Is it possible for us to have read receipts when our messages are viewed?
Why , so there can be more angry people starting threads about folks not responding ?
That would be a bad idea. People are already getting angry because somebody didn't respond in a timely manner. Imagine if they saw that their message was read.
@pmvines - I never understood what those threads are supposed to accomplish. Should the moderators step in and make these people respond against their will?
Them not responding is a response.
YES!!!!! Please!!!! what great idea that way you dont keep messaging the same person cuz you think they havent gotten around to read your message
@Baby_ - If they haven't gotten around to reading your message, it will still be in their inbox waiting for them. Messaging them again won't make them get to it any faster.
@CuddleHugs01234 posted: "Them not responding is a response."
Not always a "screw you, I don't want to talk", though. I have messages backed up for months and it is a sign of two things...one, I'm not on my laptop where I prefer to type PM's, and two, I deal with depression and get too overwhelmed to face my inbox. Yet I maintain a presence on these boards, because I don't find short posts overwhelming, or too much to write on my phone.
It's no personal reflection on any of the sweet people who have messaged me, and it doesn't mean I don't want to talk, or that I won't reply. In my case, I will eventually write back. Sadly for me, by then some have already written me off. Thankfully, most are gracious and understanding.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles - This is why I don't like the "read receipt" idea. I'd rather assume that they have a lot of messages and haven't gotten to mine yet.
The reasons I could see for read receipts are so that hopefully someone will notice it's been read and not have to "bump" with another message in case the person they messaged receives so many messages that it gets lost, but also to potentially avoid the whole "did they read it and choose not to respond or did they maybe not get to it yet?" and then go and view their last profile login. Some people may not like being viewed over and over by someone they chose not to respond to. It would give some sense of closure as to what happened. On the other hand, yes I can also see people becoming personally offended by being "left on read". Me personally, I'd rather things be transparent and know, so I don't waste further effort. Of course neither one is foolproof. I can admit to reading a message late at night when I'm sleepy, being too tired to respond, then responding the next day (or sometimes a few days later if I got busy or couldn't think of something to say at the moment). I do try to respond though.
Perhaps a toggle option of read receipts? So those who opt-in for the read receipts will only get to see if a message was read by those others who have opted-in and communicated with them. Those with them off will not see if their messages are read by the other person, nor will they display if they read the other person's messages. Just an idea.
@CSnMUS87 - It'll cause too much chaos with people always thinking that their messages are left on read. As @SunsetSnuggles mentioned, people read messages on their phone but don't want to reply on it. Typing on a touchscreen is too time consuming compared to using a physical keyboard with a laptop/desktop PC.
The problem is, it won't give a sense of closure. It will just piss them off. "Oh, they read my message and didn't respond? How dare they?" As pmvines says, it will just lead to more ranting and raving on the forums by people who feel they have been ignored.
Some dating sites such as PlentyOfFish has that feature behind a paywall. If this site wanted to generate additional revenue, it could do that but I still don't think it would be a good idea here with there being forums for people to bitch and moan in.
@WriterGF posted: "it won't give a sense of closure. It will just piss them off."
Absolutely.
What would be lovely is the ability to create an auto-response, like every e-mail system has...that way, cuddlers could easily let people know they're out of town, or in the hospital, or dealing with a family crisis, or taking a break, without having to miss PM's by Deactivating, etc. I have a note at the top of my profile letting people know my PM situation, but it's clear many don't read it, especially friends who don't have to visit my profile to message me. An auto-response would be sooo appreciated.
I also wish we could sort messages into folders, or at minimum, flag/pin messages. Having one dumping ground is just a nightmare.
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I think knowing or not knowing if a message is read or not doesnt really bother me. I sent the message, if they choose to respond a year later, better late than never I guess (I might have lost interest by then), I just assume they'll read it sometime. I read text messages on the phone and it doesnt mean I always respond right away. My old boss was kindof annoyed that I didnt respond quickly. So for my boss knowing I read his message but didnt respond might make a little contention. Hey, I wasnt getting on-call pay. So having the read reciept kindof makes the sender wonder why arent they responding like quickly. I usually have read receipts and type sharing indicators turned off.
As with most things.. It depends. For some it would be a helpful feature. For a few it would exacerbate latent issues the person already has. Plenty of big, well funded, and well researched platforms have that feature. So I can't imagine that most people respond to it poorly. I don't think the issue here has a definitive answer that we can all agree on. Since how people perceive and handle this extra information will vary from person to person.
Take a walk around the forums for a month. See how many "Waah! No one writes back to me!" topics already pop up. Then imagine if those posters KNEW their message was read and they still didn't get a response. Some people here are very laid back and mature about these things ... a decent number seem not to be, as I'm sure the mods can attest.
I read this proposal.
@SunsetSnuggles ~ I'm in the same boat when it comes to navigating the floodwaters of my emotions/mind and not being able to respond to people in a thoughtful and/or timely manner. Though having my account muted, and not being as involved as I once was in the forums, has also made misconceptions around my lack of replies nearly nonexistent (no messages = no need to reply 🤪).
Also, I 100% second your auto reply and message flagging/folder system ideas!!!
@mark YES please!!!
@WriterGF - There should be one megathread for people to whine about getting no replies the same as there is one to complain about pro pricing.
@Mike403 I like that idea 👍
@SunsetSnuggles I think in your case, you are getting tons of messages, you are a female enthusiast, and you state there may be a delay to you responding. If I’m messaging a guy, if he doesn’t respond, and he has been on here, I do take it as no interest, or a slow interest. Either is fine. Not complaining. That’s just how I interpret it. I’m a female enthusiast too, but I’m able to check my messages often.
@CuddleHugs01234 - If I read my messages while checking on my phone, I may want to wait until I get to a PC where I'll have an easier time replying to it. I hate typing on touchscreens.
@Mike403 yes, but if someone is interested, they will respond in a timely fashion, if at all possible. Like sunsetsnuggles stated, she is not able to respond soon, and she put that on her profile. I don’t think that’s the case in no responses in my case. I do get responses, but I do feel my interpretation of no responses is correct in my situation. I don’t think these guys are overwhelmed by messages. In your case, if you don’t respond by phone, you will when you get on your pc. If you happened to overlook it or forget, that is disinterest. Not a big deal.
@CuddleHugs01234 - Understood. I usually don't have a problem as I have two desktop PCs(one for work, one for play) and a laptop at home. It's usually just when I'm out somewhere, I may want to check the shenanigans going on in this forum, but don't feel like typing anything.
@Mike403 👍🏼 👍🏼 👍🏼
If they check my profile and don’t reply, I assume they’re not interested. Otherwise I’ll send up to two messages and then I’ll stop. Somebody else on here at one time gave out that suggestion so as not to bother people.
@bear wise, I agree
Wherever possible, I opt out of read receipts as it almost ALWAYS causes problems. I often read messages and then don't immediately respond, and everyone's definition of "timely replies" is going to be highly different. For some people it means within hours of reading, or within a day, or within x days. Others take a more lax approach to replies in general and figure people will get back to them when and if they're able and willing. Still others will explicitly communicate their desired communication expectations and needs - which is what I wish everyone would do because it makes life easier and less stressful for everyone when we don't assume we're all mind readers with the same internal rules.
Beyond that, a lot of times ADHD out of sight, out of mind will kick in and I may forget to respond for a few days (or weeks) even if I fully intended to do so. I try my best to set myself reminders and mitigate the executive dysfunction and time blindness, but there's only so much I can do and many, many neurotypical people will never understand that. I've tried just sending short non-response responses before ("I want to reply to this more fully but need more time and also didn't want you to think I was ignoring you", etc.), but it usually doesn't go over well - people usually just want the actual answer rather than an explanation (or excuse) for why you're not giving it yet. It causes folks like me to get caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
The type of "read receipt" I do like? When someone messages and ends with a specific task/question with a timeline. Ex) I'm thinking of hosting a cuddle party on the 29th. Would you like to come? Let me know by Monday so I can get a head count.
Or
Are you able to meet up tomorrow? If I don't hear back by 6pm tonight I'll assume not and we'll plan for some other time!