Sweet Moses...
Married, single, partnered, separated, kryptonian, as long as they're honest upfront I'm good to go.
Some work, some don't. Outraged, I am not.
Might just be my bias being a male but I feel like there is a theme in these forums of woman that despise men and generally attribute the worse motives to their actions.
It's understandable why you'd possibly feel uncomfortable in such a situation being asked that question and wanting / requiring more info before being able to respond.
At first glance, I wouldn't take it as a red flag myself. Best case scenarios, not including the background context may have been as simple as they didn't want to delve deep into it or didn't think it would be needed. When someone mentions they're married and asks if you're comfortable with that, it could be out of respect for your boundaries and preferences. They may want to talk about their spouse during the cuddle, and they don't want to catch you off guard. They may already know that some cuddlers are not okay cuddling with someone who is married no matter the circumstance and wanted to give you a choice. As several other mentioned, there are a bunch of reasons why a married person may seek out platonic cuddles. Of course all we can do is speculate why they spoke as they did unless they are asked or speak up first.
You're also right that some individuals may have ulterior motives and could be testing the waters to see how you'd feel about "that". Those type looking for that are the biggest reason we screen people, assert our boundaries, and prioritize our safety.
Ultimately it's your call to do what is best for you whether that is take it at face value, ask questions, and/or doing whatever you need to do for you to feel safe and comfortable.
🫂 So good luck and cuddle on! 🫂
If there's one thing being ethically non-monogamous for over 10 years has taught me, it's that everyone has wildly different definitions of "cheating", and thus there's a huge variance in comfort levels and boundaries surrounding them.
It could just be that the man in the OP was going for full-disclosure as he'd had bad reactions in the past. Many women view their partners cuddling other people as cheating and so feel uncomfortable cuddling men in committed relationships. Probably a decent number have had the bad experience of unknowingly being "the other woman" and so wish to avoid that. If the man has had much rejection from potential cuddle partners for that reason, or if he's just big on informed consent, it's understandable that he'd bring it up at the beginning to weed out incompatibility.
Or he could just be trying to put out not-so-sneaky feelers to see if the cuddler would be open for a non-platonic affair. I have lost track at this point of the number of Nice Guys™️ who assumed I'd be down to help them cheat since I'm polyamorous, but they were too chicken to just outright say it so would come up with bassackwards routes to avoid rejection.
It's perfectly find for anyone to have a personal boundary against engaging in cuddling with people that are in relationships. Having boundaries is not a judgement on other people, but it dictates our own actions in order to maintain our own goals and values. In my case as I've shared before, I will not cuddle people in relationships where their significant others aren't aware of what's going on. It's not that I believe cuddling is cheating or that that the other person is terrible for seeking cuddles, but rather that I view informed consent of ALL impacted parties as more important ethically and recognize that cuddling can be an extremely intimate and controversial activity for some couples. Instead of dictating how my cuddle partners behave, I simply ask that they respect my boundary by keeping me informed if they have uninformed partners so that I can change my own actions accordingly. I place a lot of trust that they'll honor it, but trust has to start somewhere.
It's so funny how many people are completely missing the point of the OP... Crazy how some are just getting that I am automatically judging someone for telling me they are married... 🤦♀️ I opened up saying I don't have a problem with married people just the ones trying to use this site for what it is NOT intended for. If anyone else is cool with it that's their business but it was made pretty CLEAR for all parties involved that that is not what this is for. Thank you to all who understood where I'm coming from and tried to offer insite and/or advice! It is very much appreciated. Sorry to the ones who think I'm out here despising all men 👀🤣
I think one thing that people should remember when it comes to a forum thread whether it’s this one or anyone it’s always gonna have your cheerleaders that are gonna say you nailed it or they gonna give you applause and then you’re gonna have some that might give you a point of view that you might not necessarily agree with that doesn’t mean that they’re bad people it just means they have a different point of view and as a person one can simply bash that point of view or see where the other person is coming from and either ignore it or see if there’s anything that they can take away from it
I might be in the minority here, but we're here to be cuddled and to Cuddle. Marital status should not be a disqualifying factor if its truly platonic cuddling with no expectations. Many marriages are "cuddle-less", and need human touch. Would you reject a client based on race, religion, culture, sexual preference, favorite color or favorite Hockey team? Actually, I'd submit that married folks need cuddles more often than single folks. Leaving the relationship isn't always possible.
My 2.7 cents...
There have been some great answers 😉, so I won't reiterate them....but awesome insight from @BelizeanQueen @cuddlefaery @coregulate @LadyVel and others! Some cuddlees have given some great perspective too! 🫶💕
@snugglesweetie1 I'm so sorry your original question is getting so lost and misconstrued...that's super frustrating when you're new to this and came to ask a genuine question. Hugs and hope you are able to figure out this part of cuddling 💗🤟
This post is so offensive in so many ways. So a guy is honest and upfront and right away you become judgemental before even having a conversation? So are you saying you want guys to be dishonest with you? And here's a news flash. Not all guys are expecting what you think they are expecting.
@lonelytauros you call them cheerleaders, I call them the White Knights and they have a leader.
Who is the leader of the White Knights, Morpheus?
Interesting that calling out douchey behavior by guys is called white knighting . I always considered that to be a term used for men who feel an insatiable need to come to the rescue of women at all costs regardless of context or right or wrong . Pandering and pretending that women can't care for themselves and just need a man to rescue them isn't really my thing . I don't feel I personally do that at all. However , I do call out misogynistic Incel creepy folks from time to time. Definitely not gonna stick up for that crap .
There certainly has been a lot said in this thread, so I apologize if what I say is repeated. Do pros have the option of displaying their relationship status? Or is that an enthusiast only feature? I say this because I can't remember seeing any pros that have it displayed on their profile, but I could just have bad memory. Some people whether pro or enthusiast will choose to be upfront and display their status, while others may not for various reasons that shouldn't be assumed. However I do understand that there is definitely more context to it with messages containing red flags. I guess I was wondering if pros (well enthusiasts too) prefer that someone is upfront on their relationships status or prefer not knowing. And if you do prefer those that display or inform you of it upfront, do you do the same? This is one reason why I asked if pros are able to display their relationship status.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug that was just a random silly comment
@CSnMUS87 has a good point. I don’t ever remember seeing a pros relationship status displayed in their profile. Is it hidden for pros and if so, what is the reason?
(I didn't read all the comments, but do have a thought to share that is related...)
I am ENM/Polyam and my partners know I'm here and I have that stated that in my profile so potential cuddlers know I'm in other non-platonic relationships (also says "in a relationship" on my profile - I've had a good % of enthusiasts that actually say, "no thank you - you're polyam, I'm not good with that." AND... the few that I've asked and have replied said they would cuddle a married person if their spouse knows, but not someone ENM/Polyam. WTAF???!?!?
My thought is if we're platonically cuddling, why does me being polyam matter? I post it on my profile because I don't want to have to filter my conversations... and not talk about my life in an open and transparent matter if it comes up.
Thoughts?
Why should pros put up a status? Supposedly , the whole subject relates to consent and boundaries. Pros have a public profile and do it for a living. It's implied that all parties know this if they have a partner. What bothers some folks is if an enthusiast cuddler seeks cuddles with no profile picture, doesn't share a first and last name, and is shady in discussing consent from their partner. I call that cheating.
@TouchIsTLC I find that curious also since we are not seeking romantic partners here. That's just as arbitrary to me as picking cuddle buddies based on political stance or their views on abortion. But, I never underestimate the power of a Karen in having every little thing upset them. lol Maybe your hair color is next!
@Minestrone101 Yeah, I know this is part of it... people have preferences and I don't have to like or agree with them... Just find it curious that some folx think being ENM/Polyam is some sort of red flag. lol...
For me, whether the person I'm cuddling is married, Poly, etc. or not is a non-issue so long as they keep it platonic with me. If someone tells me they are married and wants to know what I think, I would tell them that is fine and if they want to talk more about it they can when we are cuddling if they feel the need ... or not.
In my massage practice, my clients tell me a lot of things and for many of them, I end up being part massage therapist and someone who is willing to listen to them with a sympathetic ear and not judge them.
@Minestrone101 I don’t care either way if pros list their status or not. I’m just curious as to why a pros status doesn’t appear but enthusiasts status does.
Some pros have their status up. Just like everyone you can choose not to answer all questions for the profile.
Are you sure about that @BoomerSpooner I just searched with the status option at married. I looked at every pro that showed up and I was unable to see any of their statuses.
@Morpheus Usually it will be ones that say single on it. For some reason the single pros put that out there more than those that are married or in a relationship. But yes I have seen it several times before although I agree, most pros do not list that information.
How do I stop getting notifications to this feed?
@Morpheus Well now I am not so sure because I went back and checked a couple that I knew about and they were enthusiasts and many of the pros I know well have nothing in their status. I am such a cuddle slut that I got them mixed up.
TL;DR. I don’t know for sure.
Relationship status does not show up for pros. I don’t know the reasoning, but that’s how the system is. If @BoomerSpooner can show me a pro with one listed, I’d sincerely love to see it.
@CuddleHugs01234 see my retraction post above
@BoomerSpooner after I saw your previous comment, I checked again and was unable to see any pros that list their status. Ironically, you can search for pros with status as an option.
@BoomerSpooner 👍🏼
@Morpheus That is ironic.