I saw a bad movie about a serial killing bovine. It was a Horror-bull flick.
I've been working on genetically engineering apples to also include dairy. I will call them macincheese apples.
Why did the snowman want a whole bag of carrots...? So he could pick his nose!
Stop the violins. Give peas a chance. Visualize whirled peas.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he ain't coming
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
You know what the first rule of passive-aggressive club is?
You know what, never mind. Forget it.
I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher.
It's my New Year's Resolution.
Why was 69 afraid of 70? Because they had a fight and 71.
A new study finds that people under 5 feet tall should not eat Crisco
Because it’s shortening
From my 8 yr old g-son….
Did you know that I can jump higher than the Eiffel Tower?
Because the Eiffel Tower can’t jump.
And….
Why can’t skeletons skydive?
Because they don’t have the guts.
Why is cold water insecure?
Because no one calls it hot.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why can’t you trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something.
Why can’t you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
If two vegans were in an argument, is it still considered beef?
@MajesticMango, Hahaha, "because they'er dad" Hahaha
We have some truely hilarious Dad Jokes here, and some true Dad Jokes also!
The funny thing is, when I read the title of the forum "question", I thought someone was saying, "Stop telling Dad Jokes!"
I had a friend who was always late until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden. Now he wakes up on thyme.
I got home tonight and my kids were on Ebay all day. If they are still on tomorrow I will lower the price.
Do not sell your kids on eBay. They're things you made, so they go on Etsy.
@IronLemon Lol
I got my paycheck and it had parsley on it
Someone garnished my wages
What do Santa's elves listen to whilst they work? Wrap music.
My girl friend was going to meet me at the gym. She didn't show up. Thats when I knew we weren't going to work out.
An invisable man and invisable woman married. I'm not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids are nothing to look at either.
What's this?