@ReltvlyCanshes nope, he effectively proved my point in a way I couldn't because I'm already listed as a woman here. The honesty triggered someone.
Yeah somethings are pretty predictable
If you are talking about the photo I removed and profile-modification I made, I just saw a flag (no context) and knew the profile was misrepresenting themselves so I changed it back.
If someone has decided to actually identify differently, please select an option from the "other" category. I don't know or care what points are being made. Please just let me have a day off and not spam my queue with flags.
@CharlieBear you gotta be kidding me. Ok...
Update: Ok I see your response now.
Sorry had to giggle because this post comes across as " let's make the site more inviting for women who won't make me pay"😂😂😂😂😂
@lillycole Since you asked for other thoughts, here are some of mine.
I think you are on to something, to be sure. But for me it's not the whole answer. I have always had really close friendships with men and women. But the older I get, the friendships with women are the ones that have stuck. I currently have five female friends who I know would have my back no matter what, and who I can turn to to have fun or to spill my guts to.
But I do consider myself exceptionally lonely still. And I'm not sure why. Not sure how to resolve it. Marriage and dating didn't work. The friendships haven't worked. Dozens of kinds of therapy and self help methods haven't worked. Service to others hasn't worked. Hobbies, religion, medication ... none of it has worked for me. Cuddling here hasn't either.
The closest I can come to understanding is that I'm on a spiritual path where I'm called to learn to rely on myself. So nothing external to me is going to work. I don't know if other men feel this way too or if this is useful to you at all. And maybe I'm wrong about myself too.
As far as the thread topic is concerned, I 1000% believe that women here should be treated better. Most people I've talked to here do treat each other respectfully, but the ones who don't really really do some damage. And it's just awful.
@Janelle19 No! Surely nothing so.. crass.. oh.
Yeah. Pretty funny.
@Janelle19 how do you define what an enthusiast is?
So here's my two cents. There are several issues with the current model of how cuddle sites function that can be addressed, and others that are indictive of greater societal factors and beliefs that we can only attempt to reduce the damage of.
Here are some practical ways sites like this could reduce risk for women and encourage more women to join and be comfortable in this space: (Tldr version - 1. Implement the option of a secure, third party service that can verify identity and do background checks. 2. More robust consequences for men who break the agreed upon guidelines of this site. 3. Offer more public group events, especially ones that emphasize women's safety. More details below 👇🏻)
1. Implement the option of a secure, third party service that can verify identity and do background checks. (as @brownglucose already suggested)
The reality of violence against women and fems in this world is more than proven, with the current statistics based on reported data alone - when we know that a vast number of abuses of its kind are not reported for various reasons - stating that 1 in 5 women experience it. People can argue whatever they like about this topic, but the facts are that this occurs at staggering rates to women and fems. Of all walks of life, all ages, all personality types, all professions, all religions, all levels of economic prosperity, all ways of dressing, all states, cities, towns and homes, 1 in 5 women WILL be and HAVE been abused, and well over 90% of the perpetrators of that violence are men.
With this being the case, if the intention is to bring more women into the cuddle community and make them feel safe, offering site provided security efforts like verification and background checks will always be the most important first step. With this option in place it will not only offer more security to the women engaging with men through this site, it will discourage men who are not serious about ensuring women feel safe from providing their information. Getting a background check and having your personal information verified is a process, and it requires a level of chosen vulnerability. Those that are not interested in that will not be required to use it, but it will help highlight those men who are committed to being a safe space.
2. More robust consequences for men who break the agreed upon guidelines of this site There are already rules in place that specifically focus on women's attire (again, as @brownglucose has pointed out), and action is being taken by the Mods regularly to police that rule. Regardless of any inherent victim blaming mentality of attaching what women wear to "asking for it" or as some sort of subversion of our right to consent, this is the current situation. With this in place it is more than reasonable to heavily police the suggestive or even explicit verbiage and behaviors of men on this site that make profiles with the intention of attempting to solicit sexual favors from the women and fems on this site.
Every woman that has been on this site for any significant length of time has absolutely received unwanted sexual advances from the men on this very clearly platonic site. This is verifiable and often brought up in these forums discussions by women who are frustrated by this continued behavior and the apparent leniency of the rules about this as currently written. While it's understandable that the Mods are overworked, this problem is rampant, and that many Mods want to avoid appearing unfair or too harsh, for something so difficult to manage, this is an issue that MUST be addressed if the intention is to attract more women cuddlers to this site.
A fairly straightforward solution I would suggest is adding more words to the existing word filter list. Currently, certain users chosen by the algorithm are put under stricter observation than others. I personally am one of these people, for reasons even the Mods don't understand, but the result is that there are certain words I cannot say in DMs or have in my profile without getting a strike on my record. After a certain number of strikes you get banned. In my case, as an enthusiast, using any word that could even remotely be used to discuss pro work immediately gets me in trouble because the algorithm sees that as an enthusiast trying to do pro work under the table, but I also see this as an option to help reduce harassment.
I suggest we apply this same limitation to things like pet names, references to sexual acts, unnecessary comments about people's bodies, etc. and apply that across the board for profiles and DMs. As with the current system, there is an appeal process, but having a list pinned in the forum of words and phrases that will trigger this will reduce the cases of accidental offense while simultaneously quickly and automatically penalizing those that seek to actively abuse this site.
3. Offer more public group events, especially ones that emphasize women's safety. A big concern a lot of women face when joining sites like this is that in most cases the men we're engaging with are complete strangers. Individual women are then tasked with vetting each man one by one based on extremely limited information from unverifiable sources. The natural result of this is overwhelmed women and frustrated men, with neither side finding what they're actually looking for. The solution? Safe, public, group activities women will enjoy where we can actually meet these men where the focus isn't on interviews. These can occur anywhere, but specifically planning and encouraging these events in major cities at the very least will generate community engagement and interest.
Examples of potential event ideas could be going to a movie, play or show as a group, group art gallery viewings, mini golf, group game events in a local park, game shop or arcade etc. Anything where people can naturally get comfortable being around each other in public spaces and just have fun together. Cuddle specific events do already happen on occasion, but they tend to be organized and funded by individuals, whereas if a general community option to take part in group events is baked into the site itself it would be much easier. A start would be to test it in large cities, put up simple polls to gauge interest in particular events, individuals being responsible for purchasing their own tickets to shows would keep costs down to basically nothing, and if turnout is low no one is on the hook for a location rental fee or anything like that.
The point is to encourage people to be social, break through the stalemate between the sexes online, help people feel less lonely and reduce some of the risk of never really knowing what you're getting until they show up at your house. 🤷🏼
So that's my list.
Obviously the discussion about how to make women feel welcome and safe anywhere is a heavily debated one, especially by men, but I do believe that there are practical things that can be done, both on a site level and an individual one. Individually I think the most helpful thing here for men who want to engage with women in ways that make women comfortable and also mutually meet our cultural needs for connection, platonic intimacy and closeness is real, honest self reflection and unpacking their behavior as individuals.
Our culture has taught all of us many things about men, women, and everything in between and how we are each expected to behave, but this general teaching is clearly failing us. Unpacking things like our culture's inherent misogyny, how systemic power structures affect our behaviors, and how our assumptions based on our limited perspectives as individuals can cause harm to others even accidentally, and how we can stop that. But this does take time, it takes effort, practice, dedication, and the courage to take a long hard look at the less-than pleasant parts of ourselves and the world around us, and that's hard to do alone or even know where to start. But until we do that work and stop seeing the world as the ugly "men vs women" thing it has become, measures on the part of any site or group will only be a stopgap.
Men, if you want women to be in shared spaces, you have to unpack why it's not safe for us to be there, and what you personally can do as men to get involved and solve that.
@dennis22554 Love this topic! While people do often get lost in the weeds discussing it, trying to have a proactive, collaborative conversation about how to actually resolve this issue is a smart move.
@brownglucose Everything you've said? 1000% correct, absolutely nailing it. Brilliant!
I think we are all enthusiast, pro or non otherwise we wouldn't be here. But I do know that as far as the site goes enthusiasts cuddle without required payment.
Let's not all act brand new lol
Oh i thought we had a different definition based on you comment about the title, i was confused
@CuddyBuddy14 I agree and I used to be a Pro here.
So I know cc isn’t going to require Id checks for everyone. They could however make it an option to get ID certified and then everyone can decide for themselves if they want to be certified or if they want to only cuddle with those that are certified… etc
Heck they can even charge a one time fee to do such and make a lil money that way.
@Janelle19 if you are a pro you are not considered an enthusiast. A client can be both a client as well as an enthusiast. Enthusiast just means they don’t cuddle in exchange of money on either side of the arrangement.
@run.........outstanding post!
I could message mark and ask his opinion on creating a closed invite only female enthusiast thread.
Nothing says “inclusive” more than making something that is by invitation only 😂😂😂
When will the male enthusiast only section be set up? 🤣
@JohnR1972 I’d be equally content with a section that didn’t include misogynistic men, but that invited only vetted safe kind men. Here’s hoping 🤞
Since you can see them it wouldn't make them make only. I assume
@Katota agreed but the problem is no matter wherever you go, one can always find a moron
😊
@roni56 Aww, don't be so hard on yourself...🫂😏You're not a moron, you just need to read something else, especially since it's giving you headaches. Problem solved! 🤷😁👍
no comment on that meme
@Sooson Yet you commented anyway! 😆😜
@Katota looks like either you are having a hard time interpreting what people are saying, or you are desperate to get some attention. Either way you got some work to do on yourself in 2025. The gifs that you frequently use kind of supports the former.
Also "running" away from problems or idiots is something I do not typically do. But looks like it could be beneficial if you start doing it.
Actually pretty surprised this thread hasn't been locked, given all the spitting wars. Guess the mods are busy for the holidays.
Either way you got some work to do on yourself in 2025.
@roni56 Lol!😆 Yet it's YOU having "headaches" from reading the commentary and discussion forums, but I'm the one who needs "to work on myself"...Sorry, no headaches here! 😁
I don't need 2025 to tell me to stop doing activities that causes headaches, so I am good over here. 😁
Thanks anyway!👍
you are desperate to get some attention.
😁
@roni56 So says the one who gets "headaches" from reading CC discussion forums and commentaries. Take a Tylenol, and Happy New Year to You! 🎊🥳
How to say I'm a dick without saying I'm a dick
Reported by a member of the community and reviewed by a moderator. Removing comment. [CharlieBear]