@jplemmon Haha thank you. Though I would definitely dispute being great. I’ll settle for “okayish” 😅
I am glad that others out there have had good experiences and I am happy to learn from them. As was pointed out, one person's experience cannot stand in for others; that would count for both positive and negative. So saying there are pros who have positive experiences is no more influential than saying an enthusiast had a bad experience.
From my point of view, I hear many more women say they have experienced unwanted behavior but let's turn to science to help us out. This article (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/dec/06/men-underestimate-level-of-sexual-harassment-against-women-survey) chronicles how men (and women) vastly underestimate the amount of sexual harassment that women experience.
Knowing this, IMHO, I think it's important to listen to what women are saying. We can offer suggestions on how they can keep themselves safe by all means, but as a community let's also be sure to emphasize that anyone who acts in an inappropriate way is not welcome here instead of placing the entire blame on the victim for not knowing they were bad actors. This will help keep our community the safe and wonderful place that we hope it can be.
@CharlieBear for sure one of the greats! 🙂
@SeriousSnuggler Unfortunately, as long as there iare large amounts of emotionally unstable men with boundary issues and Incel ingrained mindsets on this site , there will always be people who want to place the blame on you and will do what they can to try to minimize and deflect. You see a lot of the "well, I don't do that and I don't experience these things so it must not be real" mentality.
Be that as it may , there are also a lot of good folks who I believe truly get it , and I hate that you have had negative experiences and interactions. I hope that your experiences going forward are at least weighted in the direction of good over bad.
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I usually just talk about my poops instead of saying things that will potentially get me in forum trouble
@pmvines noted more talk about poop 🤣
And then there’s lions, Tigers and Bears you should watch out for this one old tiger that was on here. I don’t know what happened to him I think he changed his picture or something.
Lions and tigers and bears.....
I'm pretty sure she is talking about the guys who come here looking for non-platonic hookups.>
@Mike403 @SergeantCub
Regardless of who she meant it for, isn’t that a lowkey insult at everyone who is a patron of pro cuddlers?
Why do men claim to understand what women experience? Please stop it now. This is ridiculous. Just because YOU are respectful to women and know how to treat them in a cuddle session and don’t try to push their boundaries doesn’t mean that all men are like you. Until you cuddle men yourselves, and have another man try to sexually assault you, then you have no idea how it feels. @bobadevotee you are speaking the truth - I’ve seen it myself. You guys need to stop disrespecting her. You don’t know what she has experienced. Maybe some of you Nice Guys should head on over to Reddit and read some of the subs there for men only and how they talk about women and what they do to them and that’s not the only place. It’s shocking beyond belief. I wish I could unread what I saw there.
I wish I could unread what I saw there.
That’s the downside of being educated.
I am trying to clarify that we are not talking about the 20 or 30 + men who are active on the forum here. We know that you are not the problem, we are not talking about you! I’ve had wonderful cuddle sessions with so many awesome CC members. But that does not deny that there are plenty of difficult ones.
Maybe some of you Nice Guys should head on over to Reddit and read some of the subs there for men only and how they talk about women and what they do to them and that’s not the only place. It’s shocking beyond belief. I wish I could unread what I saw there.
I actually walked away from such conversations IRL more than once. Never felt comfortable, even when I was much younger.
@carrieanne - Anonymous nature of the internet. People say "That's not how they are in real life.." umm.. yes it is. Free of consequences, their online behavior represents how they really are. You just almost never see them talk like that in real life in fear of them getting their ass handed to them if the wrong person hears it.
Yes, I always wonder how they behave IRL, some of these guys are actually married, they brag to each other about how they abuse women. It’s sick and I despise it and pity them because they must have miserable lives. Anyway, not worth dwelling on because there really are so many good people in this world. I see it every day.! It’s Just the anonymity of the Internet, people confess to the weirdest thoughts I never even knew existed.
@carrieanne When I first joined the site back in 2016, I was actually messaged and admonished by a site user who told me that I shouldn't be siding with and sticking up for the women on this site , namely pros , because it supposedly worked against the men on the site. I forget the exact words . Then he went on to suggest that I join an off-site chat group where they talked about pros and how to keep their costs down etc . Which I didn't do . However I have heard from someone else who has and they said it essentially was intel sharing about who lets you push boundaries and who will give you extras and who will give you free sessions etc . Total slime ball crap , and then when they are on CC they just blend in with the rest of the population.
@pmvines That's utterly despicable, and yet unsurprising to anyone, especially women, who have ever dealt with men like that. It's part of why the whines and scorn of men who act like that and blame women for the abuses we face are so incomprehensible to me, especially when these same men constantly say they "know what men are like" and don't trust men to respect consent or be honest with their own daughters, sisters or friends.
Good men aren't offended when the bad ones get called out because they know it doesn't apply to them, and the problem with fake "good" men is they use the same rhetoric bad men do. 🤷🏼
This is a site specifically built for platonic cuddling between safe, sane and consenting adults who understand boundaries and respect each other. Our conversations should be able to be purely focused on that, sexual assault and harassment shouldn't even be an issue here, and yet it is, and it breaks my heart that it's such a problem one even here.
@carrieanne Absolutely nailed it.
OK I think we are almost out of nails by now. I'll run to Home Depot real quick tomorrow morning.
@Sooson
Can anyone show me the post in this thread where any victims are blamed for the bad behavior of men?
Can anyone show me the post in this thread that is unsympathetic to cuddlers who face abuse on here?
I'm just not seeing it.
I had one sincere recommendation to essentially utilize the resources of experienced members on the site for information on screening that could potentially change their negative experience significantly.
I also see a grown man who whines more than anyone I've ever seen and yet complains about other people whining. Sorry, got off track.
The point is: Can we take someone's words at face value and not assume based on what was NOT said?
Sincerely, if there is a way I could say it differently, I'm all ears. I'm open to learning.
@jplemmon I don't see anybody making references directly towards you or anything you've said . I think you might be internalizing what are meant as broader general statements and assigning them to being directed at you perhaps ? I know that I posted about the unfortunate reality of emotionally unstable incels who lack insight and emotional intelligence , and how that can lead to minimizing and dismissing the impact of the negative experiences that countless women post about., as it does actually relate to the women who commented about how they feel sometimes. Did you take that personally or feel like it was directed at you ? Is that what you mean by passive aggressive whining by somebody with issues with their manhood ? I don't think I whine, if I am indeed who you are referring to and if that is indeed what you're referring to it as, but you are welcome to your opinion and welcome to call me as you like . Perhaps my definition of whining is different to yours. I really don't take things like that personally , nor does it have any impact or influence on my day.
Man my poops are amazing this morning .
Oh, I wasn't talking about anyone in particular. I was just saying it was an issue in general. Did you think it was about you?
Now i feel disheartened reading the one upsmanship.... i can say something about bad people, i can say even worse, i know bad people, bad people this bad people that. I'm not one of those bad people don't be so sensitive because bad people, grrrr bad people, bad people are the worst . My bad people experience is worse than yours, poor good people because bad people.
Don't so many conversations end up like this?
MAYBE…. Just maybe…..
We can bring this thread back around to the OP.
@SeriousSnuggler I appreciate your willingness to share your experience.
I’m thankful for the reminder that @jplemmon mentioned about re-reading…. I read your original post and spoiled it here, just in case people want to read it again.
I joined a few months ago and I have yet to find someone who is here genuinely looking for platonic cuddles. Mostly I discover this through messaging, which is great. Less time is wasted and my safety is not at risk.
Many of the people I chat with just don't know how to have a conversation. As an enthusiast, this is super important to me as I don't want to spend time with someone I couldn't be friends with and have deep, meaningful talks with while we spend time together.
Those two things are frustrating enough but what I am really losing hope in with CC is the few people who I have decided to meet with in person seem to think there may be more on offer. Some have talked about the possibility of dating even though I never brought up anything of the sort.
But worst of all is the men who decide to see if they can get away with groping me while we are cuddling. They do this even after one or more face to face meetings where I explicitly state I am not interested in anything other platonic cuddling.
I have had 3 cuddling sessions and all 3 have tried to make a move. I have done what I know and have read on the forums how to screen people. I've been up front and crystal clear with my expectations and yet this keeps happening.
To head off the questions I have reported people but 2 of them either deleted or deactivated their accounts before I could do anything. I know that there are people out there who are looking for strictly platonic cuddles but I will say from my perspective it's hard to be an enthusiast woman cuddler with so many bad actors out there.
Maybe I’m wrong…. But it felt like you were just trying to express your frustration about reality being different than your expectation.
@SeriousSnuggler You also said…
One of the reasons I posted was because I was feeling like giving up on CC and hoped that others would hear and be empathetic which is what has happened.
It doesn’t seem like you were looking for ANY advice.
So instead…. I’m going to send another big squeeze out to you and say aloud…. I’m sorry that you are feeling disheartened. My hope is that you find a beautiful connection that matches your needs. You don’t have to settle. EVER. 😊
@SeriousSnuggler I apologize for any part I've taken in derailing your thread . Your points are valid and don't deserve for the attention to be taken away by other users tit for tat . Sorry for my role in that .
@BashfulLoner that's awesome to hear my friend I'm happy for you and hope that you have many more positive experiences like that .
@SeriousSnuggler same for me. I do apologize if I seemed at all to place any blame. My communication methods may be too blunt at times. I hate seeing anyone discouraged so, in my own way, I was trying to be optimistic that things truly can be much better. You probably weren't specifically looking for advice so, in that sense, my bad. Hope things get better for you!
@pmvines thank you. I've been engaging with CC a long time and the experience for the most part has been positive, but i can imagine someone new coming in here and reading all the bashing. There is always a pile on, sometimes on a specific person or a specific KIND of person. a$sh@les need hugs to, they also learn and grow to be better people, trust me I'm probably one of those. Even when i think I'm right or my opinion is better than everyone else's, i just might be the prick. @SeriousSnuggler there are good conversations, there's an opportunity to learn and grow. There are good cuddles available it might take a while to find it but it just could be worth it, in spite of what you may read.
@sillysassy FTW! thank you, you are right, I'm happy to learn and grow from others but was not specifically looking for advice. I was frustrated and needed to know that there were others out there looking for the same thing I was. People showed me that and more, it is great to see how important this community is to everyone.
@SeriousSnuggler I'm sorry to read you've been feeling disheartened. I have to admit, after having navigated this site for a couple of months the prospect of having to "vet" people and go through a rigorous screening process is sounding not like something I want to get into for various reasons.
Speaking for myself, I've been vacillating between using this site simply to find other women to cuddle with and cuddling with everyone--the latter is what I'd prefer but not if I have to go through administering what feel like background checks. So I'm toying with the idea of trying out cuddling with certain men, if the vibe I get from talking to them feels right, and only in a public place and seeing how it goes. I've had a lot of positive interactions cuddling with men whom I trust (pro wrestlers mainly) and that guy on the plane from my other thread, so it seems a shame to close off to meeting new people because of the possibilities of some bad actors. But my thinking on this is still a work in progress, and it is good to read other people's perspectives and experiences on the forums.
Have a good day and I hope you get to experience some cuddling soon that is entirely positive and nurturing for all concerned.