@captcrunch
It seem might be the problem they didn’t beat you hard enuff?
Or, maybe you weren't.
Such is the downside of internet anonymity. Cowards can flap their gums without consequence.
@NickWk to back up what @bobadevotee said (not that she needs my additional support, but I also regularly chime in on these topics):
I am by no means what one would consider a stereotypical target for sexual harassment. I'm too tall, too big, too opinionated, stay away from most typical mixer social situations (bars, parties, anywhere peopley), don't dress up/do my hair/makeup, etc. I too have been consistently sexually harassed at work, in public, online, and in private for far longer than since I was legal. Even online if you don't have a photo up, if your screen name appears feminine or you otherwise let on that you may be a woman, you are likely to receive sexual harassment. I've had to change usernames to more gender-neutral ones, play male characters in games, stay off of voice chats - all so that men won't behave badly.
If the #MeToo movement proved anything, it was that the statistics on harassment and violence against women is far more rampant than people want to believe, no matter how big of an ally they believe they are. The statistics that estimate 75-80% of women will be sexually assaulted in some form during their lifetime are true, and there's a good chance it's underreported even at that.
If you believe none or few of the women in your life have been assaulted, it's either because they in general do not feel safe talking about it or because they particularly do not feel safe discussing it with YOU. Men who downplay sexual harassment and assault are almost guaranteed to be guilty of it themselves. And truly self-aware male allies generally recognize their own past mistakes in their treatment of women, have worked on correcting it, and are able to talk about it no matter how uncomfortable because they realize that is the only way to move forward.
As the saying goes - no of course not all men, but yes ALL women.
@cuddlefaery - When I played World of Warcraft, one of my characters was female and when I played it, the amount of sexual comments I got from guys was mind boggling. It was hilarious. Not actual sexual harassment, but the number of guys who thought I was a female. They don't seem to understand that most female characters in online RPGs are actually guys.
@Mike403 I’ve recently heard the same thing but with race and vtuber models. A black vtuber got so many horrible comments and nonstop spamming of the N word in his streams when he had anything indicating he was black. Then he switched to a light skinned vtuber model and got no racial harassment whatsoever. It’s depressing.
Sorry, I woke up as a man today so I’m still a predator, but I’m just saying, if you’re reporting harassment and assault to your employer and they do nothing to protect you, I would find a new job or have a good lawsuit. Either way, I would not risk my safety putting up with it. I’ve only had to deal with it once in the last few years. From the time it was reported til we walked the guy out the front door was less than an hour.
Good: met up with a very tall client. I'm 5'7 which is fairly tall for a woman. He made me feel so comfortable, but also small. Which doesn't happen in my world. Hands down best cuddle session to date.
Bad: a client that was insisting on in spooning and continually breathed heavily in my ear. I didn't think it was on purpose or they could help it. However, it was a very long hour.
The times that I did cuddle with someone on this site, it was great! Anything that me & my cuddler did was consensual and I didn’t feel like they were overstepping my boundaries or making me feel uncomfortable?! They consistently asked me if they could do something and made sure I was okay….and that’s been my experience!! I haven’t cuddled with anyone since last year so I pray every one else has a great experience and all goes well. And also you’re not obligated to cuddle with everyone on this site and I usually pick the ones that I like the most or we just have similar personalities. So just remember these things when choosing, a cuddle partner and if someone seems odd, weird, or sends a funny message don’t respond and delete or block them, which is what I do. And it always work.
@NickWk some men are predators . Some are not . If you're not then awesome , go team ! But being a sarcastic cruddy crud and dismissing expressed concerns and complaints shared by many is not a great way of showing it . All you're doing is minimizing and ridiculing . A woman can express her experiences and complaints and also at the same time not blame all men , including yourself , for their bad experiences . The two are mutually exclusive because we are all whole ass humans . You're being childish and passive aggressive .
@NickWk
"Sorry, I woke up as a man today so I’m still a predator, but I’m just saying, if you’re reporting harassment and assault to your employer and they do nothing to protect you, I would find a new job or have a good lawsuit. Either way, I would not risk my safety putting up with it. I’ve only had to deal with it once in the last few years. From the time it was reported til we walked the guy out the front door was less than an hour."
This has nothing to do with you being a man, so I'd not play that card.
You do also know that cuddlers, especially male cuddlers, assaulting women isn't exclusive to those who get paid to cuddle?!
I can probably count on both hands the amount of times I as an enthusiast, who doesn't even meet many, AND cuddles in public have been groped, or had some types of sexual advances made to me by male cuddlers! That's not including the many times men have sent me inappropriate messages of some sort or another!
Like I was out and about once trying to enjoy my day, then some JGXJGXJGX walked to where I sat to make highly inappropriate advances to me.
Asking pro cuddlers "if they considered finding a different job" is akin to asking someone what he, or she was wearing!
It is neither helpful or necessary to do so! Also the mods here from my experience of being active here for years have and do what they can to help deal with any inappropriate and predatory behaviors reported to them. It's not a lack of protecting that's the problem, it's PREDATORY PEOPLE who infest the cuddle community like roaches or disgusting pigs at times and try to prey on, especially those they think are weak or inexperienced, others!
@Lovelight couldn’t have said it better myself 👏🏼
@bobadevotee
Your feelings aren’t more important than anyone’s safety."
My response:
ABSOLUTELY!
Back to Your Comment:
"...Most men I encounter laugh at women for being nervous, refuse to empathize with our fears, or turn it on us when we take safety precautions. More than once, I’ve had men I barely knew be offended at me for taking safety precautions. They got angry and said “I’m so offended that you’d lump me in with those predators”, when I didn’t make any insulting comments, I merely explained why I do certain things, such as making sure I have a safety person who knows my location and checks in. Yet all of these men, who I barely knew, some of whom were faceless profile photos, expected me to give them tons of benefit of the doubt and expected me to like or trust them enough for me to not take basic safety measures. Their feelings of being offended were more important than my safety."
Mine:
I've had a couple of much the same experiences myself, and those very men are probably the first to tell you that you didn't do "enough" or that it's somehow your fault when you're assaulted, even if you've done your very best to stay safe! Or weren't even trying to be involved with anyone.
Like I'd mentioned above one day when I was just going about my day, there was a guy who walked far away to where I sat to be really inappropriate towords me. What was my crime, or what I did so wrong? That I sat somewhere and was having a meal while enjoying some sunshine.
Yours:
"We get blamed when we are raped, “she wasn’t careful enough”, “she put herself in danger” but then we also get harassed and called “paranoid” or “man haters” when we ARE being careful. it’s a lose-lose situation."
I'm using "you" generally by the way, not directed at anyone in particular.
EXACTLY! Those who victim blame are part of the problem and are giving power to the predators. If you're going around victim blaming then you're not all that different from the predators, especially if when helped to see the errors in your ways, you double down and play the victim. Instead of having a willingness to reflect, do better, and learn more about what's shared with you.
Bad look dude. Stop trying to be so dismissive of women’s problems when you aren’t a woman and offering flippant lazy “panaceas” to an issue that has been around since the beginning of time. First, why should a woman have to leave a job? That’s saying boys will be boys and if you fear for your safety, then go somewhere else. Second, the impetus should be on the predator to change their behavior. Finally, a woman cuddling a man in close quarters doesn’t have an HR Dept to go to or bodyguards to escort the dude out. I would suggest taking empathy pills, going silent and begin listening without judgement. In the end, the only thing you can fix is you.
@bobadevotee @Lovelight -
It's laughable when guys say that they are sick of hearing about it. All they have to do is log off all social media (including this site) and that will solve that problem.
@sc1994 Thank you!
@Mike403
"It's laughable when guys say that they are sick of hearing about it. All they have to do is log off all social media (including this site) and that will solve that problem."
That's certainly one of several solutions.
When I'm particularly really stressed, and can't mentally or emotionally take any more bad news, I distance myself from the news or any very emotionally charged discussions that I don't need to be in. I don't go around telling others that I'm sick of hearing about their awful, or horrendous experiences that they share about.
I'd also say, a lot of the times there are plenty of things one can do without necessarily leaving social media altogether. Things like, if you're not in a good enough mental or emotional state to participate respectfully and with maturity, not entering discussions that start with:
Cuddling Experiences - Good or Bad...
Removed the first section of the post but leaving the rest [netrunner]
There’s tons of information out there on why women and men alike can’t just “find another job” or report it. You’re choosing willful ignorance and choosing to judge and look down on others.
Btw, many women report to HR, and oftentimes the harassment actually gets worse. HR isn’t required to keep things confidential. It gets back to the predator, and the predator is often good friends with the boss… or sometimes your boss is the predator.
Getting a lawyer? Are you offering to pay legal fees to every broke waitress getting groped by her boss? Who’s paying these fees?
One woman I know reported a guy who blatantly groped women on the show floor during a professional trade show. The company said “well we have had no issues and he always does his reports on time…” completely ignored her. She never reported harassment again, since countless companies that hired him for these events did not care. That guy still works in the professional events industry despite all the women he has harassed and despite the multiple women who have reported him to companies. No one cares.
You’re a man, of course someone cares when you report it. Of course they escorted the guy out when YOU reported it. Try being a woman and see how seriously anyone will take you…
@BoomerSpooner for real, this is the mindset the guys had who harassed the woman who fought for sexual assault to be illegal in the first place. She was working in the mining industry, tons of men were harassing her and trying to get her to quit. Same mindset of this guy, basically saying women should just leave if they don’t like it. Thank god she stayed and got one of the first sexual harassment laws passed. But I read about the things they did to her at work… absolutely horrific.
@bobadevotee 💯 We need you on the forums.
@bobadevotee - It's sad that some people just go by their own subjective experiences and won't listen to others. You can try to explain how it really works, but the first line when you called him an idiot isn't really necessary and will probably get you timed out from the forums.
Trigger warning.
I guess the poor 10 girl old "should've considered leaving the school":
And the mother whose home was broken into, and gang r-ed while her 2 year old was beside her, along with the countless others who much the same was done to "should've considered leaving the home..."
"The same" with the lady whose ex husband of a jehecuufokhfkhchkc broke into her home, sexually assaulted her, and kidnapped her. Or the ones who even much worse was done to.
Using a general you here:
Also many people here shared such valuable experiences on the post that you can learn from if you're open to. So I'd take the time to really hear what they've shared, if you, like you might claim, care about victims of sexual assault, harassment, or any assault. Otherwise, whether you know it now or not, you really are giving power to sexual predators, and that's probably not what you want to be known for.
Edited for minor writing errors, and better formating.
Overall I would say , very happy. One Pro set her cell phone on the dresser with the count down timer going and facing her. That was not a good cuddle, I could tell she was just there for the money, soon after she deleted her account. One Pro went off on a tyrant about how she hated Jews, no idea how the conversation went there, I never talk religions or politics. But the bright side is I have had some great very relaxing cuddles.
Have had nothing but good experiences, fortunately.
This conversation went so left 😂
One Pro set her cell phone on the dresser with the countdown timer going and facing us.
Man, that has to be an awful experience. She was there for just money. This is one of the reasons why I stopped booking pros months ago, but mostly because I don't see it as a legitimate service, considering it is reciprocal and mutual. Of the four pros I cuddled, only one did not set a timer and we cuddled 15 mins overtime. It was the only good experience I ever had.
I just wear a big clock around my neck like flavor flav so that way when the cuddler is laying next to me, she can always see what time it is
@lonelytauros Nice!
@BoomerSpooner Wow... 😂
Good -meeting really amazing people who I know will be my buds for life , none of whom I would ever know existed had it not been for this site and this community .
Bad-i have met a small handful of folks who I would have likely been better off having not known , however that is few and far between, and not anything that I would consider discouraging .
Just an alternative view on the visible timer:
Some people have really bad time-blindness (ADHD, autism, etc.). We struggle with feeling the passage of time accurately and thus with judging how long activities will take. One of the easiest accomodations for this is to make time visible via timers - take a look at any neurodivergent person's phone and you're likely to see a dozen or more timers/alarms set for various reminders, and Google Calendar is our lifesaver.
If there isn't a clock visible in the room and/or if the person does not want to constantly be checking it, setting a timer is a practical solution to make sure they budget their time with you well and that they leave reasonably on time for any following appointments (checking in with their safety person, for instance). The timer isn't there to remind you how little time you have left - it's to remind them to make sure they do everything you had planned together while also honoring their other commitments.
Some of us have found coping tools that work more subtly or better for us, for instance I have silent vibration alarms set on my fitbit for cuddle sessions so that they are less noticable to my cuddle partners. Those of us who have learned the value of smooth transitions also use things like 10 minute reminders before the end of the session to ease out rather than to abruptly end on the hour. Not everyone has learned these skills, or perhaps they don't work as well for them as whatever system they do use.
If the timer bothers you, speak up! Ask for your own accomodation. Perhaps the timer could be placed less prominently, put on vibrate, or some other solution could be used. Sometimes just knowing why the cuddler is using the timer in the first place can help you relax and forget it's there rather than counting off the minutes.
Edit to add:
When I say really bad time blindness, I mean REALLY bad. Time management is a major disability for some of us, myself included. I naturally run about 20-30 minutes late no matter how well I plan unless I intentionally plan to leave an hour early... and I'll still manage to be late. I'll estimate something to take 10 minutes and it'll take me 45. I'll think I just spoke to someone yesterday and it'll have been 3 weeks ago. When I was teaching in schools, I would plan out my lesson plans oh so carefully minute by minute, but then end up having to scrap the whole thing 15 minutes in when I was already hopelessly off schedule. There's a semi-joke that with ADHD there's no past/present/future/hours/minutes/etc. ... There's only NOW and NOT NOW.