Anyone else here feel touch starved due to lack of affection lately? What are some ways you've learned to deal with this? Besides the obvious of course.
Time…eventually you get just used to it. You still miss it though but not as bad I guess.
@Jaeger84 I'm sorry to hear that. When was the last time you were hugged my guy?
Yeah I agree with @Jaeger84 takes lots of time and then you don’t miss it as much kinda become numb to the whole experience as if it happens great and if it doesn’t that’s also fine
I have ended up in the past of just shutting down like the others mentioned. There were also times that I would sit on my bed after a shower and place my hands on my body from my shoulders to my arms to my legs and such, and just tell myself that I love and care for myself.
I haven't learned any way to deal with it unfortunately. I think humans are social creatures and generally need that kind of connection (though there are always exceptions). Maybe that is why so many people stay in toxic relationships etc. although to me that sounds worse. I usually go years at a time without any affection so I just accept the suffering since there's not much else to do really. Sorry this isn't too helpful.
During long periods without touch, I learned how to tap into non-cuddling activities that fulfilled that need so I didn't have to rely on a partner.
There's a ton of little (and big) ways we can fill our own touch needs cup. Is it the same as cuddling? Of course not. But only filling our tactile needs through partner cuddling is like only eating at holiday feasts. We don't need to starve in-between, and daily maintenance is an important way to avoid bingeing when we do get to indulge.
For myself, nothing replaces one-on-one intimate/affectionate touch. I've been like that my entire life.
@cuddlefaery - thanks for sharing your ideas ❤️
@cuddlefaery This list is super helpful. Thank you so much!
In an ideal world, we'd always have someone nearby to cuddle when we feel like it. But I also think it's best to be realistic. While human beings are social creatures, not every period of one's life will present itself the perfect conditions to fulfill our needs socially. I think learning of other ways to soothe ourselves independently like this can be really helpful.
I've also learned to recognize where these needs come from emotionally. When I am touch deprived, it tends to come from a place of being lonely. Lately I have not been shying away from calling my friends up to chat on the phone when I feel this way. I used to feel like I needed a reason to call someone and like I was bothering people, but lately I've been understanding that that's what my friends are there for, and that they enjoy talking to me as well.
I've been learning how to latin dance. I then go to socials where you can mix and mingle with people.
Although I started with the intent to learn and dance, it's had a positive effect of me feeling less touch deprived whenever I go to these dance events.
'What are some ways you've learned to deal with this?' Preoccupying myself with random things: learning Kanji, reading books, and playing strategy games like hoi4 Kaiserreich mod.
Time, mostly keeping myself busy
I used to have a serious touch deprivation problem. Now I don't. Solving it took... over three years and cost ..... £3,000 over that time or more likely a bit more than that. My starting point is outlined here:
How I found happiness on Cuddle Comfort (man seeking enthusiast women)
How I Found Happiness on CC Part 2: The First Meeting
Your story will be different of course. My point is that it can be done if you can find a thousand dollars a year. I would guess that $400pa would probably do at a pinch. You'll need to take all the advice in this thread, and from anywhere else you can get it. But it can be done.
@Ripley54566 I am very familiar with the feeling of touch deprivation. It is a feeling that had been growing in me for years before finding this site.
When I first joined this site, I could not get enough platonic touch, kind of like a severely dehydrated person who discovers a fountain of cool, clean water. I spent a lot of money on pros my first year on this site. During my second year I slowed down a bit and cuddled with both pros and enthusiasts.
As my feelings of touch deprivation began to subside I began to realize what I was really looking for was connection. While they are related, there is a big difference between “touch” and genuine “connection”. As simple as that sounds, they can be easy to confuse (at least for me, I don’t claim to speak for anyone else).
Last fall I met an enthusiast who lives several hours away and we formed a genuine connection. Due to the distance, we only see each other about once a month, usually meeting somewhere mid way between where we live for a mini-vacation of platonic bliss. I have not hired a pro since making that genuine connection.
Coming back to your original question, it takes a while to replenish your spirit when you have gone too long with too little touch. However, in my case I did find my feelings of deprivation diminish over time, especially after finding genuine connection.
It's really not bad. You get to walk home on your own after work and do some window shopping. Your finances aren't drained; you save money.