Most on here don't give their real number much less their real name. ID isn't required. How could you look someone up on a sex offenders list. The risk is there and unless rape occurs it would be hard to prove. Even if rape occurs it is hard to prosecute without a witness
@SnugglesRus this thread alone shows the high risk and cuddlers should be aware of that when choosing to cuddle for their own safety. A higher risk of stalking for those that host. Especially those that are still very young should realize what they are getting into since the portion of our brain that controls our rational thinking isn't fully developed until age 25. We all say fabulous shit about needing comfort but let's face it a lot gets left unsaid and danced around.
@WarmEmbrace it would lower their numbers and take time and money to do is why they don't ID I believe
@Cuddle_RN very wise. That would certainly make those with ill intent think twice
I take the risk and rely on my skill as a social worker to evaluate certain traits exhibited through conversation to ascertain if I believe great risk is there. Even if they show an ID many forms of assault would be hard to prove if done in private. Not all people who would commit sexual assault has been successfully prosecuted and on a sex offenders list.
I'm also in good physical shape and strength matters in those situations.
This thread has all of a sudden become popular again. Sending good energy to you all💖🙏🦋
@pty1999 - Yes, most people don't use their real name here, but any woman can ask to see a photo of an ID before agreeing to meet for a cuddle. She can insist on a first meeting being in a public place, and look at his ID in person. She should be willing to accept a redacted version, because there will likely be some personal information that isn't relevant.
I also don’t really like the term sex offender. It makes it sound like it is something they are rather than something they have done. For example we sometimes refer to people who have been in prison as ex-convicts. We don’t call them criminals. We reserve that term for people who are actively committing crimes. Some people seem to use the term sex offender to be synonymous with rapist or child molester. Some of them did indeed engage in such acts in the past. But people can end up on that list for engaging in what most of us would consider pretty minor crimes like public nudity, urinating in public, sex in a public place, sending sexting photos of yourself when underage, participating in sex work or statutory rape. I think most of us would agree that someone pleading guilty to one of these minor crimes is probably no more dangerous than the average person. People not convicted of such crimes probably aren’t any more moral but perhaps just have better judgment.
And while the list does include the more violent sex crimes, the people who have committed those are very likely to be the ones still in prison not the ones who will contact a cuddler.
I think cuddling with someone is a bit more risky than just dating. So I think it is kinda ridiculous that Tinder or other dating apps should feel compelled to block sex offenders. People who have committed sex offenses are still people and they need to find partners as well.
I think the ones that are the most dangerous are people we might refer to as sexual predators. These are usually people that have a large number of complaints or accusations but have never been arrested. Because they haven’t been arrested, they feel like they can keep getting away with it. They are usually smart enough to target the right people in the right situations where they are unlikely to be arrested. Many are also wealthy, prominent men who feel their reputation will win out against the word of some women who might accuse. Many of the dating sites share information about these people. I’m CC does as well.
@dave31415
There was a member who reached out to me last year who I immediately recognized and reported , he had been charged sexual assaults, stalking and kidnapping with more charges being brought against him at the very same time he was contacting me. He had assaulted both men and women. The only reason I recognized him was because he was on the local news and his face was plastered everywhere. He had been on the site since 2019.
Predators lurk everywhere. Yes, even here.
He is currently serving time and not enough IMO.
https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/local/2021/05/13/nashville-massage-therapist-charged-sex-related-crimes/5082415001/
https://www.wsmv.com/2022/11/30/former-massage-therapist-accused-by-19-women-sex-crimes-pleads-guilty/?outputType=amp
Yes, you can't assume that people who have done violent sex crimes are all still in prison. The sex offender registry in my state has a number of people convicted of sexual assault who are living in surrounding communities - they served their time and got out.
Not gonna lie, some of the comments here shock me regarding “well even if they have a clean record that doesn’t mean they won’t assault you” etc and this general attitude that no measures anyone can take can guarantee safety, etc etc… Specifically being said in response to me wanting to know criminal background. Keep that context in mind.
So by this logic, are you all okay with letting sex offenders work around children? Do you think we shouldn’t background check daycare workers? Since it isn’t a guarantee of safety, should we just not even try to have safeguards in place?
The main point of my issue is the fact that this site claims sex offenders aren’t welcome but isn’t actively setting up infrastructure to enforce this statement. It’s like saying “no outside food allowed in the theater” but not checking bags to actually enforce that rule. It feels like a hollow, empty statement.
Regarding your personal rules for safety out in the world in general, I’m not really commenting on that. I know that personally, out in the rest of the world, outside of this cuddling bubble, I’d never want to hire anyone convicted of a sex crime for any type of job where they’d be in a situation with vulnerable people (ex daycare employee, preschool teacher, massage therapist, gynecologist, etc). Maybe I’m crazy but I wouldn’t ever want to have a sex offender as my gynecologist or as my babysitter. 🤷♀️ They can go “start over” in a new profession that doesn’t involve vulnerable private situations with people/children.
@WriterGF the female accomplice who helped kidnap Elizabeth Smart is still legally allowed to live near elementary schools (and last I checked she currently lives across the street from one) even after abducting and imprisoning a child. So, yeah, most of these monsters are still out and about.
@WriterGF If they served their time then they paid their debt to society. You don't have to like them or associate with them but we shouldn't stigmatize ex-convicts either. They need to get a restart to try to live a normal life.
@Rezz Yep. Those are the types to worry about.
@bobadevotee I think you need to look at each person case by case and evaluate their character. You wouldn't hire a 35 year old female gynecologist because she got arrested in college having drunken sex with her boyfriend in a public park? If someone like that came along, I'd say, "Damn, that person had bad luck. Half the people I knew in college did that or worse." Obviously someone with multiple violent rapes is different.
Reminds me of a woman I know who was going through a divorce. Not a sex offense but I think it is still relevant. This is according to her. She got in a fight with her husband one night. They got a little physical. He was a very big strong guy, a body builder. She is tiny. He shoved her around a bit but didn't hit her. She scratched him with her finger nails to get away. She threatened to call the cops on him but didn't. But I guess he got the idea to act first as a kind of active defence and called the police on her. When the cops got there they talked to her and she told her story and admitted scratching him. He had the scratches after all and that was physical evidence. She had no evidence that he did anything to her. The police arrested her and charged her with assault.
These cases take a long while to go through the legal process. People who aren't wealthy almost always take a plea deal if they can't get the case dropped. That still takes a while. So while this was going through the process, she lost custody of her child to the husband. She owned a daycare business. That had to be shut down so she lost her source of income. Eventually, after about a year, she was able to plead to minor offence and avoid jail time and then could start rebuilding her life. But she still has a criminal record and can no longer work in child care. She can see her daughter with supervision.
I know another kid who went to jail because he was driving his cousin's car and unbeknownst to him, his cousin had a half pound of weed in the glove compartment which fell out when he got pulled over for a tail-light. He did like two years in jail. If I had been in that car, maybe I'd have been charged too. I also admire the kid because he never tried to blame the drugs on his cousin. He just did the time.
The moral of this story is that not everyone with a criminal record is a bad person. Many of them made what seems like a minor mistake at the worst time. I know several people who have had a DUI. And for every person like that I know a dozen other people who have driven drunk more times that the one that got caught. The US legal system is tough. Most people plead guilty to something because they can't afford to fight a long trial.
I know a few other people that have had trouble with the law like a poor woman who got in trouble (won't go into detail) because her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend didn't like her and turned in some sex videos her boyfriend made of her to the police. Let's just say she is on that list now. I know another woman on the list that had shared some sex videos of herself when she was a minor many years ago. On the list as well I believe.
My final point is that having a criminal record or even being on that list means nothing to me by itself. Just about all the people I know who had such run-ins with the law are either people I greatly respect or are at least no worse than the average person. Most of them just did the same dumb stuff that all of did when we were young adults. They were just the ones the cops caught when the rest of us got away. Obviously there are others that have done heinous acts. You have to look at their story and try to judge their character on a case by case basis.
@GreatHornedOwl even with all that a female cuddler is still taking a risk of potential sexual assault. It would be hard to prove that someone started caressing your breast, or was rubbing their erection on you for sexual satisfaction. Those are forms of sexual assault by violation of someone's sexual autonomy.
This is something a female cuddler should keep in mind when deciding to cuddle. This could be traumatic to some causing emotional distress that is hard to process .
Those situations are not uncommon in cuddling. That is the reality. Doing anything with a stranger in private that requires physical closeness in a somewhat intimate way creates risk and we would be ignorant not to realize this.
Pro cuddling requires someone to be able to process their emotions well and to be realistic of what they are getting into.
Good points though and I agree those are all great things to do
Reported and reviewed. @wickedead13 your personal views about not judging others for their past is not a reason for other members here to compromise their own safety by taking a chance on someone they do not feel comfortable meeting. That may not be what you were suggesting, but I am removing the comment anyway. - [Charlie_Bear]
@wickedead13 How do you suggest a pro "get to know who they are now?" They can't invest a year in getting to know a prospective client before doing a cuddle. They are pretty much always going to have to err on the side of caution.
While I'm not going to read 5 pages of comments, to the OP @bobadevotee I did want to answer a few things.
The site is setup for people to join extremely easily, requiring only a name and email address with majority of things on the created profile being optional and changeable. With this ease of creating an account means no ID checks to verify who you are, no background checks, no credit checks,... zero validation of who the person is; It's the internet like it was and has always been where you could be talking to anyone and unless you meet them in person or do a video chat with them you won't ever be certain of who they are.
This next part is only my observation and is not an officially confirmed statement. The site doesn't do ID checks, background checks, or any other sort of validation process unless the person is questionably under 18, stating they are a public figure, or if they are suspect to being a previously banned and highly dangerous site member. The reason why is primarily because legal liability, cost, manpower, and data storage liability.
So yes, while it would be ideal to have some checks on who joins the site, there are currently too many things pushing it from happening. That said though, any site member, not just Pros, are well within their right to conduct their own safety checks, including requiring to see a photo ID from any other site member, before agreeing to meet with them. This will obviously affect the number of people who are willing to meet with you, but your own safety should be the primary focus.
@netrunner - Photo IDs frequently contain a good deal of personal information, that has nothing to do with establishing one's identity. Anybody who is providing a copy of their photo ID, should consider redacting some of that information, some of which could be used for identity theft. Anybody who is receiving a redacted copy of a photo ID should understand the reason for the the redactions.
@WriterGF well that can be said for anyone someone meets on at site! Even craigslist. There is always a risk. And a yr? Really? Why not talk to them. Get to know them. I have known ppl who are S.O. and who have done treatment and they are actually some of the nicest ppl I have met. @bobadevotee you said that sex offenders tend to reoffend. Statically speaking a sex offender who has done time and who has done treatment is WAY less likely to commit a new sexual offense. https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2019/06/06/sexoffenses/
Reported and reviewed. Leaving comment intact, but as @netrunner stated above: any site member, not just Pros, are well within their right to conduct their own safety checks, including requiring to see a photo ID from any other site member, before agreeing to meet with them. Anyone that feels harassed or receives communication of a non-platonic nature should report the offending account immediately. - [Charlie_Bear]
I dont really feel like the issue is about sex offenders reoffending stats, or about slicing hairs re what type of sex offense is worse, or about the definition of ex convict vs active offender. I believe its more a question of whether someome would feel safe or comfy with cuddling a sex offender. Nothing wrong with wanting to know.
@wickedead13 Fair points. But a lot of pros do not want to go back and forth for a long period of time without scheduling a cuddle, and a lot of people who hire pros are doing it because they don't want to invest a ton of time getting to know an enthusiast.. And let's face it, people lie and science shows most humans can't detect when they are being lied to. So yes, there's enormous risk associated with doing this.
@wickedead13 Yes, but was the sex offense streaking across a football field or rape? No one on this site should ever give a rapist a second chance. I don't care if they are a freaking saint comparatively. This is a cuddle site. Suggesting that we give sex offenders second like rapists second chances etc is ridiculous.
Its not about the crime its about the victim. I GENUINELY hope none of you ever experience what it's like to have your body violated like that. I can tell you from personal experience rapists need to go to straight hell. They are NOT the nicest people. Rape is a crime of power.
FYI My attacker was one of the nicest people I ever met until he wasn't. That statement fails on so many levels. I don't give a flying fliping flip what treatment they've done. There is a clear disconnect about the meaning of what rape is for some. Lucky you.
AND YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT I'M JUDGING THE PAST. I almost can't believe this is actually being said. If I could use swear words people would know exactly where they could shove....
That said I love this site. Major sex offenders don't belong on it. If you peed in public or streaked okay, pass. But there are violations that cannot be forgiven.
And no I'm not looking for sympathy I'm looking for certain people to shut their ...... trap. This is so not cool.
Anger level: I'd say is a good 8.5 but no hostility meant. Simply in awe of the pure...depths of depravity the internet has to offer.
I don't quite understand the reasoning behind defending someone that has assaulted someone else. If a member here is put through that sort of trauma, the attacker is done here. One may feel after that person has served their time that they should be given a second chance, and if someone out there in the real world that knows the situation is willing to take that risk, that's their choice. But no member here should have to worry about unknowingly being someone else's second chance, and considering how many of those here have already had to deal with some truly horrible trauma, defending that behavior is understandably not going to be received well.
Rapist is still a rapist regardless of how much time they've spent in jail . Some of you are just trying to play devils advocate. Not the topic, time , nor place to try to be a pseudo intellectual.
I have difficulty seeing who is arguing with who. Sounds like everyone is basically saying the same thing. No one thinks dangerous people should be allowed on the site. But we all seem to agree that there is no easy way to identify them and so things like a sex offender list is not going to help. So what are people arguing about exactly?
@pmvines I don’t know who you are calling a pseudo intellectual but surely you know that’s not a nice thing to say. I know you can make your points without saying that.
@dave31415 dont like me saying pseudo intellectual? Sorry if that offended you , I found it to be an accurate description , and is more so an attack of the practice, as I'm not calling out anybody specific. Not exactly an attack but if you see it as that then sorry
Some people would rather stick to defending the premise of their argument than acknowledge that it is not appropriate. Reading the room is what comes to mind . They can go debate this topic all they want it's a free country. But there is such a thing as tact and knowing when it's just not the right time or place. Enough is enough.
@dave31415 The rapists bff over there. I'm not saying the site has to screen. I'm saying I'm not down for 2nd chances despite "Treatment." No ones saying you agree with him... unless you do.... is that what you're saying? As I mentioned above I sincerely hope people never have the bad luck of finding out why arguing the convicts pov is so...awful. But you're not doing that right? Also, is pseudo intellectual triggering? You know whats triggering a survivor watching people with no clue debate guilt. Again not you. Right? At least I didn't take it that way.
If your trolling troll but if you're seriously arguing this... I almost feel sorry for you.
Anger level: 2 debating human decency sucks Pity level: 7
@dave31415 I'm guessing you missed some comments and hopped in at the wrong time.