Honesty from an enthusiast

It's been said before; men on this site outnumber women, connecting with women enthusiasts is a rarity, women are bombarded with messages, some people are here for the wrong reasons, Cuddle Comfort is not the place for romantic connections or sexual touch or connections.

In the short while, three months, I've actually connected and cuddled with men, I've learned what can be helpful for me and I'd like to offer some encouragement and advice:

  1. Don't use language to enthusiasts as you would pros
    I am not a pro, it's not a booking with me. I really dislike getting messages that were meant for a pro. While some pros may feel comfortable with same on next day bookings, I, as an enthusiast, am drawn to getting my physical touch meter filled and that is my priority. It's solely in my free time that I get to spend time cuddling with someone, and I invest a great deal of time getting to know someone before agreeing to meet. If anyone is agreeing to meet with you, it is a risk. You are a stranger from the internet, it's not personal. In an ideal world I would love to have more time for cuddling, but realistically I will only be able to commit to regularly meeting with a few cuddle buddies on a regular basis. Your average enthusiast will likely have the same capacity

  2. The time you invest into conversations is not just in your inbox
    For those who actually use the forums, your personality can shine and speak to who you are as a person. I am not one to answer all of the messages in my inbox, unless the opening truly stands out.But I've gone back and messaged enthusiasts who seem appealing to converse with when I've seen their contributions to the forums and I have made some great connections 🙂 Be active and positive when you can

  3. Fill out your profile
    I prefer a novel of a profile over an empty one. Give me the reading juice, I likea da juice. Stand out in a sea of stale profiles. I've gone through my inbox after months of not responding to some messages when I do have the capacity. I've messaged with enthusiasts who had dropped a line in my inbox months ago when they've had a good profile filled out and have had great conversations from there. It's not personal if I don't respond. If you're not nearby and your opening intention is just about cuddling, I might not respond. Idk lol it might also depend on the day for the last bit.

  4. Knowing yourself and your needs is vital
    You're here for a platonic good time and being able to hold good conversation will deepen your connections with others. What are you passionate about? How does cuddling enhance your circumstances rather than become a pedestal of your healing? If you have a lot going on in your personal life and you are depending on physical touch or romantic connections not found on Cuddle Comfort to resolve your internal/emotional balance, you are trying to put a bandaid on a bullet hole.

I've seen previous posts about resources that I will try to link here, recommended by others to help you work on yourself. Consider cuddling as one of many tools in your toolbox for being the best version of yourself. I've never known anyone that would not benefit from therapy, and just like finding a cuddle buddy, it might take some shopping around until you find the right therapist. I started actually meeting up with enthusiasts about a year after I had made a profile, and two years into a personal healing journey. If I had started back when I first made my profile, I might not have had the great experiences I have had so far, for the sheer fact I wouldn't have been as open with what I needed. We can't change the past, we can only move forward and choose to make different choices. No one reaches perfection in this life or is without flaws, but that doesn't mean that you don't aim to question self or motivation and attempt to grow. Consider that you may need to exercise muscles that are underdeveloped or have never been used, and be thankful for the opportunity to start growth now. You never know what may come of working on yourself, both here in the cuddle-verse and out in the real world.

I might have more thoughts but these were the pressing ones. Big ol' shout out to the mods and folks who helped create this community to be what it is today.

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Comments

  • edited December 2022

    @cudbud64 So basically we need to do better 🙂

    I absolutely agree and I hope people are able to learn from your perspective . One if the biggest complaints I here is about being treated like a commodity and not a person. Even pros need to feel safe and comfortable with the process. That is a basic human need , and far more of a need than to cuddle .

  • edited December 2022

    @pmvines wouldn't be a bit better if we did?🙂

    Appreciate the encouragement!

  • @cudbud64 great post, thank you.

  • @cudbud64 awesome contribution to the forums. Thank you for taking the time and effort to post this. Hopefully this encouragement and advice will be read by many!👍

  • @cudbud64 very well said and thought out.

  • Sigh, the 4th point is giving me a lot to think about.

  • edited December 2022

    Good stuff! You sound like someone I know! :P

  • @CuddleDuncan @OhioMike @KozyKim thanks for the kind words 🤗

    @TruePower when we face things head on, there is development of character in the challenge, and that is a gift 🙂

    @cylee1180 🙂👋

  • I think a ‘not looking for new cuddle buddies’ flag is sorely needed on someone’s profile. Making a connection online takes a lot of effort from both parties before meeting. And if most messages get ignored, then the sender is just going to spray and pray instead of crafting a tailored message to other enthusiasts (resulting in an inbox flood)

    No one’s going to put in the effort to make a genuine connection if it ends up being a waste of effort and if other enthusiasts are able to indicate they’re not reading any messages, then senders can refocus their efforts elsewhere.

  • Touching on your first point: Trust me, most pros also don’t like same day/next day bookings. Some even write in their profiles they WON’T do same day bookings. 90% of dudes who message don’t care and don’t even read profiles 🤷‍♀️ Or they get angry that profiles are too long. We’re a meat market to them. A product. Reading is too hard when you just wanna buy a woman.

    Glad you’ve found some solid connections and good insights! Totally agree with your shoutout to the mods—they’re amazing!

  • Thanks for the helpful post. I think it's quite nice of you to share your point of view. :)

  • @rsunday thanks for your your response 🙂. I think the option to mark that on your profile could be a helpful option, or I've seen profiles that specifically list they're just here socially at this point. At the moment, I'm still trying to build up my rotation of buddies, either those I've met or had planned to meet have had a change in circumstances and I've gone back to messages I've received. So I won't need that feature yet.

    There are plenty of users who will just message regardless of location, after seeing a user is recently online, and realistically, time being a precious resource, I'm going to message with people nearby and I feel like I would get along with. I know some people do not have the same luxury. I could be on here primarily for messaging a few people I'm getting to know, or the forums, and get a slew of messages just from being online. I would say 60% of my messages are about "bookings" or from people at least a timezone away.

    If I see someone is active enough on the forums and I know their intentions and contributions here, I'm far more likely to respond to them. As far as I've heard, there's a lot of inactive profiles, probably users not on for more than a month, and that can also give the illusion that there may be more active cuddlers than there actually is.

    @bobadevotee thanks for your thoughts🙂. I had trimmed down a lot of my thoughts about language and pros for the first point so I'm glad for the clarity you provided. It's really unfortunate that it is the way these exchanges can come across when respect and kindness go such a long way towards building healthy relationships between pros and enthusiasts. Hopefully in 2023 we can move towards something a little better 🙂

  • This is really insightful!

  • Perfectly said! And yes, most pros don’t do same day bookings. Even as a pro, I like to get to know the person I’m planning on meeting first. I like to know what they would like to get out of the cuddle and how I could best help them. The ones who don’t respond are typically looking for more than platonic cuddles.

  • Basically, what we have here, is a critical thinker. Thank you for your deep insight, Cudbud64!

  • Thanks @scottrileytx & @perky1 🙂

    @applepie55 sounds like you put in so much care to knowing who you will cuddle with, as I'm sure many pros do 🙂 Appreciate that!!

  • Resources I mentioned in the main portion of the post, forum post titled "Moderator Thoughts on Mental Health"

  • Very thoughtful post, Cudbud64.

  • @cudbud64 Awesome points!🤩💯

  • Yes! I so resonate with this post! Thank you!

  • Intelligently written!! Well done👍🏻

  • [Deleted User]GreyAndGreen (deleted user)

    Snaps (as in I support this, not losing self control).

  • @rsunday - I write to every new enthusiast within about 50 miles from me. I would love to craft a message tailored to each and every one of them, but I don't. Instead, I send almost exactly the same message to roughly 95% of them.

    By limiting my messaging to a 50 radius, I rarely send more than one message per week, so it's not time constraints that prevent me from tailoring individualized messages. Rather, it's an almost complete lack of information about the woman that I writing to. It's virtually impossible to tailor an individual message to a woman who's "About Me" section is either blank, or consists of about two sentences of "fluff" that could apply equally well to anybody. Unfortunately, that applies to roughly 90% to 95% of all new women enthusiasts.

    I know that many men complain about women's profiles that don't contain a photo. I am not one of those men. I can honestly say that the slightest bit concerned with how a woman looks. In 15 months, the only times I have even mentioned a photo is when it was so badly exposed, so hazy, or had other problems, that the technical flaws, severely detracted. In such cases, I download it into Photoshop, fix what is fixable, and return it with the comment "I think your photo is more flattering this way." So far, exactly two women have thanked me, and used my edited version of the photo in their profile.

  • Kind encouragements 🤗🥰🫂! @ej958 @SuperManCuddles @HollyHobby @KozyKim @GreyAndGreen @newme27

    @GreatHornedOwl within 50 miles is super reasonable. I'm finding these days I might have the capacity for an hour drive to go cuddle, I am able to be a guest, not host. I would say that my contributions to the forums speak way more to who I am than my profile does, although mine is fairly bare and basic. I am 1000 % a pigeon not needing a photoshop, but will drop in if I do 🤪

    Also, I would like to say that I have been trying to get better about answering messages, especially when the other person took the time to say more than a hey. Mostly because of the thoughts shared by others here and direct to my PMs after I first posted this.

    Happy cuddling out there, everyone 🤗!!!

  • This one pulled that heart string a little bit. People need to treat each other better. Create that positive ripple in the universe. Prove we are worth something when a lot of things seem to stay we are so messed up in the thinhs we do and think and feel toward each other.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @cudbud64 ...Preach! Lol. All thoughts I've had. My "about me" just kept getting more specific because of interactions I had. I want anyone interested in meeting me to understand my time constraints, etc. so, if they don't align with what they need, I don't waste anyone's time.

    I do wish more people would at least fill something out about their personality. We're all strangers here so it's nice if I can at least get a baseline for someone's personality.

  • @GreatHornedOwl The new enthusiast profiles are blank because as soon as they join the site, their profile goes live. I really take issue with this and wish the site would wait a week or at least require a minimum two paragraphs in the About Me before broadcasting the newbies to the site on the homepage, because yes, it's a disappointing lack of information 99% of the time.

    I think it's totally natural that people take awhile to figure out the vibe of the site and what their profile might contain; I know I certainly tweaked my profile constantly when I first joined... Initially I didn't want to share anything personal, then I wasn't sure what to say, then I realized it was my only portal to share information about myself, and I started adding to it regularly. 😊

    Anyway, just sayin' I think it's natural that newbies don't have a fully blossomed About Me, as it goes live within minutes of them finding the site and signing up...most are likely "just looking" and have no serious intent, here. So also bear that in mind as far as response rates go. Newbies vanish or delete constantly because they just popped in to look and then never return. Their lack of response to your message is likely nothing personal at all. 🤗

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

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