Txt messaging gone BAD

SarPat2005

I meet a wonderful cuddle last week. Lovely, beautiful and caring, perfect cuddle you could have. Was blessed to have session for her.

Wanted to send her a gift. Small token nothing fancy nor expensive. However while discussing how to send her the gift, there was multiple messages shared, at the minimum needed hat last name. Which she declined and I understand and respect that.

At the point I asked her for what options I have give me some ideas please. She took offense to that.

Now this beautiful cuddling relationship went sour due to major misunderstanding. And this resulted in blockage. Not sure how to approach this with her and explain her my side.

lonelytauros

Best thing is to move on. The more you try to hold on the further away she’ll go.

cuddlefaery

Not sure how to approach this with her and explain her my side.

It sounds like you don't. She set a clear hard boundary by blocking you and cutting off communication, so the best thing you could do here is respect her wishes and leave her alone. If and when she decides to reengage with you, she'll reach out. Otherwise, it's best to just try your best to move on and use it as a learning experience for what not to do in the future.

A gift is only a gift if the recipient wants and accepts it, else the act of gifting is more about the giver. The same goes for apologies. We don't always get the closure we want, which sucks, but learning how to deal with it and move on is one of the major social-emotional skills essential in adulthood.

bellablu23

As a professional, when cuddlers want too much personal information before meeting or video chat it's a big red flag.

Morpheus

I agree with @lonelytauros best thing to do is move on, there’s others out there.

ShaneSchrute

She blocked you. That’s it. Move on.
The only misunderstanding is that you think it’s not over. It is.

SunsetSnuggles

Gift giving is a top Love Language for many people. Your desire to express yourself through a gift is potentially harmless, and ideally, sweet and thoughtful.

Unfortunately, gifts can be a tricky thing...they can make some people uncomfortable, they can cause anxiety if they feel they need to reciprocate, and some people use gifts as a way to indicate non-platonic desires, or in an effort to make someone feel they owe the giver something.

You may have meant none of this, but in the end, gifts are only as valuable as the recipient sees them...if she wasn't open to a gift, it is best to respect that.

I do completely understand her not wanting to give out her last name. I am assuming you are referring to a Pro, but as an enthusiast, I try to keep everything even...I balk if a cuddler, especially a new one, suggests buying my lunch, or tickets to an event we are enjoying together. I feel more comfortable paying for myself, that way no one can feel obligation, nor resentment. That's just me and how I was raised.

Perhaps if gift giving is important to you, in the future you could begin by asking, "I really enjoyed our cuddle; would it be okay with you if I bring a small gift to our next session, to show my appreciation?" That way, your cuddlers have a choice to accept or decline, and if it is given in person, there is no need for any extra information exchange.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

TxTom

If you want to give a gift, do it in person, but wait until after the cuddle session is over and she is leaving. That way there is no mis-interpretation, and she doesn't think you're asking for something more.

I had given a gift to one of my first cuddlers. It was well received, she much appreciated it, and we went on to enjoy more sessions together.

Minestrone101

I've tipped pros before. I've never given a gift bc that would indicate a deeper personal connection - it's still a professional relationship. If you wouldn't gift a male doctor, cashier, or barber after services rendered, then the same should go for cuddling sessions. Maybe chalk it to experience and blame it on the oxytocin high. And unfortunately, you were blocked, so that is the endpoint of your communication and that should be respected. Best of luck with future cuddles!

Morpheus

If you start asking for too much personal information such as full name/address, you may make them feel uncomfortable. I’m even careful with questions such as, where do you live? That may be interpreted as what’s your address. If I see a cuddler who lists LA as her location for example, I may ask what part of LA are you in. It sounds far less personal that way.

This is also why, referring to a different thread, I won’t send cuddlers my DL/ID information.

SarPat2005

Thank You. @Morpheus , @Minestrone101 , @TxTom , @SunsetSnuggles , @ShaneSchrute , @bellablu23 , @lonelytauros , @cuddlefaery |. Appreciate the input and support.

Minestrone101

@SarPat2005 💯

EdwardsB

I've only done this once, but I can imagine that the best gift you could give your cuddler is confining the experience to the transaction that it is and not violating any boundaries. Maybe handing them a tip on the way out the door if they were really nice to you.

Awesomecuddler0

Cuddling is transactional, nothing more. Almost all pros keep it that way.

SarPat2005

Thank You. @Morpheus , @Minestrone101 , @TxTom , @SunsetSnuggles , @ShaneSchrute , @bellablu23 , @lonelytauros , @cuddlefaery @Awesomecuddler0 , @EdwardsB |. Appreciate the input and support.

It’s just hard when someone misunderstands you so much. I will convince my self saying cuddle may have had a bad experience before. But I will take some time to get over this…… That’s just me I guess

TxTom

Sure, no problem.

Yes, a misunderstanding hurts even in a transactional relationship.

But that just means you're human, have self-repect, and care what others think of you.

Lovelight

Depending on the platform you may choose to send her one "clean slate" message which is a term I'm using that term very loosely here, since it's often used to describe situations concerning exes from romantic relationships. So if it allows her she might see it if she unblocks. Or simply like others said, forget about her unless she chooses to reach back out to you.

Though it seems to me like she's possibly a dismissive/avoidant or the connection between you two just wasn't that strong to begin with. So she probably didn't feel that much affinity, safety or comfort with you and this could've just been the stick that broke the ant's back for her.

In the event that she comes back, I'd thread lightly if you choose to re-engage with her, at least for a while. Which I mean don't ask for information like that, don't even offer gifts, and don't really take the connection to heart in anyway. Just enjoy the moments for what they're, unless and until you two feel you can mutually better communicate with each other. Plus that you've built more comfort and safety that you feel this is someone reliable to talk with.

Other than that, I'd keep in mind that she's probably gonna do it again if something sets her off, instead of adequately trying to communicate with you about it and giving you a chance. You can take it from someone who had to deal with something kind of similar in a non platonic cuddle context. He was just quite dismissive, would change the subject, and be avoidant. So I knew quick to protect myself, your protection really is on you at the end of the day. Because you can't really control how others choose to treat you. Though you have better control over if you'll put up with it or not. Or have strong boundaries about the treatment you wish to receive from others.

Personally, I think about and deal with situations like that differently than probably half the people out there. So that's where I'm coming from. For one, I really wouldn't even want to take people back who'd disrespect me by blocking, especially over a misunderstanding that could've been solved by talking. Unless they apologize, do better, and really give me a good enough reason to want to accept them back into my life. Especially if the block was either for long or repeat.
Though that's me, I move quite differently and I'm definitely not like other girls lol. Let alone really feeling like I lost something. No, no "you" got it all wrong, sugar glaze cinnamon roll, YOU lost a connection that could've been wonderful.

SarPat2005

Yes @Lovelight agree As @TxTom said misunderstanding hurts. I had no plan to invade her privacy or otherwise.

Love everyone’s support here. It will take a while but I will get over this.

Lovelight

@SarPat2005 Yeah, I understand it definitely hurts. Sorry if I may have overlooked that part of what you're dealing with. I've been through much the same kinds of emotions and I used to be devastated by things like that. Especially because I used to be more trusting of people's words. Now I'm like "awww you wanna go to the beach and build sand castles with me?? Nice!"

Then to myself I'm like: "I'll believe it when I see it."

So until people show themselves as being people who follow through with their words, I don't really take it to heart. Because they can get cold feet, they can change their mind, or they could get abducted by aliens. Who knows?!

Though, I've thankfully tended to always be pretty resilient* and would bounce back from it fairly quickly. Especially connections that weren't that close. It says nothing about you and your value as a person. Their inability or unwillingness to see your value isn't your problem. Overtime, this resilience only got stronger and stronger to the point I basically don't give a flying fish now whether or not someone accepts me. Or decides to go do stuff like this.

I think of it more as being their loss or I just don't really care to give it much thought. I'm going further into this mindset that I've actually mostly* forgotten feeling so sad about others, especially people who are virtually strangers to me.

Although, I've basically always been like that, I still had to do a lot of inner work to get to this higher level. I'm sure you will overcome too and hopefully in due time you'll look back to think can't believe I felt like that about it. From what I can see that you have written, I don't actually see you having said anything wrong or concerning. Though at the end of the day, people are gonna perceive things how they will or want to. So I'd be careful about blaming yourself for it if you really haven't said anything wrong, especially taking too much self blame.

I hope you get to sometime find people who are better for you and that you have a great connections with them. 😊

SarPat2005

@Lovelight you are a mind reader, In your words words “It says nothing about you and your value as a person. “

Now I think of this what hurts the most is someone questioned the values. Not that they blocked me.

Thank you for support. I think I will get over this fairly quickly.

CuddleHugs01234

@SarPat2005 If she blocked you on here, don’t reach out because you could get banned.
I do like the idea of giving the gift after a cuddle, if you really want to give a gift. This way you don’t need a last name, and it doesn’t imply you may expect more during the cuddle. I have given people gifts before that I’ve been in transactional relationships before, such as cashiers, massage therapists, electric company workers, veterinarian office, and so on. I have received gifts in a retail job before. One customer gives everyone at the store a gift card each Christmas anonymously. I always look forward to that small token of appreciation.

Ironman294

@SarPat2005 an Amazon gift card would have been a safe gift that only requires an email, so in the future if you wanted to give someone a token, but maybe wait after a few cuddles with the enthusiast.
Me I have given small gifts like souvenir tee shirts to cuddles that I have known for a bit. And there’s one I have given many many many cute gifts to. But it’s someone who I have known for a while.
Just get to know them better to avoid any misunderstandings with any future cuddles.

Backscratch75

I have found gift cards that are transferable with a code like Amazon, Starbucks cards or online visa/ Mastercard are the perfect gifts 🎁. No name needed. Or you give a gift the next time you see them.

LetsCudl

You're coming on too strong. Strong enough that she blocked you. And then you are doubling down, almost trying to stalk her to her a gift she doesn't want.

TheFunCartel

You're coming on too strong. Strong enough that she blocked you. And then you are doubling down, almost trying to stalk her to her a gift she doesn't want.

Or in other words, no means no and it seems that your persistence was viewed by her as trying to negotiate her boundaries and boundaries are not a negotiation. She doesn’t know you that well to give out information, yet you wanted options. She does not owe you an explanation.

I understand you feel hurt but you really should be learning why she blocked you or you will probably be making the same mistake again. We do not have both sides of the story but from what we do have it sounds like a lack of awareness was involved. Awareness is not about your hurt but about what the other person was conveying that you did not hear or pick up on.

Gracious

@LetsCudl @BoomerSpooner Exactly!

It's only been 1 session, it takes multiple sessions to develop that level of trust with someone to disclose certain personal details. As a Pro you deal with a lot of people who constantly push boundaries in the name of "connection". You nurture it together with patience and trust.

Also judging from "multiple exchanges" and the incessant talk of how you felt, with little acknowledgement of how uncomfortable if might have made her, I'll suggest reflecting on how much of the gift was for her vs your ego.

I get it, it hurts to be turned down, but it hurts more with a bruised ego. Just respect her wishes and move on. She is not obligated to accept your gift or disclose personal info to satisfy your "generosity".

pmvines

If you don't really know the person beyond a business or professional related dynamic , wanting to get them gifts etc can be a bit boyfriend ish and line blurring even if that's not your intent . No matter how great you felt the experience was, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are now besties who are going to eat soft tacos later. It's quite possible that you ended up setting off some red flags. I have a couple pro cuddler friends who are presently dealing with stalkers who care nothing about personal boundaries , and it all started with something as seemingly benign as sharing their last name , their social media, accepting something as being friendly when to the guy it was much more than that . It's usually best to just keep it professional and follow their lead . If they feel comfy with providing you personal details and possibly exploring a more casual friendship based dynamic , they will let you know .

SunsetSnuggles

Others posted:

"You're coming on too strong. Strong enough that she blocked you."

"you really should be learning why she blocked you or you will probably be making the same mistake again.
it sounds like a lack of awareness was involved."

"incessant talk of how you felt, with little acknowledgement of how uncomfortable if might have made her
I'll suggest reflecting on how much of the gift was for her vs your ego."

"If you don't really know the person beyond a business or professional related dynamic , wanting to get them gifts etc can be a bit boyfriend ish"

@SarPat2005 The four previous posts, while tough love, are all teeming with extremely helpful perspective that I'm generally too timid to speak. Listen to them. Please try to learn from this, don't simply try to "get over" this, as you have repeatedly mentioned. 🫂

You posted: "I will convince my self saying cuddle[r] may have had a bad experience before."

This absolves you from having to look internally or make any changes. Please read back up and I hope you take a different path.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

ShaneSchrute

@SunsetSnuggles good point! Very good point.

@SarPat2005 this is an opportunity to learn, grow & be better. Being more self aware, empathetic, & respectful will help you achieve your goals better than just forgetting about this unfortunate situation that didn’t leave anyone feeling good or happy.

Lovelight

I don't think based on what the OP wrote that he did anything wrong. She expressed discomfort with giving her name and from what I see he respected that. Though then said to her:

"At the point I asked her for what options I have give me some ideas please. She took offense to that."

Which she took offense to and blocked him for. When instead she could've either seen it for what it's or simply said, no she doesn't want any gift. While prior her declining was abkut her last name.

If he didn't back off after she said no to the gift or put in place whatever other relevant boundary, then I could see him at fault. Right now I don't, she simply took his message wrong and instead of trying to understand or communicate with him about it chose to block him. I don't see that as something he needs to understand from her perspective as if he did something so wrong.

When he simply asked for something he felt was necessary to send her a gift and when she couldn't provide that, he nicely asked for other suggestions she may be comfortable with. Which she could've tried to understand and work with. Or decline altogether and see if he respects that.

Lovelight

I do agree though that gifting her, especially when it wasn't more seamless and anonymous, plus being possibly too early if they've only met once or twice could've been not so great idea.

So while his approach could've in general been and could be better moving on. I don't think it was deserving of a block.

Though clearly she did and she had her reasons for it, which I don't really think the OP has any control over or did something so bad that was his doing for losing the connection.

I think this was more about just her overall not feeling comfortable with him/others, as interested, or prior bad experiences that put her more on edge. Though I think it was less about his approach, if their inbox conversation went much like what he's describing.