MARRIED MEN?!

snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1
in General

Listen I'm all for a healthy marriage where both parties are open and transparent and have a personal "arrangement" that they are both okay with. In which case, that should be none of the cuddlers business. But what is most concerning is the men telling me they are married and asking me if I'M okay with that? Well first of all sir, if you're going to ask my personal opinion on such a matter I'm going to need more details because if your wife isn't aware of what you're doing then you prob are a questionable human being and why would I want to risk my well being around a stranger with questionable morals?? And second of all if you ARE in fact sneaking around behind your wife's back, why in the world would the cuddler need to know about your personal dirty business. It's very CLEAR what exactly these men are expecting and it isn't cuddles 😑

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Comments

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    That's very strange. No idea what possible legit reason they have to tell you that.
    How stupid.

  • BashfulLonerBashfulLoner
    edited April 2

    There are a whole bunch of assumptions I'd have to make to offer an opinion.

    That married man could be doing everything correct, cleared it with his wife and based on his experience thought it be best to share with you.

    His wife could be a pro cuddler, stranger things have happened.

    He could be separated or have been left by his cheating wife and realized that he is missing something in his life and reached out to you for cuddle comfort. He still loves his wife and wants her to come home so he can forgive her and move on, but would like to be held while he waits.

    He may be same sex married but misses the comfort he had in his younger days cuddling is older sister that raised him.

    His wife could be comatose and have an immune disorder so he can't cuddle her while she's healing, he just needed you to keep his spirits high.

    There are so many possibilities and not all of them mean Cheating man, i hope none of what i just imagined are true for his sake. I think id rather him be a lying cheater than most of those options to be honest.

    I wouldn't jump to a conclusion without having all the information. But it's fair to not want to know his personal business, but I'd not judge if you don't know more details.

  • coregulatecoregulate

    I work platonically with a lot of married men.. it used to bother me a LOT until I did a mentoring session with a cuddler from Iowa who told me she herself had been in a loveless marriage before and wished she would have had access to cuddles to get through that time!

    I used to work with someone who hasn't had a hug from his wife in decades. Three decades.

    So! Some are tryna cheat, certainly.. but more often I see people who are desperate to be held.. AND. cuddling can be crucial for reducing stress.

    I've never been in relationship with anyone who wouldn't let me hug other people. Even before this site when I was in a long term monogamous 6 year relationship he knew I cuddled with people.

    That being said your comfort is important and you don't have to cuddle married people... I'm glad they are being upfront about their status so you can decline.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @coregulate thank you for your perspective

  • 1_teddybear1_teddybear

    @coregulate your compassion for guys in that situation is very much appreciated

  • freeyourmindfreeyourmind

    @coregulate thank you 🙏

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited April 2

    I did actually meet up several times with an older woman whose spouse had been living with early onset dementia, and was at the point of needing full time supervision and care. He lived in the home and the only time she ever got out of the house was when she had a sitter or family member to stay with him . She had turned from being his wife to being his caregiver, and didn't even know who she was anymore . Tough situation. I'm glad that I got to know her and give her cuddles when she needed them .

  • Mela_BMela_B

    I see many male clients who are married. I understand that I am speaking with privilege - I have had astonishly, overwhelmingly positive experiences. I, myself, am married.

  • Erin_Elle_Erin_Elle_

    @snugglesweetie1 Reading your post, I feel an energetic constriction like a death grip around my heart. ❤️‍🩹

  • CuddleTimez5CuddleTimez5

    Knowing upfront puts the ball in your court. I choose to keep an open mind. In a perfect world I would hope married cuddlers share with their spouses that they have needs that aren't being fulfilled. That part isn't always easy.

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    I agree it’s weird to ask a professional if they mind that you are married.

  • snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1

    @coregulate I completely understand that perspective. I don't have a problem with just any married man I completely understand there are special circumstances for everyone but you definitely get the feeling of what's going on with the vibes coming from certain people and conversations! How things are worded ect .. gives a lot of insite 😔

  • snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1

    @CuddleTimez5 so if they tell you they're married with no other information you just accept it and move on with no questions? I'm genuinely curious I hope it doesn't come off as rude!

  • CuddleTimez5CuddleTimez5

    I'm open minded. If course one wants to get some insight and hopefully the other party is willing to share. I tend to want insight on everyone I speak to in CC.. @snugglesweetie1 , what led you here initially. Why do you have a desire to cuddle with people that you don't know? I'm curious too, no shade.

  • Greywolf40Greywolf40

    Sorry, I might be the unpopular vote here, but it is what it is. These men or woman are searching for affection from someone else. “Cuddling” is affection! If your marriage is loveless, you discuss it, get some professional help and if that fails, you leave the marriage. I did. It just goes against my moral compass to cuddle a married man. I would not be ok if it was my husband, so I feel like I have to have that same respect. Regardless of the reason. To each their own, that’s my opinion. I do however, appreciate the honesty upfront but it’s just not ok with me and it states that in my profile.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I’ve always been honest here on CC and list myself as married in my profile. I had a pro who is still active that told me she wouldn’t see me because I was married. I’ve also had pros come over when I host and at some point will ask me who I live with. I laugh a little and think okay she obviously didn’t read my profile. When I say my wife, some pros look uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s a I wouldn’t have seen you if I knew you were married look or an I hope your wife doesn’t randomly come home look. More than once, these pros will make comments like, oh I understand I know some women aren’t affectionate as if they’re trying to justify themselves for agreeing to have a session with me. Then they seem even more confused when I say, no, my wife is very affectionate. I never openly say to a pro, I am married, are you okay with it because I list it in my profile but I’ve also had sessions where the pro, upon realizing I was married, didn’t seem comfortable.

    So as far as the OP, maybe these guys are just trying to be polite and legitimately trying to make sure you know so you don’t violate your own moral code. Just a thought 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • BelizeanQueenBelizeanQueen

    Most of my clients are married men and it doesn't bother me anymore, to be honest. Some are upfront about it and others don't mention it at all. I've heard some had spouses that knew about it and others that may not.

    Either way, it's none of my business to worry about it. It's not my place. I wasn't initially comfortable when I first started five years ago, but after hearing several different perspectives (no intimacy in the marriage, separation, etc), I left it alone. Now some men have a different expectation with these cuddle sessions but that's another conversation, for another day.

  • dungeondrummerdungeondrummer

    Just tell them it bothers you and move on. Pretty simple.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I can understand why someone wouldn't want to cuddle a married person . I say person , not man , be use there are also married women on here who don't tell their significant others as well. However I won't necessarily think that it means one is here for non platonic purposes any more than the numerous single folks who are . In fact an argument could be made that some are even on here because they feel it's a safe alternative to seeking sex outside of their relationship . I have my personal boundaries when it comes to anything affection wise , platonic or non, because communication is important to me and I don't want to feel like I'm contributing to anything that could potentially cause harm to the relationship of another person . But that doesn't mean I feel it's always for nefarious purposes .

  • snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1

    @CuddleTimez5 I really do try to be open minded as well and I think that's what lead me to CC. Wanting to make connections with people and form friendships. Be a part of something bigger than my little world, maybe help someone else in theirs.. what about you?

    @Morpheus I appreciate your opinion and definitely can see your perspective, which is completely understandable.

    @BelizeanQueen thanks for your POV & honesty love! It's crazy to me how many actually have suchhh different expectations which also is what makes me so weary!

  • frankparker9frankparker9
    edited April 2

    @Morpheus That's kind of hilarious. And unfortunate that pros would get uncomfortable, despite nothing untoward happening, after not reading your profile, etc.

    I've been married and lonely, now I'm divorced, but I live with a romantic partner of five years. We are polyamorous, they are very cuddly, and there are absolutely no restrictions on us cuddling with other people. Sometimes a friend will come over to cuddle me, and we'll all end up cuddling together. Sometimes not. I've seen many pros. We've hosted cuddle parties.

    I feel like some commenters are missing that the original post was not about cuddling married clients in general, but about the situation where a man announces he is married, with no details, and is expecting some kind of opinion on that. Imagine saying that to a massage therapist.

    I don't know how I would handle related situations as a pro, such as if I knew a client was cheating by seeing me, or I found out in the middle of a session. Clients do open up to their cuddler. I don't think it would be professional to end a session upon finding out a client is violating an agreement they have in a romantic relationship, or to be unprepared to find out this might be happening. I think I would either take the attitude that it is none of my business (morally/ethically) and try to show up with no judgment, or if I can't do that, remain professional but avoid having repeat clients who are violating their agreements.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @coregulate Very beautifully said! I can second that my opinions and feelings regarding this topic are ever evolving as you mentioned changing your personal stance.
    @BelizeanQueen Another great perspective. I love your honesty and transparency.

  • smokeybear82smokeybear82
    edited April 2

    I'm married but we're in the process of separating, potentially reconciling in the future once she heals from some trauma and has some time and space to live her own life for a bit. She was my best cuddle buddy for over a decade; every morning we spent a minimum of 15 minutes cuddling, no matter what, even if it would make us late. It was even in our vows. But one day that all just kind of vanished. She gave me her blessing to date/hookup/live my life/whatever but I wasn't ready to do that, that wasn't really what I was missing. I ended up finding this site and after kicking around the idea for a week or so, I messaged a professional cuddler whose profile I resonated with.

    It was a fairly long message, but I think it helped her be prepared for what I was going through when we met. She responded with a very empathetic message and seemed very appreciative of the detail I included despite the length. The session was lifegiving, it relieved all the crushing tension in my body, and helped me clear and reset my mind so that I could start letting go of things I couldn't control and start making decisions and prioritizing my own needs. I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't done it.

    Point is; the messaging system is there for a reason. Use it, let the cuddler know what you're going through and what you're hoping to get from the session so they can best figure out how to help you achieve it. Being honest and forthcoming from the beginning will help to avoid any awkwardness or misunderstanding during the session. And if they're not patient enough to read a paragraph or two to have a good understanding of who they're seeing, you're probably better off picking someone else.

  • Mela_BMela_B

    @smokeybear82 extremely well written, touching, and agreed. 💜

  • BelizeanQueenBelizeanQueen
    edited April 2

    @snugglesweetie1, you're more than welcome! When I initially started cuddling, I was single. Since then, I have been married (and divorced) and in a long-term relationship while still cuddling. It wasn't a secret or anything. But, I was open about that on my profile but it was never a topic of conversation. I had to learn that everyone has different dynamics within their relationship and what works for them, is their business. I just converse about anything else but that. Most tend to mention it anyway lol

  • LionsFanLionsFan

    About 45% of American adults are married. Many others are in exclusive long term partnerships. Call it easily 50% in total.

    Does that mean half the cuddle clients or cuddle partners are looking to cheat?

    I think until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you should reserve judgement.

    My first ever Pro cuddler was married. My last cuddler was as well. A dozen inbetween were technically single but not necessarily unattached. I saw no reason to ask. I'm divorced.

  • snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1

    @smokeybear82 I absolutely agree! Communication really IS key 🗝️ If you want to just come out the gate with the fact that you're married and asking if the cuddler is okay with that.... Without any other information, just other sketchy factors, it's pretty obvious where that's leading. I am such an understanding and open person I try to empathize with everyone's situations.. but I also feel like I can sense people's vibes and when they are just off.

    @frankparker9 thank you so much for trying to see things from my perspective and being understanding! It seemed to go over a few's heads ... I completely agree with you..

  • snugglesweetie1snugglesweetie1

    @LionsFan I am not talking about all married individuals or "long term partnerships" that is a completely different dynamic than the one I am referring to in the original post. Some people get it, some don't. That's okay. Thanks for your opinion anyways tho 😊

  • TxTomTxTom

    With possible exceptions for some extreme situations, I basically agree with you, @Greywolf40 .

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    Do you prefer potential clients not disclose their relationship status to you? Just put that in your profile.
    This isn't a dating site, there are lots of married/in-a-relationship people here: Pros, clients, enthusiasts. Being single isn't a rule.
    Married guys telling you upfront are being honest, as many have been previously declined as clients by pros and enthusiasts for it. It's being respectful.

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