Ripley's believe it or not

So I recently had a situation where a pro canceled a session pretty much right at the last minute. Their father who was in hospice, who they were told had a month to live, was scheduled to die that night instead. They had to say their goodbyes.

This was pretty terrible news for them, and I could totally emphasize because my dad has cancer too. We had texted eachother a bit prior because generally I like to get a feel for the other person before meeting them. My conversations with them were generally pleasant and supportive.

Unfortunately though this wasn't really the only issue, because I had also sent them the full payment for the session prior and hadn't yet met them in person.

After a bit over a day of radio silence from them, I felt the need to politely inform them that while I was very sorry for their loss, I would need them to either resume some level of communication with me or refund the money I sent them within the next couple of days. The lack of communication was making me uncomfortable as they were holding on to a pretty large amount of my money.

I don't think this was pretty unreasonable right? A bit cold and unsensitive maybe, but In my mind also very much necessary given the situation from my end. This was starting to smell like a scam.

Oh boy was I wrong. What I was hoping would be handled professionally resulted in a pretty long text accusing me of being cold and heartless for even asking that to someone who was grieving, and finally revealing my true colors. The "pro" accused me of playing games. Pretending to care when I only cared about my own money, and leading them to believe that I wanted to spend time with them and I support them through their father's passing.

To which I responded, "No I never said I wanted to be there for you at all to support your fathers passing. Why would I pay you money for that?"

I did get an apology and the money back, but I this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Making me curious what the common denominator here is. If it keeps happening to me then I must be the problem here yeah?

At another point a pro who I had been seeing for an extended period of time told me that at this point we were "pretty much friends". I told her that no, we weren't friends. Friends do not pay eachother. We will never be friends. I could tell that this hurt her. But I didn't care. I was just being honest.

And don't get me started on the times I seem to have hurt someone after a session occurred. "When will I be seeing you again?" To which I usually reply, "Probably never. I'm not often a repeat client. Goodbye!"

I'm not really sure what other people's reasons for being here. But my reasons are pretty clear to me. I've been hurt way too many times in the past. I've had my heart ripped out. So my interactions with women always end with me refusing to let them in, closing myself off, and pretty much end with them crying a whole lot and me leaving.

You can probably say I have something akin to the Midas Touch. Only everything I touch turns to shit instead of gold. There's a good reason why I'm keeping you at a distance. Please stop trying to love me. I'm pretty much a lost cause.

I figured this would be the perfect place for me, because let's be honest, there is something pretty heartless about charging someone money to cuddle with them. It's a cheapening of human interaction. Like junk food. Addictive, probably unhealthy in the long term, but overall delicious. To me it felt safe. It was perfect for my situation, right?

But then you see all these pros, who have it on their profiles things like, "I will be your friend. I give you unconditional love." Am I the only one who is being honest with themself here?

If I'm paying you with my money, following all the site rules, following the client service agreement, being respectful and cordial with you, then what's the issue here? Why are there so often expectations outside of what was agreed upon?

I'm starting to think that the reality here is that a large number of the pros on this site are looking for some kind of ongoing arrangement where multiple people keep paying them money to be in some kind of pseudo-friendship with them. And if that's the case shame on them. You aren't therapists. Stop taking advantage of the people on here and leave.

Anyways rant over. This is definitely going to cause some drama, but I felt like it needed to be said unfortunately.

TxTom

I've been here for several enjoyable years without any of this drama happening to me.

let's be honest, there is something pretty heartless about charging someone money to cuddle with them.

I disagree.

Carrie_Anne

Really sorry to read about the whole situation actually. ETA that I think you’re very decent and kind to have paid it all up front. And I’m really sad to read what happened.
I would only recommend in the future, (and I used to be a Pro)….
Don’t pay for the whole session before going. That seems crazy and just asking to be scammed.
A small % in advance as a deposit - if you agree to it and is required by someone who seems legit - is not out of the ordinary though.
⭐️Don’t pay any amount of $$ in advance that you can’t afford to lose. That’s the case for anything that you pay for to a stranger!
The best action IMO is to pay in cash at the beginning of the session, in person.

pmvines

Sorry for you that their father passed and went an entire day without texting you while they were grieving. Terrible for you indeed. You're very brave.

KittyPukka

@pmvines agreed

I never claimed to be a decent person lmao

@Ripley54566 Unfortunately (or fortunately), what you post here is effectively your marketing on this site. Will reading that story, make people want to line up to cuddle you? "Cold and insensitive" aren't usually qualities people are looking for in a cuddle partner.

jmdank

@Ripley54566
I can see where you're coming from and your concerns, personally i probably would have waited a few days, at least 3 to ask for the money back. Also while I am a blunt person, it's something I'm trying to work on, people generally don't like being told something like that you don't want to see them again so bluntly, I'd go more with something like, you had a great time and you'd possibly be open to something in the future, I think it's kinder, I don't think lying is good but at least be tactful.

TheFunCartel

@Ripley54566 Just for future reference, her reaction was pretty normal because people are pretty raw when someone close has passed away. People can snap and say some pretty nasty things that are out of character because they are hurt and they need to be left alone to process their grief. As such, this situation has nothing to do with cuddling or this site. The situation is not normal or expected and the shock of losing a parent is higher up on the heartbreak spectrum in intensity than a romantic relationship gone sour. Maybe an unexpected divorce is the same. But you get my point.

What I do agree with you on is you cannot buy true friendship. But that does not mean you can’t be friends in other ways. I do have one pro that I have gone to dinner with at no charge and we each paid our own meal and then hung out afterward shopping and talking. This outing was her idea because we hit it off and there was nothing romantic or transactional about it—we just enjoy each other’s company. Is she my bestie that I would call when my world is falling apart? No, but she still makes me smile and feel good when I am around her.

Which brings me to compartmentalization. You sound like the type of person who is all in on a friend. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if the other person is too. But if they continue to charge for cuddles but you still enjoy each other without financial strings in other facets of your interactions, then they are compartmentalizing physical contact separately from the rest of the friend dynamic. You can either accept those terms or not. We are all wired differently and what you define as a friendship may be different from their definition, but it really is not the fault of a cuddle site or a pro cuddler.

Solaris

Well since you already posited the theory that you are the problem, I will SUGGEST (please evaluate for yourself as I only know of you what you typed here) this:

Maybe you are unconsciously hurting womwn before they get the chance to hurt you. Out of self protection or maybe anger. You said you've been hurt way too many times. And now you are hurting them back.

You could say things in a compassionate way, but if what you are saying here is true, you are not doing that. You are not giving these women "bad news" in a cuddly way. It's sounds like the sessions themselves have gone well, and then you change the tone in them and get cold and hard, ie, the opposite of cuddly.

Maybe you are also angry and taking it out on them that you have to pay them to cuddle.

Just my thoughts since you questioned how you might be the common denominator. Sorry if it sounds harsh but you painted a harsh picture of yourself. If you want to change this dynamic, I believe you can. Having your heart ripped out time after time is awful. I know it from experience. And a person can tend to put themselves in the victim role again and again. It would seem that you have put yourself into the other role, just a little. Which makes a certain sense.

JohnR1972

@TheFunCartel - Very well said. I was going to write something similar but I will just 2nd your post.

Carrie_Anne

It’s so interesting to read some of these comments that basically are quite critical of OP whereas I didn’t take it that way at all.
Since the woman he’s referring to is an unknown, I don’t know anything of truth about her either way. I just responded to how he felt and at the time, he didn’t seem to know exactly what was going on maybe? That’s possibly why he reacted the way he did.
Also, no need to beat up on me for not calling him a worthless human for how he reacted.

@g_w_t_w He states in his post that he knew when she cancelled the reason for it - her father was about to die. Human decency would dictate you respect a person's time of mourning. At a time like that, other considerations cease to be important and my guess is the last thing this pro was thinking about was business.

wanacuddle85

Who hurt you bruh??? I understand having your heart ripped out but it is your responsibility to heal yourself.. pros are not your punching bag even if you pay them.. I honestly feel bad for them..

Here’s my opinion and it might get unpopular and I’m OK with that to be honest with you… So from what I read, this woman has spent a lot of time talking to you, she has put effort into getting to actually know you.. so my first question is she charging you for texting, calling communication? And I ask this because if you want it to be a professional relationship she is there to cuddle and nothing else.. don’t talk to her otherwise… In a lot of ways, you’re leading women into this.. And I say this because I do have both sides of Cuddle partners. I have some cuddlers who are like don’t text me I’ll text you… we are not friends, I enjoy my time with them.. they will message when they want to be cuddled and other then that communication is kept to a minimum about sessions and that’s about it. On the other hand of that I have a lot of cuddlers who we message all the time, some daily others randomly, we talk quiet abit and in no way am I complaining about this! I enjoy talking to them, would I call them my friends?? Yes, I would I probably talk to them more then my non cuddling friends… reality is if I’m spending all day replying to your text… but only making $100 an hour when we are cuddling only.. because I know for myself that’s when I’m actually getting paid I don’t get paid per text or call or message.. what would I be making for my total time spent on texts calls ect… would I call these people my friends?? Yes I do.. because again they pay me to cuddle outside of the cuddle we have another relationship which yes is a platonic friendship… so I think from what I read your looking for a tall order here.. you want a cuddler to treat you like a client well acting like a friend when it’s convenient for you… I think this is where you need to look at your own motives.. and if you want it to be a strictly professional relationship where this person is not your friend, you don’t get to spend days texting them. You don’t get to waste their time because you’re not looking for a friendship you’re looking for a professional relationship….. So from what I read here, you spent days texting this girl prior to your session. When she stopped replying, you demanded your money back. ( rightfully so if she was unable to fulfill the agreement) You yourself have admitted you have no intention to have a friendship with any of these women.. it is strictly a service.. then I suggest paying her for her time texting… Because you can’t have both expectations, you have to decide which way you want that relationship to go and dictate it that way… if your not friends… don’t text them.. conversations should be strictly about where and when sessions will be held.. if your chatting all day everyday.. and expect no friendship then hire pros who charge for texting… as well as cuddling…

ThetaKitty

I love how differently, from the rest of the world, the people in this community respond to everything. Almost like it’s a community of people who still feel and care. The world can be so rough on our humanity. It’s refreshing to hear that people still care for others.
I applaud Riley for being honest about his position and not being overcome with emotions. And I think that you probably shouldn’t have paid for something before the time was here if that makes you uncomfortable. Losing your father is huge. Is is important to make space for that grief. Clearly she wasn’t trying to scam you as she returned the money and interacted with you. And given her emotional state at the time I can appreciate her response. I think consideration is what you are lacking Riley. Recognize that we are all just fumbling people trying to make it though and allow some grace for those that are suffering extra.

Carrie_Anne

I had a feeling your response would be more criticism of me for getting how he felt. That’s the way it is here. I often can imagine how someone else feels, even when it’s something negative. It takes practice and an open mind, and not attaching emotion. so awful!

Auroradream

Nope. I've never asked for somebody to give me payment prior to a session, either a deposit or full payment. That's on you, but I'm guessing you'll never do that again. Everything else that followed her receiving the full amount up front, and your issues with women... a moot point. You made the (wrong and unnecessary) choice to do that (really stupid) action. If I were the client, I would have moved along and never ever never set up the booking on those terms.
.

marth

I usually don't comment on threads like this, but OP's post reminded me of this adage:

Hurt people hurt people.

I don't think the actions you took were inherently wrong (asking for money back, making it clear you won't be friends) but the way you handled them wasn't cognizant of the other person's emotional space. You transferred your hurt to them.

It seems to me that you suffer from low self-esteem based on how you describe your Anti-Midas touch. I am challenged by low self-esteem too. I respect your self-awareness posting this thread, and based on how you describe your experience I personally don't think cuddling is helping you address that core issue.

I do believe you can overcome this and view yourself in a better light, and with more respect paid to yourself in turn you'll respect others more. Happy to chat about some of my strategies like volunteering, journaling, etc in DMs too. (Of course, take what I say with a grain of salt -- my response is merely based on what you posted and I don't know everything that goes on in your life.)

I would never pay 100% up front in any circumstance. The situation you described was terrible, and I can understand the pros point of view from when my dad passed away. It didn’t sound to me like she was trying to scam you though, as you did get the money back. But, we all have to be careful here to not put ourselves in an untenable situation.

As for the friend comment, there are a couple of cuddlers I have met on here that while they are not technically ‘friends’, I have conversations with them periodically, we’ve gone out to dinner, etc. I think this relationship, while not common with those I cuddle, enhances our cuddle sessions.

CharlieBear

When you become friends with someone, do you expect them to start offering their services for free? My friends that cut hair or are plumbers or electricians or cuddlers should just start doing things for me at no charge? Cuddling can be very intimate even when platonic. What if they are in a relationship? You really expect people that are not family/a partner to just do things for you for free? That is entirely up to them and if you expect it of them, I don’t think you are being a very good friend to them.

I'm starting to think that the reality here is that a large number of the pros on this site are looking for some kind of ongoing arrangement where multiple people keep paying them money to be in some kind of pseudo-friendship with them.

Pros on a cuddle site seeking out multiple clients to become regulars 😳 I need to alert my friends about this. If they are kind to people that use their services, they might get more business!

pmvines

While there are plenty of people on this site who will tell you that it's not your fault and pat you on your back and coddle you while you make excuses and make everything about you, I will tell you that you are responsible for how you treat others and a lack of emotional maturity is not an excuse for being a crap person.

goodbyehug

I would have waited a couple of days, maybe check the site to see if they have even been online, especially if they have a good rapport, then I doubt any scamming is going on. I’ve never lost a parent, but I’ve been through depression which has made me go pretty ghost. But with that being said as well, the professional thing would be to update you that they are going to reschedule in a couple of days or tell you that you will receive your money back when they get to it. But professionalism is very hard during these circumstances and they are human after all. The best thing would be to see pros that don’t require full payment before the session, or only a partial deposit.

wilderdude

Never pay in advance. If you must, use a method like PayPal that has mechanisms to report non delivery of goods/services.

Report to admins, and chalk it up as a learning experience. Make peace with the fact that your money is gone.

wilderdude

Years ago on another site I had one that I didn't prepay but cancelled on me then had a message from her talking about how her 8 year old daughter just died and wondered if I could chip in for funeral expenses.

The way things were worded, it sounded 100% like a scam to me. Probably never was a daughter to begin with.

wilderdude

@CharlieBear I think what those types of women want is something where they put forth minimal effort, no in person cuddle meets and dudes just pay them to chat via text and messages.

So my take away here is that I shouldn't have the full payment before the session. This is pretty stupid of me and I won't be doing that in the future.

As for the rest here I'm probably just going to ignore it.

CharlieBear

@wilderdude
If that is the case and they are not providing actual cuddles, then that is indeed an entirely different issue.

CharlieBear

@Ripley54566
I do not recommend providing payment until you have met and the session is about to start. That is if this is an in-person cuddle. If virtual, once you are both on the call and it is about to start. If they get your payment and then suddenly comes up, that would be very suspect no matter their sob story.

Terrible things can happen in our personal lives, of course, but if it happens to coincide right after one sends money, I’d be skeptical. (Absolutely no idea the circumstances here.)

This site is what it is, it’s not a dating site. Spreading hurt feelings is not something that leads to positive results. No one is forcing you or anyone else to cuddle for money

Paying a large amount (or any imo) upfront is never a good idea; it greatly increases the chance of problems. The person also refunded the money, so I don’t understand the point of this post

@CharlieBear Yes, this is pretty much how this happened. There was a lot more context than what was provided here. But essentially everything was way too coincidental and something smelled fishy.

Unfortunately a lot of the people here treating me like I'm some kind monster probably don't know how scams and cons work. They are counting on you to feel like a peace of shit for even not considering their sob story. It's a pretty common emotional manipulation tactic among scammers and cyber criminals which is why you can never have too much of a heart when it comes to these things.

The only reason I have given the full payment to people in the past is because I think it eases the person's mind that this is anything but a genuine inquiry. There isn't much risk to me financially considering most people here leave a pretty traceable paper trail and only and idiot would commit fraud openly like that. It seemed to have caused a lot of headaches here though.

Sunrise_Snuggle

If this "pro" made a comment that she expected the op to want to support her through her father's passing, then she's not a legitimate pro. That is an emotional manipulation tactic. It's not the client's job to provide emotional support to the pro, no matter what she (rarely he) is going through. So yes, as the op said, this is very fishy even though she did eventually provide a refund.