@dave31415
" If we believe someone who committed a violent crime is still a danger to society we are supposed to keep them in prison. If we let them out, we are to presume that they are no longer a danger."
Except plenty of people get slap on the wrist just to do that very same thing or worse all over again. So we really can't rely that much on the justice system to protect us either.
Secondly, unless it was a case of someone genuinely not knowing someone was aged (being lied to, fake ID, etc.) Or he or she was was having a verifiable mental breakdown that led to exposing him or herself in public, I'd not feel safe being in the company of such a person. Even if they "did their time".
@pty1999 Your statement…“ It seems to me if we are on this site as a pro, we are willing to put up with horny men and take the risk of sexual assault for money. It is what it is, and I think people realize this when they join this site. I'm surprised how many people make threads on this forum as if they are surprised.”
Pro aren’t here agreeing to share their gift of therapeutic touch and healing with complete strangers at the risk sexual assault. That idea in itself is shocking to me. 🤯
@SnugglesRus "Agreeing" probably isn't the right word ... maybe more that pros are aware of that risk, they have to be.
@WriterGF I agree, but only in the same way I am aware of it everywhere I go. I believe that is why these discussions come up, it is something that can have more preventative measures put in place. I don’t think pros willingly put themselves in questionable situations.
I have a family and life, so I require a picture before booking and an id before a non-public session. I know that costs me bookings. 3 in the last several days. That is their loss and tells me they aren’t my people who are genuinely seeking a loving cuddle. It is frustrating to waste so much time on that and the numbers doing that here.
That is what it is if nothing changes. I don’t think it is so much just a cold fact of accepting that danger comes with the territory. We aren’t out on the streets. We are offering a loving service that deserves respect. That requires more education for good people who don’t understand what that is and safe boundaries for the sleez that a site like this can attract.
You are absolutely right, the risk exists everywhere for every woman. But I think there would be a difference in degree when you are in a profession that requires you to be in a (what should be platonic) intimate setting with someone who is the next thing to a stranger. That is also why I think pros or enthusiasts are completely justified doing ANYTHING they feel they need to in order to protect themselves.
@WriterGF I agree, just like any therapist. Most take pages of information before accepting a client in a room with a closed door. Asking for identification should be minimal here. What we see is entitlement from people who are used to a different crowd, lacking care about the other being /feeling safe when that screening is needed. There’s nothing wrong with not accepting that behavior. 💫
If I were a pro, I would absolutely insist on seeing ID. If something happens, how is it going to sound if your police report starts with, "I got into bed with this person to cuddle. No, I have no idea at all who they are."
@WriterGF that wouldn't be unusual at all though. People meet others at bars and nightclubs all the time and sometimes wake up in their beds the next day. I have never heard of anyone asking eachother for their ID though before doing so. I remember a friend of mine was dating a guy for a year and suspected he was lying about his age and she had never seen his id. I told her to try to sneak a peek at it.
@SnugglesRus I sympathize with you needing to be safe. That makes perfect sense. But I for one would never show anyone my id from this site again until I had cuddled with them a while and trusted them. I might show them a redacted copy though. Would that be enough. ? The issue is I once met a cuddle enthusiast on this site and she insisted on my id which I had never had anyone ask me for before. She said either I send her a picture of it or we were not going to meet for coffee etc. So I gave in and sent it to her. What happened after is that she became obsessed with me and didn't just want to cuddle platonically but she wanted a new husband. She had some mental issues. She would say stuff like she looked at my house on Google maps. I became paranoid that she was going to randomly show up at my house. It sometimes kept me up at night because she blew up my phone with calls when I didn't text her back right away. So as you can see if someone asks me for an id now I am very hesitant and probably will decline it. Other than that one woman no one else has ever asked me for it. So if someone does ask how it will be a red flag since it's so unusual and it would make me wonder if she's like that woman who gave me so much grief. By the way the only way she stopped was she found someone else. Thank God that she did eh. I was relieved. She deleted her account on here more than a year or two ago.
@bobadevotee, So I don’t know if someone brought this up or not, but I wonder if part of answer might be found in how Twitter in its early years dealt with fake celebrity accounts posing as real ones. Rather than mark all bad ones they came up with the now famous blue verified check. That way you’d have assurance that you’re dealing with an account where there was an attempt at verification.
I would submit to a process where I was verified as not a sex offender. I’ve never been arrested either and I don’t mind a background check. I don’t see CC funding this but even if they don’t this could be an independent entity that does the checks & maybe provides a link that proves I am who I say I am and that I’m marked as safe (probably would be best if it obscured personal data while still ensuring the person is safe; someone smarter than me would need to work out those details). This could work for site like CC as well as dating sites and other places where you’re inviting a stranger in your space or going somewhere alone with a stranger.
There are I’m sure ways this safe verifying process could be abused but I think it could make people taking risks safer. And yes there is an imbalance and unfairness and racism involved in how people are targeted, arrested and convicted so it’s not a perfect solution. However, it’s something people with nothing to hide would do. I would.
@Melancholy I don't know that someone needs to see your address or license number. They need to see a photo and a name. (And you have a right to refuse and move on to someone else.) The fact that the same thing happens when people pick others up in bars doesn't change the fact that someone whose business it is to deal with strangers either in their home or at their home has a right to ask as part of their personal TOS. (And there's a reason picking up a stranger in a bar and bringing them home is considered dangerous behavior.)
Unless you pay for everything in your life in cash, every business you patronize has your name, address, etc. Any of the people with access to that information could have "mental issues" or do an identity theft.
Are our expectations of the site providing more services for our safety very fair or realistic? CC would also need to be paid for those extensive services and safeguards! Our % to the site would have to increase by a lot. Enthusiasts would pay to join. Its a great idea for a different platform thats smaller and not free. I guess these already exist? No idea.
So yes I wish everyone had to provide personal information to sign up that is kept very private. We trust the bank, retail even Google has so much info on everyone, it makes me nervous. But i personally have nothing to hide. I know I’m not going to be hurting anyone. I have no problem giving more information to CC because they are very transparent, we see their presence constantly and they have my trust 💯. yes there are hackers everywhere! People who wouldn’t want to share their real identity with a trusted site like CC always make me wonder why? Are they wanting to or thinking they might do something illegal? The men, even a lot who are married and in committed relationships have their photos on profiles. They show their open happy smiles and hopefully honest eyes. That makes me way more comfortable because they are more willing, maybe less guilty. One thing that is helping me during screening is to kindly sincerely ask, on the phone, What are your honest true expectations? I don’t bring up my boundaries. I want to know what they want. And without fail they will generally tell me what they really want. Then we talk about that and I give them a reality check about a session with me. Talk about alternatives that feel just as awesome but aren’t sexual. It’s amazing the trust we build with each other through those conversations.
@Melancholy - what all would you redact? For >99% of the public, all it takes is a first and last name OR a cell phone number OR an email address to find out nearly everything about a person. If you redact everything but your photo it kind of defeats the purpose of showing an ID in the first place.
FOR EVERYONE - I have used a paid service called “DeleteMe” which is available at abine.com. I have no connection to the company other than being a very happy customer for nearly a decade. If you sign up for their “DeleteMe” service, they will send legally binding takedown notices to 65+ of the biggest online data brokers (companies like Spokeo, PeopleFinder, Intelius, BeenVerified, CheckMate, etc.) to purge your personal information from those websites. That will dramatically reduce the chances of someone stalking you online (it is still possible but it would take a lot more skill and effort to track you once you are removed from these sites.
@carrieanne I believe a fair discussion. The site charges a percentage to be here, so not fair to act like this is an entirely volunteer run site. I only mention that because that point is often mentioned in this type thread 😉
The other service sites that I post on do background checks for both parties, and not nearly as intimate a service. I’m a personal chef 😅
However, it is also fair that the site does not and I do my own. It means I will have much fewer people take the time to build trust, but for myself, I’d prefer fewer regulars that are trustworthy than tina of 1-2 timers. It’s all about what we want and build. I love relationship type clients.
If I were to ask for an ID, I would expect to provide mine also. It’s only fair. We would probably cover some private information like license numbers but enough to make us both accountable and safe. Also I have to add from experience, the men who have hoped for more or try for more in a session have been men with jobs, families ‘normal’ lives’, likely not officially sex offenders, felons etc. Just regular men who don’t want to control their need for sex when they’re alone with a woman. It’s their choice and their maturity, empathy and values, respect for women, how they were raised. Maybe it’s my age, luck or using careful common sense I use to deal with this issue.
A few thoughts on proving you are not a sex offender…
Because of my current employer and a government agency I did some consulting work for, I have 2 government issued photo IDs that both required extensive background checks. If a cuddle partner asked, I would be willing to show her those IDs to demonstrate that I have a clean record (but I would not be emailing copies of them to anyone).
Here is an “out there” suggestion for anyone in the US who wants to be able to prove they do not have any criminal convictions. You do NOT have to own a firearm to obtain a firearm carry permit. Laws, prices, and requirements vary by state but in most states, all you need to do is fill out an application and pay $25 - $50 then the state will run a background check on you and if it comes back clean, you will get a photo ID permit within a couple of weeks. That ID demonstrates you have a clean record even if you don’t have any interest in owning a firearm.
Obviously, neither a firearm permit nor any government issued ID is a guarantee that a person will be respectful, but it can at least demonstrate they are not a convicted sex offender.
@carrieanne I really like the way you phrased that -- "don't want to control their need for sex" -- not "can't control." The latter lets them off the hook. Because you're right, it's about not wanting to act like a mature adult with some self-control and respect for the person you are with.
@JohnR1972 are you suggesting there is no way to scan someone’s brain and soul and find if they are terrible person but only in their heart?
Certainly that’s true. But proving you are not on any sex offender list is least something.
@Syins - In the future we may have artificial intelligence that acts like the “pre-cogs” from “Minority Report” to tell us what a person is going to do a day before they do it, but for now proving a clean record is about as good as it gets 😊
@carrieanne I agree, the ones asking here are professional men who would like to get more without going to the streets. These aren’t sex offender list men.
I appreciate hearing all the perspectives here.
@SnugglesRus I was surprised to see convicted offenders involved with sex workers can show up on sex offender websites. “Sex offender” is often a broad term than can include many offenses some are consensual sex offenses.
@carrieanne - You have made a lot of great points in your posts above. Just a couple of thoughts I would like to share in response…
I do trust the current owner and mods of CC. They offer a great service and do a conscientious job of keeping everything civil on the forums and dealing with people who need to be dealt with. However, nobody knows who may own this site in the future.
I know Grindr is a hookup site so I am not meaning to compare it to cuddling except to say that it had a LOT of information on a lot of people (names, IP addresses, credit card info, email addresses, private message history, etc.). Grindr was purchased by a Chinese company around 2017 and that was considered a national security risk because of the nature of the website and the number of people who potentially could be blackmailed by the new owners.
The company that purchased Grindr was pressured to sell it to an American company around 2020. Again, I know there is a big difference between Grindr and CC, my only point is that while I would trust the current ownership of CC with my personal information, that may not hold true if CC were ever sold. I am sure some people on Twitter never expected some of their DMs to be made public as has happened over the past couple of months.
@bobadevotee a few thoughts- 1. Comparing this site to Fb or other social media sites or companies with a relatively much larger budget for legal fees might not exactly be an apples to apples comparison. 2. This site is relatively small and easily hackable. I don’t trust this place enough to upload anything personal, and see no reason to trust the mods over a pro or an enthusiast. 3. If sex work became more legal it might help keep clients from “trying their luck” on places like these. That said, I hope there are sufficient advancements in mental health treatments that people don’t feel the need to pay a pro to cuddle and that this site remains mostly of/by/for enthusiasts.
Regarding asking for ID, here's what's on my profile:
"I need to feel safe with you before I'm willing to be alone with you, so if you're not willing to spend time getting to know each other in person, in public, until I feel comfortable with you, please do not contact me. Until I reach that level, I WILL NOT go anywhere alone with you and cuddling will be done at movie theaters. I get to decide when I've reached that level, without pressure from anyone.
Before I will meet you anywhere other than a public place, I will ask for a picture of your driver's license. This and the address where we are meeting, as well as any other pertinent details, will be given to my best friend and safety consultant, to ensure my safety. If you are not comfortable with this requirement, kindly keep scrolling."
Whether you are a pro or an enthusiast, set boundaries and stick to them. Anyone who has a problem with that is not to be trusted.
@JohnR1972 I appreciate that input. That makes lots of sense for a site not to collect information. In that case, definitely something to still do as individuals.
@Cuddle_RN you have shared that somewhere else and I was so thankful for that insight. I have implemented some of those points in my own screening process and agree that enthusiast should take safety measures as equally as pros here.
Accept what we cannot change in others. We can only change and control ourselves and our own behavior. This is a fact! Whoever told anyone that others owe you something because you want it was lying to you! I believe most people know this but won’t accept it! Change your situation if it doesn’t work for you.
One bad experience and im already not willing to meet with anyone else. I do wish there was a stronger screening process before placing these folks on the site. Its annoying when so soon after being interested in cuddling bad things happened . Ugh... I super appreciate your post
There is one easy way to check on someone If you do a Google Search of there full legal name, but be sure to put it in PARENTHESES Say you Google. John A. Smith with out doing it then it will hit on every John and every Smith, but in parentheses it will only hit on the exact name. Just for the fun of it you should Google your own name and you’ll be surprised how much shows up.
Maybe the site could offer a voluntary verification process if the subscriber submits their ID when registering in order to receive a “verified” notation on their profile.
Does the sex offender registry say why they're on there? Being busted for meeting a prostitute or peeing in public(when they thought nobody was looking) is not even close to the same as rape or meeting an underage minor.