Please don't waste pro-cuddlers time by sending single messages that just say Hi, or How are you?

Kallista

TIP (/rant): If you are interested in pro cuddling services, or have questions about it, then either propose a session or ask your specific questions - anything to get the ball rolling....

Otherwise, it's a waste of both of our time for you to just send a single standalone message saying: "how are you doing", or "What are you up to?", etc.

Would you send an email that just says "hey" and nothing else to an RMT or therapist or accountant you are looking to receive services from?

Why do you think it's okay to do that with pro cuddlers?

This is also a professional service that we offer, please treat it as such - some of you are treating it like some chat app or dating app.

Either send a specific inquiry about my service or a message to ask when I am available/or telling me when you'd like to book or don't message at all. Non-productive messages like hi/how are you are asking pro cuddlers to put in extra time & energy to steer the conversation towards booking.

Any other pro-cuddlers deal with this and are frustrated with this?

Exhibit A:

lonelytauros

Thanks for posting I blocked you just to make sure I don’t waste your time

jplemmon

I agree that some people keep dragging out a convo and that is a huge time waster. However I would never hire anyone who gets in a tizzy about one intro question. There are plenty of cuddlers out there that are perfectly fine with it.

CuddleDuncan

@lonelytauros you would never waste the OP's time. You can write a whole sentence.

@jplemmon the OP isn't getting in a tizzy about a question. She's upset because so many prospective 'clients' are disrespectful, rude, or outright contemptuous.

As I've written before: if you wouldn't say it to a lawyer, why are you saying it to a professional cuddler?

If you are writing to a professional for the first time and you're not sure what to write, this thread has a couple of excellent pointers:

• The Perfect Opening Message (to a professional)

Mike403

@CuddleDuncan - I wouldn't ask a lawyer to cuddle.

CuddleDuncan

@Mike403 of course not. But then the answer to my rhetorical question is simply, "I'm saying this thing (will you cuddle) to a cuddler even though I wouldn't say it a lawyer because the lawyer doesn't offer cuddling as service, and the cuddler does."

Kallista

Thank you @CuddleDuncan for getting it! 🎯 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Your response shows that you:
1) value and understand what it is that pro cuddlers do
2) treat and regard them as the professionals that they are
3) are a very decent human being in also defending me against the reactive responses of men who seem to feel offended by my perfectly reasonable and professional boundaries (something that i'm very used to in this work!)

@lonelytauros the fact that you've blocked me for simply asking people to be respectful of my time and work tells me a lot about yourself as a person, and you're doing me a service by removing yourself as a potential cuddle client.

And @jplemmon calling my perfectly reasonable expectation and response a "tizzy" feels a bit much, no? a tizzy is another way of saying over-reactive, which I don't really consider fair given I'm just asking people to consider my time and send something more than "hi" in your opening message.

@Mike403 : you're right, you don't ask a lawyer to cuddle. you ask them to be a lawyer for you. the same way when you reach out to a cuddle professional, you're asking them to cuddle.

jplemmon

@CuddleDuncan Guess what? Yes I do say hello to my doctor, my lawyer… even my garbage man. The funny thing is … it doesn’t bother them at all. Well unless they’re a prick. They even say it back to me.

Here in the states we call that a greeting. It is often used as a precursor to more meaningful conversations.

Human beings that are capable of socializing often start with greetings before discussing business.

The advice here is free. You’re welcome.

lonelytauros

@Kallista the fact that you didn’t even read what I wrote tells me a lot about you. I’m actually agreeing with your reasonable expectations and that’s why I’m removing myself from the equation.

Kallista

@jplemmon - I'm not sure if you've entirely grasped the whole of what I was saying.

Would you send an email to a lawyer that you are interested in hiring, with JUST the following:

hi. what's up.

---

and nothing else.

I didn't think so.

I'm not against people greeting me on here, or asking how I am, as long as that is a PART of the message where they inquire about cuddling, booking, etc.

What I am saying is that it's a waste of professional cuddlers' time to simply send a message saying hi. or how are you? without saying anything else. It puts the onus on us to move the conversation forward.

I hope this helps understanding.

Peace & hugs,
k.

Mike403

@Kallista - Maybe some people are new to the site and don't have the social skills and are trying to steer it into a booking request the say they know how.

Others would just send a booking request without messaging first and some pros voiced their complaints about that as well.

Sheena123

I guess as a pro, I can give my feedback. This is just what works for me and not for everyone, but I don’t mind the initial “hey, how are you?” I e always figured the majority of people that come to me for cuddles are wanting small conversations to feel me out and see if we click and also the majority of my cuddlers have a hard time socially, so it comes off as a bit awkward for them.

I’m all for pros that want to get to the nitty gritty and/or avoid small talk, but that doesn’t work for me most times. I need to have some back and forth with someone, and get a feel for who they are and why they could potentially want a cuddle with me.

Now, I will say that I don’t enjoy the one word replies in a continuous conversation.

Them: Hey 👋

Me: hey! How’s it going?

Them: good

Me: oh that’s good! Did you do anything exciting over the weekend?

Them: no

Me: oh ok, so you just had a relaxing stay at home?

Them: yea

——— at this point, I give up… lol 😂 I might bring up if they’re interested in cuddles, but usually if they don’t give me anything at all during the initial greet for us to have a chat, I move on.

jplemmon

@Sheena123 you just said my thoughts perfectly.

lesmis33

While I do agree that in regards to spoken and in person communication, one does greet professionals they are seeking services from with a "hello, how do you do?" However, in written communication, there tends to be a purpose to initiating communication outside of idle chit-chat with friends and family. That purpose is generally conveyed in the original message.

OP clearly has on her profile that when messaging her to share what you are looking for in a session, a picture of yourself if not one on your profile, and some potential times for availability. It's pretty easy to follow instructions even if you are socially awkward which is something I can definitely relate to. I would have more sympathy for the inquirer if they didn't ignore or blatantly disregard OP's profile.

Spud424

I hate small talk in public why would I engage in it online? @Kallista is 10000% correct. Cuddle comfort is not tinder and too many guys treat it as such

beaubliss

I find it fascinating to read this thread! It's remarkable that something as simple as a "Hello, how are you doing?" message can create a topic with such polarization.....

I'm going to take a position somewhere in the middle.....

Yes, as the OP suggests, the potential client didn't read her profile completely, and is wasting her time IF, and only IF, she gives it any energy at all. I don't like unsolicited texts, for example, but it only takes me 2 seconds to "delete and report as junk", so I wouldn't call it a time-waster; it's simply an irritant, as these simple intro's are for the OP. My recommendation is to accept it as part of the landscape in this business, working with a platform that invites potential users to reach out. They may not have read the profile; perhaps they were inspired by the lovely smile and wanted to say "hi". Easy to receive and enjoy....or to simply ignore. The rant itself took more energy/time than reading the brief message. Let it go....

But more importantly, pros here need to understand that many in the potential client pool are lonely, untouched, men.....and the anonymity offered by CC to reach out to a woman for contact is attractive. YOU may be clear that your services are part of a professional therapeutic approach, and expect to be treated the same as a lawyer, doctor, etc....BUT the browsing, lonely, male is having a different experience. There is a reaching out, and his "Hello, how are you doing?" may be quite a feat of courage. You may not be interested in such a client, but proclaiming this initiative as "time wasting" does not help you or him.

If you're quite clear about the type of client you want to schedule with, wonderful; and hopefully you'll primarily attract such interest. However, if you're going to advertise on this platform, you'll need to become accustomed to the wide tent it supports and attracts.....without needing to rant.

On the other hand, creating safe spaces for such rants is important for a loving community.....and I for one, welcome it and delight in the conversation it inspires

Bella_Sera

When someone tells you exactly who they are, believe them…

achetocuddle

@beaubliss Inclined to agree, especially about the delight in the convo it inspires. If only we could have more spirited
yet civilized convos like this.

SunsetSnuggles

@Sheena123 💯

I don't like very short and basic PM's one bit, but that's how a large portion of the world works. We can try to coax more out of them, be passive-aggressive, or ignore them...

@Kallista The unfortunate fact is, the users who send messages like that are never going to read this thread. Especially if they aren't getting to the part of your profile that mentions your contact protocol.

@Sheena123 posted: "usually if they don’t give me anything at all during the initial greet for us to have a chat, I move on."

Agreed. I put out just over equal effort to what I get, nowadays. I used to respond to "Hey" with a paragraph. Now I respond with, "Heya, how's it going?", or sometimes if I'm feeling very impatient, just "Heya", so the ball is back in their court to ask a question.

@beaubliss posted: "it's simply an irritant ... My recommendation is to accept it as part of the landscape in this business"

Exactly. People approaching us in ways we aren't enthused about, or with low social skills, is part of life in every aspect.

"his "Hello, how are you doing?" may be quite a feat of courage."

Agreed. The number of cuddlers I've met who are on the spectrum, for instance, or are simply shy, is astronomical. One has to understand that people are on this site for a reason.

Very interesting thread, indeed.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

"Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man." ~ Benjamin Franklin

GentleCuddling

Seriously. I get enough of these messages from randos on Discord. I don't need them here, too.

GentleCuddling

That is to say, I'm AuDHD and don't have anywhere to go with a simple "hey."

bobadevotee

Fr. Like. We are not friends. I’m offering a service. I don’t see people in other industries having customers go to the contact form and just write “hi”. Imagine going to any business website and doing that. You’d be insane to expect a response.

When I’m contracted for work elsewhere, never has anyone trying to hire me said JUST “hi”. Because they respect my time and understand I am doing a job.

Too many people here want to blur lines.
This. Is. A. Job.

Even SWers, which many confuse us for, won’t reply to you on a simple “hi” unless you’re paying for that time. So I don’t want people telling me this is a “different industry” that requires socialization when the other most similar jobs (SW or massage therapist or even just a talk therapist) all would never accept you requesting the service with just a “hi how are you”.

And the “I say hi to lawyers” example is asinine. So you’re telling me you email lawyers you’ve never ever seen before, with the intent to hire them, with ONLY a “hi”? I’ll need to see screenshots on how they responded otherwise I’m calling bull. Saying “hi” irl to someone isn’t analogous to an online business inquiry.

pmvines

Oh the things we debate sometimes

Kense

lol some of you take yourselves way too serious. If you treat this as a business , the logical response is “How can I help you?” . You’re turning away potential income based on a greeting that’s not negative. Weird .

jplemmon

@Kense I don't get it either. I also don't equate lawyers and doctors to cuddlers because one goes to school for many years to become an actual pro and the other, well...they check a box.

hi kallista

Hello there, how are you?

🤪😂

"Would you send an email to a lawyer that you are interested in hiring, with JUST the following"

You are comparing yourself to someone that has 7 years of education's plus yearly education? talk about DELUSIONAL.

Literally anyone can fall out of bed and be an adequate or even above average cuddler.

@Kallista He might or might not "value and understand what it is that pro cuddlers do and "treat and regard them as the professionals that they are"

But he for sure is WHITE KNIGHTING trying to defend you.

lesmis33

sigh This would be a prime opportunity to discuss how invalidating speech tends to exacerbate social problems and leads to destructive communications. However, given the churlish remarks by some members of our community, I suspect it will fall on deaf ears. Consequently, I won't waste my time.

"This would be a prime opportunity to discuss how invalidating speech tends to exasperate social problems and leads to destructive communications. However, given the churlish remarks by some members of our community, I suspect it will fall on deaf ears."

~ Claudine Gay (2024)