You catch more flies with honey than vinegar

EmpathTraveler

I’m starting to notice a trend on here of professionals being downright rude in their descriptions. I understand people have wasted their time before and they want to avoid that. However some of the off putting things I have read leave me wondering how anyone ever tries to make an appointment with them. People are paying for comfort so coming off as demanding or rude isn’t going to help you. Just my opinion as I’m seeing this more often lately

JoyfulHeart

Setting boundaries ≠ rudeness.

ShaneSchrute

Wow. That’s… I was going to say “interesting.” It’s not that exactly. But it is fascinating that you’ve chosen to express this here. It seems you’re missing some important things.

How many pros have you had appointments with?

RadiantHugs

@Dvdk99 Perhaps you haven’t seen some of the first messages pros get from the men on the site. Especially the new pros. Yes, I have been shown some of those. If you ever saw those, you might have a different opinion :-)

I understand that statement and in most cases it's true.
Being nice gets your farther than being rude.
But maybe something you are over looking is that a lot of women on here (and if life unfortunately) get their kindness mistaken as an invitation for unwanted non platonic attention.
So they are trying to weed those individuals out from the jump.
Female Pros on this site have no problem receiving messages, what they have a problem with is receiving messages for non platonic things.

sunnysideup

@Dvdk99 It goes worse than just time wasting and into the realm of ‘clients’ wanting/trying to make it sexual.

As someone else mentioned, setting the proper boundaries from the get go helps eliminate the troublesome clients and worth it more in the long run

If someone’s profile goes too far -
like demanding a deposit without having much karma, wanting to see various forms of ID before meeting, or their profile just says “I have too much untreated trauma which I should be in therapy for” then I’ll just avoid those, but I’ve only rarely seen these profiles

JoyfulHeart

Also, it's not flies that pros are trying to catch.

TxTom

I usually use fly paper--it's unsightly, but works. I've tried Venus Fly Traps, but they don't work very well. My flies have gotten too clever.

sunnysideup

@TxTom you have Venus fly traps in your house? That is pretty cool

Sheena123

When you’ve been sexually assaulted continuously or have your boundaries crossed or misunderstood a thousand times, it’s necessary to put those boundaries and rules out immediately. It gets frustrating. You say nice things and come off as bubbly and polite, then you get an absolutely horrible dump truck amount of abusive and sexual comments and questions, that it gets to the point where you have to edit your profile.

I’ve gotten sooooo many people asking if I can cuddle in a bikini or be nude so I had to put that in my profile. There are so many gross things that get asked of us that we have to reiterate how important it is to be respected.

I would suggest just seeing those requests and paragraphs of boundaries as something important and skim through it to get to the bubbly stuff. See it as important for everyone’s experience as opposed to a turn off. Stating boundaries shouldn’t be seen as rudeness.

TxTom

@sunnysideup I used to. If they didn't catch flies I didn't water them.

g_w_t_w

From a Pro
I read these type of posts from Enthusiasts here all the time and I usually keep my thoughts to myself, because some of the women on the Forum get very defiant about this subject of being obligated to answer every message - that they have the right to react however suits them for a multitude of reasons, boundary pushers, time restrictions, etc. Of course, I don’t question that right, they can do whatever they want, but as the OP says it will probably impact their business. Maybe because I’m from a totally different way of thinking, but my approach is always kindness, it seems to rub off on people. Even if they start out being a little rude to me, the way I treat them in return seems to calm them down. After all we, are Cuddlers, people are contacting us for a reason, I always try to see their perspective and how they might be feeling when they contact me.
Signing up to be a Pro on this site involves taking on a responsibility, which I don’t think some people quite understand. it’s a business, it takes some time and if they don’t have that time to fully invest, then maybe it’s not the right business for that person.
There’s a selfishness to the new attitude of independence that it’s difficult for me to put into words, but it feels off. I don’t like the new culture of treating people badly, like ghosting,
“no answer is an answer” and a bunch of other BS, which is just an excuse for laziness imo. Pretty sure they can’t get away with that in other businesses. Some say this site is just social media so it doesn’t require kind behavior? but it’s also a business for the Pros on here.
Edited to add: I’ve been sexually assaulted, and abused and been in every type of situation, you can imagine, I dealt with it and moved on and didn’t let it define my life and didn’t let it influence how I treat people.
If you are not strong enough to deal with it, you should not be a pro on this site. It’s time that women learn how to be very strong, very confident, defend yourself and don’t put up with any BS for difficult men, live your life and move on.

jplemmon

Apple vinegar actually works well with fruit flies.

But yeah, I understand the crap that pros have to deal with. There is certainly a way to lay out boundaries without coming across as hostile or bitter. I mean yes, feel whatever way you'd like, but it doesn't exactly sound like a fun time.

EmpathTraveler

@carrieanne this is exactly my thoughts. I respect that people have to express boundaries and I understand that part. What I’m talking about is this arrogance that just feels a bit off. This sort of entitlement feeling I get when I read some pro’s about me section. This post is not meant in any way to express an issue with people stating their boundaries. I respect whatever boundaries each person has and understand they all need to protect themselves. This is strictly about this demanding attitude that, like you mentioned, comes from the freedom this position provides.

sunnysideup

@carrieanne I think about the majority of pros on CC as gig work, like a when hiring someone to mow your lawn off of Craigslist. I can’t report their ad to Craigslist because they didn’t respond to me, likewise I can’t report a pro because they didn’t respond to me

For a full fledged business like a Best Buy or even a fully online one that sells custom signs or whatever, I can totally leave a google or yelp review that’s one star mentioning that I have never heard back from them when I emailed them or called them etc

I think the difference in this type of work and full fledged businesses lies in somewhere in this

Though there totally are professionals on here that truly are in another class and professional at what they do, and many seem to to be working towards that as well

Tygus

@carrieanne 👏

g_w_t_w

I just believe that an Entitled attitude in any business for whatever reason anyone might personally have will not work or help your business. Your clients do not know what else has happened to you in your life or that you have a second job or that your kids are demanding your time or that you were abused or that you’ve had other bad clients.
On CC they only see your lovely photos and how you present yourself. You as the Pro have attracted/invited that client to contact you. So imo you have the responsibility to deal with it in a professional way.
If you’re getting way too many messages, maybe change the way you’re marketing your Cuddle services.

JustPlaneCuddle

I was told a few weeks ago that my profile made me feel unapproachable. I ended up reformatting so that it read less like a book and more like bullet points. I have specific stipulations in place because every other message since I have joined, has been a user that ends up banned for sexual or non-platonic activity. Often, they are looking for affairs, straight up fetish material, or think that once we are in the moment - it’s okay to touch non-platonic places. I am willing to bet that most of the professionals you are referring to are females aged between 20 - 40 or are men that provide services predominantly to other men. A lot of us are tired of the clichés, the platitudes, and the churlish responses we get when we’re offering a professional service of a platonic nature and men (especially older men) take our rejection of their compliments on our physical appearance personally. One or two compliments is fine but if your entire reasoning for booking with us is based on how we look, it’s not platonic - it’s aesthetic. I can understand your commentary on desiring comfort and a response and profile that feel accordingly. Comfort is afterall key to cuddling. A lot of us set boundaries or have strict wording because we desire peace, not to be stalked or harassed, and not to be made out to be some random man on the internet’s toy. It tends to make a lot of female providers whether in cuddle therapy or any other form of touch therapy seem evasive, arrogant, or even entitled. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think in the end, it depends on your definition of the word entitled. I’ve had many express contempt because I would not meet without having a full legal name and current address. I’ve been accused of being entitled and arrogant for requesting that information or for an emergency contact should a client be pregnant or have a severe health concern like a form of cancer or be prone to fainting spells. That’s just basic safety in my book. Some view it otherwise. When it comes down to it, if you think you like a provider but are offput about something in their profile or wording, perhaps ask why they have written it that way. The answer might surprise you.

JohnR1972

In 2021 there was a pro (I don’t believe is still on the site) who had in her profile, “If you push my boundaries I will not only ban you from this site, I will also file a police report and have you arrested.”

I understand and support pros reporting clients who push boundaries but I don’t believe pros have ever had the ability to ban other members as that pro claimed she would do.

I also understand and support pros filing a police report if there is any physical assault / inappropriate touching. However, “boundary pushing” has a much broader meaning than physical assault / inappropriate touching. I doubt the police would spend any resources investigating someone accused of asking for something that violates the TOS but is not actually illegal.

Did I consider her profile aggressive and hostile? Yes, and I am thankful she was so blunt. Her profile gave me a glimpse into her mindset and saved me from booking with her for what I suspect would have amounted to a dreadful couple of hours. I just moved on and booked with a different pro who simply stated in her profile that she followed the TOS and that all cuddles were 100% platonic. We had a great, drama-free, time together.

pmvines

I catch more flies with poops

Mike403

@JohnR1972 - I'm sure she meant inappropriate touching without consent. It isn't illegal to ask although is bannable on this site since it suggests they are here for non-platonic intentions.

cuddlefaery

Direct, unfrilly communication does not equate rudeness.
Firmly stated boundaries are not being demanding.
Having a healthy sense of self worth does not mean one is arrogant.

Too many people still operate under the old mentality that femininity is weak, subservient, accommodating, and passive. If a woman acts more like a man, it is seen as rude, where as if a man displays those same behaviors it is considered normal or even to be congratulated. The double standard needs to stop, especially with all the advances in understanding we have in psychology and gender.

Letting men continue to get away with abusing women and pushing boundaries does them a disservice just as much as it harms women. Telling other women that their experience is invalid because yours has been different is also a form of abuse and makes you part of the problem, no matter if you have also been a victim yourself. Most often abusers were abused themselves and it's all they know - someone has to break the cycle.

If your reaction to firm boundaries is to push them or to try to shame the person for having them, it'd be worth discussing with a therapist why that happens - because a healthier response would be to respect the boundary and just decide that person is not compatible with you.

If your reaction to direct language is to feel attacked or to decide that person must be rude/arrogant, it'd be worth exploring why you need word games and meaningless frill added in order to feel comforted.

And if a woman confidently stating her own self worth, without putting anyone else down, makes you think she is arrogant and entitled, it's time to check in with your own self-esteem issues.

stormydaycuddle

Not even going to rant. Going to direct everyone to @KingsportCuddle ’s post on boundaries, messaging etc. I think that may have been a reaction to the last two days of nonsense going on here. There’s business then there’s personal integrity and refusing to pander. Okay, a little rant.

@JoyfulHeart 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

ShaneSchrute

@pmvines you re-define s#%t posting.

g_w_t_w

@stormydaycuddle
Yes! I just read her post. So glad you mentioned it here.

EmpathTraveler

@cuddlefaery if this post offended you then maybe you have some issues. It’s an opinion. I have plenty of self esteem. Maybe you are overly sensitive. Trust me I won’t ever give any of my money to someone that acts like a child on their about me section. There are boundaries and then they’re just just plain rude people. You decide for yourself.

EmpathTraveler

@stormydaycuddle you have missed the entire point of the post. Some get it and some don’t. It’s an unpopular opinion I get that. I respect anyone for having boundaries. You don’t have to come across as rude to set them.

cuddlefaery

@Dvdk99 Not offended, being sensitive isn't a bad thing (especially on a platonic cuddle site), and yes - just as you stated your opinion I stated mine.

Mike403

@Dvdk99 - The only person here that is rude is you. You don't need to snap at people because you don't like what they have to say.

EmpathTraveler

@Mike403 oh you mean the way they are snapping at me for having my opinion? Double standards?

CuddleDuncan

@Dvdk99 no, no, @stormydaycuddle didn't miss the point of your post. But your thinking that she did does raise in my mind the question of whether you are fully familiar with the [complex and extensive] history and context of this issue and posts like yours.