Profiles being mentioned in adult forums

NOTICE TO ALL: This thread is for discussing the overall issue. It is not for posting affected profiles unless done so voluntarily by the profile owner. - Mark

Hello, I am posting this as a very serious warning to my fellow pros and also as a criticism of clients.

I have been informed there are discussions on online “adult” forums suggesting people can coerce/force me and other cuddlers into unprotected sex. I was able to find these forums with a simple search of my CuddleComfort username. I feel very threatened and violated since I was specifically mentioned in these forums.

I plan on stopping all cuddles for now and I am honestly at a loss at how to proceed. I have been sexually assaulted before, and I cannot live through that again. I don’t know how to process the idea that people are going into cuddles with the plan to violate people, and I am unsure if I can ever feel safe in a cuddle session again.

People need to be aware that this is happening within the cuddle community. I suggest to my fellow pros that you regularly search your cuddle comfort username to see if you are being discussed off-site. Clients, if you hear or see of anything like this, report it and inform the people mentioned so people can protect themselves.

sillysassy

@pinkbabybunny THANK YOU FOR BEING SO BRAVE!!!

I know it’s not always easy to speak facts about something like this so thank you.

I’m just going to give a shout out to a few Mods and Pros so that maybe there can be more info about how to deal with this stuff that happens outside of the community but affects the community.

@netrunner @Charlie_Bear @Shake49 @cheeseboy @MissAdventurous @Nature_Lover_ @Bella_Sera @Sheena123 @justjennn

Lithellyl

this is NOT ok

and for the record, I myself did promote cuddlecomfort in an adult forum (because the topic of a thread came up about cuddle parties) however I specifically warned the posters there that cuddlecomfort was not a sexual hook up site

this was my exact post

Level 1 Comment
Lithellyl
(reply to commenter 1) and (commenter 2) there's a website where you can find cuddle parties as well as people looking for cuddles, and professional cuddlers

however I MUST stress that this site is NOT a hookup site or a place to look for romantic or sexual partners. it's just therapeutic cuddling only, you can get banned if you are looking for anything sexual.

but check out www.cuddlecomfort.com

Jova114

Wow
Just...
Wow.

I'm sorry to hear that

Johnskip

That is terrible

Mike403

I'm at a loss for words right now. People are sick.

WriterGF

This sort of circles back to something I have always questioned. I see a lot of references to pros getting up and walking out if someone crosses the line, and I always think, what if the client doesn't let you leave? Somebody whose intent is sexual assault may not be willing to just shrug their shoulders and go, "Oh, well, I tried..." Pro cuddling strikes me an extremely dangerous profession by nature.

SnugglyMel

I'm so sorry that this has happened and you've been named in it. I don't blame you for stopping. I have been assaulted as well, but I'm just starting out in the cuddle biz, and I'm praying that I don't run into anyone who would harm me.

ShaneSchrute

@pinkbabybunny I’m so sorry this happened to you and threatened your safety and ultimately forced you to stop cuddling for the time being. You deserve to feel safe and respected; it’s heartbreaking you’re not given these basic rights.

justjennn

@pinkbabybunny thank you for informing us.

@sillysassy thank you for the tag.

I'm facilitating a community cuddle in Denver on Friday night. I'll bring this up to our community there and encourage everyone to be on the lookout.

As a professional, having rules and guidelines for this type of behavior is INCREDIBLY important. Its why I drive a truck with a giant QR code on the back window that says, "need help with boundaries?" It's why I teach boundaries and consent in every situation I'm in.

That said, pros, please let a safe person know where you cuddle at all times. Share your location with someone. Have a buddy that checks in with you after your sessions. Clients get 3 strikes in my book, until they forfeit the rest of their session and any further bookings with me. Outside referrals from Cuddlist or word of mouth get reported to where the referrals come in from. If someone touches you after you've said no, report it to the police. That's assault. Yes, I am acutely aware that the system is broken, AND report it anyways.

Practice speaking up for yourself in your individual sessions. If you need help, find a professional to help you. Pros can cuddle Pros, if they need help and practice. Enthusiasts, hire pros so you can get used to hearing the word. "no " and learn how to say "no." Boundary pushing behavior is not acceptable and a true professional won't tolerate it. Come to community cuddles/Cuddle Party where a real professional is facilitating who will help hold you accountable for your true "yes" and true "no", where you can practice using your voice to state your boundaries, and where it is safe to continuously change your mind about what feels good and what doesn't. The more we can be out in this community practicing what we preach, the less space we give for predators to come into our community and take advantage of one another.

Mark

It is a sad reality that several sex forums have discussions about our community. I made mention of this recently here and why it's one of the reasons our rules must remain as strict as they are.

It's disturbing that people on these forums debate whether specific members here are worth approaching based on things like choice of photo and alleged hidden signals within profile text.

We actively take measures to block referral links from these websites using our firewall. Anyone clicking on a link to here from one of those websites sees a warning page explaining how we are completely platonic.

All we can really do is keep making clear as a website and community that we are what we say we are.

Mike403

@Mark - Not sure they care. I read some of the forums in question and the guys seem to understand what this website is about but they think it's a sick game to try to get women here do more with them.

Thank you everyone for your replies and support.

This is definitely becoming a bigger and bigger issue in the cuddle community. It’s both a client and a pro problem— I have heard many clients tell me that pros are offering sex acts in exchange for more money, and this creates a serious issue for the rest of us who truly only offer platonic cuddling: Clients are being led to believe that if they pay more or push for more, pros will be willing to do it. All instances I have heard of have been word-of-mouth and thus not reportable, but I get the clear sense from what I’ve seen when I scrolled through these forums is that it’s very well-known off-site who offers more. I even saw people setting up threesomes with specific cuddlers. So while this is definitely an issue with clients violating the rules, it goes both ways in that certain pros are setting the stage for clients to think this is acceptable behaviour in our community.

Mike403

@pinkbabybunny - If you have choose to cuddle again (I don't blame you if you don't), make it clear to new clients that your cuddles are non-sexual and if they even ask for anything more, end the session immediately and report them. They are obviously not here for the right reasons.

@Mike403, I have it stated first and last in my profile description that I only do platonic cuddling but I get the sense these people won’t be taking no for an answer. There are people on these forums claiming to have gone further with me which makes me feel like people won’t take my “no” seriously. I’m not sure their motivation but they seem to enjoy pushing others to coerce and force cuddlers. It’s honestly sickening

Mike403

@pinkbabybunny - Don't just say no. Get up and walk out of the session and take their money with you... and some people just like to lie about things like that. They think it's a fun game to play. The internet is a sick place.

Mike403

@pinkbabybunny - Also, you want to make it clear in messages pre-booking as well and make sure they agree. Many people don't seem to read profiles.

@Mike403 ty but my fear is not being allowed to leave. I read too much in these forums, with people even claiming they’ve had sex with me. I think I need to quit for my own safety.

Mike403

@pinkbabybunny - Understood. Your safety is most important. Some pros might stop taking new clients but continue seeing established ones they know are respectful.

@Mike403 that is something I am considering and seems reasonable. It’s a lot to process!

CuddleDuncan

All instances I have heard of have been word-of-mouth and thus not reportable

It's still Reportable. The mods understand about hearsay, and while it's not evidence it can help build a picture. If two reliable members report similar hearsay from different sources about the same person, then the mods know to keep an eye on that person.

I have been involved in a couple of cases where hearsay and suspicions, when fairly communicated, have led quickly to hard evidence and then a ban.

I have not slept in more than a day because of this thread. I'm a bit traumatized. I have found, and read the sex forum in question being referenced here. From the information I have gathered, if their posts are to be believed (I have no reason to not believe since there are multiple users saying so on that board), apparently the first pro cuddler whom I met and cuddled months ago on here is also offering extras for tips. Unbelievable. I am appalled and can't fathom it. Its disappointing some pro's on here can let themselves be coerced by these horny, sick men, and violate the service agreement at the same time. I can't help but feel and think so differently about the session we had months ago, knowing what she was doing before. She even has written on her profile "I am platonic." Smh.. I use this service to reduce stress, and for compassionate platonic touch. But some use it to get an orgasm?

jplemmon

@Miles93 You do make a good point. I hate to say this but I'm not too sure there is a reason for these guys to make anything up especially since they are anonymous and are trying to help each other find extras. There is also quite a bit of detail that you typically don't see in typical guy BS. This is my area too so yikes this is a pretty good chunk of the profiles available.

Mike403

They can find non-platonic interactions by going to the appropriate websites. They aren't stupid. They know what this site is for but they think it's a game to try to get women to do more with them.

jplemmon

I have to say I think it's a mistake to assume that there aren't a lot of pros out there that don't need convincing. If you think most of these pros are kicked off the site swiftly, I have a piece of land for sale.

Mike403

@jplemmon - There are only a few mods and they go by reports. It's safe to assume that many men aren't reporting these pros. The mods have no financial incentive to keep them on this site. Their job is only to keep non-platonic behaviors off and they are doing the best they can.

jplemmon

I mean I'm not complaining about that @Mike403 but I'm saying that some replies are assuming that stories are being made up and perhaps that is not the case.

CuddleDuncan

It is very common for clients to lie about sexual services offered by professionals. I haven't read the other forum in question so I'm not commenting on that in particular, just in general.

There are professionals who offer a genuine platonic services to those who want that, with extras for clients who want that.

All possible combinations are known to occur: some professionals and clients offer, others ask politely, others demand and pressure.

Numerous people are banned every day, both professionals (some long-standing) and clients, for non-platonic activities. But yes, the mods rely on Reports and can only ban when there is evidence. (There are frequent cases of malicious false Reporting. It's depressingly common for clients who have asked for extras and been refused to Report falsely that the professional offered them extras.) To repeat the mods' mantra: if in doubt, Report.

@Miles93 I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. It is likely you will never know the truth of the situation. However, what really matters is the session that you had: if it was good ... well, then it was good. What may or may not have happened in other people's sessions doesn't affect that.

@pinkbabybunny has deactivated her account, which doesn't come as a surprise. I hope she is ok.

@Miles93 I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. It is likely you will never know the truth of the situation. However, what really matters is the session that you had: if it was good ... well, then it was good. What may or may not have happened in other people's sessions doesn't affect that.

It's just surreal. Because in our session, she was sweet, had a nice accent, and we talked and laughed. We had such a great time and conversation. She even comes off as being sweet thru messages. So yes, it was a great session. But now I know she provides happy endings to those who ask and pay for it? The third sentence in your post cannot be more true. The problem I have with that is, it makes the cuddling session and cuddler impure in my mind. I'm looking for the opposite when I book a session. Perhaps I should also point out, my third pro-cuddler (who I cancelled on; session never happened.) is mentioned in that forum as providing extras, too. Money talks. 🙄

Mike403

@Miles93 - Many pro cuddlers here were mentioned in that forum. I don't believe for one second that they are up to anything non-platonic. Don't believe what some internet stranger says. Some of them like to lie for a laugh. Even the OP of this thread said she was mentioned by people claiming to have had sex with her but insists that it never happened and for that reason may stop cuddling.

jplemmon

@Mike403 why would they mention a list of girls who don't do extras and how they were unsuccessful? Why would they go into intimate specific details of each experience? Of course guys lie in general but that thread is there to help pervs filter out the extras from the non-extras. I'm telling you for a fact that this stuff goes on and that you can't necessary believe either side.