This discussion has offered so many tips on screening and consent and I'm grateful to everyone for their insights.
@sunnysideup I agree that there is a lot of societal messaging that says not taking no for an answer means you are persistent and a go getter. Women also hear that you should play coy and not make it easy. I hope these messages are going away with the advent of lessons on consent. @TheMidnightOwl reminded me of the video on tea and consent ().
Hopefully the more we talk about it the more people come to know what healthy looks like vs. what 'normal' might look or feel like.
That sucks, thats my experience on this planet as a whole really, and probably alot of ours. I dont know if my messages are even sent or working, because literally theres not been one reply. So literally 0 conversation, and I dont know if this site will even post this comment, because racist algorithms have robotted/shaddowbanned ever since I made a music video for the Arab Spring wearing a Keffiyeh scarf. All I can do is laugh at all the nonsense and keep trying, because it sometimes seems impossible to share anything with anyone. Especially everyone talks in these one to two sentence lines, and words seem to be highly undervalued on this planet.
Deep conversation is a big time rarity in this world, because most everyone is too afraid to dive beyond the surface, due to survivalistic compulsions. Once we're a world that has extended Beyond survivalistic compulsions though deep conversation will be much more prevalent, but it's just needing patience and us keeping on trying.
And of course they’re horrid conversationalists; if they had solid social skills, they’d be able to meet women out in the world with ease. They wouldn’t be on this site.
@bobadevotee I hope your clients at least know what you think of them
Wow!! 👆🏽
This must be taken out of context.
If you read that post in its entirety, the implicit logic seems to be
If someone has social skills, they would not use the site (to hire pros)
And therefore anyone using the site to hire a pro (e.g., any client of hers) doesn't have social skills
OK, @SergeantCub I have reread the post in question.
I see how you interpreted @bobadevotee ‘s comment in that way. I can’t believe she meant to insult every paying client on this site like that. But her comment certainly could be worded better either way. She does seem pretty strident in her condemnation of older guys, though.
So I don’t know.
@Boba, you want to clarify your statement?
🙈
@MonkeyNeedsAHug she bashes men every time she has a chance. where have you been all this time?
@SergeantCub dont stress over it. its Boba. And she's still here so it must not be as bad as she says it is
There is no interpretation needed. It’s written in plain English and the intent is clear.
Echo what 'bekah_cuddles' wrote. That would help with the karma reliability issue.
Ugh, just got out of timeout #6...must behave
@SeriousSnuggler I definitely feel your pain! Unfortunately the risk of sexual assault is so prevalent it's always present whenever engaging with males, and that's wildly unacceptable, especially in clearly consent based platonic spaces like this one. I wish I had a formula to share that would be a perfectly foolproof method for avoiding it, but I have found that watching how people act when they're told no, especially about arbitrary things prior to meeting, can be a helpful tool to weed out some of the more erratic and often violent types.
I do believe there are men on here who genuinely want platonic connections, they just apparently have a terrible habit of hiding 😅
I hope you find the right match soon!!
@RedFox16 changing culture is a very hard thing to do !
From what I can gather, getting a high volume of deadbeats has a lot to do with screening. Many pros and enthusiasts on the forum have talked about how they rarely encounter bad sessions with the right screening process in place. Some pros that I have seen are booked consistently throughout the week, have large numbers of karma, and rarely encounter problems. They always attribute it to screening. Of course, there are still bad ones that slip through from time to time but it seems pretty rare.
Why is this not possible for everyone?
@jplemmon because some people give people too much benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they aren’t aware of how many bad folks there are in the wild wild internet. And after a few bad experiences become traumatized
@jplemmon I don't know who you are referencing and I wouldn't speak for anyone else anyway but what I will say is that in response to this post I've heard from many people here and privately. MANY of us have remarked on the bad experiences that we have. The people I have heard from have learned through trial and error to have in depth and exhaustive screening processes to keep themselves safe. Most of the people I have heard from have admitted to taking long breaks and being tired and frustrated from having to deal with the behavior they encounter. My guess about the pros you mention that are booked, highly rated, and don't have problems is that they learned their screening processes the hard way as well, whether here or elsewhere.
As this is such a common problem, please don't diminish it by making it sound as if it is our problem by not being able to know a creep from the get go. I know in my case I am very aware of my safety as a woman and don't just take for granted that people are the Internet are going to the 'nice guys' they say they are. The case that prompted me to post this I messaged with him for weeks, had phone calls and video chats, and we met in person 2 times. In all of those hours he seemed like a sweet shy genuine person. He never even tried to hold my hand in public! Do you think if I suspected he would have changed so drastically I would have opted to be alone with him? Please let me assure you that this is not simply a problem of us not screening properly.
@sunnysideup we are aware how many bad folks are out there.
@SergeantCub -
I'm pretty sure she is talking about the guys who come here looking for non-platonic hookups.
I Agree. Rocky and Butch keep harassing Sister Skinny, and they both have horrible social skills. but she is swatting them away. she's defending herself.
Perfectly worded @SeriousSnuggler !!! 👏👏👏
(I stole that from @sillysassy ...but feel it belongs here too!)
@RedFox16 Why do you clap so loud I'm trying to go to sleep
You know @Sooson You're more than welcome to message me! You don't have to play timid in the forums 😜 (genuinely tho ☺️)
@Runawaycuddles Nailed it. Especially the bit that this is supposed to be a safe platonic space should we shouldn’t have to be hypervigilantly on guard all the time in a place where we all agreed to the terms of service to not be here trying to have sex with people. It’s on men to control themselves, not women to play defense in a place where we should be safe to let our guard down. We live with our guard up 24/7 in the rest of the world.
Unfortunately the risk of sexual assault is so prevalent it's always present whenever engaging with males, and that's wildly unacceptable, especially in clearly consent based platonic spaces like this one. I wish I had a formula to share that would be a perfectly foolproof method for avoiding it, but I have found that watching how people act when they're told no, especially about arbitrary things prior to meeting, can be a helpful tool to weed out some of the more erratic and often violent types.
@SeriousSnuggler Also nailed it. 💯
Yeah, of course I get taken out of context yet again but people don't read. Oh well.
And to follow up on the topic of "not reading", I made it very clear that I am talking about people who are seeing really high percentages of deadbeats. I know that pros are going to deal with stuff no matter what process they have. I get it.
But, many seasoned pros on here have mentioned on the forums or told me in person that they rarely encounter bad behavior IN PERSON because of their screening. If someone is seeing 80% creeps, I do think there are flaws in their process. That is NOT victim blaming or anything else.
Reported and reviewed. Removed last sentence. [CharlieBear]
Wait what did I say in my last sentence? Is someone offended lol?
Oh yeah, the applause thing. Oh man, seriously 😐
@jplemmon Well, the whole thing was reported but that is what I chose to remove because it was condescending.
The person you quoted was not the person that flagged the comment.
Ehh. As with dating apps, I can’t even get a response. I thought this would be easier as it’s just hanging out/cuddling. Just tired of doing stuff alone. Lol. And one of the “pros” is over $100 for an hour. Ridiculous. I get it, but feels exploitative of a human necessity. But I also wish people were respectful in general, for the people that this kind of site works for.
@CharlieBear you are the one great mod. I guess I can live with it 😆
Regarding pros: I've cuddled several, and although I paid them money, they have all given me authentic human connection.
By way of example, there's one pro here that I've cuddled exactly twice. She lives about 750 miles from me, so she knows that I won't be traveling to her often.
In spite of this, she randomly messaged me yesterday to ask me how I'm doing with a particular challenge in my life.
She (and many others) are good at what they do, love what they do, and are authentic. I also get paid for a job that I'm good at and that I enjoy. Getting paid doesn't automatically make someone inauthentic.
Any one person's experience on this site does not necessarily reflect the reality of what many other people experience.
For those who have not yet had a good experience, there's much to be learned from those who have.
Hey just to add 1 more cent to the 2 I've already offered, even after a long period of not finding what we hope to find in here it shows up. I had a recent session that was everything the site promised and more. I say that to say, it's out there.