@Shake49 OMG! Bojack's one of my favorite shows, and Todd's my favorite character! (I've watched it 13 times.) It's hard finding any ace-spec representation anywhere.
I can relate to the "Guess I'm just weird" part. I didn't know I was ace until I was 20. And when I did find out I was ace, a few of my friends knew I was ace before I knew I was ace. Looking back, I was always ace and had a lot of "signs" that I was ace. It just took me a while to discover the ace label.
@Fallstreak2 YES! You took the words right out of my keyboard!
I hate sex with other people, does that count?
If you. Don't have sex with other people who do you have sex with ? ⁰
@myne2 - Not sure if you're trolling or what, but asexual means they're not interested in sex at all.
@myne2 no one. That's the point. We don't have a drive in us for that kind of intimacy.
@southparksage97 SAME! If you haven't checked it out yet, I watched a show last year called "The Imperfects." If you don't mind stories with superpowers, one of the main three characters is ace. Her powers make her kind of an ironic twist on a succubus/Poison Ivy type character. Her pheromones make everyone attracted to her, but she's obviously not attracted to anyone else. Atleast not in that way.
I don't believe that a human being doesn't want sex at all not only are they lying to themselves they are lying to you. As well God didn't make us that way. Maybe in some stupid cartoon.
This isn't Sunday school, and your religious beliefs are not justification to denigrate asexuality. The TOS in the forum state that religious comments are best left... UNSAID. Keep that in mind moving forward, @myne2 - [-Sid]
@myne2 - We are not computers running the same software. Everyone is different and has their own desires. This is why I hate religion. People use it to justify their reasoning.
There are definitely people who find sex undesirable. That should not be a concern for anybody.
@myne2 Please educate yourself:
https://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/
~ Sunset Snuggles
The explanation that stuck with me on asexuality is imagining a sexual person rating others on hot-or-not… 5/10, 8/10, 3/10… versus an asexual person: 0/10, 0/10, 0/10. All 0/10.
So far, it appears t0 me that pretty much all of the posts in this thread have been (at least tacitly) making the mistaken assumption that being asexual is a binary question, but it isn't. Being asexual actually covers a very wide range of sexual orientations.
I don't really have any evidence to back this up, but if we define being completely asexual as having zero sexual desire, despite being attracted to someone, then very few people are totally asexual. On the other hand, experience has shown me that many, possibly most people especially women) are at least a little bit asexual. They will experience more sexual desire toward those they find attractive.
@GreatHornedOwl Right, but this is called “grey asexual” (demisexual) for a reason. Men thinking “if I try really hard, can I be a 1/10?” is what happens with that line of thinking, and you can imagine the problems that creates.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the much-higher % of asexuals here compared to the nat'l avg are a result of fraudsters trying to hide behind a false cover. I've seen so many men claiming to be asexual I just have a hard time buying it. I think many are lying to appear safer. I certainly could be wrong but my instincts have served me well over my years.
I'm asexual.
I told my therapist at the time once, and this was the one time I ever got upset with him (I didn't tell him at the time, or ever. Might have handled it differently if I went back in time and knew better). I was upset because he questioned my beliefs that I was asexual on the fact that I'd never had sex. I didn't know how to argue him at the time, but like, it seems obvious to me for a number of reasons. Namely, one that you mentioned about preferring to see the body clothed instead of naked. I hate saying that out loud because that feels even weirder than saying "I'm asexual" (which took a decent amount of time for me to comfortably tell anyone, because, sex is a taboo topic to begin with, at least until you're a couple years into being an adult). I also definitely do not get aroused by any porn/sex, or nudity. I just don't. And that has never felt like something I would "learn through experience", because most people naturally enjoy watching some form of porn ("nude" porn, if that's not already redundant), or at least I'm pretty sure of that. Nothing ever "made me believe" that I didn't enjoy watching it, and nothing is going to change that, I don't think.
On the topic of cuddling men vs women, it's really hard for me personally to understand where my bias comes from. Theoretically, cuddling everyone should be better for me. But like, in general, I just don't really like men. I don't really want to be friends with other guys as much as I do other women. I also wouldn't want to cuddle with them. I don't really know why. Maybe it is purely related to attraction, and I Just want to be friends with people who I'm attracted to, and the same would go with cuddling. That's the only thing I can logically point to (but, emotions don't run on logic, either, so I don't know if that's really why). Like, I'm not against hanging out with some guy friends if I can, but like, at the end of the day I think that I feel most happiest spending quality time with an individual person - a girl - and I don't know why that is for sure. And that doesn't have to be someone I'd be in a relationship with, or "love" or whatever, they just have to be a good friend. (Maybe that just sounds like what "love", or a relationship, is, and you're probably right; I don't really have a response to that.)
I appreciate the OP mentioning that they only like the aesthetic of clothed people - it probably sounds stupid to like, 90-99% or 99.99% of the human race (and hey it sounds stupid to me even when I say it so explicitly), but I definitely agree nonetheless, and that's not something I've had the thought to say out loud before.
@BapaBob I've got lots of asexual street cred from over the years turning down propositions!
@Shake49 I'll have to check that show out! Where can I stream it on?
@Gibstack I'm sorry that happened to you. You don't have to try something to know that you're not into it. I know I'm ace even though I've never had sex. It's very "damned if you do and damned if you don't" because people will either ask you how you know you're ace even though you've never had sex, or people will say you're not ace if you have had sex.
As far as cuddling with men vs women, I'm open to either with a preference of cuddling women and non-binary people. (Due to past trauma, it took me several years to just get comfortable with interacting with men. Now I'm at the place where I can see men in neutral and positive lights, so I'm proud of my growth there.) However, if I developed a friendship with a man and we became comfortable enough to add cuddling to our friendship, I wouldn't say no. The point is, if you're not comfortable cuddling everyone, that's valid.
@southparksage97 it's on Netflix
@Shake49 Cool. Thanks!
I'm pretty asexual, also not usually intimate. Although capable of many social practices deep inside I crave only deep "tribal" connection, to have friends and family however if sex friendship or anything doesn't really click its hardly interesting so the problem with cuddling is I'm secretly craving a motherly/soul mate connection 🤣
And if I do somehow find myself feeling I'm recieving that 'holy' connection my hormones explode out of hibernation and suddenly I want that person to my BBF or my mentor or my child or my SO or a mix.
Now since I'm aware of this I trying curb/ mature out of the dramatic aspect I would love if someone who read tbis sent me a message as its been a lonely touchless 20 years by and large
Recap/conclusion is that cuddling is either supperficial but pleasant experience or a life chsnging trauma healing epiphany.
Asexual used to be described in nature and humans aren't part of that list. Unless we somehow figured out a way to reproduce with ourselves.
@StructuredQueryLanguage
I'm ace! ^^ And here for you if you ever wanna talk
One of the things I didn't like about growing up (in American society) was the expectation that once you hit puberty, touch inherently had a romantic or sexual meaning.
I'll never forget the time my cousin didn't wanna hold my hand at the roller rink while we skated because it "looked gay". We were probably around 13 and 15 at the time. I can kinda laugh about it now, understanding how image conscious most teenagers are, but it hurt at the time. Why did she care more about what strangers thought of us than making the most of the limited time we had together? And what was wrong with being gay? xD
A more pleasant memory around the subject:
Years later, an older friend of mine unconsciously took my hand in hers before we started crossing the street. When she realized what she'd done, she sort of laughed and apologized saying it was a habit of hers whenever she's with her little sisters. It was a funny situation because, at around 20 years old, her sisters and I were definitely old enough not to need someone's hand when crossing the street. xD But I found it endearing.
It seemed to me that she was saying "I think of you as a sister and I want you to be safe", and that made me very happy.
For me, touch = warmth, love and acceptance.
@wanderer36015 some people still can identify as straight, gay, etc, while still being asexual because of romantic attraction connected to aesthetic attraction. The Wikipedia definition: "Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity." I can still be attracted to someone, but not want to have sex with them. I don't consider being asexual my sexual orientation.
@Saysoh you're confusing asexuality with asexual reproduction. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexual_reproduction
Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a spectrum tool like this where you could push the button to stop and say yeah, I am about this right now.
Whoever said in some string that straight men that don’t want to cuddle other men is homophobic is a moron. Not trying to start a message war here but that’s such an idiotic response it’s not even worth even addressing.
Whoops- I just did but it needed to be said.
The conflating of a straight man not wanting to cuddle another man with “homophobia” just pisses me off.
@EarthlyAngel003 Thank you for sharing, and I loved your second story! 😌
@CozyWolfy - thank you for that explanation. I had seen the term demisexual but was not familiar with what it meant and I had not even heard the term greysexual before.