, @cudbud64 👏🏽
In lieu of stickying the thread, I'm not opposed to bumping regularly, @CuddleslessinLB . @cudbud64 initiated a wonderful thread.
@cuddlesonwheels thank you 🤗
@CuddlelessinLB 🥹🥹 such kind words, honored you would consider it sticky- worthy! I have it linked in mine, feel free to do the same or portions of it. 🤗
@Sideon so kind! Thanks always for the encouragement and all the mods do 🤠
@cudbud64 thank for the post. But for me, I'm basically giving up hope of finding enthusiasts. From the first time joining the site(had messaged few enthusiasts , then later realized they weren't active), to looking for pro(I still message enthusiasts occasionally, stated that I was looking for cuddle buddy . At that period, I learned to know how to check if the person is active or not), to re-try my luck many months later (had learned by reading forum that I shouldn't state I was looking to meet enthusiasts right away). My message were read, but didn't get response. It isn't my style to follow-up, after not getting replied, and sounds pushy, so I will just let it be. Assuming they weren't interested.
@teddybearNycLiv
I think that as a man it is always for the best to assume that no one has an interest in us.
Eliminates any hopeful or enthusiastic social mistakes.
Personally, I don’t reach out for the initial contact, although I am always happy to respond, have a conversation, and get to know someone if they happen to reach out to me.
I've got this feeling times just holding me down.
Good post, and I like the SNL reference!
@Rocket_Man .... well you just gotta cut loose. 🙂
I can't say that I agree with the opinion that men should assume nobody is interested. I don't feel that it helps the person to encourage them to give up and not bother. How we carry ourselves and how we interact with folks weighs heavily in the outcomes when it comes to making connections with people. If you come across as a woe is me fixer upper, then the message you are giving is that the other person is going to have their work cut out for them and you will likely drain their mental energy with little to offer in return. You get what you give , and the energy and vibe you present makes more of an impact than you even realize.
@pmvines
Yes, I agree completely.
When we are not wanted the burden is on us to change, and become what people desire.
And if we fail at the task of being what others want us to be we need to know, without question, that the fault is ours and ours alone.
The idea that we are all worthy, scars, traumas, problems, and all, is romantic nonsense.
Thank you for reminding me.
@CharlesInWI No one cares about your problems, Except these possible scenarios: In a way that makes miserable people feel better (misery loves company), but these people don’t want you to get better.
Possibly also Truly good friends and family, most likely your parents. And counselors/doctors in the way that it makes them money, and that’s about it.
One way to get people be attracted to your scars is to portray them artistically (depressing music lyrics are popular), poetry etc
People want to be happy and feel good. We all want distractions from the crappy parts of our lives. They will be drawn to people who will make them feel good, or think will make them feel good atleast.
No one is going to cuddle me because I feel bad, they’re going to cuddle me because they think it will make them feel better.
I empathize with men feeling overlooked, but that usually means a lot of work needs to go into their presentation.
The last part in your post does kinda resonate with me though, because I hear “Just be yourself and people will like you” a lot and some variation of “ presenting yourself however you like and expecting to be liked is foolhardy”, which sort of seem at odds with each other.
@CharlesInWI I think your posts are interesting to read, including when you put your unique take on what someone says directly to you. I don't always agree with you or anyone else, but your viewpoint resonates with me a little. I do know from my experience here that pmvines is right about how you come across. You can be a lot of things that people don't normally want to be around, but presenting the good parts of yourself here can get you good results sometimes. I realize it's much harder for the guys who want to only cuddle women.
@sunnysideup I agree. I think this is one of the few places that you can come with plenty of faults on the inside and the outside and still possibly meet nice and compatible people that want to know you anyway.
I don't mind people telling me their faults/problems/scars pretty quickly, but I do need to feel that if I met you in person that you would be equally interested in talking about something else.
@achetocuddle too many people lose their minds when someone disagrees with them!
@CharlesInWI for the record, I happen to think you are a very interesting person with a good heart and many talents. I'm sorry that life has knocked you around a bit. It's not fair that crappy things happen to good people. I do hope that you are able to get whatever it is out of this site that you need. You're back and are still here, so I know that there is meaning in it for you. I wish good luck and nothing but the best for you.
@CharlesInWI - I'm glad you're here.
I think there's a difference between changing to be what people want you to be (aka people pleasing, which is an unhealthy coping mechanism); and taking note of a pattern of undesired outcomes, what is causing the pattern, and what you can do to change the pattern.
I am the common denominator in all my social interactions. If I notice say a pattern of dating people that lead towards bad relationships, I could lay all the blame on the other people for being shitty people (which may be true), or on it just being a string of mismatched relationships/bad timing (may also be true)....or I could look at why I, as the common denominator, keep seeking partners who are incompatible/treat me poorly/are shitty people/etc. Having been a SA and abuse survivor multiple times, I learned the hard way how easy it is to fall back into old patterns, to seek the same kinds of partners subconsciously unless I intentionally made the choice and did the work to avoid them. And I still have to work at it, more than a decade later since I started working on it - human behavior patterning runs deep.
And having worked with kids and adults as an educator I know that behavior patterns creep up and continue in all aspects of our lives whenever we are not consciously thinking about them. Behavior patterns are our brains' autopilot system so that we don't have to waste precious processing speed, time, and energy on mundane repetition. But it can backfire when harmful or unhelpful things become a pattern.
So... If something isn't working, don't keep repeating the same pattern. Try changing what you have control over, your own behaviors and thoughts, and see how you can shake it up. Get curious and do research - adopt a growth mindset instead of a fixed one where you give up on yourself before you've truly given yourself all the tools and skills available to you.
This PSA brought to you from your local slowly reforming people pleaser 😁
@CharlesInWI - I like your polkadot headphones.
@PrettyLuv
Thank you! That’s kind of you!
They brighten my day because polka dots.
However, the only actual polka they get to play is Weird Al.
I love me some Weird Al.
@sunnysideup I know that's right!
@Sideon
I’m happy you are here too.
And, you know, moving around the world in general.
It’s a more colorful, creative place because you are here.
Encouraged by the spark of conversation that's come again from this post.
Humans face rejection and hurt everywhere. Some of it feels more personal because we want it more, or frequency of rejection can pile up. @pmvines @sunnysideup @cuddlefaery @achetocuddle said a lot of truth in regards to confidence, how one carries themselves and presents themselves to others. There's a lot to be said about accepting that you're not everyone's favorite flavor versus portraying negative outward energy, but I'm going to focus on the following:
Part of my original post, while brief, does touch on posting positive when we can. It's not to say that one cannot post true feelings about their experiences here, but I feel it can be best served to have more intimate conversations when one to one when both parties are willing to hear, rather than a public forum where comments cannot be deleted. I've probably written, rewritten and erased dozens of comments to forums posts, either for being too personal or just anticipating that it would not be received well.
Going into a cuddle as an enthusiast with another enthusiast should be mutually beneficial. While female enthusiasts are rare, when it comes to the actual exchange of cuddling, we do not bring anything other than our personhood to the table. Basic decency and mutual respect is the bare minimum we are looking for. I've become friendly with those that I have cuddled with, we talk about mutual interests, and that exchange makes cuddling more comfortable; it feels easier to cuddle with someone you get along with like a friend because they feel like a safer person who is less likely to try to push boundaries.
So yes, avoid having your opening line be about cuddling, pick something from a person's profile, other than pictures or their physical appearance, to strike up conversation. Starting off a conversation with how you can't find anyone to cuddle for free or little to no effort openings will not entice a response. Be yourself in a way that you would hope others will treat you; attentive, empathetic, gentle, kind. If there are rough edges of yourself that are not received well that you are aware of, consider how the other person you likely don't know very well that you would like to embrace and spend time in their close physical space would receive it.