Fun comments in my inbox

bobadevotee

Hey y’all, seeing lots of men complaining in the forums lately about how oh-so-mean the pros are being to you. How we don’t reply fast enough, how we don’t jump when you say “jump”, how our profiles are too “rude” with all of our pesky rules.

Just thought I’d share what I got in my inbox today on this site.

“You need a bbc to stretch out your dry p**** dumb b****”

Obviously I censored this.

I’ve been on lots of dating sites, social media, etc, and this is the only website where I get consistently negative and appalling messages like this.

So perhaps before you make another complaint about pros, can you try considering the onslaught of disgusting and abusive messages we receive here?

sunnysideup

Hopefully the guy got banned, too. Something to add to the wall of shame, or perhaps impetus to start one?

bobadevotee

@sunnysideup not banned yet, he keeps messaging me. Sent me his number and wants me to call him. Oh, and he’s calling me racist as well because I didn’t want to cuddle him.

I clearly told him the reason I didn’t want to is because he sent me a booking proposal without even saying “hi”, much less reading my profile and following my REQUIRED guidelines for any client I take.

Minestrone101

Holy cow. That escalated quickly. It seems like he created a whole storyline in his head. Yikes.

And sorry you have to deal with that.

sunnysideup

@bobadevotee interactions like those might explain part of why a lot of new professionals are on here for about two weeks and then delete their profiles

Mike403

Reported and reviewed. Removing comment. [CharlieBear]

bobadevotee

@sunnysideup exactly. And I do blame these forums as well, honestly. Because you get an onslaught of gross, sometimes threatening messages in your inbox.

Then you go to the forums and see men complaining about you and making lots of anti women statements.

Makes sense why someone would get overwhelmed and not want to subject themselves to this.

bobadevotee

Careful @Mike403 I recently said something similar and caught my first ever mute for it. 😂 Apparently it is disrespectful to say the truth of what a lot of us experience on here.

bobadevotee

@Minestrone101 it really went from 0 to 100 so fast, but it’s not the first time.

He followed the basic script of “woman won’t give me what I want? Call her a b****”

bobadevotee

Looks like he deleted his own account, meaning he probably just made a new one to go harass women again. Really wish this site could enact any policies like an ID check to make it less easy for predators to do this. Like how YouTube has rules to stop users from ban evading.

Minestrone101

@bobadevotee Yes. It's very sad. […]

Reported and reviewed. Removing part of comment since vigilante justice by members here isn’t approved forum activity; though feel free to contact Commissioner Gordon to fire up the bat signal. [CharlieBear]

sunnysideup

@bobadevotee some of these complaining about professional threads and other similar ones seem trollish. Perhaps we should consider not responding to them at all, trolls exists only to rile people up after all. Misogynists also looking for an echo chamber to validate their beliefs. But it’s possible the thread starters and others like them just need to be made aware what the other side has ti deal with. There was a time where I wasn’t aware of many of the challenges with harassment women go through with dating or just dealing with men in general. Learning about these made me more sympathetic and also changed the way I interacted with women

bobadevotee

@Minestrone101

It wouldn’t be impossible but this site would need a higher income stream, so probably a higher pro commission. Which I’d be happy to pay if it meant increased safety here.

When I worked on Wyzant, my tutoring clients needed to have “verified payment” to even book me. Meaning the site had their name, address, and card information, and had tested the cards with small deposits to verify it was all real.

This site has all of my info to enable me to even be paid. Would be cool if they could do the same to the clients.

bobadevotee

@sunnysideup My personal opinion is that the misogynist or pro complaining threads shouldn’t be allowed. Even if no one replied, new pros and enthusiasts would just see tons of these threads, and it has a discouraging effect in addition to the negative messages in their inboxes.

I agree, I grew up raised very masculine and I was blessed to have a very egalitarian environment where men and boys in my life respected me. All of my dating partners were awesome and treated me as an equal. I didn’t know why women were complaining so much.

Then I left my blissful bubble and saw the real world and the bs so many women have to put up with. Changed my perspective on things a lot; and it really disappointed me that the respectful men and boys in my life were exceptions, not the rule.

Minestrone101

@bobadevotee That's true unless they accept sponsors or have annual fundraisers or gofundmes or a patreon account. I have no problem donating for the cause and as I've seen in the "what do you do" thread, there are quite some accomplished individuals here that can afford to donate too.

Maybe we can have cuddle fests to the educate the public and raise money. Anyway, some of us men enthusiasts def support your and the women pros and enthusiasts. It's a jungle out there, but hopefully everyone can find their pocket of cuddlers and deal with the public a bit less.

bobadevotee

@Minestrone101 I appreciate the support 🫡

Minestrone101

@bobadevotee Yeppp. I like to be a devoted keyboard warrior when I'm on virtual and in-person Im a life time martial artist. So, I think it's important that we all help each other feel safe. I don't always feel safe and sometimes need help and I'm sure others feel the same way. Cheers.

Runawaycuddles

@Mike403 Don't lump creeps like him in with us, that's not "mental instability" it's just being a misogynistic wankstain 🤦🏼

sunnysideup

@Minestrone101 Or better yet, sent to the police. I think that if someone is okay with harassing someone, they weren’t raised right, meaning their family and friends might not have been great influences either (and might not care). Though the number of times that police have done nothing when told someone was being stalked is quite sad as well. At least with personally identifiable information they could truly be perma-banned, but this is a pipe dream as a system like this would cost too much money

@bobadevotee I wonder why the world is the way it is.

Minestrone101

@sunnysideup I'm not against that. It's despicable what pple do.

bobadevotee

@sunnysideup idk the finances but I know on the tutoring site I worked on, rates were much lower than here. Like $40/hr for tutoring basic math, and I think I paid 15-20% in commission. And that site collected and verified the information of everyone who booked me. It’s not like any of us got tons of students, either. It wasn’t ever bustling.

Rates here are much higher, and I’d be happy to give a higher percentage of my earnings to this site if it meant it would be safer, if it meant that this site would start collecting client info. As it stands, only pro info is being collected.

Also yeah it’s sad how little police do about stalking. My friend had video evidence from her security cameras, and cops still didn’t help her.

cuddlefaery

I've said this before in other threads, but the difference between this site and others like Wyzant is that pro cuddlers on CC are NOT employees, they are clients. CC does not pay pro cuddlers - pros pay CC for the use of the site for advertising purposes. Given the example of Wyzant, where people are hired as 1099 contractors, there are very different legal and tax processes in work.

Simply put, the people suggesting that CC needs to implement XYZ methods of protecting pros are actually suggesting that the company completely restructure its business model and methodology. You're trying to have one class of company behave like an entirely different one, rather than acknowledge there is a difference.

There absolutely are major issues with safety on this site, a lot of which are due to systemic issues, poor/misleading advertising being done on social media, and a general lack of education of members. But if a pro is wanting the protections of being an employee, then they need to utilize other sites and companies that provide that rather than demanding that an advertising service do it for them. You wouldn't demand Craigslist or Facebook marketplace screen clients on your behalf - that's not their purpose.

PrettyLuv

What’s also been said before in other threads is how posting what women go through in the form of derogatory abusive messages sent to them is “pointless.”

It’s funny how some will erect a pretense of advocacy on a woman’s behalf on one end and then actively utilize every excuse in the book to undermine it from happening on the other, presenting absolutely no solution themselves.

I appreciate your shedding some light on the kind of abusive messages you’re getting here @bobadevotee . It’s quite alarming and eye opening to see the kind of messages or retaliatory actions some people are taking towards pros on the site. It puts into perspective why the stance is so strong in opposition when it finally boils over into the forums or on a profile’s page.

I think if it’s posing that much of a problem to the female members here, it’s definitely a problem the site admins & creators are actively aware of and looking into solutions for no matter the company model. The safety of its members Im sure are of paramount importance to its developers and anyone implying otherwise is obviously ignorant of that.

Minestrone101

@PrettyLuv 👏👏👏 💯

bobadevotee

@cuddlefaery if CC can take my info, they can take client info. Plain and simple. You don’t need to restructure the working relationship to do that.

I could give examples of how web cam sites work, which are more similar to CC, and another setting where IDs are checked, but I didn’t want to bring up that type of example here. You’re taking the Wyzant example too literally and missing the forest for the trees.

bobadevotee

@cuddlefaery Craigslist and FB marketplace don’t take a commission of my sales. Nor do they require me to give up my personal info to make a sale. I don’t have to give them my full name or bank information. I sell stuff under a fake name on FB all the time. And both of those sites are not SPECIFICALLY platforms for a very dangerous service.

Cuddling is dangerous and this site takes a cut of all of our money.

It’s very reasonable to ask that safety procedures improve when I have seen pros post in the pros only forums about getting raped on the job.

JustPlaneCuddle

Snippet from my Inbox : “Exactly what I'm saying! Judging and branding me to be someone untrustworthy and unsafe without even getting to know me, just like the rest of society, pretty disappointing. You really need to be more open minded and give people a chance before making inaccurate conclusions on them”

He was referring to my explanation that this and other cuddle platforms are not meant for fetish activity and that I would not take him on as a client. He opened wanting to caress my feet. When he mentioned using his tongue I asked questions in order to help the mods better address the situation. He wanted to meet under the pretense that he would be turned on and used the excuse that an erection is an erection whether you book a session anticipating arousal or not. 🤦🏼‍♀️👍🏻 I literally said nothing to judge him - just stated that is considered a fetish per the DSM5. He got heated when I brought psychology into it.

I feel you, @bobadevotee! At least every other message in my inbox is someone abusing the system. Most do not even read my profile. I have even had men assume I am barely legal because I look much younger than my age. It’s incredibly frustrating. It got to a point where I was wondering what I was doing wrong and I considered leaving. I utilize the site mostly to network because I have met few actual clients.

bobadevotee

Thanks @PrettyLuv

The only income stream I’m aware of for this site is from the commissions of pros. So it is weird to see folks acting like increasing safety for pros is somehow not meant to be a priority. We literally make money for this site. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m not aware of other income streams for CC.

Even if we weren’t , this site seemed to tout itself as a positive space, and you can’t have a positive environment of evil is allowed to run rampant.

bobadevotee

@JustPlaneCuddle that is so gross and reminds me of messages I got early on when I first started on this site. And yet another example of a pro considering leaving!

Sad thing is that guy probably was able to easily make a new account and bother some other woman.

So many don’t read profiles and get very angry when I ask them to read mine. I do think it’s funny because it’s mostly older men doing this, and it’s usually the older generation saying the young ones are dumb and can’t read… well. Uhhmmm. 😂

sunnysideup

@bobadevotee I hope that person was jailed to the fullest extent of the law! They don’t deserve to be among us civilized people

I take @cuddlefaery’s point to mean that it is probably a bit unrealistic to expect a small site partially run by volunteers to restructure the way it’s doing something, especially if that something is already working. I’m totally in support of having some way vet people by credit card or other personal info. Hearing stories of pros having bad experiences on here is heartbreaking

@JustPlaneCuddle I’m surprised you even bothered replying to that fellow!

bobadevotee

@sunnysideup it is honestly as simple as the old school MySpace sign to verify that you’re real. Doesn’t have to be complicated. Just SOMETHING to prevent predators from harassing women, deleting their accounts, making another account, and harassing women again.